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Should I call the other woman?
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Should I call the other woman?

The woman my husband had an affair with is still sniffing around. He tells me that she has called him at work to tell him she misses him and wants him back. She has sent a letter to my house (which I opened and shredded - I told my husband but he said he was not interested in reading it). I so want to call her up to tell her to back off. Though I'm tempted to throw a few insults her way, I wouldn't really do that - in fact I was just hoping that if she heard my voice and realised that it is a real person that she's hurting and not some faceless nameless wife (who i'm sure she believes is a real shrew) she might grow a conscience and leave us alone. Am I too idealistic?
If there are women who were once affair partners out there - how would you have reacted to a call from the wife?
Additional Details
During his 'confession', my husband told me that he lied to the affar partner about our marriage - leading her to believe it was dead in the water and that we had nothing left. This was far from the truth. I feel she needs to know this


    




Mary B
Rating
You need to make it very clear to your husband that if he intends on making your marriage work he needs to find every means possible to be rid of this woman. Since he lied to her also, she will continue to hope that since things were not good with you two (he led her to believe that) she has the chance of getting him back because in her mind she is the better woman for him & she will also,never truely believe anything you say to her because she will believe that since he is not the one telling her to get lost it couldn't possibly be true! She will think you are a desperate woman trying to save your marriage ! He also, needs to prove his loyalty to you so that you two can rebuild the trust in your marriage. He broke that trust so now he needs to deal with the consequences of his selfish actions & to also, prove to you that he loves you & only you. I wish you all the luck in the world-it's along road ahead with this thorn in your side! Good Luck!


kaylasmomrocks
instead of going after the other woman, u need to kick ur husbands as*s for cheating on u--SHE has no ties to u--HE does, or did anyway!


wawawebis
How about he calls her with you standing there and puts her on speaker phone and tells her to stop. Not sure it would work...but at least makes him take on the burden of pushing her back.


Cool Chic
have your husband get rid of her, not you. He caused the mess and you want to clean it up for him? That would be called consiquences!!!!!!!!!!


Kate
Your husband has acted like a coward twice. Once when he cheated on you and lied to both of you, and now when he will not end this situation himself.

It is not up to you to call her. He should not put you through this on top of what you've already gone through.

He needs to tell her CLEARLY and angrily, if he has to, that he will not tolerate any more contact with him or his wife. It sounds like he's refusing to confront her, and he needs to.

She keeps doing this because he has not been as clear as he needs to with her.


is life really hell in Hell?
I think the question here should be, why did he tell her that your marriage was " dead in the water " in the first place? If he felt that way then, then maybe he still does. Maybe you should delve into that topic a bit deeper before you worry about what the other woman is up to. Sounds to me like he is likely to stray again...


spaznskitz
Rating
don't call.

It isn't going to accomplish anything. A call to her isn't going to change her actions or attitude.

You talk about how right now you are a faceless nameless person to her - but when you call - she also becomes very real to you - and you will not ony have the knowledge of the fact your husband cheated with this woman, but also her voice in your head for the rest of your life as well.

get into marriage counseling and move on.


Tara
Rating
You & your husband sit together - and have a 3-way phone call with the woman.

Your husband should do the talking - with your presence there.

It should be short & sweet.

Your husband - without going into detail, and without justifying anything - - should firmly, but quietly, tell the lady that he is with his wife - which is what he wants, and his marriage to his wife is what he wants .. and the marriage is wonderful .. and to leave him alone from now on. Then say ' goodbye' and hang up.

Also - tell her that the conversation is being recorded.

See if she stop bothering him.

She sent a letter to your house - so she is wanting to cause trouble .. so this is one of the reasons why your husband needs to handle this himself.

Let HIM be the one to tell her to stop.


pitchingcoach
Rating
This is a sad situation. The other woman now feels scorned. You do as well. Seems the husband is the one getting off easy. Why did you so willingly take him back. I'd beware. He cheated once, he likely will cheat again.


Kaylee
Why do you have to call her? Make your husband call her right in front of you. So you KNOW it's OVER.


