Should I tell my physically & mentally abusive husband I'm getting a check for $6,000?

connieak76

take it and get as far away from him as you can, take it all!
find a nice place to live and divorce him, take your son with you

Wildflower

Pick up the check, go to the courthouse get a restraining order, use the check as downpayment on a good atty, a new apartment and utilities.. Is this really what you want your 3 year old to grow up seeing? What about when he kills you.. who will take care of your baby? Leave tomorrow.

The average divorce attorney retainer, in my area anyway, is about $5,000. You'd still have $1K left over and possibly a longer lifespan.

Engaged to the Army

Hide the money. Is there any way u can hid it without him seeing it? Don't deposit the check. That's how he can find out..keep it in a safe place, a best friends house or something..someone that u trust. And hopefully, if u r ready to flee fromt this relationship, u go out and deposit the money and quickly get it in cash so no accounts r frozen and u cannot get to ur money. this is how u can get a separate account. u need money to open an account. take some of that money, open your own account, and then put the rest of ur money in it as soon as u open it! But whatever u do, do not deposit that check right away if he has track of the account. U deposit it when u r away for good, then open your own. I wish u the best..hopefully it will work out..and take your son with u!

spaznskitz

I'm sitting here wondering why this is even an issue - if he has seriously beaten you up as you say he has, he should be in jail for domestic violence & you should be divorced.

Guess you just are looking forward to your 7th beating...

Jesus christ woman, of course you don't tell him- you use it to get your own place, and a good lawyer for your divorce. You don't buy a damn house with him.

jrd

I think I'd keep the money hid if he doesn't know about it - that can be your way out of the abusive situation!

jon

How do you plan on hiding it from him? You could get a divorce and use that money to start a new life.

((â™«â™¥â™ªâ™«â™¥â™ªâ™« Shivers â™«â™¥â™ªâ™«â™¥â™ª))

All I have to say is DUH! ...Do you really need us to tell you HELL NO! DON'T TELL HIM! You're gonna need the money to make a break from this loser. And by the way, what is wrong with you that you're willing to put up with this crap and still wonder if you should give him your money? It's not gonna get any better anytime soon, so start planning your exit strategy girl!

Edit: After you added the additional info, I'll change my advice...LEAVE TONIGHT or as soon as safely possible (when he is out of the house, at work, etc.). Even if it means you have to go stay with family or at a hostel, it's better than fearing for your life. And btw, call the cops ahead of time and file a report. Tell them what you know! This is nuts.

get right

LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!! You don't need him move on you're independent and you need to get out of there.

Always Sleepy

I think you should use that money to get a good, divorce attorney. If not for you, think about your son. He may start abusing him, too.

just_me

Hell No! cash it and leave his sorry ***!

COCO

This is a hard one.. If you tell him he might take it and do what he wants with it since he is abusive and abusive men are usually like that if you don't then you can be you with it and be happy but when he finds out you have been hiding it from him he is probably going to hurt you really bad. So i can't help you here, Maybe you should just divorce him.. because this isn't love. Ok

Mrs.Sheppard

If you tell him, you would be losing money that you could be using to get you and your son away from your husband. Please get out before the abuse turns to something else and your son does not have a mother to take care of him. Please take YOUR money and run far away with your son.

Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess)

Why are you staying with a physically and mentally abusive husband in the first place??? Let alone considering buying a house with him?!?

Use the $6K to get a lawyer and get a divorce! Why are you subjecting your son to this man??

luckystar

what you need to do is get the money and take you and your
son out of the house, you have some money to work with
time to move on, he beating up on you that not good, get
out, this is your chance take it,and run. and dont look back.

