Should I leave my wife?

Tish L

You should stay with her and work on your trust issues. And the fact that she told you now means you should give her some credit. If she didn't love you and trust you enough to think that you would accept her even after she told you about her past then she would have never told you. She trusted you with her past, and she is trusting you with her future. Now you need to learn to trust her again. The fact that you are asking means that you want to trust her again, don't look for reasons to leave your wife for things that happened before you were married. As long as she has been faithful to you, and stays honest with you now you should stay with her. Everyone makes mistakes in their past. You need to accept them, and love her, because if it wasnt for her mistakes she wouldn't be the woman you loved and still love. Nothing has changed with the woman you married except now you know.

bearsbullsfan

THIS is the prime reason people, especially young people, need to go to premarital counseling. I would not advise a divorce, but you need to seriously consider counseling now...there's lots of baggage there, and you may not be able to handle it alone. good luck to you

McKenna

You gotta decide this on your own. Don't listen to what others have to say. This is your decision.

amber

even though she cheated in the past doesnt mean she is going to cheat on you. tell her how you feel.

DILLON

Don't let her past haunt your present and your future. She may have sowed some wild oats but may not behave that way after marriage. As long as she is faithful to you, stay on her side.

Clementine

Ok, so she did all these before she met you? People mature, they learn from their mistakes. We all did things that we regret when we were young. Some more, some less. Those mistakes that she made might have made her become the person that you love today. If you guys got a good thing going - who cares! As long as she is faithful and commited to you, that's all that matters going forward.

Octopus Pie

I wouldn't suggest leaving her right away. At least try to make it work before you throw in the towel. Get some counseling & talk it through. Sometimes you need a third party to really work on things.

As for her past, that's the past. As long as she's been faithful to you, then that's all that matters. The only thing I'd be worried about is that she tried so hard to hide these things from you. That shows a definate lack of trust on her part to begin with. She didn't trust that you'd take it in stride, so she hid it & made it worse. Who knows? Maybe (despite what you've written) you'd have been ok with her past.

If you can't make it work, then it just won't work. Divorce, but only after you've given it a good try to fix it. In the meantime, put any big plans (house, kids, ect) on hold while you get this all sorted out.

Voxygen8

Problem is that whatever your complaints, you still don't have grounds for divorce. All of the above, while personally painful or troubling or harmful to the preservation of trust in your relationship, doesn't begin to scratch the surface of the usual coverall: irreconcilable differences.

lina

that's so bad when trust is gone, relationship is gone, maybe think twice if she's done anything in really very very early stage of relationship (that's the question what is for you very early on) I'd forgive her as it was not proper relationship yet GOOD LUCK

star

I know this is a tough thing for any one to have to deal with, So first I just want to say I'm sorry for your difficulties. I have been married and divorced and am currently engaged, and one of the key things that I have found to be important in any relationship is communication. Since you are married now, you have both made a commitment to each other and part of that commitment is to be open and honest with each other. So my suggestion is that you tell your wife how you feel but let her know that you still love her as you said you did and begin again to build up the trust in your relationship. you have to understand that it probably took a lot for your wife to come to you and tell you about her past relationships but she did because she wanted to be open and honest with you, otherwise she would never have told you and you probably wouldn't have known.
A marriage is a partnership and its now that the hard work comes into play, Don't give up just because the tough questions get asked, answer them and come out stronger together.

Good luck in your marriage, I hope everything works out for you.

dsa116

First question: Do you have any kids? If yes, then please don't think about a divorce. It will ruin the kid's life.
If no kids, then normally I would say that it is not worth continuing the marriage since there is no trust. But nowadays women have a lot of power when it comes to divorce. She can make your life a living (you know what) for as long as she wants especially in certain states (NJ for example). The best situation would be if you both agree on a divorce and come to terms with the distribution of assets. Please try to avoid hiring a lawyer at all costs. They are the ones that always win in a divorce case. If you do plan to get a divorce get it done ONLINE. I know someone whose wife cheated on him but didn't ask much during the divorce. They divorced online and it cost them $500
It's a tough and hard choice but a marriage is built upon trust and love. It cannot survive without either one of them.

Pooh Bear

Kelvin.
Sweetheart.

Everybody - and I mean everybody - is entitled to their past. It has no bearing whatsoever on a couple's future - whats past is past.

You were fine in the marriage until you heard all this and I will say to you - be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.
You wished to know something - now you do.

Just think how honest she has been with you. She didnt hide anything from you, didnt try and make herself look in a good light - she told you about herself warts and all. Now believe you me that means she trusts you and you should be HONOURED that she has been this open with you.

Your life together isnt about her past. Its about your present and your future. You love her. She loves you.
There are no guarantees in this life.
There is no promise written in stone that you and she will last forever.
So? You are no different to any other couple anywhere in the whole wide world.
We can only hope for the best and give it all we've got.

You dont leave a marriage where you love someone because you found out something you didnt like about their past.
You dont have any right to her past - that belongs to her - and in the past.

