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The One, The Only Krandazzo!
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hell no are you nuts.....if she wants to go insist you go along...dont let her go alone! |
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True
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Why don't you go with her? |
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Mable VT is thinking, kinda
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If you cannot trust your wife of 17 years with an ex boyfriend who she has not seen since before you got married than why are you even married to her? |
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dinny's engaged!!
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absolutely not. That was 23 years ago. He should have moved on and should never have contacted her. She should leave the past where it belongs--in the past. |
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brwneyedgrl
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Allow is the wrong phrase.. because she'll do what she wants with ur permission or with out it if she wants to meet up with him badly enough..
I think she's wrong for playing with the idea although im sure after so many years fladdery of him even looking her up has taken over her judgement as im sure if the roles were reversed she'd feel the same as u do.
Its one thing for someone to pop up out of your past and want to know how your life turned out, people are curious at times doesnt mean they want to hook up, but 1 she should never of kept it from you, and 2 she should never be willing to step it up from the email level, no phone calls or meeting especially with out u.. if she wants to see him, then u should always be on her side when she does.. that way it can never be misconstrude as anything but innocent.. think about it.. she meets up with a man for coffee there alone, and someone u know see's her first thing they think is "cheating wife" ..
I think u should express how u feel, then leave it up to her , and pray that she does the right thing.. |
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Harriett
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Oh god no!!! |
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momseekinganswers
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I must that's an arguement waiting to happen, "should I allow". Those are powerful words. after 17 yrs. you should know your wife by now. If you trust her, you should "allow" her to make her own decision. |
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keezymama
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You should let your wife make her own decision and let her know that you trust her enough to meet him if she choices.
IF you want offer to go if she would like - but then you need to be sure you can control your behavior and act like and adult and let them talk - and if she says no she'll go along realize that it's not that she want to be alone but that she either doesn't want to burden you with going or is concerned about you making inappropriate comments because of your feelings about him.
Try to "allow" it and you've got other problems.
If you don't trust her to go then you have major problems in your marriage.
If she wants to meet with him it probably just curiosity or a desire to catch up with someone from her past As we move into middle age it is natural to wonder "what ever happen to?" it doesn't mean you question any of your decisions just that you wonder. I haven't seen class mates (and interests) from high school or college in years - I'm ready to reconnect - just because those people were apart of my life - but I don't like big get togethers so I would jump at the chance to met a class mate for coffee and catch up on what ever they know about so-and-so and share what I knew about whos its.
I had an old boyfriend that came back to town on business get in touch with me - we had lunch - and later in the trip I met him at a mutual friend's house. We shared stories about his children and how pround he was of them of how his wife was helpinghim start a new business and he couldn't do it without her. I caught him up and people that we had hung out with. It was a fun walk down memory lane that made me know how happy I was with the life I had and how happy I was he loved his family - and how happy I was that I hadn't married him. I went home and hugged the people I loved. |
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♥Sonadora♥
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ummm, yeah! where are all of you guys going?
get it? "all" of you guys? |
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foxinsox
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If she hadn't kept it hidden..then I would have NO problem with it.
But she did.
So..now the rules have changed..and SHE changed them.
She was probably feeling a little meloncholy, a little old..a little "gee when I was young and hot all the boys wanted me". That I get.
Make her feel like she is 20 years younger...and then..tell her why don't you invite Mr. X and his wife over for dinner? You can dig out old photos..me and Mrs. X will have quite a chuckle at them! |
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treekgomon
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wow 17 yrs
i think you should talk to your wife and tell exactly how you feel
about this situation
remember communication is the key there
good luck ^_^ |
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Windy
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Nope! Sounds like the X is trying to move in on your life.
Sounds like trouble.
Why would your Wife, even consider this??? |
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midnightmoon
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Im sorry, should you allow? Are you going to start letting her choose who you can and cannot talk to? |
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beaners1229
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First you should ask your wife if she is happy with you...because if she is, why would she even consider meeting this other guy. If he treated her as horribly as you say, I can't imagine why she'd want to even see this guy again. If she thinks that it will give her some closure on that relationship, she should do it, but tell her you guys need to work on your communication issues because she should have told you she was talking to him from the very beginning. |
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birdman
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No..............You and your wife have forsaken all others to be together. There is no need to rehash old times....none at all. |
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Michele M
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I can't imagine why they would have to meet in person and alone. If there is nothing to hide then schedule a double date or invite him when you are home. Stand your ground. What begins as an innocent meeting can quickly spiral out of control. I wouldn't consider seeing an old flame - what's the point? it's in the past and shows no respect for my husband. I wouldn't want him to do it so I wouldn't! If you are feeling uneasy trust your instincts , if you are calm and patient with your wife while you express your concern she should back off from the idea. If you come in guns blazing demand she not go - she's likely to do it out of retalation and to prove you don't control her. Don't let it get between you, but be firm. You don't know how sleezy this guy can be...
