Should I marry him?

K.W.

He loves YOU, and he's not settling for them. Do you think he doesn't see all of those other beautiful women out there also? You must be the prettiest of all to him, cause he's chosen you!!!

joecole7717

Well if he is willing to marry you than I guess he is happy. You're the one who makes him truly happy..so you shouldn't feel like you're not good enough for him. You are.

steph

hehe my bf is the same way he can sparkle in a crowd.. and everyones attention.. and handle it well.. make everyone laugh.. and i hate being in the spot light.. i think also he's so much hotter than i am and can probably get a girl 100000000000x hotter than i am.... half the itme i think people are thinking why is that hot guy hanging out with that hideous girl.. but i try not to let my insecurites get the best of me.. i realize its all in my head.. and try and convince myself of it.. its hard.. but i try and ignore it

Got Curves?

If you love him marry him and get help w/ your self-esteem.

Common Sense

You need to love him, trust in him, put yourself in his hands and
let him take care of things..
Marry him...
Love him...
He is your best friend and companion through life..

reddevilbloodymary

You know, I think this might be cold feet, it's not that you think he may deserve better, but that you have serious doubts or questions about marriage and/or your relationship with him, and i'ts coming out in this odd manner. Somehow in your mind, it's easier to blame yourself, tell yourself that you are weighing him down and he's better off without you, than to figure out what the real problem is. Maybe you guys aren't a good match, but it's too painful for you to just admit it, so in your mind you have created this whole elaborate, somehow more acceptable version?

The Answer Guy

Love is crazy isnt it? You have a man that loves you and wants to be with you becuz he feels that regardless of all the other women that are out there, you are the best. That in itself can be hard to swallow.. To think YOU are the best woman on earth to someone... WOW... Quit trippin... you hit the lotto now you wanna give the money back?!?!

Why are you beating yourself up? He chose you didn't he?

vbaileyfilms

Please don't create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Opposites attract. I am outgoing and positive and my husband is not. I love him for other reasons, as your fiancÃ© loves you. If you set yourself up to be his Mrs. Wrong, you will become just that. I think it's sweet that you care so much about him that you would sacrifice your life with him, but it's not necessary. He doesn't need you to be like him. He needs you to be like you. Keep your chin up, and remember, you are lovable!

wish I were

You need to get things straight with yourself, before you marry him. Try a councilor.

Heather

If your having second thoughts then maybe you shouldnt get married right now. everyone has second thoughts before but you seem to have more then other people that i know. you should definitly talk to him about how you feel. how yo htink this could be a mistake. its important that he understands what your going through right now.

Torres

I believe you have a low self-esteem as well as insecurities...

You need to find out exactly what it is that is bothering you, it seems that there is more to it... I would suggest you go speak with someone that can help you....

In the meantime, just enjoy your fiance and the time you have spent and will spend with him... Regardless, of how well he socializes with people and other women want him, HE CHOSE YOU....

Look Deep down in your inner soul and with the one above you can help you... You will find your answers....

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!

lookoning

I think a counselor or therapist may help/

krazy_chic6944

opposites attract, and if you love him and have discussed this feeling with him, it's obviusly ok. I had a boyfriend who used to tell me all the time he thought i was too good for him and could do better and ended our relationship because of it. I was broken hearted because it wasn't true, i really did love him and he didn't weigh me down. It really hurt my feelings that he thought that and it frustrated me so much cuz it wasn't true. I think, if YOU are happy, then don't worry about it. You'll both be fine.

Izetriyen

maybe he forces himself to be vibrant, alive all day long, etc and that can get very tiring....and what he'd really like to do is come home to you and mellow out next to your tranquil nature. happy nuptuals. peace

penhead72

Yes, it's a self-esteem issue. I think some individual counseling would be good for you and some premarital counseling for the two of you is definitely in order.

deg

This sounds like exactly what happened with me and my now wife. We have been married for 5 years now, but sadly they are not what we all imagined for each other.

Marriage is hard, it's the hardest thing you'll ever do, the last thing you want is to give yourself into marriage with second thoughts.

I pressured my wife into getting married, she was having second thoughts and so was I, but I thought everybody has second thoughts. I have seen other people get married without second thoughts, and I think they do so much better in their relationships than ours.

Divorce is often a subject in our relationship, I wish I didn't marry someone who had second thoughts. My suggestion would be to postpone marriage until your absolutely sure. It sounds like he loves and wants you, but you are not so sure about him or his future faithfulness to you.

Work on your self esteem and seek professional counseling.

Brenda E

Sounds like you are a bit nervous about your up-coming wedding.

