Home     Links     Contact Us     Bookmark  
   Homepage      News      Legal Forum      Dictionary  
Home : Legal Forum : Marriage & Divorce

Should I call the other woman?
Find answers to your legal question.

Should I call the other woman?

The woman my husband had an affair with is still sniffing around. He tells me that she has called him at work to tell him she misses him and wants him back. She has sent a letter to my house (which I opened and shredded - I told my husband but he said he was not interested in reading it). I so want to call her up to tell her to back off. Though I'm tempted to throw a few insults her way, I wouldn't really do that - in fact I was just hoping that if she heard my voice and realised that it is a real person that she's hurting and not some faceless nameless wife (who i'm sure she believes is a real shrew) she might grow a conscience and leave us alone. Am I too idealistic?
If there are women who were once affair partners out there - how would you have reacted to a call from the wife?
Additional Details
During his 'confession', my husband told me that he lied to the affar partner about our marriage - leading her to believe it was dead in the water and that we had nothing left. This was far from the truth. I feel she needs to know this


Mary B
You need to make it very clear to your husband that if he intends on making your marriage work he needs to find every means possible to be rid of this woman. Since he lied to her also, she will continue to hope that since things were not good with you two (he led her to believe that) she has the chance of getting him back because in her mind she is the better woman for him & she will also,never truely believe anything you say to her because she will believe that since he is not the one telling her to get lost it couldn't possibly be true! She will think you are a desperate woman trying to save your marriage ! He also, needs to prove his loyalty to you so that you two can rebuild the trust in your marriage. He broke that trust so now he needs to deal with the consequences of his selfish actions & to also, prove to you that he loves you & only you. I wish you all the luck in the world-it's along road ahead with this thorn in your side! Good Luck!

instead of going after the other woman, u need to kick ur husbands as*s for cheating on u--SHE has no ties to u--HE does, or did anyway!

How about he calls her with you standing there and puts her on speaker phone and tells her to stop. Not sure it would work...but at least makes him take on the burden of pushing her back.

Cool Chic
have your husband get rid of her, not you. He caused the mess and you want to clean it up for him? That would be called consiquences!!!!!!!!!!

Your husband has acted like a coward twice. Once when he cheated on you and lied to both of you, and now when he will not end this situation himself.

It is not up to you to call her. He should not put you through this on top of what you've already gone through.

He needs to tell her CLEARLY and angrily, if he has to, that he will not tolerate any more contact with him or his wife. It sounds like he's refusing to confront her, and he needs to.

She keeps doing this because he has not been as clear as he needs to with her.

is life really hell in Hell?
I think the question here should be, why did he tell her that your marriage was " dead in the water " in the first place? If he felt that way then, then maybe he still does. Maybe you should delve into that topic a bit deeper before you worry about what the other woman is up to. Sounds to me like he is likely to stray again...

don't call.

It isn't going to accomplish anything. A call to her isn't going to change her actions or attitude.

You talk about how right now you are a faceless nameless person to her - but when you call - she also becomes very real to you - and you will not ony have the knowledge of the fact your husband cheated with this woman, but also her voice in your head for the rest of your life as well.

get into marriage counseling and move on.

You & your husband sit together - and have a 3-way phone call with the woman.

Your husband should do the talking - with your presence there.

It should be short & sweet.

Your husband - without going into detail, and without justifying anything - - should firmly, but quietly, tell the lady that he is with his wife - which is what he wants, and his marriage to his wife is what he wants .. and the marriage is wonderful .. and to leave him alone from now on. Then say ' goodbye' and hang up.

Also - tell her that the conversation is being recorded.

See if she stop bothering him.

She sent a letter to your house - so she is wanting to cause trouble .. so this is one of the reasons why your husband needs to handle this himself.

Let HIM be the one to tell her to stop.

This is a sad situation. The other woman now feels scorned. You do as well. Seems the husband is the one getting off easy. Why did you so willingly take him back. I'd beware. He cheated once, he likely will cheat again.

