Should I welcome my stepdaughter with open arms?

puertorock882003

yes you should, now get me to 682, dammnit, make amends, it's Christmas, and not another Holiday, for crying out loud, laugh it up, make light of your differences, hey, make fun of them. LOL.......whatever you do, you have to starta somewhere, sweety, can't keep a grudge all your life(or atleast until they get divorced) she's there to stay. besides, doesn't holding a grudge get you drained? you have to keep that face up for hours on end when they show up, LOL, you'll get old quicker doing that..........Kiss and make up, hell, be the first to admit it, I bet she'd love to as well.

wow after reading that post, I'd say be the bigger woman, you deserve that much more pride in yourself. her dad should've wooped her **** for doing such things, but hey, it'll pass.

Anarchy99

For the sake of the family, you must try to make amends!

theodore r

This is your husbands daughter. Sometimes people behave badly. If your husband wants you to make amends, I would. I wouldn't bend over backwards, but it should be easy to act kindly. And, as time goes by, see what happens. If she really feels bad for what happens, then that will come out and you might create a great relationship. It would make your husband very happy if you just tried.

Atllas

Do it for your husband you dont have to be the girls best friend but be polite and nice as possible.

amber d

life is all about forgivness- forgive her and try to make amends BUT dont give full trust right away....make her earn that.

Flychick101

You need to think that maybe your stepdaughter was hurt cuz she and he wanted there dad to be with there mother and they probably felt like you ruined the picture which may not be the case but thats how teenagers act. Put yourself in her shoes and think of your mom telling you that she couldve been with your father if it wasnt for this lady. To be honest I think her mom filled up her head and she was kinda hurt that her parents were together. You should forget about the past and worry about the future!!!!! It's not good to hold grudges.

wheresmyjacketblood

Slap her like a red-headed step-child!!! All I can say is to follow your heart... We would have to know way more details about who she is and her background... You know what the right thing to do is, so... DO IT!!!
Good Luck!!!

just Nikki

smack that spoiled brats face! shes 23 she can handle it

r_finewood

Maybe by now she has grown up. You should at least try to get along with her for the holidays. Even if you don't trust her now, let her gain your trust back. It think it would mean a lot to your husband.

Good Luck!

tgdjm

so, why is she now making contact? mom ran through the money? *sorry* i would please your husband but keep an open mind, and not trust her. keep your ears open....furthermore...if she really wanted to bridge the gap....she should have already apologized....

sweet_az_kandii

Thats a tricky one, guess you just have to play it by ear and see if she has changed or grown up at all. Just trust what you feel is right to do, you will make the right choice.
Good Luck.

outspoken

Tis the season for family relationships to mend. You should welcome any child (step or other) that has matured and wants to rebuild a relationship they recognize that they broke. You gotta give people a second chance. (Third chances are more out of the question)

shaclare

I wouldn't expect an apology, because it sounds like you won't get one. Act cordially, and with respect, but do not go out of your way for her. Make sure your husband knows how you feel.

I would also, for the sake of family harmony, keep the past in the past, and try to be pleasant. There is not need to forget her behaviour, but try to be respectful of your husband's feelings over your anger.

tracemiss

i don't know that i would trust her eather but make amends for your husband but yes she needs to apologize to u

lankytallgirl

he needs to talk to her and he should push the issue. If he thinks its worth it, he should speak to her about the past and explain the damage she's caused. He can evaluate better than you can how she feels. a forced apology is not a real apology. good luck

Babie

Make her say I am sorry and DON'T TRUST HER. I wouldn't leave this girl in a room by herself. Your husband must have a big heart is all I got to say. But don't trust her. Holiday or no Holiday she is up to something.

mgnysgtcappo

Here's the cold hard truth. You married a guy who had kids. His kids come first and then you by definition. Therefore it's you who has to make the first move. 18 is a difficult time for a person and having to adjust to a new 'mother' can be confusing at best. You and your husband decided to enter into a committment without asking them how they felt about it, they had no say and no control and then they react to the situation and you feel slighted. You should be thankful that she is trying to make ammends and do all you can to reach out to her so that something good can be salvaged from two adults putting their needs before childrens needs

leelee291

Hi. I am sorry to hear this situation. Any issue that divides a family especially a parent and a child is sad. I think you need to support your husband, but also remind him of her past habits. I would welcome her, but I would be extremely careful. I would offer no information to her and probably meet her at a restaurant not your home, so she can not use anything about what you have, haven't given her, what she missed, etc. and blame it on you. I wish you the best of luck.

My grandmother once told me it was important always to be the more loving one... so in the situation be the more loving one for your husband.

Bachman-ette

Making amends doesn't mean that you have to get along. When I was 18, I wrote a letter to my aunt's schoolboard complaining about her conduct as a teacher. Didn't get me anything but yelled at. It's possible that she has grown up some.

