Should my husband defend me to his mother?

Amanda W

I am not sure what your husband can really do. She sounds like a nut. He could and should talk to her but if she is that attached to him then him talking to her about you might just piss her off more!!! I really do not think it would change her at this point. She obviously does not want to have anything to do with you. You apologized to her for it and tried to smooth things over. It is up to her now to change the way she is with you. This has to be VERY hard on your husband he is caught in the middle weather he wants to be or not. I can imagine how hard this must be for you but I promise it is harder on him. ( I have been through my mom disliking my husband) The best and hardest thing for you to do is continue being the bigger person for his sake and stay away from her as much as you can.

Queen of Beer

Yes, HE needs to do something about it, not you.

killinshel

As I have said often..And I quote this from the bible " A man must leave his mother and his father and CLING to his WIFE" Meaning he and you are now ONE. The is to be no one who comes between you and he. He can no longer have his mother running his life, He is the man of his own house now! You are his wife, and he is to protect YOU! And if that means against his mother then so be it! She has givin you no opportunity to be apart of her life in a positive way. If your husband refuses to be the man of his household and put his mother in her position Id advise you to no long allow yourself to be put at her mercy!!! Remove yourself from all contact with her. But he should "deal" with his mother! She has very well over stepped her grounds. That's a shame, it really is!!! When the day comes that your the mother of her grandchild, She may then rethink what she has done. Until then stay away from her. She will cause your husband and you to end in Divorce. And that's apparent because he isn't willing to stand up for you. He figures let it go and it will go away..... That's not going to happen!

stixy_stixy

It is completely, 100% HIS responsibility to talk to his mother. You are now the number one woman in his life. He should DEMAND that his mother respect you, and if she can't, well then she just shouldn't be in either of your lives. In no way is it okay for him to sit back and let his mother treat you that way. He sounds like a freakin' coward.

in my first marriage, my mom came over and yelled at my wife about something.
i told her, "yelling at me is okay, my wife is off limits".
well, the next time my mom came over, and yelled at my wife again about something. I asked her to leave, and she's not welcome at my house and i will not answer any of her calls, etc etc.

after going about a month with me ignoring her calls etc, she visited unannounced. I called the cops on her and I went six years without talking.

now, that marriage was over, and my new wife wanted to meet my family, so i broke down and opened the line of communication. my mom is now a different woman to my wife and my family.

your husband is a spineless sh*t.

DILLON

Your husband is a wimp and his mother is a bully. You have to stand firm to fight a bully. Bullies mistake your nice nature for cowardice and try to bully you more. Do not let her push you around. Treat each incident separately and tell her in an even voice that she is wrong and she should stop being mean. Don't expect any support from your husband. You have to fight your own battles. You should not rush into having any kids because you may want to get far away from this dysfunctional family.

â™¥HunniBunniâ™¥

yes your husband definatly needs to grow a pair and let his mom know that this is not how a mature woman acts. You have obvisously attempted to fix things but she isnt trying to listen to you. Maybe if it comes from someone that she will listen to then things will get better.

sp to da ***** c

You are totally right! he needs to stick up for you! y'all are married and his mother should understand that. She should give you your place and respect you! He really needs to step up and help you out!
Good Luck : D!

SHYKARMOM

My husbands moms the same way nothing i do is right and we have been married for over 3 years. They just don't want to except me still. My husband does take up for me but then they say he is hen pecked and everything else. so i just stay away me and my kids

Nancy

yes it was his responsibility in the beginning to set the boundaries and have her respect you and yes its his mother and all, but you are now his wife he has to give you each their place. Like my husband said if my mother in any way disrespects you i will talk to her and take your side and talk to her and if you disrespect her i will take her side. I will go with who ever is right. doesn't matter if shes my mom if in any way she hurts you i will stand up for you even tho she is my mom. and that made me feel special because he acknowledge me as something special talk to him explain to him how you feel of course not insulting your mother in law because after all that's his mom and he cares about her and will not like it if you talk bad about her. so talk to him explain to him how you feel and that those were not your intention and if he cares about you he will try to make it right.

JCMOM00

Go to the library or your local book story. Read "Act like a lady, think like a man" by Steve Harvey. He has a sections on Mama Boys that will help you deal with this issue. I highly recommend this book to everyone. Knowledge is power

Bs Girl

Sounds to me like "mommy dearest" has some serious control issues and can't stand it that she can't control him and that is probably whats wrong with the daughter. Yes it is his job to step in now and start taking up for you. Good luck

ShannaBee

Yes, you're husband should intervene. He should stand up to you, you are his wife, he made vows to you. MIL is out of line.

Katie P

yes he should stand up for you, it sounds to me like he is a mama's boy and he don't want to hurt her feelings but he don't mind hurting yours, I had a situation just like that, I always had to be the one standing up for my family because my ex wouldn't.he never defended me and my kids against his family, tell him to stop being a mama's boy and start being a husband to you, tell him he is not married to his mom he is your husband, tell him his mom needs to butt out of your life, if he can't do that then you need to leave him because you will never be happy and his mom will always be there interfering in your life...

almy92604

well if he doesnt wanna talk about it then he should tell his lovely mother to stop bringing it up. it might be better to let it go but if she doesnt stop insulting you he needs to grow up and tell his momma to mind her own business

Taurean W

I've looked to see how the men versus women have answered and I am a guy. I have to agree with the guys but for different reason. If your husband has to stand your ground then that is the only time it will be stood. The mother will never respect you, she will only amuse your husband.

