Should I tell my ex when our baby is born? or just let it be?

SexRexRx

You've answered your own question amply! Why on earth would you want to be connected to this loser? Why would you want him to even know he has fathered a child he clearly doesn't want? Have some dignity, pride and self-love. Straighten out your priorities and look for someone better for you and your child!

Momof3

I wouldn't tell him especially if he just walked out on you...you and your baby will be fine..I am a single mom with 2 wonderful kids and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Michaela S

As long as you have a great job & have enough $$ to make it don't bother with him. If he left he'd probably be releuctant to pay anyway & with a baby to raise you don't need any more drama. :) As for his family. If you were particularly close to any of them such as his parents they might want to know, but then again if they won't be able to see the little one it may be best just left alone.

the kidd

i would not totally rule out the child support. just because he is an *** shouldn't absolve him of any responsibility.

death upon you

let it be. move on, don't tell anyone of them. you will be fine on your own.

jcz1212

let it go and move on for your own good and for the good of your child. find someone who really loves you and he will accept the baby as well. For now just stay positive and you'll be fine

mrsdebra1966

Well, you can get him to sign away parental rights & adopt out the baby, if you like. Or, make him pay child support by filing court papers. Your choice!

seeitmiway32

You have a right to be angry, but you DO NOT have a right to deny your child any opportunity that may come for him/her to know her/his father. Do NOT do that, unless it proves to be very harmful ( in expert opinion, not yours) to the child. I say not yours, because you are already biased against him and cannot make a fair judgment.
The child is ENTITLED to whatever support can be gotten from the father. Get it!
Remember, that the two of you made this child TOGETHER, so you must NOT poison the child's mind, when her existence is 50% your doing!
Yes, get word to him when you go for delivery. He has a right to know.
I was walked out on, did not know when my child was born, and did not see him until he was 6 months old, and then not again for three years. He's messed up, and hates me. Your child does not deserve to live with YOUR hate instilled in it's mind. That's cruelty, BIG time!
Talk to your therapist about this; you need a second opinion!

Ashley D

this is a tough choice. courts can force him to pay child support, but thats a choice you have to make. id let him know simply so it doesnt turn into an issue later. i have a coworker who was in a similar situation to yours, like, seriously, she could have been typing this question. she didnt tell him but suddenly when the kid was like a year old he turned it around on her and made it seem like she wasnt letting him see this kid at all, and tried to paint her as a bad mother. it was horrible, especially since we knew she was a fantastic mother, and if he wanted to he could have seen this kid whenever he wanted. she didnt tell him becuase she didnt want to deal with the courts and it ended up turing into an even bigger mess because she didnt tell him.

specialforcesmom

You just think about yourself and the precious bundle of yours. I'm thinking that he doesn't deserve to know the miracle that you have. I wouldn't have anything to do with a man who deserted me when I was 6 1/2 months pregnant with his child. I'm betting he probably has more than one, if the truth be known. You pull yourself up, face life headon, and you will be richly blessed in your life by a wonderful man who loves you and your baby. I know it can happen--it happened to me and now I have the most wonderful man in the world for a husband. Where my oldest son's father is is not important. He is just the father, but my husband, he is the daddy. Believe me, there is a difference. God Bless you and kiss that precious bundle of joy for me. Good luck. Lori

beanodom

Ok... i know exactly how u feel. You should tell him when the baby is born he has a right to know. He also has an obligation to help take care of this baby. (I went for 10 years with no child support and all of a sudden i received $15,000 He was injured at work and sued his employer and i got his money.) Don't deny the child of his rights.... he has the right to know his fathers family as well as yours. I know its hard but your baby will think more of you when hes grown.

jaded

he has a shady past? and your last comment is you wonder if it would be bad if he 'did this' to someone else????

who the ###### cares!!!! get a lawyer, file for child support, write his shady family a letter informing them of the impending birth of their !!! family member, and, for ### sake, take responsibility for this mess that YOU have made.

"he" messed you up bad??? sister, YOU got knocked up! and you think you can do this alone? you are all over the place with your story, and no good can come of this.

i hope it all goes well with you, but i feel very sorry for you.

westfield47130

Facts are facts.....

He has the right to know (even if he isn't receptive)

He has the obligation to care for the child (financially even if he doesn't want to be involved personally)

As far as support is concerned....they will pull it directly out of his paycheck if he doesn't meet his obligation. There is no reason that you should absorb all the financial demands of raising a child. But I do respect your willingnes to do so.

