Should I burn compromising photos of my wife with another guy now that she and I are in a reconciliation phase

Lisa b

I'd have copies made (without your wife's knowledge) and then I'd burn the first set in front of her. If you don't want to get copies made, keep at least half the photos and burn half.

Look, you know it's not going to work out, right? If you burn all the pictures, she'll be more careful next time. Oh, you didn't know they'd be a next time? Ever try eating just one potato chip?

nonameblonde

Tell you what...If you have duplicates...Keep those in a safe deposit box. If you don't have duplicates, get some made and keep them in a safe deposit box. Then give the originals to her and let her burn them. This way, she'll be happy and you'll still be protected if you need them in the future.

Midge

For goodness sake, look at them and get it over and done with. Then decide to keep them or hand them over the wife so she can cleanse her guilt with a big bonfire.

GuitarDogg

Getting back together for the "sake of the kids" is a BIG mistake! In the long run it is better for them for you to end it now, then let it fester on into the future. It seems like her motives for getting back together don't really center on love and reconciliation! Based on the text of your question I say burn the pictures and dump the b*tch!

amyhpete

Put them out of the house in a safe deposit box or something like that where she cannot get them but no one else will get ahold of them either. Tell her they are not there but they are safe and no one else will see them either and leave it at that. Try to convince her that you have both your best interests in mind.

The flying into a rage is a red flag in my book about your trial reconciliation.

I don`t want to be preachy or say this is the answer to all of life`s problems but...if you did have some kind of meaningful faith life together then your fights and problems would lose their significance because life would not be all about you (each of you -- not only you).

Maybe it does not work with everyone and like I said it is not my intention to be preachy or anything but it worked for us in a tremendous way.

Emily

I can understand where your both coming from, but technically you have the right to do whatever you want with those photos. I'm surprised you never looked at them. I would say in order for your relationship to be reconciled that you would need to look at the photos, just for proof, just so you know. From what it sounds like, if she finds those photos, she will burn them, or dispose of them somehow. She probably wants those photos beck before you do look at them, she is embarrassed by her actions and knowing that you have something to hold over her head bugs the crap out of her... Do what you feel is necessary, do you really want to keep the divorce, if so keep the pictures, but if you really want to get back together with her then something will have to be done about them... Good luck.

happygirl

You are being both. Petty because you can, and shrewd because you feel the need to protect yourself still. My thought is that you need to decide. The way she talked was very crude, true... but what is the point of trying again but still holding emotional weapons of mass destruction.
Those are nasty little reminders that neither of you need.
If you hired a PI he can be called upon for validation fo any accusations should your reconciliation turn out poorly.
What do you really want, reconciliation or just control of the situatation and to see her squirm. I bet both since the affair is still fresh, but you really can't have both and you are tearing your own family up with your own hands now.
Burn them or just give up on trying to reconcile, you won't be doing your kids any favors if they have to feel those bad vibes floating around all the time.
If you care about those kids so much surly you are not going to release them too the press and expose them to anything remotely as ugly as a dirt slinging and filthy as a campaign smear on their mother spearheaded by you..
Bottem line you don't need any of them that bad , not one single crappy picture.

jaded

a real man does her on a picnic bench? hahahaaaa!!!

he couldnt even take her to a proper motel???

of course keep the pictures.

CRAVIN

Sounds Like your Being Played for a Fool and make Copies of Those Pictures and give her one Set and see what she Does.
If Things work out and everythings great in 30 years think about getting rid of them.

CM

Mary Ann

I would make copies of them without her knowing and give her the other set.She may have only agreed to get back with you to get those photos.When you give them to her see if she tries to leave you again.

Monroe C

Why does she want them?? To get rid of them? I'd hope so. If you are trying to get back with her I would get rid of the photos and not look at them EVER that kinda thing could mess u up if you love her. I would tell her your getting rid of them if you really wanna start fresh with this woman.

I would say, in this case, you are doing the right thing. Keep those photos well hidden. She may be trying to be nice to you just to make sure those photos are destroyed. Then she doesn't need you any more.

"For the sake of the children" is something we hear all the time, and usually it involves the parents being stupid and screwing up the children even worse.

I think it's time to get rid of her for good. If she wants to be in politics, she needs to learn how to behave herself. You have something that could keep her in line.

Show her the revengeworld.com web site. Tell her that's where her pictures may end up if she doesn't learn how to conduct herself like a lady.

One Dumb Guy

be the man, let her come and beg to you, if the situation was reversed what would she treat you?

Godless

Copy the photos, then give her the originals and keep the copies hidden nicely. She'll never know and she'll get off your back.

Windseeker_1

Dude... stop putting yourself and your kids through this and stay split. The trust is blown and can never be repaired anyway, it will always come back to haunt you and cause trouble between you both. Also from the little you have said here it sounds like things may get better with 'years' of counselling but at the same time you'd be setting your kids up to possibly needing counselling when they get older too. End it all now and move on.

Kim P

Hell no - buy a safety deposit box and keep them for the divorce that you are bound to get later.

Blue Eyes

Make copies...you keep half, give her the other half and dont say a word about it....you might need them in the future...she'll burn them and then you'll go on with it but, you will have CYA....good luck......

Pell M

They should definitely be destroyed.....after you make copies.

