Should I send this email to my wife?

There doesn’t have to be a definitive answer to this question and I ask this because I care about your happiness and mine, which clearly we are not happy for our own reasons. How much longer do you think we can keep doing this to each other? I ask this with the utmost sincerity. This is not a productive marriage or relationship and I don’t want our one year anniversary to approach so we can look back at our first year of marriage and have nothing to celebrate other than surviving it. I think at this point we both deserve better than this, especially considering everything we had been through before getting married, which I had hoped becoming husband and wife would give us the needed inspiration to strive to be more for ourselves and for each other but if we aren’t capable of doing that for each other then maybe its time we take other options into serious consideration. I love and care for you too much to see you this way and I am worried about you.
Additional Details
Maybe outside of our home you are a very different person filled with joy and happiness, but I don’t see it. I want to be here for you and I will be no matter what, but we’re just hurting too much living this way.

As a side note, as far as counseling is concerned, I admit that I wonder if you may not be seeing Toby because you think there will be a disadvantage due to the fact that I’ve been seeing him for a while now. I talked with him about that yesterday because you had mentioned something about a month or so ago about me having the counselor in my back pocket, which isn’t the case. He agreed that while it may not be the single reason for you not going, it could very well be one of the reasons, even though he agreed it isn’t true. So, if and when you decide to go, he has mentioned his wife as an option or if you’d feel more comfortable seeing a different counselor, you have that as an option too. Again, I say this because I care about you

TheOracleAtDelphi

I don't think this is such a good idea to send this to your wife.

You should go to therapy and talk it out.

If I got an email like this from my spouse, I would kick his ***.

kja63

You aren't actually considering emailing something like this to your wife are you? No wonder your marriage is in trouble.

Please have the decency to talk directly with your wife about something this important. An email is far too cold.

Eliezer A

OK sounds Utterly tough... Heres the news... first years of marriage usually are a struggle... but you have to hang in there... so the email sounds a bit like you just want to bail out... So dont send the email... Talk to your wife, tell her how you feel and make sure you want to work through it... it is easy to bail out when things get tough and maybe thats not what u meant at all but sounds like it... another thing is... Marriage is never the answer to premarital problems... marriage just increases problems or adds to them... marriage is never perfect and takes lots of work... so never should one marry because problems will disappear... Warning labels on marriage should read : Warning marriage can cause frustration, anxiety, headaches, sadness, but also, happiness, fullfillment, sense of belonging, love, personal and relational growth, and companionship... marriage should never be underestimated or underappreciated... Hang in there man... things can never go any worst when ur down in the pits... so get counseling and work things through...

AtiaoftheJulii

Talk to your attorney before sending anything to your potential ex-wife.

Stacy H

i see that you tryed to put it in the nicest way.i think its good how you wrote it,not mean and rude.and think you should talk to her first.and then maybe give her the email.yu never know if she thinks the same.

Freak Nasty

Send it !

xgirlxatxplayx

I think this seems a little harsh. Although you mean well, it sounds a bit argumentative. If your wife is really going through a hard time, you should try to be more gentle. Maybe take out all the parts about being unhappy in the relationship and focus on the part where you're concerned for her. Or, try to talk it out in person. That's probably your best bet.

danielparrilla@sbcglobal.net

Yeah when we decided to get a divorce when had to talk, paper and emails mean you can't look her in the face because that is not truly what you want. And writing it down only works as a reinforcement for you at the time, but it is not really what you want. When you can tell her verbally and be true to your words then that shows sincere.

pennylane

i don't think an e-mail is the best way to talk about something like this. sometimes it is harder in person because with both people talking you may not get a chance to get all of your points acroos but say what you can.

Nina E

YES. Sometimes it's a lot better to organize you thoughts in letter then in your mouth.
BUT, I think you should print it and read it to her, letting her interrupt you whenever she wants to.
You can tell her that you have organized all your thoughts and feelings in this letter and would be very grateful if she could lend you a few times to talk to you about it, listen to you and interrupt whenever she wants.
Good luck.

