Should you stay married for your kids just because you are not happy?

Like My New Hat?

You need to figure out if your just been feeling unhappy or you are unhappy. You should never stay together for the kids because you will hate yourself later. Your sadness will just keep growing until you and your husband argue alot and it will affect your relationship with your kids. Your kids will hate that you two have grown to hate each other and then you won't be able to stand him. Then you could not function together as a parental unit and it will be harder on your kids when you split because you have to since you are both going out of your minds with anger. That's what happened to my parents. Now they aren't friends and they got divorced when I as in 8th grade which was harder on me because I was in that puberty age. And they hated each other so much it affected my relationship with them. I've moved on but I wish they divorced when I was younger. My father has moved on and could be friends with my mother but my mother has never even come close to recovering emotional.

abihigginson

If I thought I had a 'great spouse' I would never ever divorce him. There may be no passion or whatever, but as long as I had companionship I would be happy. I also think it's important for the kids to grow up in a 2 parent family if at all possible. Obviously, if my husband beat me or the kids I'd be out of there like a shot, but otherwise, I'd be in it for the long haul :-)

kitkat

In the situation you just described I'd have to say no. This person should get counseling before doing anything else. I have a feeling they are in some sort of depressed state right now and nothing well make them happy without professional help. Divorce is not their answer.

Susan C

As I see it you have two options, work on our mariage,(you loved this man at one time for a reason) or move on so your kids can see what a truely happy marriage is. You can't be the best you for your kids unless you are happy. Good luck!

Just Joe

There are way too many positives in this story to just throw it all away. The kids should come first and a divorce could do them great emotional damage. It seems the person just needs to find some sort of hobby to fill their void of unhappiness. Perhaps they could do volunteer work or coach their kids in some sport. Work on fully rounding out their life instead of quitting and starting over. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.

Kim K

Passion is a feeling, feelings are subject to change. However...

If one is unhappy in a relationship, he/she should change it. The children involved will pick up on unhappiness and believe that this is normal.

Talk about the relationship with the significant other...Or try couples therapy...

I'm with Stupid.

Try going to counseling by your self or with your spouse. If that does not work, LEAVE. My mom stayed with my father because of her 3 children and it made life MISERABLE for all of us.

undone

No you dont. I think a lot of people buy into the idea that marriage is supposed to be romantic, exciting and "make you happy". Nah. Its real life and hard work. You dont "toss the baby out with the bath water" so to speak. Its normal to feel a little unhappy when a situation isnt what you dreamt it would be ( or a person isnt who you dreamt they were). Thats the point at which commitment kicks in.

happy2be

sounds like a typical woman , got alot but wants more.....put more energy into your marriage and maybe you want be so bored.......do something different like wearing lingerie to bed.....ask your husband to take you somewhere we time and money allows.....sit down and CHILL...ask SHAQ 'S Wife!!!!

No. Work on your marriage. Around 7/10 years of marriage, people tend to have itchy feet and will no doubt regret it if they act on it.
I wasn't happy; In fact I was truly miserable because of my in-laws interference and my ex-husband's lack of support.
So, I got separated and divorced.
I can assure you that it hasn't been a picnic.
My two children were under 8. My daugther was about 5 and it hit her so badly. This had never crossed my mind.
After a few years of hard time, I eventually made friends with my ex-husband and my children are SO happy to see and spend time with their dad, that it breaks my heart to have only thought of myself at that time.
So, let alone if your friend IS not having any problems.
Besides, she has 3 children when I have 2.
I wouldn't advise her to destroy her marriage with no valid reason. The chances are, when she'll come to her senses, she'll regret it big time and might not be lucky enough to go back to what her life used to be.
Best of luck.xxx

manic

If it was a bad marriage you should get out but what you described isn't a bad marriage.
Passion will always taper off. The same thing will happen if you find a new man.
Taking care of three children under 8 is hard work and can cause some of the depression that you feel.
Being a single mother would not bring happiness. Probably more depression.
Happiness comes from within. You have to work at it if it's not there. You can make your life happier. It's your attitude that needs to change. Think about the good things in your life. Put your effort into improving what you have.
Get a babysitter and have a date night once a week. Go dancing with your husband or persue whatever interests you have in common.
If what you think is missing is a lot of one night stands then go for it.
Not many men would want a woman that has three little kids to deal with. They'll only be around long enough to get into your pants and then move on.
Your kids will never understand why you broke up the family to seek happiness elswhere.
Best of luck to you. I hope your situation improves soon.

