Should my husband be offended by me going to my dad for help?

Chr1sT0ph3R

You must be newly weds. This is something you're going to have to get over if you want your marriage to work. I would be offended too.

Imagine if you missed a spot while cleaning and your husband called his mom in to clean it. How would you feel? He would just be helping you out.
What if he calls his mom to cook dinner for him because he doesn't like what you cook. You can see where I'm going with this.

AnonymousChris

I would be offended if my wife went to her dad every time she wanted something. I don't know why either. I guess I would just feel like I'm not able to provide for my wife. But your guy does all the budgeting and sounds responsible. I think you could have waited to weeks for paint. That was kind of disrespectfull

You didn't "need" the new paint you "wanted" it. You should show your husband more respect and waited as he said. You sound spoilt.

janetrmi

Your husband is the head of the household. When you went behind his back, it showed disrespect to him. From now on, follow your husband's leading. If you feel you need to ask for money from your dad, ask your husband first on his feelings. If he says no, then don't do it.

If you inherit everything after your father passes away, your husband will not have objections to that. It's going behind his back that he objects to. You owe your husband an apology.

hurts so good

honestly you are showing little if any respect for your husband to provide for you. stop calling daddy and learn to wait and respect your husband and the effort he is doing to support you.

Johnny

As a husband I would be very offended.

As a Father of a 23 and 27 year old daughter's I'd be even more offended. If they really needs something I'd help them and their husbands out in a second.

Whining about having to wait a couple weeks to buy paint is just plain silly and stupid.

Garry J

I think that your husband has every right to be upset. He sees it as an insult to him when you ask your father for things. Most men think that it is their job to support their family and by you going behind his back and getting things from your father, undermines the husbands position in the family.

kpopp

But your dad isn't dead yet! In the meantime you are making your husband feel inadequate. In other words, you are letting him know, by going to your dad, that he is not good enough for you, because he does not take care of you in the manner that you expect. That diminishes him. No man wants to feel that he isn't good enough. Try to do without your dad's help.

openminded

grow up and leave you dad alone. Your husband is right. If you dont work get a job so you can pay for it. You dad dieing and leaving you stuff is totally different than you asking for stuff when you are capible of getting a job.

m0501

Your being a spoiled little brat! When you can't get what you want you go running to daddy! Of course your husband has every right to be upset. He's out there working his but off to support you and when he can't give you what you want, when you want, you turn to your dad. What kind of a wife are you? You act like you couldn't wait two weeks to get the stupid paint. I would never do that to my husband, no matter how much money my dad had. You have no respect for your husband at all! Go get a job so that you can afford the extra stuff that you want. I don't think your husband would be upset once you inherit your dad's possessions because it's your inheritance. But he's still alive and by you always running to daddy for money, you're making it seem like you husband is not man enough to support you. Please Grow up!

Nikkie

Your not giving him the chance to be the provider. Your father gave you away when you got married but your still acting like your daddies girl which is frustrating for your hubby because he knows he cant compete with your father.

Your going to push him away is the reality so i suggest you find a way to put a cap on your wants and deal with what your husband says and display a little more appreciation for what he is trying to do. im sure your not doing it intentionally but a mans ego is like a woman's intuition.

Shannon

He feels completely inadequate and unable to support your standard of living. He didn't even tell you no we can't afford that, he just said we have to wait a little while.

You need to learn to live on what he makes or neither of you will be happy in the long-term. It would be easier on him if you worked and spent your own money on yourself.

If there is an *emergency* that you need cash for, it's acceptable to lean on relatives. Hospitalization, natural disaster, or if you are young and a major appliance breaks (e.g. need a new furnace in the middle of winter.)

I need paint is nothing close to that unless you needed the paint to finish a school (college) project on time for a grade? And in that case you married too young; you should be cohabitating at most if Daddy is still putting you through school.

Regardless of the reason and situation as your husband he is going to feel stabbing pain. Bury it is the first negation response; once that no longer works anger comes next; once the anger no longer works it's game over.

This is like him playing racquetball after work with a girl/women he works with and doing it again after telling you about it and after you've told him how uncomfortable it makes you feel. That's how terrible this is making him feel.

Imagine if he actually did what I just described to you; there's a dozen women here that would tell you to divorce him. The only saving grace is that it's Daddy doting on his little girl.

He doesn't care about the money; he cares about taking care of you.

christinamh86

Ha Ha! You cannot compare what you get when your dad dies to mooching off of him when you are alive! It sounds like you are a very spoiled daddy's girl. That is something that most people just can't understand and cannot make sense out of. Yes, obviously it has always been this way so your husband should have expected it. I do think that your husband has EVERY right to be upset about you running to your dad when he tells you that you should wait a whole whopping two weeks! It is a very good thing that your husband has a budget and sticks to it! Most people these day's are not that responsible.

Everyone these day's just need to have instant gratification. I think that you need to respect the fact that your husband is working very hard for you and to give you things. If he asks you to wait two weeks then you should wait to show him that you respect his financial decisions and just plain respect the fact that he doesn't make as much as your father does. It is very kind of your dad to be so giving for you. I personally know that if I was to do this my boyfriend would be so embarrassed and hurt it would take a serious toll on our relationship if I was to do this to him often.

A man's pride and ability to support his family is a very important and sensitive issue to them. By you always getting what he won't give you from your father he takes it as you are telling him that since he won't support you and what you want your father will. Especially since you do not work it is an even more sensitive issue to your husband. You really should take a step back and try to see things from your husband's point of view.

Tricia G

I would be upset if I were your husband too. Your husband wants to be the MAN. By asking daddy for money, you just treated him like he is a boy. Your husband is busting his butt trying to provide for you so you can stay home and the second he cannot immediately provide for you, you go running to daddy for money. You are not helping your husband out...you are making him feel like a failure as a provider.

Quit making your husband compete with your daddy. They are on two different levels in terms of current income levels and wealth simply because your dad has at least 25 years more work experience and has worked his way up through the ranks. Twenty-five years from now, your husband will also have more income.

Please treat your husband with more respect than that. Do you want to stay married? If so, quit emasculating your husband by having your daddy provide for you.

christiecakes**

Yeah you sound like you've been a spoiled brat your whole life...you went to daddy for anything right? Well why dont you get some independance and maybe pick up a part time job, you will be able to buy things that you want and obviously cannot afford, but you just have to have it. And you would also be helping the economy, your husband probably feels like he cannot provide for you enough because you are high maitnence and its making him feel inadequate. Get off your high horse and go get a job and do something good for you, your husband, and the economy.

Lorang

It seems like an issue of pride with your husband. He wants to be the one to provide for you! =) What I'd do is simply tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works, and that you're just trying to make it easier on him to ask your dad. Ask him what he wants you to do? If he is really upset by it, maybe just wait it out until he has the money once in a while? It'll probably give him a huge ego boost.

I hope things work out!

cvsspirit94

Most men are....

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