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KJ
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girl i was dating for about a month said to me, "i'll take you anyway i can have you, friends, best friend, boyfriend, a husband, it doesn't matter what our status is as long as i have you in my life".
i marred her the following week.
see the irony in this? |
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Valerie X Wedding Planner
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Never EVER give a man a baby who hasn't given you his name, and a ring.
FIRST DUMB MISTAKE YOU MADE! |
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Krazii.Gerl
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you shouldnt stay in a relationship that has no future
sorry but that is my opinioin its obvious u both want very different things |
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Callie
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A wise women will always 'listen' to what a man says. Too many women hear only what they want to hear. Believe your man when he says he doesn't want to get married. This is something you should have addressed 'before' you started having children. Now your decision affects innocent lives. |
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abc
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you probably should have found out if he wanted to take the relationship to marriage before you had children....but you can't change that now......only you can decide if the commitment you have now is enough.....having children and a house is hardly a commitment though, I bet the house is in his name........is being married important enough to be a deal breaker for you? |
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Lizzy
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I was all set to tell you to move on, until I saw that you have 2 children with him.....
At the point that you decided to make babies with this guy, you accepted not being married to him. You absolutely cannot leave the man you love and your children's father just because you have a fantasy of a wedding.. You chose to ignore that when you started a family with him. Now get over it, stop nagging him about it, and live a happy life with the family you have created... |
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Dr.PhilwithBoobsDueInJune
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If marriage is a deal breaker for you and you know he isn't going to marry then why stay? At least he is being honest and not dragging you along. |
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I've Got My Answer
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If this is something you truly want and he's telling you no this is never going to happen then you really need to question yourself as to if you're willing to accept the reality that you may never be his "wife". However if you guys already have a great relationship and the only thing that's missing is the wedding and the changed name consider if it's worth loosing everything you have going on just because you can't officially have the "marriage". This man's had a bad experience and maybe doesn't want to ruin your relationship by getting married because to him that would change everything and considering he's been there done that it may be best to just accept the relationship you have and move keep working to make your relationship stronger. You never know one day he may get to a point where he realizes that you're not his ex-wife and marriage to you would be different and actually consider going through with it..... Good Luck:-) |
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leambi
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If you love him and are both happy then does it really matter if you are married or not, it is just a ceremony and should really have no impact on your feelings towards each other in any way, if it does then you really shouldn't be together. Having children together should be a bigger commitment than a ring and a piece of paper as it means that he is tied to you forever in some way even if the relationship ends in the future. |
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Cassius
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Let me get this straight you are with the man you love have 2 children with him and a house to share and you worry about stupid ceremony that is meaningless in the age of divorce ? |
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autumn
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well you have made it pretty easy for him not to marry you ... i dont mean to hurt your feelings ...but you have the house .. you have kids together ...knowing he didnt want to get married ... so he has gotten his way ... now you want marriage ..and he doesnt .. but you are still there ...in the house you have together with your kids ... so ..question is .. is this really all you want out of life ? or do you want the commitment ...and all that comes with it ? ..if not ...its time to sit down and have a long talk with him ...but be prepared ... he may tell you he doesnt want to marry you ... good luck ... |
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nannywho
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Are you happy with him? Is he kind and thoughtful? If so, then it's obvious that you should stay with him, because you have the best thing that can come from marriage already. The dream wedding is nothing if the marriage is a misery. Besides, who knows? He could change his mind some day. Maybe he has been badly hurt and is insecure. BUT, if the relationship doesn't make you happy, get out now and go for your rainbow. |
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inoffensive nickname
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If you're willing to have kids with him, what difference does it make if you take his name or not? Give it a rest...it's just a piece of paper that apparently doesn't mean much in his world anyway. |
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Llkeesha G
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I would say no, because if a person really loves you enough they are going to want to commit to you. Just because he has been married before doesn't mean a thing. I think you should just seperate for a while, let you open your eyes and let him open his. Then maybe you two can come to terms with what each other wants |
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Paul M
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You really messed this up - you have 2 kids and a house and you want to be married to him but he doesnt want to marry you? You should really have clearly agreed whether you were going to get wed before you made these commitments - this is such a fundamental.
You think you are engaged but he tells everyone you aren't? Can you not agree on that??
The question here is not "Should you stay because you WANT marriage" it's "Should you stay because of your children being raised in a unified home?" and the answer to thisw is Yes Yes Yes - if you dont like it then tough - why should your children pay the price for your own irresponsibility in the first place. ALot of the answers on this thread will forget the fact that you have children and I'm telling you this - wanting marriage to the point you would consider breaking up your children's home if you don't get it is selfish, selfish, selfish. |
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Barbara Doll to you
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Maybe he might take it more seriously if he thought it was about more than a wedding ceremony? |
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confused001
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Why did you have kids with him? NOw you want marriage and he does'nt. Dont you think you should have talked about marriage before the kids. I think you both are living life backwards, SO Good Luck.