Michele |
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saphirehon
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Let her make her own decision. I am sure she knows the difference between right and wrong. Let her know that you love her before she goes out the door. |
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Highlander
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1) He had her email address
2) She wants to talk to him
3) Oh crap, I need a divorce lawyer |
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Dolly
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Why the hell would she need to go see an old boyfriend from 23 years ago?? It's a lifetime ago............no i wouldn't agree to this. You should be "allowed" to go along too if there's nothing in it..........xx |
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Tara
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In my opinion ... No.
But .. maybe you should just let her do what she wants.
He is her past. You are her "now".
He treated he badly in the past - so why on earth would she want to have coffee with him and have talk with him ?? She should not want to have anything to do with him. Where is her interest .. and why ?
And .. what is his interest.
You adore & love her -- and that should be all she is concerned with.
That is just my humble opinion. |
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Rock_chickie_rock
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NOOOOOOOO!!!!! NEVER GOOD MAKE SURE SHES STAYS AWAY FROM HIM, IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS SORT THEM OUT |
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tshnobodysfool
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I caught up with an ex g/f from high school who is married w/kids. We met and had lunch - it was no big deal. I respect that she's married and didn't want anything inappropriate - just to see how she was doing. It was just a couple phone calls though - no emailing. I think she should have the freedom to see old friends and if she thought there was something going on she should stop it. You have to trust people to some degree. If you don't - that's the problem, not this guy. |
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sunshinegirl
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The answer is in your heart. Would you feel comfortable letting her meet this guy? Or you hate the idea so bad that wouldn't be able to forgive her if she decides to go. If I were you, I would have a serious conversation with her about your concerns, see what she has to say. Chances are, after 17 years of marriage she couldn't care less about the other guy, but if she is like me, she doesn't want to hurt his feelings by saying no. Just sit down and talk it out, and clarify why didn't she let you know about the email in the first place. She probably was just ashamed and didn't know how to tell you. Ask her if she wants to go and what her expectations of this meeting are, maybe suggest a double-date where you and the guy's partner, friend, someone can tag along. |
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Flaca_in_Az
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You got to be kidding!!!!!!! are you nutzz?! |
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eatmy.peaches
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You know, I started a whole big email about how you should let her go, they probably just need some closure, and probably nothing will happen, and blah, blah, blah, and then I thought about it again, and I have to say that I now have a completely DIFFERENT response.
There is NO NEED for them to go to coffee to "chat about old times". He knows she's married now and that's all there is to it. Old times are long gone and in this, the PRESENT TIME, he is not in the picture nor will he EVER be in the picture because he's a snake.
You've got his email address; send him an email and tell him to stop contacting your family immediately; his communications are not welcome. Tell your wife that you cannot imagine meeting an old "girlfriend", for "old times sake", and how that would make her feel, especially if she didn't even know about it.
I am extremely uncomfortable with this situation, and I can tell you are too.
I cannot imagine why your wife wants to have coffee with a man who treated her so badly. That's kind of - I don't know - like asking for more of the same, to me. Did you ask her why she wants to go? Can you go with her and then you BOTH can have coffee and "talk about old times"?? |
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Me
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Yes. Be confidant and trust that your wife is coming back to you. This is much more attractive behavior. You will never be able to build a fence high enough... life happens. |
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Imabeliever
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Absolutely not man! First figure out what is wrong with your relationship and get to work on it. Second, after talking it out make sure she is not going to meet him, if you have to demand that she not see him, then you've got bigger problems. This will spiral quickly if you don't solve this! |
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hogsnotbubbles
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Welll, she is her own person. Does she allow you to sit and be with ex's?
It's something you'll have to come to the conclusion yourself. |
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casper
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Noramlly I'd say Yes, trust your wife. However, given your feelings for this person, I'd have to say..Heavens NO !!! |
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