Al B

If you are not happy, there is a tremendous chance that one or the other will start to have an affair with someone somewhere and that would be as bad, from a religious standpoint, as the divorce. I think the two should talk to each other and try to regain the happiness that caused them to be happy in the first place. there is a reason that the passion turned to not being content but unless they talk honestly and openly, if the person not content gets a divorce he or she will get into another relationship which will end in not being content there either. It would be better to talk or get counseling now to rekindle the romance and save what sounds like otherwise a good marriage.

leeyah

m0st people would probably adviced you get out of that marriage simply bacause your not happy anymore,but in my own opinion i would ask you to hold on for as long as you can because if you wont your kids will suffer the consequence.anyways your kids alone is a reason enough for you to be happy.

imluvinlife

If you are unhappy your kids are going to see this and it will begin to make them unhappy you should never stay together just for the kids.
Find out if you can find what you lost with your spouse do things just the 2 of you see if something is still there if its not then there is no need to stay together its not good for you, your spouse or the kids. Life is too short not to be happy.

happypants

it depends...is the "unhappiness" depression; if so, then should seek professional help because ended this marriage wont stop the feeling of unhappiness if you're clinically depressed.

i'm assuming there is no abuse; if that is so, then i would seek marriage counseling and individual counseling,;if that does not work, then divorce is an option because you dont want your husband to suffer along with you.

i would NOT stay married just for your children's sake. they will grow up thinking your marriage is normal, when is actuality it's unhealthy because it's a lie.

pumkin pash

i suggest talking to the spouse about your feelings if you have kids and got married there has to be some bond there and if that is an option youd rather not take think about it and identify what your not happy with maybe doing something exciting like taking up new interest's or classes may excit you or even just talking to a therapist may help i feel that if there other options you can take before splitting up the family do it because it does affect the kids

Happy-2

What I never understand in these questions is why they always assume that there are exactly two options in this scenario:

1. Stay married and stay miserable; or
2. Divorce.

What about . . .

3. Stay married and rekindle your passion and love.

If two people ever had love and passion, it proves that it is possible for them to have those feelings back again. One of the partners feels like there should be "something more"? No problem! You can always get something more within your marriage. My wife and I have each accummulated more something mores in our 21 years of marriage than I could possibly count. Never leave out option 3!

ron197192064

it is unfortunate, but since it seems that at least two of the kids are under 8, do the divorce now that they are still young and might not affect them as much if they were all over 8. The oldest one might feel a little responsible for the divorce so you would spend more time with the oldest one. But it looks like it needs to be done since you say the passion has turned to just living together. This is the reason for the separation. Staying together for the kids sake is wrong in many ways, like having one or both the parents being miserable is not worth it, another is the children do feel the stress from the parents, and lastly, who is to say that in another 3 or 4 years it wont get to a point to where it is unbearable that it ends in divorce anyway. Those 3 or 4 years would have been wasted. Have you tried counseling or do both not even want to try anymore? Good luck.

