Should I stay in a relationship that does not seem to be going anywhere?

bunnychica1984

End the relationship and take care of your little girl. That's the best thing to do from what I read of your question.

jlynna10

If the relationship has not progressed over the 5 years then my suggestion to you would be to do a lot of soul searching

wanderingphotographer

Do you love her? That is the only question that needs to be answered. If you love her, then you must decide what it is that will be best for both or you. If you aren't sure, the talk with her about it. I have found that once you find someone to love, and they love you, talking to them about things can make them not matter so much anymore. It's more about knowing that someone is there to be with you, even if you mess up, that matters I think. It's up to you if you want to provide that sort of support for her or not.

Hope it helps. :-)

Either step up the commitment or end it. It's easy to stay in a relationship to avoid lonliness, but sometimes the best thing to do is move on. If you haven't progressed, and neither of you had made steps to accomodate the other to be able to progress, it's time to call it quits.

Tiff

I think you answered you own question, sweetie.

It's not going anywhere, what's the point?

I know it's hard, it's a "safe," place to be... but if you are actually looking for someone to marry/move in/be with more permenently, you have to move on....

Good luck!

BluLizard

As a rule of thumb for me whenever I start asking myself "where is this relationship going?" I choose to end it. Think about it if you are asking that question its obvious you want to go somewhere. When things are smooth and fine in a relationship you are happy where your at but when you start wondering where its going you are really wanting to be somewhere else or with someone else.

By you asking this question to total strangers shows you seek permission to end this. You have answered your own question. If there is friction now with the kids and living arrangements, it is time to move on. You appear not happy, life is too short.

Santa's Elf

I can see why she wouldn't want to move her teen and disrupt high school but your six year old could be moved without interrupting her future friendships. Of course, you don't say if you have custody of your daughter. Do you live with your mom? Is she the one in the relationship or are you? I think that you are making excuses for what you really no longer feel and want to get out of the relationship. I think you should be honest with your lady and either end the relationship or decide to see others but remain friends if you care that much for each other. Just because you are not "in a relationship" with each other does not mean you can't see each other. I would think her kids would miss you also after being in their lives for 5 years. Just don't have this conversation on valentines day.

Me So Pretty

no end it.

blue

if you don't want to be with her, then break it off. it's as simple as that, but be careful that you are not more stressed after you split up. it sounds like you care a great deal for this person

Got Curves?

Talk to her about it, see where she wants to be in the future. If her plans dont match yours end it.

zether

most relationships wind up going nowhere except to hell and court, feel happy that yours has not gone bad

da_nikkster

aw. Im sorry...Yes, having family that doesnt like your 'other' makes it harder- Ive been down that road too.
If you truly love her...you 2 need to get together and talk about the future. If she doesnt want one, then you know what to do. 5 years is a long time to just throw away. At least, take a shot and talk to her- see what she wants.
If she says she wants a future with you, start discussing living situations and then bring the kids in on it.

Im not sure whats going on otherwise in your relationship, but if shes stressing you out all the time, it wouldnt work out in the long run. Take a moment and write on a sheet of paper EVERYTHING you like/love about her...then do the opposite; everything you dont like/hate. If the good overcomes the bad, talk to her about the relationship. If bad triumps over good, the relationship wont work. You both deserve to be happy.

kickers

There's a saying "if you love someone despite of everything" You know nobody can give you happiness if you know you care for this lady as long your not hurting anybody or there's no third party,then go on. Your daughter will grow up and soon leave you,if you will give up it means you don't love her. Don't listen for what they say, you listen to your heart and ask what makes you happy. Don't waste the time you've been together because it's too hard to find someone will love you for what you are and give all the care. What's more you're looking for, fight for it.

CANDY

JUST TELL HER NO MORE, THEIR ARE LOTS OF BETTER CHICKS OUT THEIR AND JUST LEAVE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR LITTLE GIRL SPEND MORE TIME W/HER CUZ IF U RUN AROUND PLAYING GAMES UR LIL GIRL WILL MISS U, MY DAD WAS ALWAYS RUNNING AROUND W/LOTS OF WOMEN AND NEVER REALLY HAD ANY1 AND MOM ALWAYSED WORKED SO I NEVER SEEN HER, LIFE IS GETTING BETTER NOW BUT I HAD TO DO ALOT TO GET HERE I AM 20 AND DIDNT FINISH COLLEGE, AND HAD TO WORK 2 JOBS NOW I AM WORKING A GREAT JOB, BUT YOU DONT WANT HER TO HAVE TO LEAVE SO THEN U NOTICE HER.

Heaven's Messenger

I can best answer this question with a question, if you don't mind.

WHY WOULD YOU?

NyteWing

If you are asking this question then you already know what you want to do. So what's stopping you from doing it?

Also, your mom is always going to clash with some of your girlfriends. It's basically a hit or miss with mom.

You may find yourself madly in love with a woman that your mother will possibly dislike and that can't be helped. Prepare yourself though because you will feel like you are being pulled in different directions.

Anyhoo back to the current lady in your life. Just from what you have described, it's apparent that the two of you are not ready to move forward. If you were, you would have found a way to make your relationship work and grow.

