Should I tell my parents I'm engaged?

Mary

I am 20 and my parents are the same way. When I told my mom my 24 year old fiance had proposed, she said "good luck with that" and hung up the phone. He and I have been dating for a long time now...I am a junior in college and he is working on his PhD...yet my parents are STILL hesitant about me getting married. It is stressful to plan a wedding without your parents' support. My mom wouldn't answer any of my phone calls or emails for about 2 weeks after she found out, and when she did answer me her first statement was "what is everyone going to think? only rednecks get married that young". I guess my point is, if you are afraid that they will overreact, they probably will. I was terrified to tell my parents, but I am happy that I finally did because even though they are being extremely hurtful now, at least our relaitonship is out in the open. I am not going to tell you that you are too young...people say that to me all the time and it makes me insane...if you feel you are ready to get married, then it is your decision. Good luck!

blueeyd_princess

If you feel you are really going to get married then yes you need to tell them. However at such a young age their is always a chance (a pretty large chance) nothing will come from the engagement so it will not hurt to wait until you set a date for the wedding.

marriage is for adults.
your question screams 'child'.
you're a child.

stupendous

No wait until you move out, and see if they miss you or not.

Seriously, I think the sooner you tell them the better. Not that you will, but I would add that you should listen long and hard to what they tell you in response.

You might think at 17 you have life figured out, but with so many other young married and then divorced people, you really don't.

kitkat

If you are mature enough to get married then you should be mature enough to tell your folks, if not then you are not ready for marriage

Randi

Honestly, its your choice whether you tell your parents or not, but either way they are gonna find out, and when they do they will probably be mad at you for not telling them. All i can say is don't get married without them there because they will be mad at you for like the rest of your life.

daisy322_98

If you cannot tell your parents then you are not ready to be married. If you are ready to marry this man then you will have no problem. I am not trying to insult you for getting engaged young. My husband and I met at 17 and became married at 19 years old. We have been married for 11 amazing years. Some people who marry young can have a lifetime of happiness together. It is not what age that you marry at it is do you have the maturity to handle a life long commitment and the ability to get through the rough times. It is worth it if you both are truly made for each other.

Randy P

sure, i'm in the playpen with mildred

Ariel B

You are your own person. Good luck with telling your parents, just take whatever they have to say in stride and with an open mind. They are not trying to control you just trying to protect you. I'm sure no one can change your mind. People grow and change over time and hopefully you two will grow together and will not let life's changes tear you down.

Anamaria

Tell them but my advice is not to marry yet.....wait until you will be at least 20 ....

Cliff C

The only thing I can offer is a request for you. A few years back the Catholic Church offered a pre-marriage Program. This was not religious teaching but a serious counseling for the couple both together and individually and a few questionnaires. The focus was not to tell you no, but to help find the strong points and the potential problems the couple could encounter. Other churches may have similar but I don't know. Please look into this and give it some thought.

My wife and I first met when we were 13, started dating in high school, and married shortly after. That was 3 daughters and 10 grandchildren ago and we are still married. Let me tell you, there were plenty of hard spots and hard times. We are very lucky to have made it. That being said, I can also say there would have been better decisions made, fewer tears, fewer hard spots had we waited a while. Also, this is a far different world than the one we grew up in. In today's world it is just too easy to quit and walk. Marriage is a really special condition and I urge you please really take the time to think it out. Take the time to be sure, and as my Mother told me Marry someone because you want to be with them not because you feel you can't live without them.

Whatever your decision, I wish you the best and hope your marriage is as great and wonderful as mine

kenneth h

at 17 you do not know what happiness is. todays happiness could be tomorrow's tragedy !

You are drowning in your hormones. You are "drunk" with it. You do not know what you are doing! A moth rushes to the open fire, for its beauty and brightness, only perish in it later.

Your parents know a lot more than you. If they say no, most probably, they are right.

KiKi

KitKat took the words right off my Keyboard..LOL you are too young. It's all fun and games until real life kicks in. Marriage at your age or any age is no walk in the park once the bills and reality kicks in you will see. SO go aheah and get married So you can learn a lesson about LIFE.

just a girl

If you are mature enough to get married than you should be mature enough to tell your parents. It is completely immature to do that behind parents back, then you are not an adult, you are a kid afraid of your parents. You have to tell them.

SLiM

Tell you what, where i live marriage for boys is allowed after 21 years of age. But it's great that you actually took the step forward where many chicken out. Good work. Now about telling your parents, whatever they say, they will say because they care about you. Remember, no one in the world cares more about you than your parents, may be your spouse, but you should always share everything with your parents.

No parents tell their children they are ugly. Ask your mother whether you are ugly, you'll know how parents think. They'll call you stupid, and they will be angry, but hey, they are your parents, they are the one's who would be grandparents, and it's also their responsibility to get you married, and not telling them about your engagement is a crime, i'd rather say.

Just go to them, have a quite talk, tell them "I'm going to tell you something you might not like or might like, would be shocked to hear or love to hug me, might get mad or dis-like me, but try to appreciate what i've done." then tell them. Trust me, in the end, you'll be a lot happier than you are now.

After all, they are your parents, the most treasured thing on the planet!

*Edit - Don't behave as if you committed a mistake by getting engaged. If you think you did the right thing, tell them, but if there is the slightest possibility that you think you did h wrong thing, it's better to break of first then go to your parents. No doubt parents would honour whatever you decide, but first of all you have to be damn sure about everything, because they would be asking a lot of stuff which even grown ups hate to take up.
Just go and tell them, everything, nice and clear.
Good Luck, you are not the first one who is afraid to tell your parents about what you did ;)

Ocimom

Yes you should. But IMO if you are afraid of telling them, then deep down inside you know its not wise at this point in time. If you really were that confident in marriage in a few years, then you would have no problems telling your parents.

They have the right to know what you are planning and just be prepared to sit and listen to WISE counsel even tho its not what you really want to hear.

At your age, if you came to me, I would tell you why its not a good idea to be thinking marriage at this time in your life. When you are 18 its your choice to do what you want - until then you really are a "child" and under your parents guidance.

I would strongly encourage you and your fiance' to go thru a pre-marital course/counseling before you make any more plans for your future.

Aria

It's not about age, but if you're getting married any time soon, you have to be able to tell your parents and deal with the consequences. I dated my husband for seven years throughout my mid to late-20s. Though, we talked seriously about getting married and knew we were going to do it, I also knew my parents wouldn't approve until I was done with school so we held off on making the engagement official. If you want to get engaged at a point where your parents will disapprove, that's perfectly fine, but you can't get married behind their back. They will find out, and it will cause more problems down the line.

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