Snooping through email and found something? Should I be worried?

jude

if u are in a committed relationship with him, then i would be worried if i found those e mails. i would confront him, because if he loves someone else u don't really want to invest any more time in him.

xxguitarplayinxx

You have all the right reasons to be concerned. He shouldn't be telling this woman that he loves her. He should love you. You should set him up. Maybe sneak back onto his email account and forward the email to your email. Then ask him why he sent the email to you. He will be dumbfounded. Then you can question him more about his relationship with this woman.

Willbewill

Well you were wrong to snoop but sometimes our instincts take over for a reason.....you wanted to know what he was doing with his private letters because you obviously did not trust him or have issues with yourself.....either way the truth has come out and you had better face the fact your man is not honest with you...and you are not honest with him.....I dont see a future here.

HUGE RED FLAG. He is either gung ho for you, or he's not and it won't work. Obviously he has his heart in other places. Please try to get your own place and find a guy who is sold out for you and you alone.

Paul&Fran

First off shame on you for snooping. Now your in a predicament. If you can't trust your man what kind of relationship do you have?

Baby's got blue eyes

Yes you snooped. But you obviously felt you had a reason to. Your snooping is waaaaaaaaay less of a wrongdoing than your boyfriend telling another woman that he loves her!

Of course he will get defensive and blast you for snooping and try to make out the problem is all yours. Stand your ground. Your wrong does not make his wrong OK. He is emotionally cheating on you.

The distance does not make their relationship safe for you. I had a 3 year long distance relationship with a man who lived overseas before he migrated to be with me. People will do anything for love, regardless of distance.

You cannot pretend that you dont know about it. The knowledge is still in your mind and your heart. Find a way to bring it up. Even if you have to admit you were snooping (or like one of the other people said up above... forward it to yourself, and then ask him why he forward it to you). His response will give you a good idea of where things are at.

In the rules of relationships, he should not be declaring his love for another woman.

Debbie B

Like you said, I wouldn't worry because of the distance. Also, don't tell him anything and keep on monitoring his email activity with this woman, them move for the kill.

Honey Bee

An emotional affair is still an affair.

And, sorry to be blunt, but she can travel. You have no way to know that she hasn't flown back for a visit. Absolutely no way to know that for sure. It happens all the time. I'm an infidelity couples counselor, and often times people allow emotional affairs to happen because they think its "just" an emotional affair, or because they think nothing could ever happen because it's "long distance." Then they find out that they've secretly met several times. It does happen. May not have in this case, but it's still clearly an emotional affair. And if he's having an emotional affair, the only thing preventing him from having a physical affair is the opportunity. Do you really want to just let a huge issue like that go? Knowing he's either already in or he would be in a full on affair if he could be? Absolutely not. Also, the time line doesn't add up. She's only been in Cuba a few months. What about all before that? They could have been having this affair right under your very nose and you never knew about it!

Should you have snooped? No. You get that. But why did you? I'll bet a bucket full of gold it's because you had some little inkling that something wasn't right, and you wanted to get some answers! Of course he'll be mad at you. And he could say it's for snooping, but it won't be. It'll be for getting caught. Most men wouldn't like the snooping, but if they didn't have anything to hide, they wouldn't make an issue of it. He'll only be mad because you found out the secret he was hiding. And you know what? Good for you. Clearly he hasn't been being honest with you, and you needed to take things into your own hands. If I were you, I'd wait. Dig deeper into the situation. See if you can find out more details. I guarantee if you confront him he'll just say "oh, I'm just saying I love you as a friend, there's nothing going on, blah blah blah." That's what they all say! And eventually the truth comes out that they're lying. If I were you, I'd monitor his e-mails he's sending back and forth to her for a while. Or, better yet, e-mail her directly and ask her what's going on between the two of them. He's clearly cheating, and you have a right to know about it. Then confront him. Don't let this sort of behavior go.

P.S. Does it really matter to you what the specific details are? He's definitely having an emotional affair. The physical affair is still in question. So what are you going to do? You've only been together 2 years, and he's already cheating. No real future here, and I say that as a person who has the job of reconciling couples after infidelity.

Farmer

yes you should be concerned, but you went searching for something and didn't like what you found.
that's the chance you take when you go snooping around in other peoples stuff/business.

Shannon

Men love multiple women. Your relationship is not at the point that he can crush her out of his life. He's kept it a secret because he knows you won't understand.

Eventually, once you reach a certain level of intimacy he would have told you about her. Once he felt comfortable with himself that you are massively more important to him and that you are committed enough to him to hear it and not leave him. He will be very conservative about it.

But yes, in the future this women is emotionally dangerous. She's his #2 and if she's around in any way when times are tough, it's an instant affair.

As your relationship strengthens she will become a memory.

This is not quite the same as an affair, she was there prior not injected in the middle. People do not always end romantic relationships on bad terms. It took nearly ten years before my high-school love and I stopped contact with each other.

This is bigger red flag for you than him. You can't trust people.
You can't realistically expect him to terminate all contact with other people he cares - that's a marriage-level commitment.

Jery E

this is america. we don't care about castro and embargos and bay of pigs and such anymore.

Anya D

i think the question is, do you have any other reasons to be concerned? like has he ever cheated? do you see him flirting a lot? etc etc. if you have the idea he's cheated or thinking of it, then i'd be concerned and have a talk with him about how he feels about monogamy (without bringing up the email).

if he hasn't ever cheated and you have no hint that he might, then you should let it go. she's over. they broke up. stop snooping -- if you're looking for something bad, you're going to find it.

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