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Should wife be told about her husband's affair?
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Should wife be told about her husband's affair?

A man had affair with me (pretending he was single). When I found out he was married I ended everything. Should I inform his wife out of moral obligation, then it's up to her what to do but at least it's not like I know something destructive that I am keeping secret from someone. I don't know if I could live with not letting her know because I sure would want to know if I was in her shoes. All my friends say don't tell.
Additional Details
So if someone witnesses a terrible crime like child abuse, they shouldn't report it because "what comes around goes around" the person who did it will get caught sooner or later, nobody will believe you and so on. I'm just surprised how humans are so "mind your own business" just like nobody did anything to stop the Holocaust. So basically the majority opinion is that I shouldn't tell the wife, while she sleeps with a man who cheats on her.


Do you know this woman? If it were me, I would probably tell the wife. But that's probably because I am a wife, and sure as hell would want to know. I think she deserves to know, cause if he did it w/ you, lord knows how many times he's cheated and he could give her an std or something. I think you'd be doing the right thing by telling her.

Mrs. February
I'm married and I would want to know..

So, I can take all his money and kill him!!

Mrs D
I would want to know.

Yes, She should definately be told. If he cheated once he will cheat again. Imagine how you would feel if you were the wife and you were being cheated on and didn't no. How did you feel when you were lied to by him portraying himself to be single? Just watch she doesn't go crazy on you even though it's not your fault she will be hurting and she will think it is.

tell her

Yes. the wife should be told. I'm a wife and I would like to know.

Yes, I believe that you have an obligation to tell her....and be sure to include as many facts/as much proof as possible....because he will deny it.

I'm wondering how you managed to have a relationship with someone without visiting their home....knowing anything about them as important as their being married....

next time you might want to make SURE he takes you to HIS house early on.

You should definitely tell her, she has a right to know.

Sydney Swan
Sad Spirit, if I were you I'd feel it were my obligation as a woman to let her know what she's dealing with. Wouldn't you wanna know if your hubby were cheating on you? Let her know you are sorry and her husband was using the both of you. Don't worry about any of the comments telling you to NOT do it. While some make good points, ultimately it is your decision. You will feel better and the wife will have to deal with the issues in her relationship. After you tell her, stay out of it! That's your only responsibility to this woman.

â„¢ Mogul SUpreme â„¢
Would you want to know if your husband cheated on you?
People who say stay out of it are cowards lol
I say tell. His wife should not be mad at you but her husband!

that is a sad story no lie!


if u were in her place u wana know!!!!!!!

he's gona do it again if u dont......do nOT let him get away!!!!!!!!!!! come on!!!!!!!!!

What you want and what others want can be very very different. I surely wouldn't want some girl calling me out of the blue to let me know my husband cheated on me. Just stay out of it. I'm sure he will blow up his own life without your help.

I saw your edit. Child abuse and murder are totally different than adultry. You are trying to punish him for his moral mistake. He did not break a law. He did not physically harm anyone. That is the difference.

who knows
im married..
i'd want to know...

Mom of two angels
I'm married and I would want to know what diseases I could be getting exposed to. Then I would kill him. You should tell him to tell her before you do. The he can deal with it and you won't have to. Give him a week to do it and tell him if he doesn't the letter is on it's way certified in her name. Best Wishes!

i would want to know if my husband cheated but i don't know if i'd wanna hear it from the other woman herself. i'd want a mutual friend or someone neutral to tell me because if the other woman was the first one to tell me i really don't know how much i'd be able to control my temper. i'd wanna confront the other woman eventually but i wouldn't want her to be the first to tell me. is there anyone else that could tell her besides you without it seeming tacky? that would be my best suggestion to you...good luck, you are doing the right thing by wanting to tell her this isn't something i'd be able to live with without acting on if i were you either.

G* gUrl

you know if people watch one another's back it would make cheating harder. i guess in my book if ladies watched out for each other it wouldnt happen as much. so many complain about men cheating, but when they do run into it, they always say dont tell. why the heck not? what is also confusing is like this guys wife is going to blame this woman as much or more than her husband? if you do tell, you are liable to get a whole lot of hate unleashed on, so be prepared. i just dont understand why it is that way.

Marilyn P
I tell you yes, let her know she has the right to know, that is your conscience telling you to do what is right, so she can make decisions for her life. So far she's been made a fool of. You at least owe that much. If it were my husband I wouldn't so much be mad at you [I would actually be sort of grateful that you told me], but I then would know what he is capable of. My husband did cheat it breaks my heart that he lied too!!! your friends are wrong.

I agree with your friends. My advice would be to stay out of it.

I would tell her, be careful of your wording though as you were both deceived. Only because as a wife I would want to know.

EDIT- now that I read that you KNEW that he was married- I would still tell her SO THAT SHE KNOWS TO KILL BOTH OF YOU!!!!

Stay out of it. It is not really your place and nor are you obligated to do anything. By saying something to his wife, the only thing you accomplish is making yourself feel better. He has issues to iron out with his wife and you really shouldn't put yourself in the middle of something that inherently didn't involve you.

i would probably agree iwth your friend here although I can understand where you are coming from.

There is a huge possiblity that ifyou tell the wife, that she won't believe you, and that the husband will deny everything. If he did it once, he will do it again and eventually get caught.

Ouch you are a victim here too.

I understand why you want to, but you will be inserting yourself into a problem that will have no positive outcome for you. Things might even get pretty tough for you. You did right by walking away.

You should tell her, then move on.

i may get stones thrown at me for this one.. but i do think you should tell her.. if he did it once (and who says u were the first) he'll do it again and again and again.. most cheaters are pathological... think of the health issues.. both physical and mental for her.. .. "friends" will never tell her even if they find out, cuz they wont want to get involved.... will say its none of their biz. She deserves to know... i am speaking from expierence.. .. my "friends" didnt tell me... good luck

although yes, the wife deserves to know.. and id say go for it.. but it might just bring hell to your life, the husband might try to get back at you... i really dont know what to tell you...

eventually that man's marriage will end, either because he got caught, or he or his wife are not happy anymore.

of course u wanna tell her, but u also gotta watch your own back.
if the guy does not know where you live then i say go for it.. although if he has your number he can use it to look up your address online...

just make sure your in the clear first before you go ahead and let her know.

If I were the wife then I would want to you to tell me. I would want you to expalin the whole thing from start to finish and I would hope that you actully acted sorry for what happened, even if you didn't know.

Keep in mind that she might not beleive you. But it IS the right thing to do.

Evil Red
That is a sad situation. 2 wrongs dont make a right. So do you want to tell her because he hurt you or because you feel it is your "duty" to do so? Because if you tell her what is going to make her believe you? I am sure when he was out with you he had is bases covered at home. Therefore unless he divulged lots of personal info about him and his family she more than likely wont believe you.She may think that you are some woman that wants her husband and she may wonder how you know her name and got the # and may question him but who really knows how far it will go besides that. As the old saying goes "God dont like ugly" and "You reap what you sow" trust me it will come back on him one way or another. You just move on with your life and dont hurt the woman, it will come out in the end.

rock of ages
You might what to go with your friends on this one. Sometimes things are left best unsaid. Beside even though it was him, she'll only blame it on you. Then your caught up in the drama. Who needs it. I understand you wanting to tell her, but let him dig his own grave.

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