Should i divorce him?

ANN L

Oh hunni, you must feel like your banging your head against a brick wall. I did ! They dont know what they have got until it's gone. He will be sorry when you have walked but dont be daft enough to return to a promised change. Keep your chin up, stand your ground and walk!! I did, eventually and thought OMG, im never going to find anyone else. (they lower your self esteem so that you believe that your ugly, stupid, useless or whatever) Mind benders all of the bad ones. He will never change but you can change how you feel and who you love. I am now married with 3 children and dont regret walking for one minute. My husband tells me all the time how beautiful iam and how much he loves me.....we all need that, to be told that yes, were worth more i deserve better ! He has been brought up with the values which is worse, he obviously doesnt know or seen any different.. I would be on my way.....sorry x

Gladiatorr

do what your heart tells you to do?

Jizackie

If you've asked him to change and he refuses to, and you feel you have done everything in your power to meet in the middle on some points (maybe not the weed and constant drinking) but you get the general idea. there is nothing wrong with throwing in the towel. You deserve someone who respects you and you wants to be with you and wants to take you out.

Stacey

Divorce! Why should she stay with a guy that doesn't appreciate her?.....

lili

well, the way he is treating you is definetly not acceptable. The firt things you need to do is have a serious talk with him. because you have a low self esteem, you probably didn't want to confront him or be honest about what bothers u clearly and now you are resenting him and going for the extreme (divorce). he seems to be the controlling type who wants a wife to take care of him while he hangs out with his friends. Culturaaly, that may be how he is taught to treat women, but you have to teach him that it's not ok. if he doesn't change after you talk to him, maybe you should wait until he lives the house to hang out with his friends, then pack your bags, live him a dear note expalining why you can't put up with this anymore, and that u will not be back unless he changes.

debbiecc01

I have always found arabic men to be mean and unfeeling. I would advise saying goodbye because they are hard to convince anyway and if his friends are also arabic and they are telling him how to treat you then it is a hopeless case sad to say. I have nothing against arabs I just feel that the men are very degrading to women.

sinical_angel101

here is the best answer i feel anyone can give.....

ask yourself is it better with or without....

ask yourself do you love him and do you know that he loves you back

ask yourself do you want to sit at home alone all the time while he is out galivanting

ask him if he loves you like really really loves you

tell him you are thinking of divorcing his sorry ***....
tell him he is neglecting you and your feelings and if that is not enough for him to stop and start being a husband then im sorry

YOU NEED TO GET RID OF HIM AND FIND SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOUR WORTH AND HOW AWESOME YOU ARE

Jesse

If you don't have feelings for him, leave him.

That's why I don't get married, because you never know when you're going to be with someone forever or not, it's wrong to make a promise you can't keep.

engineergirl

Demand better treatment and don't put up with his shenanigans. If he won't take you out, go out with your girlfriends instead. You can start building a better life for yourself right now without waiting to get a divorce. If you start to enjoy life more on your own, you will find that you may become a more confidant, fun, outgoing person. This will make you more desirable to him and he may treat you better. People will only treat you as poorly as you allow them to treat you. Don't let him get you down. If you are basing your happiness on him right now, you will probably continue to base your happiness on him or some other guy if you aren't together anyway. Don't expect him to shape up if you don't shape up first.

bananawoman

I agree with Jizackie. You deserve respect which he isn't giving you.

As a side note, muslim women whose husbands practice Islam would not be treated as you are being treated. Your husband's behaviour seems to be very unislamic (drinking, smoking weed and not caring how you feel) and more influenced by his culture than religion.

You could try talking it through with him again, let him know how much he's upsetting you and if he is still as unreceptive and unwilling to change, you're better off without him.

shmoolik c

I think this question has much to do with your previous one about self esteem, it is much of a circle, low self esteem effects the relationship and vice versa, maybe you should find some occupation (Job, hobby, volunteering ) that can raise self esteem and go out, spend time with friends, go to nature, try some spiritual development, don't expect someone else, including your husband, to change your life, try to lift it yourself and then you will be clearer and braver about the decision you have to make, good luck

foster586@btopenworld.com

Princess, seems like your a door mat and hubby is playing on your low self esteem. I would suggest a taste of his own medicine honey. Build your self esteem up slowly by firstly working on losing a few pounds, join a slimming club but if poss, do not tell him. On your 1st weight loss, treat yourself to having nails done. Treat yourself every time your good. Think about new hair do. He will notice after a few weeks. Do not let him pull you down kid. Do it all gradually and your esteem will begin to lift. dont rush it. I done it, I went for the whole new look and when my loser ex saw what he had thrown away for a fumble with a floozy, he went to bits. I am in control now and would never let a bloke take that away from me again, you get more respect that way. Best of luck and go girl x

bluefish

This is a no brainer -
Don't act on impulse- take some legal advice - ensure debts don't follow you and leave. You do not have to live this way.

Go with your gut feeling. Get out and start a new life while you can and your self esteem will rise.