There is nothing wrong with not trusting her. I think you have every right to. But if she apologizes, then accept it. If she doesn't, then forget about it. You apparently only have to deal with her over Christmas. If she wants to be around, then she'll come around. If not, then don't worry about her.

Best of luck to you!!

professional professional

welcome to life

smwah345

My mother experienced the same type of issue over 20 years ago with her step daughter. She forgave her and they now have a good relationship. She and her husband are also very proud grandparents of a beautiful granddaughter. Read my question I asked on forgiveness and the best answer chosen.

I know you were hurt. I'm not saying be stupid and let her do it again, but you need to decide what the ending is going to be. A bitter torn apart family, or a well blended family that had their tough times, over came them and are stronger now.

Happy Holidays - remember it is the season for miracles.

BigTip$

Wow.....sorry.
I guess I would (very cautiously) try to make an effort to be the better person and set an example.
But never let your guard down and keep the communication lines open with your hubby at all times.
Hopefully she has matured in the last 5 years and it won't be that bad now.
Good luck.

i think you should forgive and forget. you are married to her father. you all are a family. it's time to act like one. life is to short to have so much hate in your heart. you been married for 6 yrs now to her father. this drama has to end.

karen v

The first thing I would do is to sit down and talk to my husband about what to do, after all their his children. I don't mean that in a bad way, but I wouldn't want to cause any problems between you and him. Then if you and he agree I would tell her that she should be ashamed for doing the things that she has done. Tell her that you did not try to take her mothers place that you only wanted to be her friend. Sounds to me like she was a spoiled brat. Just what till she has a child it will come home to her the way she treated you all. I guess the old saying is right there are people in this world that you can't be good too.

kelsiâ˜†

don't MAKE her do anything, try to sweetly get her to accept you, i know she has been very mean 2 u in the past, but try to change it around, i agree with ur husband, Christmas is the best time 2 "make amends" maybe try getting her something she will love, u should definitely welcome her with open arms, maybe she will eventually apologize on her own!

Say it like it is

Yes, accept her with open arms. I understand that she may have been hurtful, but it wasn't her decision to replace her mother at the time either. So while it was hard, you shouldn't take it too personally because she felt her family threatened by your mere presence. While she may be a brat, and other things, she is still your step daughter. Perhaps if you viewed her less of "his" or "her" daughter and more of "my" (your) daughter, she may have been more receptive.

Nonetheless, what's done is done, the only thing you'll do by making an issue of it is prolong the trouble that was left 4 years ago, so be the more mature person and let it go.

connie

well look at it this way youre with him not with her and if it dont work out then thats life one day she will need you you will see what goes around comes around good luck

lisa h

As the only adult between you and your stepdaughter I would give it one more shot at making amends and see where it goes, maybe she was jealous or hurt, maybe she has grown up a little and grown out of her mean phase. Hope that helps, Good Luck and Merry Christmas!!! P.S. Just in case maybe keep a bottle or three of good wine on hand.

Bubby'sGirl

I'm sorry that you had to grow through all of that! First of all no, i don't think you should ask her to apologize to you, honestly, i think you should leave it all in the past. I say this because its not like you live with her or have to deal with her on a daily basis. See her at Christmas and kill her with kindness. Pretend that nothing she did bothered you and act happy to see her. Hopefully that will make her realize she had you all wrong and apologize on her own. I also recommend doing this because she is your husbands daughter, and even though she put him through hell, he loves her and has probably been missing her. That means if you continue this feud, he may start to resent you for the problems between him and his daughter and eventually destroy your relationship. And honestly 23 is much older than 18, people really grow up during that time so maybe she has changed. overall give it a chance and be as kind and polite as possible, i mean don't be fake, but be nice to her. i think if you do this it will keep your relationship with your husband in tact and just make your life easier!

Dust in the Wind

DEAR FRIEND:

Ask for nothing. Read the prodigal son in the Bible. Welcome her with open arms and a hug and tell her she has been missed. Family is too important to be petty over.

GOD LOVES US ALL

Chellebelle78

NOOOO!!! You can't start any relationship over again when you are starting off demanding an apology. That's just for your own pride, that doesn't serve anyone else but you. And, as a mother, you need to put your own feelings aside sometimes and just make the family work.
If she called you a name a few years ago, big deal!!! She was 18, hormonal and knew everything. ALL 18 year olds are that way. You can't fault a pig for being a pig, you know.
Accept her into your home, be gracious, but be AWARE of what could happen. Be prepared to nip any unwanted behavior in the bud, but don't attack her. Don't treat her like she's unwelcome, because it's your husband's child after all, and it's your duty to let them have a relationship.

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