One Sly Look

I would if that's the only way you can communicate with your wife.
But if you can sit down and talk it out with her, I would reccommend you do that. I really do not see anything mean or hateful in your email.

Poet_Lleri_el

I may suggest that instead of airing your distress to the Internet, have a conversation with your wife, over candles at a restaurant, preferably her favorite, and rather than be confrontational, be the man she married. You may bring out the woman you married.
Communication is the hardest thing to do among couples, why?
I've been trying to find out for several years. Why must there be my side and your side? What happened to our side?
Upon the contract of marriage, a couple is to forsake all others, why is it that women seem to forsake their own husband. They have made their vows, and now refuse to follow them.
AND THEY WANT AN HONEST MAN?
Again I say to avoid loosing who you may consider is the best part of your life, have a simple talk over dinner. Call it the future Preparation Dinner. If things go well, your future is looking up; if things don't change, your future is stagnant; if things go bad, your future says "get out while you can."
By the way; in your coming future, never ask such question of just anybody, especially of women. The answers you get will drive you nuts. Their thought stream is too incoherent, and many don't know what they're talking about.

bashful670

Print it out and read it to her....then talk about it.

Sarrate

Maybe something this serious ought to be said in person.

G_Pac

yeah or better you can say it to her face

Anna Nichole Smith

PeggyS

Please see a professional to help with this. You can go to your rabbi, priest or minister, or the local family social service agency for low or no cost help.

Best wishes to you!

freebirdat2002

WOW. well it is your marriage not mine. But do you feel better sending it to her in a e-mail, or talking to her? I am not sure what is going on. But it sounds to me that you both are unhappy but there is still hope. You do what feels right. Wish ya all the luck.

Discovery Tunnelâ„¢. Super Gay EgO

No, TELL her!

Fortune Cookie

Times like these call for you to tell her IN PERSON. Its better to talk it out together than getting an email.

captianpr

Don't e-mail it to her, hand it to her and sit there while she reads it.
Tell her that you would like her to read it all the way through before making any comments then you will talk about it if she'd like.

No, you need to talk to her and listen to her. Maybe she is trying to tell you something and your not hearing her. Try marriage counseling together with a new counselor that you will both feel comfotable with. The first year of marriage can be very hard to adjust to. Open discussions with your wife is what will heal you. Have the two of you tried to get away for a romantic stress free weekend? Maybe she needs some time to relax and re kindle things with you. Good luck.

gooterscooby

Dude...if that's how you fell...send it!!!! honesty is sooo important!

ADCHOP

No body in this world has the time to read long mails.

bounceabout8402

I would write her a letter.... not sendher an e-mail. This is not a topic to discuss like two strangers on the WWW. What you have to say is honest and full of real emotion. I would write her a letter, not an e-mail.

spidey

I don't know if you should send it to her, but what you are saying is very appropriate. It seems to me to be very thoroughly thought out and sincere. I don't know why you wouldn't tell her this instead of e-mail, but then again I don't know how you two are communicating. I think the spirit is right. Good luck

Mom

Go for it but I think it is time to move on.

redneckgirl

You have stated your points very clearly and are very considerate of her, but i dont think this is an email discussion topic, i think you should at the very minimum write this down in your own hand writing and have it in front of you as you discuss this face to face - I wish you all the luck in the world with this one. Good luck

michs96

I think that you are a lot like me... I have a very hard time talking about such emotional topics... I get upset and loose focus. What I have found that help is to write out a letter and then read it out loud to the person; choose a personal setting (NOT in a busy restaurant) with the tv off so the focus can be on your discussion. That way it isn't as impersonal as a e-mail but you can still say everything that way that you intend for it to come out. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Julia Encarnacion

I agree with Oracle. Emailing is cold, and it won't solve anything.

Talk it out. I hope everything works out for both of you.

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