Burt C

Begin by moving away...If you have the means..do it...just for a little bit to see if he snaps out of it...
Wait until he goes out and pack your stuff and leave.
That is the only way you can find out , where does he stands on this marriage.
Otherwise, hit him with divorce papers....

The Little Demon

I'm sorry to hear about these problems
You deserve much better that's for sure!
If your husband does not respect you or listen to you, I believe it's best that you two seperate..

lotus_elise_81

If you have attempted to solve the problem and failed then the only course of action left to you may well be divorce. From what you have described, it sounds like your marriage is pretty well shot, especially if he is treating you like he would a woman in his culture - that would be a hard thing to change.

pncaos

It is not up for any person here to decide your life for you. What you have to do is look deep inside yourself, and decide if this is what your really want. If it is, then i am happy for you. You have bettered yourself and those around you by making a confident step in the right direction. Just remember: Everything will be okay.

bulldogbeautiful28

Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I think I would get out also. He is one of the main reasons your self esteem is down. So get out and focus on yourself and when your ready a better man will come along.

rohit

beloved friend
my sympathies are with u......first thing u need to understand is that before bringing any changes in ur outer world,its much more important to change conditions in ur inner world,in ur mind, in ur soul......i would very strongly suggest u to learn meditation n practise it everyday.u may find this suggestion bit wierd but practising meditation will heal not only ur relationships but also ur health,ur finances as well as every other imaginable aspect of ur life....i m giving web address of two very soothing n powerful meditation teaching organisations.... www.artofliving.org and www.tm.org/
u can not imagine what kind of miracle meditation can do in ur life unless u practise it....as far as ur husband is concerned,first thing i request u to do is to FORGIVE him....if u could truly do so u will feel very relieved....trust me beloved friend i m an expert in psychology n spirituality....then once u have practised meditation for some time n when u realise its wonderous healing effects,try to convince ur husband to learn n practise it as well....it will transform him beyond ur imagination.....even if after doing all of it if u still have a tense relationship with him then give divorce to him....if u have any doubts u can ask me at my mail id....my mail id is amanshu83@yahoo.com
love n blessings
aman(india)

Amazing Grace

Personally, I would move out. Once you're living on your own and spending time with people who really care, your self worth will go through the roof and you'll feel a lot better. Also, life and what you want will become much clearer after you remove yourself from the situation. It's not worth it to torture yourself by staying there when its not doing anything good for YOU as a person.

dunwerse

I thought Moslims didn't drink? Get yourself out of that relationship.

mishkin

Divorce him and find new happiness. Why settle for crap like that? That's not what happy feels like. I know - I am happy. So get out - and I know it is scary and you have to think about finances and what both of your families will say and your friends but it is YOUR life and you have got to take control and make it better and I don't think he is going to be helping you along on that path...

Cam Shaw

If i was a woman i would have divorced him at least 2 years ago. Be careful though he may become angry or violent. Maybe there is a womans shelter you can go to or someone you can talk to to help you with your feelings of low self esteem. And how to exit the situation safely. There is a story once told to me about some researchers who took some rats and put them in a cage with a feeder. That when they bumped a button the food would come out. And it did. After awhile, they adjusted the feeder where instead of one bump to make the feed come out it took two. The rats quickly learned this. Then after another while, the feeder was adjusted for 3 times then later 5 and on an own till it was set for like 20 or more bumps for one pellet of food. The rats just kept bumping and bumping the feeder in a frenzy to get there food. I bet they were feeling like, what have i done wrong that the food wont come out like at first. They may have been suffering to, from low self esteem when all the while it wasnt there fault. Nor is it yours. Hope this helps you.

dot dot

If i was in that situation I would honestly first give him an ultimatum then if he still didn't fix the problem i would pack my stuff and get out. Know one can tell you what to do. You have to decide for your self, but just so you know it doesn't matter if you put on weight or not your better then what he is treating you like.

Domini

Take the high road and suggest marriage counselling. If nothing else, it'll show that you're serious and force him to sit down and evaluate your relationship. If he refuses, tell him that you're not happy and that as your husband, he owes it to the relationship. And ultimately, if he refuses tell him you'll divorce him. And if counselling doesn't work out, divorce him...

JAMES I

Taking the first step is the most difficult. You deserve better than this. If he has any self respect he should take a good look in the mirror. If he sees no need to change then I say walk and keep walking. The guy is selfish and a control freek. Give him up for the belief that things can only get better.

firemanX

if you want, ask this question:

Is this worth it?

also here is a formula

good
------- X time been with= Z
bad

Ps use a marriage counciler

Danny

if your heart feels that way and do it..if not try to fix the problem..show some love....then if nothing works out...GET A DIVORCE.

Julie C

You need to get divorced and get on with your life. You can never change a person. And you are special, don't ever forget that. Be happy at who you are, and before you know it, you'll meet a man who loves you for who you are, no matter what you look like. You deserve to be treated better. Get an attorney and get on with your new life.

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