If he does'nt want to marry you, then you should find someone else, who will accept 2 kids . The more you force him the further you push him. Either way you'll lose... |
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star69
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Some things to think about
What will you get out of getting married that you havent got already? Apart from getting to wear a nice dress and feeling important for one day? What means more to you, getting married or being married? Would you marry a man you didnt love just to get married to someone? To all intents and purposes you are living as if you were married. You just dont have the dress and the sense of pride and security that he loves you enough to want to marry you.
And what is his problem with getting married? If he tells you his reason is that he doesnt want to be tied down to you, he wants to be able to be free then think about leaving as he is basically saying he wants to be able to run out on you and the kids and not feel any guilt should the fancy take him.
Bu tmaybe he feels that you dont really want Him, its just the wedding you want, not the marriage? That would put me off too, I'd feel you were not committed yourself.
You both need to talk about it or you will both feel your lives have been wasted, your's by wainting for something that will not happen and his by being with you when you dont appreciate him and keep nagging him. |
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mighty i
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its just a piece of official paper that u want and why? This guy has done more for you than alot of men has done for alot of women. isnt that enough? 2 nice children and a house! i didnt hear any abuse or any negative about this guy. seems like a nice guy who had been scared from a previous marriage. if u leave him because of that, u could regret it! the next guy could be an @sshole. count ur blessing for what u got now that alot of married people dont have that ended up in divorced! i bet u, when he is ready.... he will marry you...took me ten years to come around! i was in the same situations! so have patience! |
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Crystal LeeAnn
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Well, you have a choice to make. He does not respect you enough to give you his name with a license. Just because you have two kids does not make it enough of a commitment. But, in all practicality, he just does not respect you. If he did, he would not say those things to you and to others. But here is one things you can tell him, you two are already married in the sight of the law. It is called common law. But, then he could throw it back at you and say, SEE, WE ARE MARRIED, SO ENOUGH! There again, no respect. I could not stay with a man that did not respect me. |
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♥
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Why would you do thaqt to yourself? When you become even more unhappy in this situation you will only have yourself to blame. He told you what he wanted and HE's getting it. This is an unfair deal when one person gives everything to the other. Your situation is not committment enough.
If he can have kids with you and buy a house with you, why can't he marry you? Sounds like he is keeping some of himself on reserve. |
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nydp02
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Yes u should. U have to understand were he is coming from if u both love each other n have a family u would probably be a more of a successful couple than those who r married. |
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Horse Up
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Girl! Wise Up! You should ask yourself, or better yet Him, why your good enough to have kids with and good enough to live with but not good enough to Marry? He just got you the ring to shut you up. Thats a given! Dont waste your time/years on something your never gonna get from someone. Be honest with yourself and dont be in denial! Thats the worse thing a person can do. Remember your letting him do this to you. Sorry, but just being truthful! |
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laplandfan
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He sounds cruel to me by telling others you are not engaged when you had said you were? Although maybe you should have clarified with him just what this ring meant to him.
getting you a ring for "nagging" as he stated sounds to me like he's disrespecting you. You have given him two children and live as man and wife but yet he does not want to commit.
I think only you can decide what to do here. Are you happy being with someone you love but yet wont commit OR do you want to move on and search for the one that will commit to you? |
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Very happily married.
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No, he won't change and you will end up hating him for it. |
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Vanity Affaire
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You have to decide what's really important to you, if this is something that you can get over and just continue to build a life with this man, or is the fact of not having a wedding going to dampen your happiness. I feel you have to do what's best for your life and what will make you happy and you have to decide what will make you happier, just being in a commited relationship with the man you love, or leaving him to create a new life with someone else and having the dream wedding you've always wanted. Figure out your own priorites in life and what's important to you.
Good luck. |
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Butternut27
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No....he doesn't want marriage...and its important to you...you need to decide if you can live without it..if you can't you know the answer..... |
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jaded
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you should stay with him for the sake of the two children who are innocent victims of your stupid decisions to be a fake wife to a guy you didnt believe when he said he was not going to marry you.
once you have kids, it really really isnt about what you want anymore. be grateful for what you have and quit complaining. you literally " made your bed" by living an immoral and foolish lifestyle . dont make your kids suffer because of your own dumb choices. |
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Pure Star
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Are you honouring yourself? Doesn't sound like it. Is he honouring you? Again doesn't sound like it. Life is too precious to be lived with what you settled for. You are worth far more than this. Yes ending this relationship will hurt because it is the known and the unknown is always a little scary. However, you will be truly content if you are with a like minded partner mutualy respecting each other. Be strong and sure in your beliefs of how you choose to live your life. Good Luck |
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wondering
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You are wasting your time. Get out. |
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Natalia
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If its important to you it should be important to him but know that if everything else is ok that the paper isnt important. The paper doesnt provide you with a home and family and love.. be happy with what you have if he refuses because it sounds like you already have more than most people. |
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