Yes let his family know. They have the right to a relationship with a grandchild even if he doesn't want one. And they should also know how big of a waste their kid is as a person.

lilacdelight

DO NOT TELL HIM!! Trust me, my child's father is the same way and I regret telling him our daughter was born after he wanted me to have an abortion. He is determined not to pay child support. He even went so far as to call child social services with bogus charges so he could get custody (he can't afford support so he figured it'll be easier to take my child rather than pay). The charges where proven false but they take the child first (for protection) and ask questions later. Now we have 50/50 custody and I can't afford to go to court to continue with the original order where they were figuring out how much support I was going to get and I had custody. Now I have to live with the heartache of not seeing my daughter for days at a time. From the way you described your ex, it seems like he would be manipulative and try to get even with you. Especially if you're saying you're seeing a therapist already. Trust me it could get a lot worse if he feels forced into sticking around or being involved. But if he doesn't pay support and you were never married he doesn't have any rights where the child is concernced and cannot hurt you anymore unless he files papers to get a blood test and ASKS for all the responsibility. Also, by keeping him away from the child you are protecting the child and all the crap that the child will go through. Just imagine what you are feeling and then imagine your child feeling the same way because of the father and his actions. Imagine your child crying in your arms and screaming that he/she doesn't want to leave you but you can't do anything about it. Or even imagine it the other way, with your child waiting for "daddy" so they can go to the zoo and he never shows up... again. You would regret letting the father back into your life but by then it will be too late. It will be hard to do it on your own but it will be soooo much more difficult to let such a shady person into your life and destroy you and your child.

cesselove

I wouldn't tell him because it'll start a roller coaster of emotions. Just focus on your babys well being because obviously he only cares about himself. You don't need him obviously, you've made it this far. He's the one missing out.

deehutchison@ameritech.net

I was in a similiar situation with my daughter. Somewhat different. The father and I split up when I was 2 months pregnant because he didn't want to grow up and face reality or responsibility. I tried to get his social security number from him (for future child support issues). This was not an option since he denied that it was his child. He fled the state for criminal reasons. When my daughter was born I denied him of his father rights and left his name off of the birth certicate. My daughter is 18 now, and life sure has been hard raising her alone. She hates the fact that her dad is no where to be found. On the other hand I protected her. Life may have not been so bad after all with him out of the picture. With my final thought HE DENIED HER. She deserves much better. I believe I made the right decision, of course we never really know.

fuzzykitty

You are very capable of taking care of yourself , and your child. If he was a caring person, it would be a different matter. give the child your name and don't put yourself through all the stress. If he really cared he'd come around. It's his loss. let it go.

mmmdonuts

I think your life would be alot more peaceful if you don't tell him. He already knows you are having his baby so if he wanted to know when you give birth he would have told you. I am sorry about your situation but you need to think about you and the baby. I know it is hard but when the baby comes you will be too busy to think about what his stupid *** is doing. Enjoy your baby and your life. God Bless...:)

So you were abandoned and he was not given his right as a female has and that is to abort or keep the baby.

Regardless of your opinion of him, it is for your child that the father knows.

lee

i know just how you feel
but you need to tell him when its born because later on he will turn around and take ya to court and then it is harder on little kids i know this as a fact due to the fact that i have been through it just recently and and daughter is very confused frustrated and angry
so please do tell him because then he cant turn it round on you and turn your son against you
good luck

garciajennifer@att.net

Honestly, if I were you, I would disappear. I wouldn't want him to know where I lived or worked. You don't need his sorry *** changing his mind and deciding he wants visitation. Do you really want to have to pack up your child and send him or her to a person that might as well be a stranger? He messed up bad, and I don't think you should put your child's well-being at risk to give him a chance to redeem himself. It's not worth the child support or the headache it'll take to get it either, especially if you are independant and don't have to have the help.

akitamommy2

He walked out on his unborn childs life already....he sounds like a loser and maybe did you a favor walking out. If you can afford to raise the child on your own with the help of a good support system (family and friends), I would go that route. He knew you were pregnant and walked out on you, do you think telling him that the baby is born is going to stop him from lying, be abusive, and unselfish?...he showed how selfish he is a what a cad he is when he walked out. He doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of a child. He sounds like the wrong man for you.....no man is better than the wrong man.

Tiffany R

There is nothing you can do about him but he obviously doesnt care so i would let him go and not tell him if he was at all interested he woulda at least stayed in touch..and i wouldnt go after him for c/s bcuz when you do that he will always be in your life and why would you want to deal with a man(shouldnt call him that because real men take care of their babies) like that it is totally not worth your time You DON NOT want to be attched to him like that besides if you do go for c/s he may use that as an excuseto see the baby when really he doesnt care at all and you wont know if the baby is being cared for properly i would let him go and be a great mom the baby will be better off without a lousy father

Brent

What a lousy deal. He obviously doesn't deserve you. If I were you I would consult a lawyer. Even if you don't want him in your life (completely understandable) he may eventually come back and ask to see his child. Depending on the laws in your state he probably has some rights to do so. And it could be in 10-20 years your child would like to know his/her father. In a worst case scenario your child may need to know some medical information based on the father. But please consult a lawyer so that you give yourself the best chance of a life without your ex messing things up. Good luck and God bless.

joellemoe

I agree that you should pretty much just let it be, if you are ok on your own...but if you feel unsettled by not contacting him then may I suggest sending a newborn photo and birth announcement to him and his family...?