Dear god, based on that premise there would hardly be any marriage at all in the world!

Get over this. You must only judge on the marriage that lies between the two of you. Its what is working between you now - not what she did before she even met you or even in the very earliest stages of meeting you when marriage was but a distant distant thought.

You need to grow over this. Dont be so narrow.

If you cant get over it then you had better get counselling quick because sure as eggs is eggs your attitude to all this is going to affect your marriage and you may end up losing her anyway.

Think very carefully about your next move.

rooney

Do you love her now and the person she is NOW? If so then get over her past! YOU were not there and she had every right to live her life the way she pleased and she is not required to disclose anything to you. She's your wife now, you want to throw that all away because of her behavior from when she was young and stupid??!!

lol

Don't leave her give it time.

Bananas

If you feel you cant trust her I would end it. It is not worth putting yourself through all the worries and untrust. It will just make you miserable.

**** I AM IN THE PLAYPEN WITH MILDRED***

Meers

Trust can take years to build but it takes only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it... Talk about it and let her know how you feel and also put your cards on the table that you will not tolerate any of that **** in your relationship... also do let her know how much you love and if that is true love and she has truly changed then you will forgive her and work on your future together

David C

you need some counseling from a pro.

Bibi

let me tell you people do change through out time they grow older and think different than they once did

but you will notice her behavior and if it looks like she hasn't changed then get a divorce

you can't be with someone you can't trust

eryca k

Of course now you want to kick yourself because you didn't give yourself a chance to know her.

Now that you're married and you jumped feet first into it you have to find a way to work this out. Go to counseling. And I'm sorry I think due to her nature she shouldn't go out with male friends without you.

Paige A

If you love her then I say that you stick with her. Yeah her past kills you, but that is not all bad. It means that you care for her. You wish that she could have lived differently.

Sure the trust is gone.. but it can be e-built. And it looks like things are starting out on a new path. You guys are talking now. Things are coming out and now you have the chance to resolve them. Its going to take some time on your part to learn to deal with things, but it will all be worth it in the end. Let her know how hard things are for you and ask her to help you. You guys are a team and you have each other for strength.

Your relationship will only grow to be stronger if you guys can work together to over come this.

Miranda

you can't have a relationship without trust, but if you love her you should start working to try to earn that trust back, not go though a divorce. its expensive and if you made a mistake you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Shervin

She could say nothing about all of that but she did it. She trust on you as her husband. I know lying is very bad but now you are together and I believe that marriage is completely different. Itâ€™s not a simple friendship and we just go through it when we know each other well. So give her more time and promise together not to lie in any situation.
Remember when some one trusts on you saying you her/his secrets you may behave in 2 ways:
- Blame her punish her because she didnâ€™t say it before or she lied before
- listen to all of them as a good friend
If you choose the first, she will never tell you any secrets and tell them to others. And if you choose the second, she will trust on you and always tell you the truth because she knows that you donâ€™t want to blame her as a teacher or like her parents.

golfgirl3

No, you should not leave her, you married her for better or for worse. Everyone has a past it is what you do with the future that counts. You need to search your heart and try to forgive her. How has she abandoned your trust? Did she or is she cheating on you? I would talk to her about how you feel, and let her know that you love her and are willing to work it through if you are. This is your choice, choose wisely.

Wandering Wonderer

My wife and I are having problems and have been for years. The terrible part of it is I can't wait until we go our separate ways but it seems that neither of us want to hurt the other one or our kids. This just leads to the smallest thing setting either of us off and sending a fight way over the top. The good news is neither of us want to be guilty of causing our break up so we don't cheat or be to disrespectful of each other. Fact still remains though, we love each other but cant stand one another. You didn't mention having kids or not but if you are thinking you would have walked in phase one(boyfriend girlfriend) and you are considering it in phase two (married/ no kids) think about how bad things will be in phase three (married w/kids) if you don't get your issues resolved. Try couceling first but don't expect it to guarantee a fix to your problems. It is just a tool to give you insight. Yuo may both decide that time apart is better for the both of you in the end.

Praying for A Blessing!!!!!!

don't leave go to counseling work it out

Joy F

Ya for real u have no idea what it feels lik wen ur husband dumps u giv it time

Harmony

I think your marriage still has a decent shot. I would recommend a marriage councilor to help you work through this. You need to uncover the reason why she has kept her past hidden. You have committed to her, and yes, marriage is complicated. Give it more of a shot before ending it. You do still love her, after all.

mickey mouse

She's your wife. You should do everything in your power to try to make it work. I totally understand it's hard for her to regain your trust but try to allow her to do so. Maybe you two could seek counseling or just communicate amongst yourselves and come to some form of agreement. She has to realize that she needs to be honest with you b/c you're a part of her. Everything in her life and that goes on with her will ultimately impact you as her husband.

Thtkid

u need couples therapy plenty of couples hav trust issues its no reason to dump her just get her to go to a couples therapist with u u guys will b fine

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