Should I throw in the towel? What about my babies involved?

My husband who was my childhood sweetheart has been lying to me from the day we started to know one another. Before you read the following, his personality is very passive (except now that he has been caught out he is playing the victim role) and he is a wonderful father and a terrible husband.

Over the last 15 years, he has lied to me about owning a house (it turned out to be his fathers), having $10,000 in the bank, what he purchases (the value of it), how much he spends on maintaining his passion - building cars, if he bought lunch and even whether he insured the house. His lies don't only stop at finances. He lies about whether he will do something and forgets to cover his tracks.

10 years ago his lies cost us $40,000 deposit in purchasing a home because he didn't get the loan he assured me he was getting and we bid on a home at an auction,

$33,500 in the purchase of a truck that was put under his cousins name (his cousin fooled my husband in believing it was beneficial for tax purposes) and he lied about this for 5 years (everytime I asked about it, he said he would get the paperwork and after much pushing on my behalf forged the paperwork which I later found out was counterfeit)

10 years on with no major issues, the worst of the lies came when I was pregnant with baby number 2. He told me that he had been giving most of his income to his father because his father was having a bad time with money. As I was talking to his father it all unravelled and I found out my husband had not given a dime to my father in law. He promised everyone, he would never betray me again with lies. I took him back because I was frightened of giving birth without someone with me. I was frightened of looking after a baby without any support.

And now 1 year on, he recently lied by stating that his car was insured (despite me offering to pay for the insurance out of our account). I still dont know why he lied and he wont explain why either. Perhaps he really thought the car was infact covered and never bothered to check the paperwork (maybe he planned on checking it but being so forgetful he never got around to it). His paperwork is at his business office (I couldn't find anything there when I went hunting). Well you all know what didn't happen BUT he could have hit a jaguar costing $300K without any insurance for a measley couple of hundred dollars. Thank God this didn't happen.

Is this good enough reason to leave a man despite having two children aged 5 and almost 1 year? What about the children, will they be affected? Is it worse to put them through all this?

Raul L.

They won't be the first or the last that will be put in this situation. He should have been a more faithful and honest person. If he doesn't get to see the kids, that will be his loss. He should have thought about his family before he made a vow with you. I'm to the point where I can't stand liars. I'm not saying what you should do. All I'm saying is that it's better to have a step-dad for the kids and one that will be faithful and honest to you as well. Good luck with your decision.

Juurin

One thing I know for sure .... lying causes disappointments....disappointements leads to distrust...distrust leads to chaos. You said it yourself...he is a wonderful father but a terrible husband. For a relationship to work both need to adults who trust and respect one another.

Mrs. Mausey

Your husband may have a psychological condition that causes him to lie about even the most insignificant things like what he had for lunch. You need to get yourself into some professional counseling to help you see things more clearly. Hopefully you can convince your husband that he desperately needs to see someone also. I would give him a choice, tell him that one of two things is going to happen. Either the two of you can go into couples therapy and individual therapy or you can go by yourself and stop at the lawyers office on your way home. He is not going to change on his own. If that was possible then he would have already done so. He will have to really work on himself to change. It may come down to it that the two of you need to be legally separated (which means that even though you will still be married, you will not be financially responsible for him, or that is what it means in my state, a lawyer can make sure that this is true in your state). He may need to see that you aren't just going to continue to take the lies. Sometimes tough love is what it takes. And now that you have kids, they are your first priority. Period. I say this coming from a broken family. It is far better to be the child of divorced parents than to be in a house where there is constant fighting, lying and tension. Then they will grow up thinking that this is normal and will seek out relationships that mirror your own. Do you really want your children to have spouses like your husband or to go through the heartache that you have? Or worse, do you want your kids to become pathological liars like their dad. I am sure that you want someone to tell you that you will be able to save your relationship, but that may not be possible. A licensed professional or clergy member will be able to help you thru this. You will need support as you try to figure out what is best for you and your kids. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that everything gets better for you. It doesn't seem like it but it really is true that it is always darkest before dawn.

