Should I stay or should I move with hubby?

llexiann30

Thats a tough one. How long have you been married and do you have a 401k to fall back on? That would be something to help you out then if you couldnt get a job. If you dont have money to fall back on then I wouldnt move. You have to take care of yourself even though you are married. Even with married couples you need to have things in writing at times. GOod luck

Dr. Cain, Esq.

You are clearly the worst wife ever. Were you listening when the preacher man said 'til death do us part' are you dead? No? Then pack your freaking bags and get ready for some fun in the sun! Money is nothing in this life you greedy little 'lady'. Anyway. if worse comes to worse, you can always get a richer husband.

laa morenaaaaaaa

MARRIAGE IS NOT A BUSINESS. both, respect and love should be put infront of this matter. consider your options once you move.. may be you will be able to find a job with the career you have. and see how is the climate affecting him? but, if not, are you always going to make him feel that he ruined your life with this changes?
that's probably what he doesnt want to deal with

pictureshygirl

Check out the job options to where he wants to move. You cannot end your marriage because of a job. Being in any committed relationship takes risks of some degree. Don't let fear stop you from making changes in your life. Best of luck to you!

Dr.Jonfia

First of all, I love your name Tamara. It is almost like my first name. We Tamara's must stay close together in critical times like these! hmmm My answer to your question is this:
If you love him that much to move with him, and your job doesnt have that location to where he wants you both to move to, then move with him. What's a career when you are not happy dear! He wants to be the man and pay the bills, let him! You have a new life now when you got married. It is time to give up so independence or control you had when you was single, and had no one to answer to. As long as he isnt abusing you, and controling your whereabouts, i say go for it! You are educated, had a career before, and if things dont work in the marriage, then you cut your loss, and start over. You live only once dear, always remember that.

Flying w/ scissors

How much do you love your husband??? A wife's place is with her husband!!! If you have a high paying career where you are now why wouldn't you be able to do it someplace else. Part of living life to it's fullest is packing up your things and exploring the world. It's ok to move some place else and finding a career that pays a little less if you love the place your moving to. And you said warmer climate which means choices to explore. If his job is a good paying job that gives you the freedom of finding a place for you to find something full feeling and meaningful... If you don't take the chance you will always wonder >>> what if? When your married nothing should be in writing for your protection, it's a chance your taking... Trust you husband and be happy!!!

mediahoney

I would check out the local employment security office in the new area to get a feel for the mployment situation. I'd also actively look for a job. That may help you make a decision.

The other side of the argument: if you don't go with your husband you marriage is essentially over. It is difficult, at best, to maintain a marriage without the stress of distance.

Katie

What happened to compromise and committment? Sounds like you're lacking in both areas.

My wife would never say "Go ahead, leave," if I told her I wanted to move. On the contrary, I would never say to her, "Move to a warmer climate with me or we're over."

Sounds like there is much more to this.

ashlynmadelynmommy

I've was in a similar situation over a year ago. My husband wanted me to move far away from my family and the place I was raised. There were many reasons to go and many to stay. I just couldn't decide what to do. I don't know where you stand spiritually. However, the deciding factor in my situation was someone reminded me that the Bible says to separate yourself from your family and cleave to your husband. He is responsible for being the head of your household and making the best decisions for you. I simply prayed that God saw my openness and willingness to follow him and, therefore, bless our move. Since, I have never seen my family so happy and can't imagine my life had I not followed him. Good luck.

magerious

Ultimatums are symptomatic of a failing relationship.

Also, whatever your high-paying career is, there should be a place for you to pursue it in your new home. Relocating nearer to metro areas gives you the best shot at new jobs within your career level.

As for protection in writing? That is a bad bad sign as well, you should trust your husband, if he has earned your trust through his actions as a husband, lover and a person. If this trust is not there you need to talk about your relationship as a couple. Especially if you are this scared to change your life to be with your husband.

Good luck.

josh

if u trust him,with the bottom of ur heart,then go on.

flyfish_777

The bigger question here is why you two can't communicate.

Marriage is about trust.....

mshavik

I think it is very selfish of your husband to give you such an ultimatum. I fully believe a wife should support her husband in all apects but he should care enough about you to be willing to discuss and compromise before telling you all or none. He should realize you have concerns about the move including your career and possible unemployment. If he is willing to end your marriage just because you won't move then maybe he doesn't care as much about your marriage as he should. I would question why the need for such a move. What is the incentive for ending your career and uprooting your life TOGETHER just for warmer weather. Try to discuss these pointers with him. Good luck to you.

