Should you stay together for your kids if you are not happy?

kat

If it effects the way you interact with your children and your wellbeing in a negative way, then no. If it is an abusive (in any way) relationship, if he treats you bad in front of the kids- it's time to go. I've been thinking about staying with my husband even though he lies and cheats, for the kids, but when it begins to affect my health and my personality (are you stressed, snappy, irritable, crying at different times) and it has a little, I have to go. Better the kids to see a happy healthy mother than a mother and father in an unhappy relationship. Why do we as women have to sacrifice so much? is a question I ask myself often.

greendonkey34

No. The kids will know there's tension. They are smart. You will be short tempered with them and they will not be happy either.

No, they know that you are not happy and feel the tension and think it's their fault. Sometimes the best thing to do is leave.

KathieJo

No...why would that help children grow and prosper? You think kids don't KNOW that their parents are unhappy? Get some counseling for your marriage and your children. KJL

HIS!

If there's no abuse or neither one of you is having an affair, I'd try my best to work it out. A wise person once told me that getting a divorce only multiples the problems most times. The issues you are dealing with with your spouse will be the same issues you'll deal with with the next spouse. It's better to work them out the first time and make it work.

Another friend who had been divorced and remarried told me how difficult this all was for her children. She said she loved her new husband, but if she knew then what she knows now, she would never have left the first husband. If it's just that you're not happy......you really can't blame your spouse. He/she is not responsible for your happiness. Any marriage is hard work and takes a commitment from both parties to hold it together. It's not all fun. Sometimes you want to run away from it all, but other times it's worth every thing you've given to it. That's just life. If you were single you wouldn't always be happy either. Love isn't an emotion. It's a choice. You and your spouse, and your kids will be a stronger family if you get through this hard time.

Breezelyn

No, parents who aren't happy together shouldn't be together. Although divorce is hard on kids.. I think kids seeing their parents constantly fighting isn't healthy either.

julian

You need to love yourself and you have the right to be happy too!

Spring M

Kids should never the reason to stay together. If your not happy then your not happy.

sexynana

hon really no one can tell you to stay or leave but if you and your spouse are not getting a long and you fight in front of the kids this is not good for them .you do what you think is best for you and the kids .

banana6464

Only you can know if "not happy" in your case is "will never be happy".

Remember that your children will learn about personal relationships from you - and the example you set. ie. standing up for your own happiness, working through the tough times.

You need to figure out if you are in tough times or if there is no hope at all. Then you figure out whether to dig deep and work through the hard stuff or if it's time to pack your bags.

lady31

NEVER.......THE KIDS KNOW THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY.

I wish that my parents would have divorced long ago (I'm 32 now)

luvlisteningtomusic

If there is no abuse in this marriage whatsoever or any cheating going on then this marriage can be saved. You both need to see what you are arguing about. It is ok for your kids to see you disagree but if it is ongoing all the time then it is worse for the kids to be around that. Kids are smarter then we think. They know that you two are not happy. You both are putting so much negativity in the marriage that you forget to put the positive in it as well. Your kids are suffering.

Purple

NO. Staying in marriage just for the kid's sake will not work out well. If you are not happy, the kids could sense it and they will not be happy either. But if you love your children more than yourself, I think you can make more sacrifices for their sake and make your marriage work. You will be happy if you can make others happy.

Bobby T

No life is to short look for your own happens

Amber B

If you and your spouse are fighting and the home environment is volital - then staying together for the sake of your children is stupid.

My ex and I would fight all the time. I left when our daughter was 2. She would cry when our voices would change pitch and get louder. Even though she was little - she understood.

If your children are older - explain to them the situation. I keep a journal of the amount of time my daughters father chooses to see her. I want her to understand the situation when she is older and have a better understanding of why her life has ventured on the path it has.

Good luck!

Stephen K

That depends.

If you are in active fighting, one of you must leave.

cope_acetic

NO!
Kids always feel that tension, so they are better without that.
Too many people make THAT mistake.

I am I, You are you

As long as the following 3 things are not present you should stay together. Divorce is a terrible thing, and the children always suffer the most.
The 3 things are:
Abuse- physical, verbal and emotional.
Alcohol- any sign of problem drinking and you have to stop it.
Along with excessive drinking and the abuse of it comes
mental and sometimes verbal abuse.
Affairs- this speaks for itself. Lack of respect for everyone.

linda43_2003

if it was me no i would take the kids and leave .

letterstoheather

If you are in an unhappy marriage, there is likely stress in the home, unless you and your husband have a friendly, ammicable relationship (which doesn't happen often).

Kids FEEL the stress, believe me... my parents never communicated and you could practically cut through the tension in our household with a knife.

It was difficult when my parents got divorced, but in most ways, it was a relief.

today i'm 50, and wouldn't want to be that little girl in that awful home again for all the tea in china.

Tracy M

No....kids know when the parents are not happy...better to have 2 parents separate and be happy apart then 2 parents together who are miserable

onenonlymanna

I can't image why anyone would. If the children are young the will grow up feeling the resentment if they are older they prob already know all the tension don't teach them to stay where they are not happy

J3NN

Do you mean together with your spouse? No if theres no love. The kids will be hurting more seen their parents miserable.

renea_phd

As Dr. Phil would say, "It is better for kids to come from a broken home than to live in one."

If there is no way that the two of you can work to fix the relationship, then move on, after you both have earned your way out of the marriage. Exhaust all efforts and then if leaving is necessary, leave. Whatever you choose will be hard, but you will heal.

Best of luck.

Woman in Red

I am the product of parents still married 40 plus years. However, my friends/relatives products of divorce say absolutely not. While every child wants both their parents and wishes to have the nuclear family when they do not have they know it. If their parents are unhappy, miserable, hurt, and are better off apart they support it as they get older.

GoodGuy53

No. If your not happy, your relationship will show it. Your kids will be screwed-up thinking your marriage is a good marriage. That's how they learn. You shouldn't throw your marriage away unless you have gotten therapy first. But if neither of you care anymore, the kids would be better off seeing you both happy with someone else.

kim h

I do not think so. Your kids know when something is up. They also know when you are not happy. Nobody wins from this situation, especially you. The kids would rather live in a happy home than one where everyone is miserable.

ajjsdj4ever

I say no because it only makes your marriage worse and harder on the kids!Your love should be the only thing that keeps you together, not your kids!They can still have 2 parents at least then you'd be happy!

Kitten

Absolutely NOT! You are teaching your children what relationship is all about, what is love etc. If you give up on your life, they will think that being unhappy is acceptable, that love and well being is not important, besides if you are unhappy, you won't be there for your kids, since you are constantly depressed and your attention is on your own misery.

Life is short to waist Sweets, and you deserve to be happy and fight for yourself. it will be tough for your kids, but if you explain it well, and will be there for their greaving the end of your marriage, they will be ok.

There is also something called trying to make your marriage better for everyone. You did love this man, and had kids with him. I would suggest http://www.retrouvaille.org/

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