Poppet
Rating
No. You don't need to say anything to her....he does. He needs to tell her to back the F off. He can do so on the phone with you quietly listening in on the whole conversation.


happy 1
Rating
no, don't call her. you need to talk to your husband. you let him back into your life too easily. is this his first affair?


furface
Rating
Kitty litter you can and it might help or it can back fire to she may start crying to your hubby and he being such a wonderful caring hubby he might get tricked again no what you do is go over there with lover boy and make him tell her it is over and he used her like a dirty dish rag you make him do it you go with like the nice Little wife good luck kitty litter P.S. change your name to nice kitty or something


Aussiemum
Rating
Yes i would.

In fact I did................go get her


melouofs
I doubt talking to her would do you any good, but it may make you feel like you've done something.


retnuh
Rating
Before I met and married my husband I had an affair with a married man. It was the single most idiotic, stupid, thoughtless, selfish and horrible thing I have ever done. His wife did call me and I almost pooed my pants. I cant even begin to explain the guilt I felt. Obviously over then and there. God this brings back memories. Im so sorry you have to deal with this. I would call her......


kp
Maybe your husband needs to grow a conscience and be faithful to his wife and not lead others to believe that your marriage is dead.

YOU calling her will not accomplish anything. Your husband needs to deal with this. If you feel the need to be privy to the conversation (and I can understand that you would since he's lied) have him call her in your presence. He needs to tell her to cease all contact, and if she attempts to contact him again, he will call the police and file harassment charges against her and/or request a restraining order.


chaos_infinity1982
i agree with idiot...
ur husband is at fault here...
he shud be taking charge .. not u hun...
i think u shud go out with that lady for a cup of coffee...
talk to her..
i believe even she is hurting some wat like u...


msims52
Rating
I am in your shoes right now. Only difference is he is my BF, living together for over 6 years now. Won't do any good to confront her. I did that three times now, and he has told her himself, with me there, to leave him alone. She FINALLY stopped calling our house the last time I confronted her, but she still calls his cell. Changing his number is not an option, he just ignores her calls and deletes messages without listening to them. As far as I know she has stopped driving past our house......but I am not sure about that. I even went so far as to email her (I found her email address by searching). Her HUSBAND answered my email. I was cryptic, but he said that his wife said she would stop calling. That was last weekend, she has called him since. She has real nerve, let me tell you, and not all there mentally. Just ignore this other woman and hope that sooner or later she goes away. The calls my BF has to deal with are no where what they were. She had been calling 14 or so times a day, now it is down to a couple every few days. Just work on trusting him again and getting your relationship back on track. I know how hard it is, but it is worth it.


Missie
I agree with larry. Buck up baby.


boundless
And the charade continues...


Bad Boy Reid
Rating
Why would you even stay with him you will never be able to trust him again.


2fine4u
Rating
I would not just call the other woman, I would be paying a visit to her house. The thing is that I am doubtful that she cares who she is hurting as long as she gets what she wants.

Plus, it is time for your husband to step in, he started this mess, he should be doing something to stop it.


Honesty
Rating
Absolutely.

Even if you approach it in a mature fashion, and she hangs up on you, you're going to get her thinking.

Good Luck.
.


..
I wasn't an affair partner, but I am married and if I were you I'd definitly call her up ( I would want to do more than that but that's against the law) Screw her feelings let her know what a sl-- she is. So what she was given the wrong impression on your marriage - she still knew your husband was married and that's wrong and the fact that she's still trying to be in the picture is f'd up!!!! Go get her!! If she has any conscience at all she'll feel like the a-- she is... also what's w/ your husband ?? I hope he's really learned his lesson - and if this ever comes up or happens again I hope you're smart enough to get rid of him.


Reba
If it were me I would definitely call her. Especially to tell her that your marriage is not in jeopardy and he is not planning on leaving you. Then tell her how great your marriage is and that it's stronger than ever (even if your not quite there yet.) Let her know that you husband wants nothing to do with her and that he made a mistake. Then tell her to beat it! Watch out in case she is a stalker, remember Fatal Attraction??

Good luck!


idiotzaint
Rating
yep let her know he lied to the both of you..........


tammyriddlecooper
men are liars and some women are just as bad.if you call her she will just hurt ur feeling.so just eiather forget about it or get rid of ur husband.sorry but i have been thur this and it hurts really bad





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