Barb Outhere

I am afraid that I would have to be questioning her motivation in coming home. Do you really want to be just another box ticked on her political agenda? And did her returning home have anything to do with obtaining those damaging photos?
But I would have to question your motivation for hanging on to them too. Do you want/need to have them there "just in case"? Are they a weapon in your arsenal to use against her, in case this doesn't work out, or to help keep her in line? And if that is the case, how serious are you really about reconciling?
It seems everyone is still running their own agenda. Was that part of the problem that tore you two apart? If so, it doesn't bode well for the future.

zipper

I know others that have done the same thing, in all but one case it was a MAJOR mistake. But if you want the relation ship to have a chance you both should burn them togetter. GOOD LUCK!

brown sugar

you are being real petty and childish why are you holding on to the pics for it must be some sick thrill of yours to keep looking at these or know that you have something to hold over her head if you forgive her then let it go and if you trying to get back together then your first step is to burn the pics, negatives and any duplicates if you can't do that then there is no point in even playing the game that you are trying to work things out cause you aren't you just get off on the power that you have knowing that you have the pics and that she is being somewhat submissive because she wants you back . You need to grow up!!!

Crossfire Kelly

For your protection, I'd be sure the PI had a copy of those photos, then you can burn them in front of her or let her have them. I'm afraid you may be in for a long haul. It's great you're trying to work it out, but what if she is using you just to destroy the pics? Then your goose is cooked. Go forward & try to work it out, but be wary. I smell a rat. Good luck! Your kids are lucky to have a dad like you!

cuddles

ouch...
you guys got the divorce and now are trying to reconcile so really the pictures wont do u any good keeping them around...
personally i say u and your woman burn them together that way she sees them go up in flames..
the relationship wont work out if she knows that u have the pictures and at any time u can hold them over her head..
so if u want a successful relationship with her then destroy them...

Jess

Don't burn them. If the reconciliation doesn't work out they may be useful to use in court (since it was her affair that ended the marriage) Put them in a safety deposit box and don't tell her where they are.

By you not wanting to look at the pictures it tells me you really love her. But you have to be careful. She sounds very manipulative and you can't let her take control of the situation. I would proceed very carefully and keep reminding her this is just a trial reconciliation. If she is that quick to fly into a rage she sounds a little unstable. It sounds like she wants all this only to benefit herself (her career etc).
Good luck! And remember, if staying together for the kids makes your life miserable, is it really worth it? Sometimes it's not always "better" for the kids for mom and dad to stay together, especially if they see mom yelling at dad. Kids are very perceptive, and you don't want them learning those patterns of behaviour from her.

petertowns99

You need to kick her out. I've been cheated on before, and I think the best thing for your kids is to see that some things cannot be forgiven. If you never cheated on her, I think you should focus on forgetting her and finding someone who will be truthful. She's clearly a user, and is taking advantage of you.

As men, we have to get used to looking like fools. But sometimes we need to say 'enough' and build a dam.

autumn

Your wife seems to have a way of striking out, trying to hurt back, when she is hurt. She says the meanest, most cutting things that come to her mind, not thinking about what she's about to say, just hurling it out there. She, of course, is sorry afterwards, after she's had time to calm down and think things through rationally. The problem is, once it's out there, the damage is done, and you can't just take it back or smooth it over so easily as saying, "This is what I really meant to say....".
As for the pictures, what exactly is the purpose of keeping them? Do you think some day you may actually want to look at them - that, maybe if things don't work out with your wife, you will want to look at them to help yourself get over her? What other reason would there possibly be to keep them? Maybe to have something to hold over her head, to keep her in line or to punish her? If it was me, I can't think of any reason to keep them. If things did not work out and you ended up staying divorced, I don't understand what difference having the photos would make, and if you're trying to reconcile, then it would be a nice peacemaking act on your part to destroy them. I still feel like I don't really know your wife, even after all your postings, but what I do sense is that she's hurt and she knows you're not really into this trial reconciliation wholeheartedly.

christineth1

She is a bi*ch, she is using you to clear her "good name".... I say loos her and take care of your children... Good Luck!!

Kayla R

yeah i dont see why you shouldnt
buteven tho your trying to make all this work for your kids sake

i doubt its going to
she cheated once and easily could do it again which could cause more issues

i think you should get out before its to late

Bronzo

WOW! I think the 2 of you shoudl talk about seeing a marrage counciler. It seems as though your wife isnt really making much of an effort to "reconsile". Sometimes too it is not best for the kids to have two parents in the house who are constantly fighting, they may be better off with only one parent. Do you think your wife is only wanting to reconsile for her political position? That would be unfair to you if she is. Anyways, about the pictures. I think they should have been destoryed a long time ago, there is no need to have these constant remineders in your home. Your wife was obviously looking for them for a reason....to destroy them herself or to remenis? Who Knows? Get rid of the pictures and if your wife ever makes comments to you about "a real man" and "piece of Crap" get rid of her too in my opinion. Its going to take two to fix this marrige and she isnt putting in as much effort as you. After all......if you cheated on her, then wanted her back would you call her a "******" to her face if what you were trying to accomplish was reconsiliation? Think about what you want out of all of this and YES get rid of those pictures!

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