rightio

Wow.....you are contemplating buying a house with this man? It may be the house he will kill you in.....then your husband will be free to raise your little boy any way he likes. If you think you are doing your son a favour by staying, you need to think again. Your son, if you stay in such an abusive environment will end up really screwed up and probaby a wife beater too......do you want that? If you dont value yourself enough to get away from this man (and I use the term lightly...he is no man), then at least care enough about your son to see him raised in a healthy happy home. You need to be making a plan to leave your husband......he could very well end up killing you. You need to keep that money for yourself in a separate banks account that he doesnt know about.....dont put your address on it...maybe you could put a friends address on it and get your friend to keep the bank book. You need to start thinking about your son and your welfare and start doing things to see that you have something of your own. You need to start forming your own support system to help you out of this horrible situation. You may feel powerless to do anything and that is only because you are believing the things your husband is saying. You also probably believe you deserve the beatings. I bet he is sorry afterwards.....BUT..."if you didnt provoke me, I wouldnt have to hit you"......is that what he says? Believe me, he will never change, so the fear you are living in now will not get any better. The violence will get worse and it doesnt matter how much you try to do the "right" thing....he will always find some reason to physically and verbally assault you. You dont deserve any of this. Tell a friend......tell someone, dont keep it to yourself, but also pick the person you tell very carefully and make sure he doesnt know about it. You have to make your plan in secret and then you need to get out. Ring up a crisis line or a domestic violence shelter. You will find once you start telling people you wont feel so alone. You are not alone, but you really have to get out for your own safety and that of your son.

Navyexwife

No!!!
Keep the money hidden, open up an account in a different bank than the one you currently bank in, and have all the mail related to that account forwarded to a close friend or a po box. Call or visit a women's center in your area and get a plan together to get out.
You do not deserve to be abused, no one does.

curiouscanadian

I have often not told my husband about extra cash that has come my way including the $20 I found yesterday! You have got to plan a way out of this relationship and this money will really help - you needed to walk away the first time it happened - now he thinks he can get away with it! Is there a transition house you know of for battered women (which is what you are) or maybe enlist a friend to give you shelter until you find a place of your own. Don't consider a future with this man and don't let your son see this kind of behaviour or he'll do the same to his women. Good luck!

Charlotte's Dad

Use the money to get away from this creep.Nobody has to be subjected to that sort of treatment.The beatings are not going to stop you know,they will only get worse.Please help yourself with that money,it mabe the only chance you will get

tlpdrz

No, because really once a man starts hitting a woman they never stop. You need to get out of this relationship, quick! Take your money and leave and if any of the money is your in the bank take that too. Go home to your mother. Your well being and your son's wee being is more important than him hitting on you. Next time it might be your son. Girl leave!!!

rxing

leave him NOW and keep the check quiet.

prettyinpink i

dont b silly..b a woman and think for ur son.
i know its hard to change life...i have done it...
think what is best for ur child, he is still young dont let him grow up in that environment..there r plenty of other men out there that can really take care of u and ur son....
cant u see the longer u wait the worst..?
if u dont wanna move then u better learn some martial arts and kick his butt so he will never put his hands on u again.or stand up to him and fight, show him no fear woman..!!!!!!
i dont care how strong and big he is...ask God to stand by u and b ur protector...David was smaller than the giant, but he stood up to him n defeated him..
if u cry and show fear, bc he is a punk and a man with no balls, he will take advantage...show him no fear..threaten him like he threatens u..tell him that if he doesnt stop..then u gonna fight and u r not afraid to die and that he will die with u then cause u gonna make sure he aint gonna have the last laugh..STAND UP TO HIM, learn martial arts and gain confidence ok? u can do it...i know u can..MY heart goes out to u and ur child....i lived with my abusive step father for many years..even tho i was a skinny child and he was really strong, i mean super strong cause he was in construction..he used to throw me in the air..but he saw i had no fear..and i always went back and fought..i scratched him or kiked him in the balls or somethin..plus i threaten to call the cops.i actually did a few times, so now he stopped cause they came and bit his ***...im pretty sure ur husband is afraid of the cops..he wont like to be beaten by men always..if he knows u call them, and he has to stay in jail 4 a while, he will stop..
dont buy a house with him..u will be burdened with financial responsabilities.this is a way for him to keep u tied up to him..