It doesn't take a whole lot on your part (emotionally) to just send it...and be done with it...who knows? a picture of a real baby might inspire him to grow up....if it doesn't, there is no love lost...

I mean, in the end you were together for 2 years! I mean, what was he waiting for to get serious a sign from GOD? If a baby isn't it then I don't know what is....and aside from that, you are 34 and if he is anywhere near your age he can't cop to the "not ready" excuse and be taken seriously...he's just a self-centered child...and you are much better off without someone who is so self-interested--even if he did change his mind, he has already shown his true colors....count your blessings that he didn't decide to stick around to compete with your infant for your affections...

Best wishes to you and your baby...you will be just fine, you sound like you have your head on straight.

JadeyOz

Yes he is going to do this to someone else so teach him a harsh lesson that when you make kids you have financial responsibilities might not stop him knocking someone else up but why should your child suffer not having some sort of financial support from him?.

Trust me your going to want and need that money and if the table's were turned and he some how got custody of the child you can bet your lil tush he'd force you to pay so dont feel bad about forcing him to pay.

Dont tell his family , they already know , he would have told them you were pregnant when he left and they being his family are on his side you dont need the emotional abuse they'll throw at you neither does your child.You said you have a large friendship base thats good use them as much as you can for your emotional support.

being a parent is a hard job you dont need it made by worse by this toad or his family, good luck.

cris

Right now you may think that since he walked out on you and the baby that he gave up all right to know when the child is born. I truth is he has every right to know. When your child gets older he'll want to know his dad. Trust me on this. We just went through the same situation with my neice about a year ago. Even if you can not get in touch with him, make an attempt (very tiny) to contact someone in his family who might tell him for you. If you think he might cause you some sort of trouble,or harm you or the baby, talk to a lawyer about limiting any visitation he gets. If it gets that far. Chances are even if you put him on child support he wont pay it. But you owe it to your child to get him all the financial support that you can. If he is a bum, maybe he'll do the right thing and stay away. That way it comes back on him and not you. When your child gets older and wants to know why he never had a relationship with his "father" then it will be on him to explain how he took the coward way out. I'll say a prayer for you and your baby. Good luck and God Bless

sandy

IM GOING THRU THE SAMWE THING IM 7MOS PREG AND GOING TO COURT FOR RESTR ORDER AGAINST MY EX I WAS WITH 10 YRS ON N OFF AND HE GOT RESTR ORDER ON ME TOO. ASOON AS HE FOUND OUT I WAS PREGO HE LEFT WITH ANOTHER GIRL WHICH NOW I KNOW HES BEEN WITH FOR 3 YRS SO HE WAS CHEATING! AT COURT HE MENTIONED THAT MY UNBORN CHILD ISNT HIS AND WANTS DNA AND IM GLADLY WILLING TO DO SO. HIS NEW GIRL IS PSYCHO THO SHE HAS THREATEN ME N SAYS WISHES MY UNBORN BABY DIES! IMAGINE IF SHE WISHES FOR THAT NOW WHAT WILL SHE DO IF HE EVER TAKES MY SON ON WEEKENDS AND SHES THERE?! IT SCARES ME! BUT IF I TELL THAT TO JUDGE THEY WONT BELIEVE ME!! ITS HARD TO GET THRU COURT! IT WAS HARD JUST GETIN A RESTRAINT ORDER ON HIM! I WANT HIM TO KNOW IT IS HIS SO HE CAN LOOK STUPID BUT THEN I DONT WANT HIM TO BE PART OF MY KID JUST CUS DA CRAZY GIRLFRIEND! ANYWAY YES GET CH SUPPORT CUS AFTER ALL HES THEFATHER AND HES RESPONSIBLE! HE DONT NEED TO HAVE RIGHTS JUST CAUSE HE PAYS! IF JUDGE ORDERS! BUT NEVER HIDE KID FROM FATHER CUS WHEN HE GROWS UP WILL BLAME U! THATS WHAT I DID TO MY MOM! SHESAID SHE KEPTMY DAD FROM ME TO KEEP ME SAFE AND OUT OF DANGER BUT IFELT I NEEDED MY DAD AND WHY KEEP HIM FROM ME?! HE HARMED U NOT ME! :( SO YEA....GD LUK CHIC WE ALL GO THRU SH--- BUT GOD IS GREAT!

bconve

I am going through almost the exact samething, except the father of my child thinks he should be apart of it life. He walked out on me for another woman at 3mths pregnant. This was also a planned pregnancey and thought we would be a family. Guess not. I do believe you should file child support, men like the ones we chose shouldn't get away with doing the things they do. They are selfish and only want what works for them at the time. I am filing for child support and full sole custody with maybe visitation on my terms. The father of my child also has a shady past and if he goes back to that i will never be able to trust him with my child. He also has different women in and out of his life and no child of mine is going to be raised by multiple women. Hope this helps and dont feel bad your not the only one out there in this kind of crappy situation

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