Perfect Chaos

No! That is the worst thing you can do. My mom went through her parents always fighting and what not when she was little so when it happened between her and my father she was determined not to put me and my brother through that. We had to deal with it only for a couple months before my mom filed for divorce and it was the worst. You don't want you kids to see that. If you are not happy then your kids won't be! You have to set an example for them! I would suggest however maybe marriage counseling. In relationship's people go through rough spots. You may be able to get the fire going again. If you have family maybe leave the kids with them for a weekend and you and your husband go away for the weekend. Try it and if in a couple months nothing has changed work on getting a place of your own. You need to be happy so your kids can be happy. Try not to make it a bad separation though cause that could be rough on the kids. Talk to your husband/ wife. I hope I could help in some way! Good luck to ya!

oh_jo123

yes seperate but first try working on what is wrong in your marriage and try to get the SPARK back in the marriage

snoopy

It's fairly startling that you're looking for an answer from strangers. Your life does not boil down into the short paragraph that you wrote. You need to speak to a friend, family member, therapist, or someone of the like.

I have my opinions but I'm not going to state them, because they will be based on virtually no information.

Good luck.

keket

this person or what ever sounds depressed and if every things so good why is this? this person is lucky compared to me but why does this person feel this way about her situation does she not love her man?or should i say is she not in love with her man?and does this person really want her kids to have to see there parents separated and let them go throw the trauma even tho every thing is good but someone has some weird issues that they need to figure out?
what exactly is the problem?kids- happy person?-not happy why-don't know other person-don't know how they feel
what kind of answer do you want you don't have to stay married to a person if you don't want to think of the kids but if you really don't want to stay get away then you have to go to court and get shared custody over the kids or one of them might try and take the kids from the other and get sole custody over the kids or figure out whats wrong there choice

Yummyâ™¥Mummy

I think you need to open the communication lines and if that is a failure staying together for the sake of the kids is a mistake. The kids would rather see a happy mom/dad even if it means they don't live together. That's the bottom line.

Unhappiness you describe, I've felt at times. Marriage is work, but for us communication clears up alot for us and if you don't have that, then you don't have anything.

txladybug_2

if you are not happy...move on, never stay for your children. Talk to them they will understand...its your happiness.

the_orc_1

this is tough i think that everyone goes through stages of something missing but really is that a reason to divorce both are working at good jobs and with 3 kids no wonder something is missing it is time together but that is hard to do with everything else im sure that the hubby is aware of it also i think that it should be worked on between the spouses to find the missing passion

Becci

First of all, I would try and identify why I felt unhappy. Once I'd done that - I would try and work on it with my spouse. After all, everything would be much better if the marriage could be fixed.

Secondly, if that didn't work - I most certainly would not look outside of the marriage for satisfaction. You don't need a list of reasons as to why that's wrong.

Thirdly, although I will never really advocate divorce - I would consider the children. Someone once said that divorcing is the same as taking your child and splitting them down the middle. Having seen my parents go through divorce, I could pretty much agree with that!

However; you need to weigh up the hurt that divorce will cause them with the damage it will do them living in an unhappy environment. I don't really think it's right to 'stay together for the kids.'

I'mjustLikeU

Marriage today doesn't mean what it used to..the vow "for better or for worse" doesn't mean a thing when the 'worse comes by' people look for the easiest way out instead of trying to make things better. You should speak to a professional, get marrige counselling and see how that goes. If your husband refuses, then he's not willing to make it work, and like I said, "for better of for worse till death do us part" doesn't mean anything, since divorce came along, so you don't have to stay married if you don't want to.
My father stuck with his children's mother because he said he didn't want his two kids to grow up without a father like me, but he eventually left her a year ago. the kids visit on the weekends and live with her during the week. They are just as happy. With me, it's different because my father never called,visited or acknowledged me while I was growing up. So if you decide to separate, just make sure you give all three of your children the same love you give them now, and spend time with them everyday, until they are old enough to understand, that way they wouldn't feel neglected when they're older. You don't have to live with your husband to do those things.

good luck

If you are not happy your kids will no tbe happy in the long run. Staying with someone just for your kids sake does not work. Try to find passion within each other and if their is none their I would get out. At least that way you can still both maintain civil for the childen. After you have ended the marriage find out who or what makes you passionate. Don't waste your entire life being unhappy, you and your children will regret it in the long run!!!

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