Why do you have to call her? Make your husband call her right in front of you. So you KNOW it's OVER.

No. You don't need to say anything to her....he does. He needs to tell her to back the F off. He can do so on the phone with you quietly listening in on the whole conversation.

happy 1
no, don't call her. you need to talk to your husband. you let him back into your life too easily. is this his first affair?

Kitty litter you can and it might help or it can back fire to she may start crying to your hubby and he being such a wonderful caring hubby he might get tricked again no what you do is go over there with lover boy and make him tell her it is over and he used her like a dirty dish rag you make him do it you go with like the nice Little wife good luck kitty litter P.S. change your name to nice kitty or something

Yes i would.

In fact I did................go get her

I doubt talking to her would do you any good, but it may make you feel like you've done something.

Before I met and married my husband I had an affair with a married man. It was the single most idiotic, stupid, thoughtless, selfish and horrible thing I have ever done. His wife did call me and I almost pooed my pants. I cant even begin to explain the guilt I felt. Obviously over then and there. God this brings back memories. Im so sorry you have to deal with this. I would call her......

Maybe your husband needs to grow a conscience and be faithful to his wife and not lead others to believe that your marriage is dead.

YOU calling her will not accomplish anything. Your husband needs to deal with this. If you feel the need to be privy to the conversation (and I can understand that you would since he's lied) have him call her in your presence. He needs to tell her to cease all contact, and if she attempts to contact him again, he will call the police and file harassment charges against her and/or request a restraining order.

i agree with idiot...
ur husband is at fault here...
he shud be taking charge .. not u hun...
i think u shud go out with that lady for a cup of coffee...
talk to her..
i believe even she is hurting some wat like u...

I am in your shoes right now. Only difference is he is my BF, living together for over 6 years now. Won't do any good to confront her. I did that three times now, and he has told her himself, with me there, to leave him alone. She FINALLY stopped calling our house the last time I confronted her, but she still calls his cell. Changing his number is not an option, he just ignores her calls and deletes messages without listening to them. As far as I know she has stopped driving past our house......but I am not sure about that. I even went so far as to email her (I found her email address by searching). Her HUSBAND answered my email. I was cryptic, but he said that his wife said she would stop calling. That was last weekend, she has called him since. She has real nerve, let me tell you, and not all there mentally. Just ignore this other woman and hope that sooner or later she goes away. The calls my BF has to deal with are no where what they were. She had been calling 14 or so times a day, now it is down to a couple every few days. Just work on trusting him again and getting your relationship back on track. I know how hard it is, but it is worth it.

I agree with larry. Buck up baby.

And the charade continues...

Bad Boy Reid
Why would you even stay with him you will never be able to trust him again.

I would not just call the other woman, I would be paying a visit to her house. The thing is that I am doubtful that she cares who she is hurting as long as she gets what she wants.

Plus, it is time for your husband to step in, he started this mess, he should be doing something to stop it.


Even if you approach it in a mature fashion, and she hangs up on you, you're going to get her thinking.

Good Luck.

I wasn't an affair partner, but I am married and if I were you I'd definitly call her up ( I would want to do more than that but that's against the law) Screw her feelings let her know what a sl-- she is. So what she was given the wrong impression on your marriage - she still knew your husband was married and that's wrong and the fact that she's still trying to be in the picture is f'd up!!!! Go get her!! If she has any conscience at all she'll feel like the a-- she is... also what's w/ your husband ?? I hope he's really learned his lesson - and if this ever comes up or happens again I hope you're smart enough to get rid of him.

If it were me I would definitely call her. Especially to tell her that your marriage is not in jeopardy and he is not planning on leaving you. Then tell her how great your marriage is and that it's stronger than ever (even if your not quite there yet.) Let her know that you husband wants nothing to do with her and that he made a mistake. Then tell her to beat it! Watch out in case she is a stalker, remember Fatal Attraction??

