Should I let my husband go to a boy's weekend?

wwjd

What do I tell him when he tells me he wants to go on this boy's weekend in August?

You tell him to have a great time and you'll see him when he comes home.

Then for that weekend you have your own girl's weekend to forget what you may think he is or isn't doing.

Give your husband credit.

Just because his buddies cheat doesn't mean he will.

This becomes more of an issue with your own insecurity.

You are afraid that your husband is tiring of you and might need some eye candy after 4 years. If you think that, then give him some eye candy of your own.

Do what you need to do to keep him but whatever you do - you CANNOT be his mother and "give him permission" to go. What you can do is support him because this might be important to him.

I suspect that he will tire of the buddies and their cheating ways eventually.

Sure you could "deny him permission" and "HARP" at him all the time about his cheating friends and how bad they are but who do you think he will eventually learn to despise in the end?

It will be you.

So bid him adieu for the weekend and enjoy the time you get alone to do your own thing.

real_kiss_fan

Not letting him go on this trip won't prevent him from cheating. If you don't trust him, your marriage will surely fail. Where you both really need to go in August is into counseling to confront this nontrust issue. And just why is it he has slimeballs for such close friends? If I had friends like that, they wouldn't be my friends anymore since they don't value their spouses at all.

ideally_rational

Gently tell him that you don't approve of boy's weekends with known cheaters.
I am worried for you as to who your husband picks as friends. 5 cheaters and your husband, does he make the 6th?
It sounds like this problem goes deeper, and I'd be a very observant wife if I were you.

BeautyQueen

oh my...you could save money and follow them without their knowledge and find out what he does on "boys weekend".

Just tell him now you are not comfortable with this anymore or his friends. If he does not respect your thoughts and feelings then he does not have your marriage as high a priority as it should be.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Gail T

If he's not trustworthy, he'll cheat on you regardless of being with his cheating buddies on a weekend getaway or not. IMO, by telling him he can't go (unless you have a very good reason like a wedding, funeral, etc.), you're telling him that you don't trust him.

Silvergirl

Boy that's a toughie. I know everyone says "trust him" and "believe what he tells" you and normallly that's what I would say too. This situation stands apart from that to me only because it deals with the friend vs. the wife thing. Part of you doesn't want to hold him down because you don't want to feel untrusting and naggy, but the other part of you is afraid of what will happen when he goes away with the guys, and especiallly ones like these. I do know that guys alot of times act different when their friends are around and don't like to "go against" them. This is definitely difficult. I would say, sit down with him again, and talk to him and tell him how you feel. Stand your ground with it too. If he sees how much this worries you, maybe he won't go. I'm hoping for you that that's the case. I'm not saying don't trust your husband, because you SHOULD trust him if he's never given you reason not too, but a situation concerning buddies that mess around could be too much for him to handle. Best of luck!

Sunshine

NO NO NO.... Do not let your husband go. Now that he is married there are certain things he has to let go..Iam sorry to say but if his buddies are no good and they are really not about anything then he does not need to hang with them. The company you keep is very important. He could be easily influenced by things he sees them doing. Now if you witness them being all over women when there wives are not around, then think about what your husband may be doing when your not around. I don't think you should let him go. Its not wise and if he loves you, then he should understand and respect your wishes. But on the other hand if he is going to cheat he will find the time to do it regardless of if he is with his boys or not.

J I L L

I am not even going to look at the other answers. Speaking from the heart, after I read your letter. I would tell him that~~~ Honey, I would prefer that you not join the guys this year". (If he ask why?) I have no reason at this point not to trust you.
"I would have an uneasy weekend if you join them." ( If he ask why ?)" In light of what I know about all of the other guys I would feel more secure in our marriage if you would not put your self in a position of becoming like them.
I hope this will help. I have been married 54 yrs. to one man, and at 22 I stopped some similar nonsense, by going to my husbands commanding officer. A little talk from him and here we are today. My husband has never cheated since. His career was important to him. He is retired navy today and we have 5 happily married grown children & 5 grand children and life is wonderful. God is good & I am grateful. Good Luck~~jill

Lord Gordian

Didn't you call Dr. Laura this afternoon?

I'll tell you what she did: If your husband hasn't done anything to your knowlege, then stop trying to control him.

cynthiajean222

Since you've seen the behavior of his buddies and you know they come on to women and probably cheat on their wives, of course you're not going to tell hubby it's okay to go away for a weekend with those guys. If your husband truly does not cheat on you, or would ever cheat on you, then even he would be uncomfortable hanging around with those guys. They would be egging him on and teasing him about being faithful to you. Why would he put himself through that? I don't think hubby is being totally honest with you. If I were you, I'd think of a better alternative for that week in August, like maybe the two of you could go away somewhere romantic. In other words, give him something in return for the guys weekend he'll be backing away from.

...Tammy...