free_angel

Your husband is a poor role model for the kids. People like him will lie about everything and then turn around and deny it. He does alot of things behnd your back and will make himself out to be the victim. You need to leave him, things will go from bad to worst. And if you should ever marry again, make darn sure the man you marry is an honest and honorable man.

nevyn55025

Kids bounce back and your husband will never stop lieing. Take off and be free of the lies.

jason

That is your life partner & trust is important. I don't know what your current financial situation is but many women would not put up with this &
some would. That really depends on how strong you are & the kind of things you have going for you. Educated/Good job/Supportive family etc.
But if you do have the means make sure to file for child support and live your life and provide a better one for your kids. If you do not have this option. Counseling comes to mind. I guess my best advice is to make 3 plans & evaluate the +/- of each one and go from there. I don't think the children will be effected by you leaving too much as they are still very young.

Anyway good luck. I'm sure you will figure something out that works
best for you & yours kids.

honey

are you tired of his behavior?how about how you feel for him.do you still love him?is there a little room for understanding or you're totally finished with his lies?you can't live a peaceful life if your afraid something disturbing will happen because of his lies. i think he knows how serious his lying affects your relationship.he can sense it and if his man enough will be the one to avoid the very root of his problem.think of your future and your kids.

à®That Sallieà®

He sounds like a pathological liar...he could go to counseling, if he wants to change...but if i were you, i would try to separate yourself financially as much as possible from him until he decides what he wants to do.

saz

My partner is always lying to me about money and often fabricates tales about insignificant things. i know how you feel, i often feel miserable and angry about this too.

PEGGY S

This sounds like an excellent reason to get marriage counseling. He is very insecure and is trying to build himself up in your eyes, because he does not feel that he deserves you. You need to get him into counseling, for him to gain back his self esteem, learn to be honest, and of course realize that you will weather the rough times with him, as long as you are not left in the dark about them.

Your marriage appears to be salvageable due to the fact that you have stood by him, and that you have never mentioned losing your love for him. Give it a try. If he is a good husband otherwise, and does not abuse you verbally or physically, does not cheat, and he holds down a job, and loves the children and you, it is worth a try. I would suggest, however, that you insist that all of the finances be controlled by you, with his input of course, until he gets his problems resolved.

-â™¥NALAâ™¥-

once a liar= always a liar.

im sorry to hear that you had to through all that. Let me tell you that when a man lies to you once, twice, and three times hes NEVER going to stop liying to you. I think you should really ask for help with a family counselor. She might guide you through ways of coping with so much. GOOD LUCK and I would leave him if I were you.

Joe B

I found this website that has some really awesome tips and methods for your situation. Check it out. I hope this will help... I am already making some great progress in my own scenario, which I stumbled upon this and just thought it would help you as well too. =)
http://www.everythingaboutlove.info/Save-Your-Marriage-Stop-A-Break-Up-Get-Your-Ex-Back.php

Jason h

Well first off all...i'm trying to figure out why in the hell you would have two kids with this idiot....

Yes you should leave...i wouldnt be a bit surprised if he has an entirely different life outside of the one with you... I'd bet money he has another girlfriend, possibly kids with another woman... The money is going somewhere?? If you dont think that its true, i'd just like to know where you're basing it from? Its obvious that you will never have anything in life with this guy, other than headache, lies and debt.

As far as him being a good father, thats hard to believe... Since it sounds like he cant even take care of his family without constantly making broken promises followed by lies and excuses..

However he is not entirely to blame...since a lot of this is your fault too. Not knowing anything about the guy, getting married and having kids so fast wasnt probably the smartest thing to do...

Basically you need to wake up! Move out with your kids and try and make a fresh start honey...you will NEVER have anything staying where you're at!!

Cris A

I totally agree with Jason H. Your problems began long before you had your first child, as I understand, so you should have considered all the things you're complaining about a long time ago!!! Still, the solution is to get away, preferably with your children. Think about how they will be affected if you stay with a pathological liar, their father, who, bye the way, doesn't seem to be such a wonderful father, since his lies affect the entire family!!!
Think it over thoroughly and good luck!

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