DJRULO_07

SEEMS TO ME HE'S THREATENING YOU TO PRESSURE YOU TO MOVE IN...( AWAY TO CONTROL YOU) SO I WOULD SAY THAT IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH GUTS THEN MOVE IN WITH YOU "HUBBY" BUT ALWAYS HAVE A BACK-UP PLAN FOR EXAMPLE..LOOK FOR A JOB, OR TAKE SOME OF YOUR MONEY WITH YOU! AND DONT SPEND IT!!!...HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU
!

hermit

All relationships, on all levels, come down to just one thing, Tamera -- trust. You worry about your future, but what about your present? What would you say is more important? Who do you trust?

foodieNY

There has to be compromise, I don't believe in blind faith, which is what he is expecting. It love honor and respect, both ways. It's no longer obey. Your stating career instead of job means it's an important part of your life and he needs to respect that by allowing you time to think and explore all of your avenues. If he's issuing ultimatums, either move or divorce, I'd have to pick the divorce because theres alot more there than just the issue of employment, it's an issue of absolute control. If he can throw around the divorce card so casually, call him on it and go from there. Go with your gut on this one, if it's telling you to stay, then stay.

KxFx

did ya forget what marriage is all about .. ya a team its not all about "u" anymore ... why would u even think this way -- really?? do you love him or not?? for better or worse - did ya skip over that part - or skip to death do we part .. goodness .. is there a reason why he wants to move to a warmer climate ?? how do ya know ya wont get the same pay .. maybe u wont but cost of living is cheaper anyway .. death - ever hear of life insurance - invest in that .. put urself in his shoes .. what if it was u girl who wanted to move?? are u really being fair about all this .. listen .. fairness aside .. worried about future here .. go get this book .. not long at all .. smart women finish rich .. save girl - it dont matter how much ya make ..

good luck ..

To The Point

Cant you start your own career in a warmer climate? And if he thinks you should your marriage because you wont move then there is something else going on..

joan_tipton

life has no garentees as to what will happen in the future .the time to make such a stand was before you both got married and if their was no premarrage agreement then you and he will get half of everything should your marrage break up anyway and their is no reason why you can not get the same type of job in the new area that you move to is their why don't you make some enquiereis

y-u-left-me-alone

if he is a good guy then move with him

presleygirl

Ephesians 5:22, wives submit to your husbands. its also in Colossians 3:18 about wives submiting to their husbands, if you don't put God first, you're on your own. You belong with your husband, you do not let a marriage end because of a job.

Gable

you should move with your husband,if you love your husband you should be with him .trust your spouse,money is not everything.to have love means more ,don,t get me wrong you have to have money to live you can,t live on love along.GOOD LUCK

April

You didn't say if your marriage was solid, that you loved him that you could get an equally well paying job in another state, that you had severe financial obligations, yayayayay.... in this case, not enough information....

hollybear

What makes him in charge? I think he should take into consideration your wants and desires as well. It's not fair of him to ask so much of you.

jrgannapolis

there are obviously some problems in the marriage. If you think it really isn't going to work out in the long run, stay and take care of yourself.

juda75

Go with your husband...if you love and trust him and are committed to him til death do you part why not take this adventure with him?

happygirl

The way you word it, it sounds like there are problems in your relationship. I'd settle that first if I could.

Otherwise, there is nothing saying you can't just stay where you are. If you miss him when he leaves, you can make that decision then.

damarys26

you have to protect your self you never know what is going to happen.

chickey_soup

I'm with you. I just actually read an article about how a lot of stay-at-homes are getting screwed in divorce. It basically said to absolutely do it if you want but make sure you have your own money and own retirement plan.

Personally he sounds selfish and only looking out for himself. Approach it from the point of-if he dies or goes missing (thereby removing the trust issue), you would be in trouble.

Or tell him you will go AFTER you find a job down there.

Or tell him to take a hike (which is what I would do).

If he won't stay for you then it is ridiculous to expect you to give up everything for him. Marriage is about compromise not ultimatums. And as lovely as the idea of marriage and love is, divorce happens and many times the wife get's the raw end of the deal. It isn't an either or. You should be able to be happily married AND be secure in your future.

I love how so many in here are coming down on you when your husband issued the demands and ultimatums.

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