Also, you may want to speak with a counselor or a therapist. How long have you felt this way???

msdrdn

Looks like your tearing yourself down so that you'll have an excuse to get out of the wedding babe. It's your mind playing tricks on you. What you have is called cold feet. You may not be ready to take such a big step yet. Maybe you can go to your local library and research your symptoms ... classic low self-esteem issues. But do you feel like this ALL the time - like before you two got engaged? Before you even got with him did you feel this way about yourself? Search within yourself and figure out the REAL reason you don't want to get married yet ... it's within you somewhere ... you just have to find it. Good Luck love ... hope everything works out for both you and your fiance!

westfield47130

I see a few problems in the making here....

1. You seem to believe you aren't good enough.
2. Low opinion of yourself
3. Unaware of the qualities you have
4. Low self-esteem.
5. Pessimistic

Unless you adjust your thinking, your marriage will ultimately fail. He loves you...isn't that enough? Isn't that what it's all about? He is going to tire of your insecurities. he doesn't want to spend the next 10-20-30 years constantly trying to reassure you that you are OK.

I recommend you get some help before you marry...or undoubtedly...the marriage will not last.

You seem to be incomplete as a person and until you complete yourself..... he will never be able to enhance your life.

YES< this is a self-esteem and insecurity issue. PLEASE consider getting counseling before you make a mistake you can't take back.

Also - aren't you in pre-marriage counseling before you walk down the aisle? I highly suggest it to anyone.

mt_hopper

I'd recommend a good book, "The Introvert Advantage."

Sometimes, "low-energy" people think they have to be like everyone else. This expectaion sometime creates self doubt.

The probem is you're just not wired with all that energy. And you have to take some time to think before you speak. That makes people think you have a self-esteem problem, or you're shy.

They just don't get it. These high-energy people can't slow down enough to take the time to understand it.

But going farther than that, you last comment "like to see him happy..."

People just don't understand us, who have difficulty feeling emotions on our own. We end up experiencing joy by seeing others joy, and being amoung them.

Some say codependence is when you put other before your needs, but few recognize maybe you can't determine what makes you feel joy. I think some people are helped out of destructive habits by codepenence groups, but some just learn to fake their own joy.

Gasman

Don't get married until your head is right. He'll understand.

Kitty

Visit your doctor, and ask to get evaluated for clinical depression. They have therapies and medications that help. It would be a shame to lose your love to a treatable condition.

camys_daddy

1. Get help with your self esteem issues, regardless what else you do.

2. Answer the following questions:

Does he love you? I don't mean all those feelings. Does he perform loving actions and/or is willing to learn and perform what you consider to be loving actions toward you.

Do you love him? Are you willing to perform what he considers to be loving actions.

If you love him and he loves you, with real love and not just hormones and feelings, but the actions that make up real love, then you two will have a much better chance at a fufilling relationship.

Even if you don't marry him, seek help for what appears to me to be low self-esteem.

mrs.sweetness

I would definitely say stay with him, but you may be troubling from a past relationship that is giving you all this insecurity I would talk to your fiance and suggest counseling. You don't want to keep pushing the issue with your fiance, he may get tired of it and leave.

Starla_C

You are being very selfish! If he didn't love you, do you really think he would have asked you to marry him? Come on! Brighten up and prepare for a wonderful life with the man that loves you!

***********

Try asking him what it is exactly about you that he loves. Me and my husband are very opposite personalities as well. But thats what makes it so interesting. Why would he want to be with someone just like him? Its boring being with someone who is the same as you. As long as you have similar values, morals, and goals thats all that matters. You should probably talk to somebody objective about the feelings you've been having to resolve them before you get married though.

shdwtalker2002

I would very much like to reassure you that you are not crazy. Sure, it is highly unpleasant to feel as you do, and yes, I do suspect you may have *some* self-esteem issues. However, it's also highly likely that you are simply attempting realistically to look at your situation and make the best possible judgment. I'm not going to tell you "get married" or "don't get married"; that's something you'll have to decide for yourself. If your doubts are just so strong and bad that you can't hardly stand them, it might be worth it to call of the wedding, or at least postpone it, in order to give yourself some relief. However, if you're just pretty unsure and merely doubtful, a bit nervous and/or anxious, it might be a good idea to push yourself a little, to demonstrate some courage and take a risk on getting a husband you clearly think is wonderful. You are in a really exciting time in your life right now, to be faced with such a momentous decision regarding a man you obviously adore. Ask yourself where you would like to be 10 years from now, looking back on these times -- that will give you a big clue about which direction to go.

1912 Hudson

Looks only last so long, he obviously loves you for the person you are, or he wouldn't have gone to all the trouble of proposing and buying a ring. I know how you feel though- I am about to be married myself! It's a stessful time. Find someone to talk to and work it out- insecurity is nothing you should bring into a new marriage.
Focus on the things he loves about you!

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