So if my husband misses his ex mistress even tho they broke up, can me and him still be happy?

jude

just having thoughts about an ex can harm a marriage. never think that a man just won't make a decision and leave u even if it will cost him financially. if he has gone back to her in the past he will again. even family opposition won't stop a man when he wants to leave.

John R

As long as he misses her, he will never be happy just with you, he is just going to have to let her go, she has said that she has cut if off by changing her number, so unless she has managed to get the new number to him, he is pretty much out of her life, he needs to accept that fact and try and make things work between the two of you. He ever tell you why he felt the need to seek out a other woman anyway? Those are things that you and him need to focus on right now, but first he has to let her go.

its likely i will say douche bag

In time the memory of her wil fade.

But true to his form, he wont disappoint, he will find another mistress to replace her.

Don't worry about it, you will always be number two in his eyes!

Delta

This is such a horrible situation that you are in. Physical presence is not in the least necessary to break a marriage. It is highly enough for him to be thinking about her even one minute a day so you (both) would feel extremely unhappy. I am so sorry if i'm being straightforward, but you need to put your emotions on the side in this one. Talk this over with him and discuss whether you r both happy in this situation. if you r not, then you need to find a solution. What i am sure of is it is impossible and highly saddening and depressing to be living with someone who is still in love or still thinks about another person. It can't build a happy family.
I wish you the best of luck...

Faith

Could not read the rest because it would piss me off..the title said enough but WHAT THE F*CK.

Jane D

No im sure he'll remember her. yes he'll get over it and move on im sure down the road he'll find another mistress.

Val

Why are you with him if he is missing another woman?

skuleathome

I think maybe you have been too loyal and too forgiving (don't mean that in a nasty way - all credit to you). He hasn't yet realised what he stands to lose, because in the same way that you think he will never leave you, he thinks you will never leave him. That leaves him free to dream of his lover and try to contact her because you allow that.

Maybe it's time to really set some ground rules that he must never step over. No contact between him and this woman must be the first on the list.....always allowing you to see his e-mails/phone whenever you want etc. He has to earn your trust back and yes he has to earn your love back too. You will never be able to have a happy life together if he is thinking of some other woman. You know this really, I suspect.

Tell him to have a good hard think about what he wants. Either to be married to you and forget about this other woman completely, or to leave you to find someone who respects and loves you to spend the rest of your life with. If he is desperate for this other woman it isn't fair to drag you along and waste your life as well as his.

Maybe ask yourself some difficult questions too. How happy will you be with him, five years from now, even if he never sees this other woman again? Will you be secure and feel loved and wanted? How happy could you see yourself five years from now if you split from him and found yourself a new love who is never unfaithful to you and loves you above all others?

Difficult isn't it?

I wish you the best of everything, and hope things work out in the way you want them to.

fman440

You can't have a happy relationship with someone who has ghosts looming around daily. He needs to move on or you need to! Everyone has past loves that haunt them from time to time even years later, but if you dont' put it to rest and live life with the one you love, then you don't love them. He needs to forget that woman and start seeing you insted, or you both need to go your separate ways. If not both of you will be miserable and he will always be open to chase her at anytime.

Kat

why would you stay with someone anyway if they didnt want you?

He gave her up only because you found out. what does that tell you.

Future Mrs T

Why would you want to be with a man who not only cheated on you, but is also pining for another woman?

I don't want to upset you but unless you can convince him to remain faithful to you and honour your vows, I doubt you two have a future together. He will probably do one of two things:

1) manage to contact her and then resume their "relationship"
or
2) finding someone to replace her (who is not you).

Life is too short to stay with someone who treats you like this. Do you really want to look back on your life when you're 80 years old and realise you have devoted your life to a man who has treated you badly and made you miserable?

HMH13

She may have changed her number, but probably still has his... so she can choose if, and when, she gets in touch with him. maybe it will be when he has missed her enough and is desperate for her call...then he will go running.... if not he may find another mistress anyway.

2Westies

I don't think I could live under the shadow of a mistress, That IMO opinion would affect my whole attitude towards my marriage and my emotional well being. You obviously have your reasons for hanging in there. Go talk to a counselor, you need to know why you would cling to a man who has been unfaithful. Good Luck.

caraohara

I found your question very sad because....it's obvious from this question that you have very low self esteem. I don't think you will ever be happy with this man...but he will be happy to stay with you ..so long as you continue to allow him to treat you in this very unloving, disrespectful , cruel manner. You need to find you your self respect, dignity and pride. When you you find these you will not spend another day with him. Your in-laws adore you!! it's your husband that should be adoring you...sadly he is not. He adores another woman.

Amarante

He wishes to be with her. He is thinking about her and might accidentally say her name instead of yours while he is talking to you.

Better if you moved on.

He will try to find some way to get back with her.

He is still in love with her, but she is not. She doesn't want him to contact her.

item jamir

"promises are made to be broken"

so be careful of your roving hubby.

stupendous

If you want it to work badly enough, then stay with him. Marriages can survive infidelity, and a lot of them that do become better over time. I don't know your husband, and I am a male. It seems that the things that drive married men to this sort of action are complex. However, there is an inner need to be worshipped, to be adored, to be put on a pedestal; much like a woman. Physically, emotionally, and through attention and touch, men have different levels of needs. The ones that need larger amounts of attentive actions are the ones who are most likely to seek it elsewhere, if not offered at home.

Your last question you should turn on yourself. You are physically present and you can affect your marriage in a positive way. Sure it seems hypocritical to give him more attention, more loving, when he is guilty of screwing around. That, in my opinion, is what he is calling out for from you.

vhershie

listen: you are so deeply involved in your feelings for your husband that your logic is clouded. you are giving EVERYTHING while he is giving like 3%. really think about that. if he really loved you, he would protect you, be willing to die for you, would want to give you all his love and attention...

he is still having an emotional affair on you even as we speak. seriously so what is the point of staying? you need to really think about that.

you need to realize that sometimes we need to give ourselves what another person didnt give us. you have value regardless of what your messed up husband thinks.

you can move on. divorce him, it is seriously for the best. take a shower, blow dry your hair, buy a new outfit, go out for lunch with girlfriends...it will help you feel really good about yourself as a woman. then take the steps to leave.you can find a new husband who will be faithful to only you and will make you feel like a princess every day. im telling you this from personal experience. i really hope you take this advice. while you may feel like youre being faithful to him, actually you are indirectly allowing him to use you. you dont need this messed up situation..you sound like a really nice person. good luck

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