aknana

No! I wouldn't hon. Put it into an account for emergency purpose's only. If he doesn't know about it than its a perfect safety net for yourself and your little one. And please...make plans to get out now. Save what you can in funds, make a plan to get you and your boy out of the house safely and start over. Even if you have to leave everything behind...material things are just that..material and can be replaced. You and your baby can't. If there are items that are sentimental,etc...store them somewhere a little at a time and then pick them up later when you leave.If your hubby is losing such control that he is actually abusing you...who's to say that he won't hurt the boy one day? Maybe not on purpose but this baby is going to have to grow up living in fear of his dad and for you. Thats not good and its not fair for the little guy. I went through the same thing...one day when I happened to glance up...from the floor after being punched because I was trying to get the babies out of his way...I looked right into my two year olds eyes and what I saw was enough to stop my thinking that maybe he would change. Maybe he would stop drinking and do something about his anger. I packed a bag with enough to clothe the baby and two year old..a few clothes for me...our medications and left. I had one baby on my hip and holding the hand of my daughter and he held a shot gun at us saying if he could'nt have us...then no one would. Thankfully his friend showed up just then and escorted us out. We left the state and never seen him again. I recently heard that he's still beating on his new wife. Do not underestimate him. Anything is possible and it happens fast when they are out of control. You already know that ...deep down you know none of it is gonna change. Just do it. Believe me...life is so beautiful when you don' t have to be constantly afraid for you and your babies. Its plain old freedom! Good luck hon and god bless !

â™¥ Blondie â™¥

You have a lot of answers to a VERY DUMP QUESTION

FROM WHAT U WROTE..
SURELY U ARE NOT AS DUMP AS THE QUESTION..

if he is abusive... mentally and physically...
don't tell him about the money....

look for a house...
set up a move... across town or the state..
move
and then file for divorce..
take the money and make a life for u and the 3 yr old son..

what kind of a life are u living?
be happy NOT a new house....

FEAR... IS NOT A REASON FOR LIVING THIS WAY..
we have police here in the USA
we have laws
have faith.. and pride... don't let him get the best of u.. they may be true,,, but they are excuses.. for not leaving

free_angel

Hire a divorce attorney with that money and go for the rest of what hubby has.

The Mad Doctor â„¢

Pick up the check and then go to another bank (Not used by the both of you) and open your own savings/checking account and deposit it there and don't tell him. (Or put part of it into a CD.)

I would also go to see an attorney to see what your options are. DO NOT TELL HIM!

Also do some research at the library on the Internet. (No need to leave traces on your home computer) See the link http://www.google.com/search?as_q=&hl=en&num=10&btnG=Google+Search&as_epq=Grounds+for+divorce&as_oq=&as_eq=&lr=&as_ft=i&as_filetype=&as_qdr=all&as_nlo=&as_nhi=&as_occt=any&as_dt=i&as_sitesearch=&as_rights=&safe=images

Good Luck,

TMD

devyl gyrl

You have to PICK UP the check, but you don't have to cash it. No, don't tell him. Instead, you need to leave your husband and take your son with you, and file for divorce. Find out from a lawyer how you can keep your husband from getting that 6 grand, and then follow his advice.

Do NOT stand for being abused!!! Your husband is teaching your son it is ok to abuse a woman, or a spouse, or anyone in general ... and you are teaching him that the woman, spouse, or general person will accept the abuse. GET OUT!

moontree1234

NO NO NO
checkout domestic violence safety plans and get out, even if baby steps.

Start a bank account in you own name, po boxs for mail etc, or in trusted relative's account so you have something going to another address. You can make it so you only can withdraw. You can put it in a safe deposit box, cash. your name only
.
Abuse is wrong. Get out. You are worth more, You will teach your kid to repeat the behavior. It is proven. He will think it's normal If your son did this to his wife, what would you tell him. PLease consider that the 20 answers you have here are telling you an objective opinion. Go to therapy too, and talk to someone. Call the domestic hotline and just talk
Check out dr phil.com he has good links

Colleen O

Your excuses for not leaving are just that, you can go to the police department and have a restraining order against him they can get you to a women's shelter/safe house if you truly feel your life and your child's life would be in danger. They can also give you information on lawyers who work with batter women getting divorces. As far as the money goes it is considered income and will HAVE to be reported on your tax returns when you and your husband file so either you tell him about it now or he will HAVE to find out about it later because your employer has already reported it and if you don't report your income the IRS could wind up auditing you to FIND that extra income that you didn't report. I doubt that would go over very well with your abusive husband.

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