Id follow without him knowing and just see what he does.Even if i had to have a rental.....If you suspect...thats what Id do..

ncowifeusaf5

personally I would ask him (not tell him) not to go, talk to him tell him you are no longer comfortable with him going on these weekends anymore and ask that he not go maybe you could suggest that the 2 of you go away that weekend.... I myself would not be alright with it either....good luck to you...I hope this helped

Diva

all brids of a feather flock together.. meaning if his friends or doing it he is too....even though i hope he is not!!!!! Why Don't you tell him to have fun but when he gets back that you and your girls are having a weekend thing.. Whats good for him is good for you. Start getting out with your friends and enjoy each other, then he will start writting yahoo.. not you

BIG J

I'm a man and I'm not saying this because I'm in a very similiar situation, but I would let him go. Marriage is all based on trust and if he "cheats", there is nothing you can do about it. He's going to cheat regardless of having a boys weekend or not.

Men can use the excuse, "Honey, I have to work late tonight", till the women he is seeing says, "Why can't you ever meet me on weekends"?

I know this is stuff you don't care to hear, but its true. It happens. How strong is your relationship? Nothing wrong with casual flirting. I think its good. Keeps the skills sharp. Don;t get me wrong, I don't condone cheating.

Men need their time away and so do women. You should do the same.

Good luck

--Jay

martiek7

OK - you need to explore WHY you do not trust your husband. If he personally has given you no reason NOT to trust him, then you should definatley let him go. Just send him off in a very affectionate manner.

My byf is going away this weekend with the boys - not only is he going to get the BJ of lifetime, but I pcaked his favorite bottle of liquer, some cigars to share with the boys & a cute little pic of me in his favorite nighty - nothing I owuld be embarrased to have seen, but he'll love it.

When guys go away - it is their time to let loose and be all boyish again & irregardless of what his "friends" do - it does not mean he does it.

if on the other hand there are reasons you do not trust him & have not explained here & there has to be solid reasons not just a gut feeling - if there are real reasons not to trust him, explain to him that if he chooses to go, you may not be there when he returns. Be prepared for the ramifications of the ultimatum you are giving him.

jlonva

Speaking from personal experience....

My guy went to a bachelor party in Vegas (We're in VA) a few months back. I know his friends and some of them are down right nasty when it comes to females. But...I had been reading a book where it said that men respond to a positive, negative, positive combo. So when he asked me if I mind that he go, my response was: I don't mind, but on 2 conditions. 1. that you don't do anything you wouldn't want me doing and 2. that you have a good time.

To my pleasant surprise he was a good boy and even called me way more than I thought he would while he was there (damn near every 30 mins). His friends gave him a hard time about being good and being 'whipped' for more than a month after he got back.

I'm sure he knows that cheating and the No-No's when it comes to relationships, so laying down harsh ground rules will just make it seem like you are taking the fun out of it and trying to control him. The truth of the matter is...no matter where he is or with, he could do something inappropriate....so you can't worry about it. You can't control it.

So try the positive, negative, positive combo. Its worked wonders for my relationship.

ImThizzin'

if you trust him and you know he wont do nothing to hurt you let him go. if you dont trust him than i suggest you guys have a conversation. and just b/c all of them cheat means that he does even though when we hang around with friends we do things so they wont talk **** to us ans if they be like" go talk to her this and that" he'll do it just so they wont say he's a b&*ch but you guys need to have a serius talk

ashjrjay

if there's trust in the marriage let him go.

kissmeagainnow

Why in the world would you think you had a right to "LET" him do anything!! You can discuss anything whatever you like but you don't allow him to do anything, that is an issue you need to work on.

haleyknutson

even you gotta know this, a relationship is all about trust and if you dont have trust in your husband, then you dont have anything, you need to trust him. guys need their weekend..juss like girls need their weekends, every one needs a break...i'm not saying that his frends are right to cheat on their wives, but you need to trust your husband, you love him and you need to let him get out of the house and have fun with this friends, and yeah, you can call him and see how he's doing, but otherwise, let him go and have fun

Katherine C

I think you should plan a week-end with the girls. Let him go have his fun, but you need to go away too. Men will do whatever they want any way, just don't tie your emotions into his week-end. Go have some fun and stop worring about him.

Martin Pedersen

If you don't trust him then your marriage is already doomed. In August tell him you love him and to have a great time.

sam

i think that this is something he douse every year and you cant just not let him go if he realy love you it will all be fine and if he cheats than he's a scumbag and you don't need him

fn_hot

of course time apart does a relationship good.

Joy

Let him go. We all need a little time to ourselves, including you. You have to trust your husband and what he is telling you. If there is no trust in your marriage then there is no point in being together. Keep yourself busy while he's gone, so you won't think about what he's doing every minute.

frawlicious

All men need to get away. It's good for them to bond. I know that you are worried because of his friend's behavior, but if he has not given you a reason to doubt him, don't. You have to trust him. Without trust you have nothing. I wish you the best of luck!

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