Should I stay with my husband who has cheated on me??

two

Not that cheating should ever be condoned - and not that he couldn't have kept himself from cheating, but there is so much more at stake here other than "once a cheater always a cheater." You have a relationship and two kids to consider. Any step --- ANY step --- you take from here on out is going to impact EVERYBODY'S life. Things have changed, permanently, and you now have to set a new - and better - course for everything. It may be with him; it may be without him. You don't know just yet.

This kind of situation takes serious introspection, effort and dedication. More than the two of you have had for your relationship in the past. Work, work, work. You two do need to go to counseling, both together and separately. You need to go as a couple to understand what happened and why - and it's not just as simple as "he was an a**hole." The two of you need to figure out what the TWO of you are going to do to rebuild your relationship. You need to go to counseling by yourself in order to learn how to expel the pain and hurt --- you are going to be able to express it to him, but you also need to be validated enough to the point that you will be able to let it go. He needs to go to counseling in order to determine, for himself, why he did what he did and if he really can re-dedicate hmself to the marriage and if he really can be trusted not to betray it again.

Without this kind of work your pain will continue --- generally, men think that once you have talked it out ONCE, there is no need to talk about it again. ("Hey, I SAID I was sorry - what else do you want me to say?") They don't understand that a woman needs to talk it out over and over until it is out of their system. On the flip side of that is that women tend to expect concrete answers for "'what happened". When they ask "why did you do this" they really expect to get a logical answer and there just isn't one. So the couple has to hit a balance between her need to talk and talk and talk it out and his preference for "letting bygones by bygones."

Go to counseling, kiddo - then you won't be the one directing the process - you will be participating in it.

Lilybell

Get counseling and have someone u both can talk the problems over with. If he won't go go yourself. You have to do what is best for you and your children.

teala31

Boot him to the curb, darlin' men at a dim a dozen, and you don't need a cheater.

Tragic Remedy

LEAVE and take your kids with you ASAP, you can do better.

Diva319

If he cheated on you and you can't let it go, then maybe you should let him go. You are never going to be able to get past what he did. You will never be able to trust him again. Without trust their is no relationship. Stay strong and follow your heart.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

sxysmooth

To be honest if love still there you should stay. Thing to remember is that you can forgive but never forget. Very important that talk a lot to one another and talk it through. Kids nowadays do not have fathers. Remember a man can mess up but it up to man to become a man and know what he did wrong and make life better for you and kids. Try and work on trust with him.

ItsNotEyeRaq

But everybody is cheating. It's so common nowadays. Just stay with him and find yourself a boyfriend.

jonnygaijin

NO - dump the loser

Its..mee again

stay with him untill unlless u did not cheat him

Rae

You should both go through counseling. If he treats you right other than the cheating then you should stay with him unless he cheats again. If he treats you bad then you owe it to yourself and your children to seperate. He is human and made a mistake, but does he seem sincere about changing? Or does he just seem like "whoops I got caught". If you figure that out, then you have your answer.

Mario PC

it's simple !

will he do it again ?

Tex2027

Once a cheater, always a cheater. That's my opinion. I say either dump him or have an affair yourself, and tell him about. 2 wrongs don't make a right, but 1 wrong needs to punished severely.

Silly chick

Talk to him again, and again, and again and again until you feel all better. It will be good for him too so he can keep himself on track. No doubt he developed feelings for someone else and has to get over her. Being reminded of your pain and what he has put you through will help things.

If he won't talk to you, then try seperation.

I think that you should give him another chance but you be in control some.

mempto

You should make him suffer through a really really long guilt trip and make him cry if possible. Then get a divorce and take everything he has.

maslyn_jl

I always go by the theory, Once a cheater always a cheater!
I think you should leave him and try to move on with your life.

timestamps

NO, not ever
get over him, move on
start new

GOOD BYE!

boo

you both need counseling otherwise it won't work.

Mongo

Nope, he did it once he'll do it again. That's my experience with cheaters

gapeach

I know it would be easy for me to say, "leave." But it's a lot more complicated than that. Speaking from experience, there is a lot of things that I think a woman must put up with if she's married. That was part of the deal. But cheating is not one of them. It's nothing that you're doing wrong. The only reason it would seem feasible to stay with this man is because of your children. But it's all up to you. How much sh!t are you willing to put up with. Good luck.

OklahomaSweetie

Well i know you have a lot of answers to sort through but i just thought i would throw in my 2 cents worth. I went though and am still going through a very similar situation.
Just after Thnxgiving last year i found out my husband was cheating. He packed his stuff and left ( i always said i wouldn't stay with someone that cheated on me). That night after work he came back begging and i allowed him to come back. As long as he promised to tell me the absolute truth about everything that happened and about everything in the future.
I am just now realizing what a huge mistake i made. (we have 3 kids) Recently i found out that he lied about what did and didn't happen. And he still lies on a daily basis.
My point is it is hard for someone else to tell you what to do, beause only you know what it is like to be in your relationship. Can you trust him? Can you forgive?
You need to know the answers to these questions because if you can't move on then you end up bitter and hating him (trust me i know). And you kids do not benefit. Yes kids need their parents but they also need role models, they need to see how a relationship should work, not a manual on how to treat a woman (or man) like a doormat. Ok i will stop now.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

Jersey Boy

Talking it out once won't do it. You need to have family counseling if you still love him or divorce him now. There are deeper issues as to why your husband cheated and therapy will draw these things out. You have been betrayed in the marriage and it will take a lot of time and effort to trust this man again.

Good luck and I am sorry you have gone through this.

brainiac

My wife did the same thing to me a few years ago. Sometimes mistakes happen and people are selfish and stupid. It still hurts after 15 years, and you don't forget. You have to choose to stay and try to work it out for yourself and/or your kids sake. If you can't let go, then move on. Just keep it civil for the kids sake. It happens. I stayed, but only for the kids. I will be leaving soon myself. There were other things that have contributed, but that was the major "Loss of Trust" incident. You can't get it back...

mimismom

If you can't forget it won't work and you will start to have negative feelings for him, if you know you can't let it go then you need to move on.

sternkings

All blokes are the same

GRUMPY1LUVS2EAT

I really just want to say "Good Luck" and "God Bless"! You have a rough obstacle to overcome. It's not easy for you to make a decision that impacts more than your self. You cannot be sure that you will make the best decision, but you will make the one that you can live with!

ladyren

You have to ask yourself at this point:
1. Are you better off with him or without him, and that means a long look at economics at this point.
2. You can remain in the household, and finish raising your children, and have nothing to do with him if the whole idea of intimacy turns your stomach.
3. Your third choice is to see counseling -- both of you, and see if you can again feel that you could ever trust the guy again. A tad costly, but after all it IS your marriage, and it may be worth saving. At this point, it is surly broken, at least as far as you are concerned.....
4. Or if counseling comes to nothing, and you just can't stand the sight of the guy, even after guidance, bail.

Only you can decide the correct move. Lots of marriages have been healed, in others the betrayal is just tooo great, and you'd rather sleep in a tent somewhere..... Good luck. It is a mess not of your making, but you get to choose.

heidielizabeth69

First of all everyone deserves a second chance. You obviously have given him that since you two are still together. Now you need to get over it or move on. Good luck. And for all the other answers... people DO change.

sajid_icfai

Why do you think he cheated on you, is he not getting enough attention from you, love cannot just vanish, what has vanished is romance, give him a chance and be a little more romantic, dress up well, keep yourself fit, men like it believe me.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: