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Should i leave my wife if she hates my kids from a previous relationship?
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Should i leave my wife if she hates my kids from a previous relationship?

i have tried for about 2 years out our 3yrs of marriage to resolve this problem. she has 3 children from a previous relationship and i accept, provide and care for them all like my own.


    




Raven75
If you loved her you wouldn't be asking that question. Your kids do come first but there are two sides to this. Your wife may have issues with the child and maybe be acting out. But have you looked at your child's behavior toward her. Your child may be doing things to fuel her fire too. Your wife should know better being an adult but sometimes it's hard for us too. I understand your stuck in the middle and love them both. Try some counseling, it may help the whole family. We can't help you on yahoo answer, you'll need more that the scraps of opinions that we can give you.


Mr. Taco
Why did you marry someone who hates your kids?

Well, regardless, it sounds like you two need some marriage counseling. This is too complicating of an issue to solve here. You really don't provide enough information.


pisceswomanem
Rating
When you get in a relationship with someone who has kids, they are part of the package, and you need to love them as your own. I can't imagine hating kids. Perhaps going to counseling will help.


palmbaychuck
No. Marriage is serious. I'm hoping that when you went into it, you and she were serious about it. I would suggest that you and your wife seek out good Christian marriage counselling. Obviously, when you and your wife married, the kids were part of the deal. So she must do her best to care for and nurture your kids just as her.

By the way, when my father got re-married after my mom died, my step mom treated me this way. The result? I ended up moving out and living on my own when I was 15 years old.

You, as the husband, must take the lead here and make your wife understand her role in the marriage. But don't give up. The bible only allows divorce in the case of adultery, not because of relationship issues.

Also, if all the kids are getting older, remember that they will eventually be out of the house.


MIA24/7
Yes. I had a stepmother that did not like me and I went through hell. My father had 3 other children with her and after the first I felt out of place and alienated from the family. My father divorced her a few years ago, but too late as I was already an adult by that time. Leave her if she will not accept your children. Don't put those children through that. Part of her loving you is accepting the whole package. She does not love you whole heartedly if she does not care for your kids.


smt
Rating
Maybe. It doesn't sound like she's treating your children the way she treats her children. This isn't right.


Shy Girl S
Rating
Why does she hate them? Are they constantly disrespectful towards her and you?

My husband has two children from a previous marriage, they are both very disrespectful of both him and I. I will not tolerate their behaviour and up until recently, he would let them walk all over him.

If your wife doesn't like your kids, simply because they're not hers, then yes...I think you should leave her. It's not the kids' fault they are the results of another relationship.


anosey1
Rating
Were you aware of this before you married her?

Why doesn't she get along with them? Are they disrespectful to her? Manipulative? Angry with her because she's with you instead of their mother? Or is she feeling insecure about those children taking the attention from her and her children?

If your wife is rejecting your kids for any of these reasons. It is certainly understandable, because it takes a really strong person to put up with that and still be kind. She may not have realized how hard having an extended family is until she got into it.

Before leaving your wife, find out why she dislikes your kids. Try not to be judgmental of her reasons. Even if she says nothings wrong tell her that you believe there are things you two need to work on as a family. Arrange for family counseling to help deal with these issues. Your kids should be included in the sessions also.


October
Rating
Yes.


Kassie K
Rating
Your kids should ALWAYS come first. It's her loss that she can't accept & love them. There are women out there who will love you & your kids.


love doctor
yes i would necer allow my children to have to live with someone that hates them. put your children first they are your pride and joy if she doesn't love your kids then she can't love you as they are a part of you


chickey_soup
Rating
Yup although I'm not quite sure why you married her in the first place.

Kids always come first.


Breeze
Rating
I think that's kind of rash... i would try talking it out.


mdsuperstar1984
When your a parent your kids come first, and you should have never married her if she doesn't treat your kids well. I know you love her bc you were willing to accept her and all that came with her, so y isn't she willing to do the same. Alot of ppl say that marriage is a 50 50 thing but in actuality its a 100 100 endeavor bc both parties need to be 100% commited to making it work and she doesn't seem to be on board 100 bc she isn't willing to accept your kids


spice g
Leave her and don't look back.....there is no reason to hate kids....sorry


Neka
Rating
Your children are a part of you so she should accept them and at least tolerate them even if they openly hate her. You accept her children as your own, she owes you the same. Try counseling before you go out and hire a divorce lawyer but at the end of the day the kids still come first. If she can't at least tolerate your children then you need to let her go her own way.


Kim
Id boot her @ss to the curb. You dont need a woman that isn't willing to accept your children. She asked for the package deal, got the package deal, tell her to get over it or get out.


SexyMamaTo3
yes and shocked as a mother she would not accept your kids!!! I'd never be with someone who didn't accept my kids!


Anna
YES. You used the word hate... and that's a very, very strong word, especially when directed at a child by an authority figure. I was in that situation... as the child. Even when the divorce occured for them [dad and step mom] it wasn't because of how she treated me... I still have resentment towards my dad b/c of that. My dad was a real father figure for her children and treated them like he treated us [his own children]. She treated me like I wasn't truly part of the family and never accepted me... rude and inconsiderate... I wouldn't use the word hate, but certainly active dislike... if your wife truly hates your children it's time to move on.

You brought your children into this world and have a responsibility for them that is greater than any other that you may have for anyone else.


chris m
Rating
The question isn't if you should leave your wife for hating your children, the question is why in the H*** are you with someone who hates your kids???? You have no right to hurt your children and that's exactly what you're doing everyday your with that woman. They know how she feels about them whether she verbally expresses it to them or not. Your responsibility first and foremost is to your children, the lives that you created and brought into this world. I truly hope for your children's sake and their life long happiness, you leave her immediately, and stop dating so you can provide a stable, completely loving, and happy home for them without the drama of women coming in and out of the house. You are the only one who will treat them as their own and they deserve a loving and happy home that i'm sure you will provide them.

Best of luck to you in mustering the strength to do what's best for your children... you owe it to them.


Creamer
Yep, ditch her.


How can I help?
Rating
Well I think if you really in your heart believe that you have tried all you can with resolving this, than YES! Your first obligation was and is to those kids. They were there first. I usually never advice divorce, but when it involves the welfare of kids, then I think it should be. But word to the wise, next relationship, take your time and REALLY make sure her and the kids are good together, everyone can put on a show, but pay close attention. Be careful.


Bunny
Well, if your wife loved you, she would try and keep the relationship harmonious. It's very hard to accept someone else's children, but, it seems like you have, and she hasn't. Just remember, the kids will be grown and gone, some day...and it will be just you, by yourself....decide if you want her at your side, and if it's worth divorcing her over kids, (maybe the kids are the ones who say she doesn't like them, because they're the ones who are jealous!)


SexxyDiva w/class
I'm sorry for being so blunt, but yes leave her!!! She is using you for what you can do for HER and HER children and can care less about your own. More too often, men neglect there own, and raise children that they have no tides to. I can see it must bother you for you to ask the public. You have a conscious and a heart and it shows. My advice, your children are apart of you and it will continue to eat at you knowing that you are providing better care for another man's child better than your own flesh. I do not know any woman with CLASS that would mind you taking care of your own better than their own. If your wife can not understand than you need to leave. And let me guess, she did not express any of this BEFORE marriage BUT now that she has the mentality of " I got him now" her attitude as changed because she thinks you're wont go anywhere.


lou
how old are your kids. could there be some bad blood between her and your kids? have you ried sitting everyone down and trying to work it? if you have and she just can't tolerate them (maybe its because she still has to share you w/ their mom and is jeolous over that) cut the ties and move on...good luck


Royalhinney
Yes, you should leave her. Your children come first...ALWAYS! Think about how your kids feel every time they are around your wife. I'm sure that they can feel the hatred and are angry with you for picking her over them.


ronidl76
How can any mother hate any child? What's wrong with her. Your kids come first. Do what you have to do.


Nick Z
Your first and foremost responsibility is to your kids. You brought them into this world. And you are responsible for taking good care of them.

And this means that you have to take good care of them, no matter what. Even if it means divorcing your wife, who is an adult and who can take care of herself.


jamiesmom26
no thinking on this one...YES if you have tryed everything...ans she still hates your kids....get out...get them out...that is not fair to your child they should be your #1 priority....don't let them stand by and be hurt....they deserve the best and they deserve love////


Switch
Rating
If you accepted hers then she should accept yours. And dont have any more kids!


Shay
What you guys dont seem to get it that he married her regardless to the fact that she wasn't into his kids (so it seems). Also his kids are his responsibility and their mom's, not hers! She wasn't around when they were making them so why should she be equally responsible? That's really not fair to her! Some people simply dont want another woman's kids around. I know this is gonna make a lot of people angry but I'm just being honest. Nobody has a right to force a responsibility on someone else. I dont think she hates his kids, I think she resents the fact that he has expectations of her when they're not her kids. Yes, she married the package, but he also married someone who didn't want the package. They're both wrong! She's wrong for settling for something she's obviously not ready for and he's wrong for marrying her regardless to what he already knew! And no kids dont come first, your spouse does! Children cant satisfy your needs or help pay the bills. If a man is interested in me whose kids from another relationship come first I'd advise him to marry them and not me!





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