Look at it this way: Your young child disrespects only you not your husband, do you think your husband should step in then? No because the child will never respect you. The child will amuse the father and disrespect you when the father is away or working late or generally not there.

You have to stand your own ground or you will just get a little less noise while he is around you and your mother in law. It won't change how she feels about you, views you, or treats you. She can easily say "hello hon" with pure hate in her eyes. I think his standing up for you will make things worse. Skipping forward, if you stand up to her and you can see, not from asking him (we don't like that), but from his actions that he supports you then in the future, yes he will have to stand up for you.

I didn't go through this with my wife but I'm imagining us two in this situation with my mother. This is what I would expect.

If she won't play nice after that then I suggest that you judo chop her in the throat and run like heck! LOL.

Gary B

Absolutely. YOU are his family, now. HE should have "cut the apron strings" on the day you were married, if not before.

It is NOT your place to defend your self against your mother-in-law, nor is it your place to fight with her. THAT IS HIS JOB.

HE needs to tell Mommy that he is married to YOu now, and that YOU are the number one woman in his life. He loves her dearly, but YOU are number One Girl.

if he does not, then you have other problems. you have married a "Momma's Boy" and you are likely to have a tough life. You have also married someone who is weak-willed and indecisive, afraid to make the necessary tough decisions. Again, your life is going to be difficult, because YOu are going to have to take up a lot of slack in your relationship.

I suggest that you BOTH seek marital counseling. GO NOW! this issue IS going to tear you marriage apart, if it is not fixed soon. your mother-in-law wants her little boy back, and she want to be able to tell him what to do. But he is married to YOU, and that relationship with her needs to stop.

if necessary, make the counseling appointments, and take him with you without telling him what you are doing. He'll be pissed,but he NEEDS help -- and so do you. you will need even more help if he can not learn to be the man in your relationship.

Katie M

It is your husband's duty to stand up to his mom. If he can't do it, he's a mama's boy. It's shouldn't be between you and his mom. HE should get off his butt and let his mother know that he chose you. He should also tell her to quit bad-mouthing you to YOUR family. This woman sounds like the mother in law from hell. I wish you the best but your husband will have to grow some sack before it gets better.

Emme

This is between YOU and HIM...... he needs to step up and tell his mother to BACK OFF. He needs and should defend you, even if he thinks you are wrong. He can speak to you afterwords if he thinks you are wrong. He needs to let his whole family and yours know that you two are a unit, a team now and that if they disrespect YOU they are disrespecting HIM. Your MIL will continue to do this until EVERYONE, your hubby, your family and YOU stop allowing her to do this.

Watch that movie "Monster-in-Law" with Jennifer Lopez...

I am kind of torn between whose "responsible" for defending you in this siutation. Yes, your husband should stand up and say something, but always remember this... He was his mother's first. And if (I hope they don't) things should go sour with your hubby, who will be left to take care of him for the rest of her life? His mother!! On the other hand, maybe you should try and invite her to a lunch or something, just the 2 of you, and ask her about all this. Remain calm but just tell her that you need to know what her beef is with you. She might respect you a bit more if you stand up for yourself instead of expecting her son to protect you. If all else fails and that idea goes bad, talk to your husband. Don't make him choose between you and his mother - unfortunately, most men don't like to be cornered like that and WILL pick momma over wife any day. Good luck!

Lovely Me

Yes he should definitely stand up for you. Unfortunately having been raised by this overbearing woman, he probably will not. I suggest that you keep your distance and let your husband make his visits to mommy dearest without you. Make sure you explain that since he will not defend you, you refuse to be subjected to her abuse any further.

court court

id show him this post..
ITS HIS PLACE TO TALK TO HER AND DONT PUT UP WITH IT IS PHSYCO AND YOU DONT HAVE TO JUST DONT GO TO ANY OF HIS FAMILY THING UNTIL HE MAKES HER SHUT UP!

Praying for A Blessing!!!!!!

We he married you that made you the most important women in his life so yes he need to stand up for you

ouragon

Just some observations. If my son quit college to marry, I'd be pissed. At him. The child probably DOES need to see a psychiatrist. Don't ever show this woman your belly again. When you apologized, it made things worse.

Your husband lacks the maturity to be married. Maybe that's because he quit school to do it.

originata

No he shouldn't intervene. His mother doesn't like you and you that it's not for good reason. If what you're saying is true, then she'd hate any woman in his life. You're asking him to take sides and it's not fair. Just grow up, and accept that everyone is not going to like you. Be courteous when you have to be around her, but keep your distance. Leave well enough alone. How hard is that?

I don't care if 100 more women come in and cosign you, it is not your husband's responsibility to go mouthing off to his mother. You are not a child.

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