Like I said, you already know what you want to do so, to coin a phrase; Just Do It.

Good luck

Remember everything happens for a reason

jen

If after 5 years nothing has changed and you are still in the same place. I think you have answered your question yourself! There's nothing to it, so why are you still there!?!? If neither one of you thinks enough of the other to try and do something differently to try and work it out, then why are you in the relationship still. And you can say that you live where you are for your children, but the truth is that if you really loved this woman, you would find a way to make it all work out! It just shows that noether of you want it enough.

Every minute that you are spending with this woman is time you are taking away from your daughter and from finding the woman who is worth it to you!

Good luck!

kyletexas_123

Well, it's interesting that you didn't mention you loved her. Perhaps you are just in the relationship because it's easier than dealing with upsetting her? If you don't intend to marry her, I don't really see any good reason to stay together.

Sola123

I have to be blunt, go look at yourself in your bathroom mirror. NOW.
Be honest; you already know the answer!
Seriously, you have got to know that.

Don't overly 'think' so much, your gut says it's over.

I think a happy healthy relationship doesn't have such negative energy and suffering just by being together.

If you really wanted it, you would have FOUND reasons to move closer, etc. I believe that you don't, so you are USING excuses not to move.

I think you are afraid to go out there and look for love again, and maybe you 'like' this person you're with.

'Like' doesn't make a relationship. Passion does. (mental, emotional, physical,etc)

Remember, you're NOT doing them any favors by staying with them when they might go out and find someone who makes them sooo happy, and same for you!
Why settle for so-so, whatever?

Go find happiness!

GreatDane

Gramma always says "put up or shut up".
Five years is a long time to remain stagnant. Just think, there might be some beautiful wonderful woman out there who wishes she could meet the right guy and who would love hanging with a six year old girl!
Or, get off the pot and instead of griping about your relationship, do something about it! Take dancing....go rollerblading.....do something unexpected and get out of the rut!

Engineer Guy

Stop taking your mother on your dates with you.

There shouled be nothing complicated or tricky if you and your 5 year MILF are able to do the wild thing once in awhile. Parents need love too.

Tanya

If anything do it for your daughter...end it that is. If you do not see it going anywhere now after 5 years...it just isn't there. Don't waste anymore time with this relationship...seems you put enough in as it is.

gypsy_cat 345

I guess I'd have to ask: how would you feel if you ended the relationship? Would you miss her desperately? Other than the distance, how do the two of you get along? You've been together (more or less) for five years; there must be SOMEthing there that you're not willing to give up.
If the biggest problem is the distance, then one of you is going to have to be willing to compromise. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that it be you. Young children adjust to their new surroundings better than older ones, and I'm guessing the 20 and 22-year olds are probably attending a local college.
Plus, a change of high school might be traumatic for the 16-year old.
You may just want to hold off on selling your house, though. Rent it out if your income dictates. If you move in with your GF and it doesn't work out, you can take up where you left off, but I do believe you owe it to yourself to give it your best shot.
Also I wonder if Mom has a legitimate reason for not liking your GF...?

Justlookin

Time to sit down and have a heart to heart with her about both your expectations and wishes for the future. If you can't find common ground then I would move on. Perhaps you two have become comfortable in the relationship, but haven't been putting enough thought into where it's leading......decide what you want, present it to her and see if it's workable.

Krista

If its not working out for you then get out of it. There is nothing wrong with being self sufficient

mony

Sometimes taking a break from things to figure them out is best, especially since you have a child.

Caveat Lector

Picture your ideal situation if this relationship were to end up exactly the way you would want it to. Best case scenario. Really put a lot of detail into it.

Now, being completely honest with yourself, ask yourself the following questions:
* What is the probability of this ideal situation ever happening?
* What sacrifices would I have to make in order to have that ideal?
* What sacrifices would she have to make?
* Are we both willing to make those sacrifices?
* What is in my daughter's best interests?
* What is in my best interests?
* What will make me happiest, and how can I achieve it?

Life-changing decisions are never easy, but you have your daughter's well-being to think of as well as your own. I certainly don't envy you for having to make such a tough call. Best of luck to you. I hope everything works out for the best.

marcia f

Your a married man living in a separate house. Well you might as well be married. You need to get out there and meet new women and date. This relationship is going no where and sounds a little boring. Put some spice in your life. Your not getting any younger. Your daughter can adjust to that. Better to do it now while she is still so young than to try and introduce a new woman into your life when your daughter is going through puberty. Daughters who have had their Daddy all to themselves for years don't like sharing them with another woman. It would be nice if your Mom could like a girlfriend of yours but I wouldn't count on her ever liking any woman you bring into your life. But, don't worry about your Mom. It's hard enough to find a Miss Right let alone finding one that your Mom likes.

Jess

End it. What's the point of putting yourself and your family through this? If you don't love her enough to marry her and move in together, then... it's pretty simple. You're wasting your time.

katydid

You're right to consider ending the relation for the sake of your daughter. She needs to see a good example of what a relationship should be like.
You've given it 5 years and it hasn't worked. It's time to move on.
Not that you asked, but you mom might be contributing to the situation. Don't let her get involved in your love life. It's YOURS!

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