Good luck!

yep let her know he lied to the both of you..........

men are liars and some women are just as bad.if you call her she will just hurt ur feeling.so just eiather forget about it or get rid of ur husband.sorry but i have been thur this and it hurts really bad

 Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:  
User Email:   
Post a comment:

Legal Discussion Forum

 I met my girlfriend 4 days ago and I want to marry her. Is it too soon to ask?
She is 25 and I'm 18. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She's perfect in my eyes. She told me she wanted to get married someday. I want to be married by the end of this ...

 Do you think you should always test drive a partner before you decide to marry him or her??
I had a good friend of mine tell me that she would not get married to someone that isn't good in bed. Just curious?...

 Ex-husband shows no interest in his kids?
My ex shows very little interest in our 6-year-old twin sons. He pays his child support and sees them on Saturdays for a few hours, but only if I drop them off and pick them back up. He had agreed ...

 Found out some bad things about my new hubby?
and I have been at wits end should I leave him or not. He didn't cheat. What he did do was offer drugs to my at the time 18 year old son. Thank God he was smart to say no. We just got married S...

 Should I tell his wife???
I dated this guy for three years, he's married. He's only been married three years. I got a divorce over him because he said he would do the same thing. Obviously he has not. We broke up ...

 How can I break up with my gf without her posting our nude pics on the net? Seems I can't leave her?
We were a bit drunk when they were taken & she has all the digital photos with her. She said I have to stay for 6 months before she'll hand them back to me. What should I do?...

 .If your friend was cheating on their spouse, do you think you should tell their partner?

 How old do you think a person should be to get married???
me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year now and we love each other and he bought a ring for me and i just happend to see it and i think he could be perposing... the only problem is that im ...

 Been married for 4 months. Fighting all the time. What should we do?
My husband and I have been married 4 months. We were engaged year and a half and lived together. In total we dated five years before getting married. So ever since we got married we fight a lot about ...

 My husband randomly wants to get an STD check?
I get physicals every year. I don't specifically get checked for STDs because I'm married & faithful but when I go to check for cancer & such, I just do everything along with it. My ...

 Should i get married with the guy who earn 5000 per month?
my parents want me to marry a job worker whom, who might earn 5000 per month. do u think i will be able to adjust as i belong to a nice family, i m only of 20 yr, i m studying bca. infact i m ready ...

 Living with partner and still feel lonely?
I've been living with my partner now for 5months and some how i still feel like a single woman.
Everyday he comes home from work all he wants to do is eat then straight to bed, he even does ...

 Why do married women get mad when husbands have casual friends online?
why do wives get mad at their husbands for having casual online friends or likes to meet people just to learn about ...

 We are muslim married couple and my husband want other 2nd wife, what should I do?

 My man has a drug problem?
My man is struggling with a drug problem, I love him so much I don't know what to ...

 Is being too fat a good reason for my boyfriend to not wanna marry me?
My boyfriend of almost 2 years said that if i didn't loose weight he wouldn't marry me! I just dont think its right. I would like some other opinions on the subject........Please! : )...

 Should i pay for my kids college or retire?
i turn 46 next year and i will have 20 years where i work, and i can retire with a good pension that is protected and my twins finish high school next year!

it will cost me about 500,000 ...

 Why do women want to check their husbands' e-mail?
I mean what do they hope to find, and if they think they found it why do they quetion? If they question, why don't they believe the answers? Someone explain my wife....

 My Fiance is having a Cyber Affair?
We recently joined myspace & have both made friends with a married woman (with a baby). I thought it was nice enough. Last week my fiance was acting werid, I don't know but a sixth sense ...

 Are me and my fiancee too young?
my fiancee is 21 and i am 20...everyone has been bashing us with the fact that we are too young..and now he is starting to listen to them!! how do i get him to realize that we are not too young..that ...

Copyright (c) 2009-2013 Wiki Law 3k Saturday, February 6, 2016 - Trusted legal information for you.
Archive: Forum  |  Forum  |  Forum  |  Links