Stay at home mom...I do everything, I feel like my husband does nothing...Am I wrong??

crazyblueeyes

Oh my, some of the responses people give, ugh! There is NOTHING wrong with you feeling that way. And I can tell in your statement that you appreciate everything he does and is doing for you. Just ignore some of the comments!

A baby is HARD work and you feel as though you could just use a break sometimes. I feel ya. My husband was never involved with our newborns. I soon realized that it was from fear. He was scared he would hurt them or do something wrong. Then around the 6 month 1 year mark he just felt like he couldn't relate to them.

This is how I handled it. If I was wanting help basically because I was just wore out and needed a break I would just tell him. A lot of times I would even cry just because I was so tired from waking up at night still. Ask him kindly if he will watch her long enough for you to take a bubble bath, or a short nap. If you are doing the cooking and cleaning and caring for the baby you probably do feel like you are doing everything because that is a lot of work. People don't realize or always understand that while he is out working all day you are too! Taking care of a home and kids is a full time job and lots of work. So in the evenings you should both help each other out. If you are making dinner, kindly say you could use a little help, etc.

Try not to get mad at him when talking with him about it. Just try and point out that you are tired and need a break or could use some help. And let me tell ya, I am not saying this because I am a woman and am sticking up for you. I have been in both shoes! I stayed at home with my kids for years and now I work while he stays at home. I work all day and come home and help all evening. I know how hard it is staying home and raising kids! Just be patient, loving and speak with him about how you feel! If he don't change right away just try real hard to be patient, it will change as the youngest grows!

ohioconservative

I gave my wife 2 nights off a week and some weekend time to go have coffee with a friend or whatever. You will go nuts with the kids all day and night.

Scott M

Jeez, don't married couples talk about things anymore? Talk to him about it,he might not even realize he's doing it. You're getting mad at him, and he might not know why.

suzieeswim

tell him you'd appriciate more help, but it seems like he's doing a lot more than many fathers (but many fathers don't do anything!). Try to tell hima few specific chores that would lighten your load but not completely throw off his scheduale. try to assign things that are hard for you to do with the baby.

tjandjess

One: You should point out that your're children need to be treated equally by their father (equal amount of time)
Two: Point out that he goes to work then comes home (where he is away from work and gets a break) You aren't getting that break and just need a little help every once in a while, even if it's just him watching the kids on a saturday afternoon so you can go have lunch with a friend
Three: Hire a babysitter and go do something fun TOGETHER, then you're both getting a break and enjoying each other's adult company.

Melissa

Men are weird when it comes to infants. They don't get involved really until they are older.

He may think he's helping out by spending time with the older on, working, and doing yardwork. If you need him to do more, ask him for something specific... taking the baby while you go shopping or with a friend. Or while your making dinner ask if he can tend to the baby or take the kids for a stroll.

galichealer

Have you tried talking to him about it.

Laura E

If you're not communicating with your husband about this, he may assume that you're happy with the current situation, so set a time to talk with him and tell him what you'd like him to do. And if he's anything like my husband, be SPECIFIC with him! :) Not "I'd really like you to help more" but "I need you to ... (fill in the blank)." A couple other thoughts: 1) if your husband grew up in a home where his mom did everything and his dad did very little, that's what's normal to him. 2) Many men are uncomfortable with babies and feel more confident with older children. Good luck to you ... you're doing a wonderful thing being home with your children!

Bambi

If you want to get him more involved, just sit him down and have a talk about it. See if you two can make a comprimise where a few times a week he has the baby for a few hours and you can chill out.
Tell him how you are concerned that he's not spending enough time with your bub, I mean it's important, he might regret it later on that he missed out on the early years.

LISSA

communicate this with him not us. He can not fix it if you do not tell him. despite what women think our men can not read us. only women can read women. Talk to him and just tell him that you need a break, you need a long bath or nap or to just go shopping alone, you know that he works hard but he gets to leave work and you do not get to leave home, just talk to him. communication is what keeps a family together. Good luck

lady_phoenix39

You said you "feel" like he does nothing....

then you say he :
Works

Brings in the only income (which allows you to stay home with your babies)

Does all the yard work

Spends "A LOT OF TIME" with the older child.......

So why are you feeling as if he does "nothing"??????

There are some ignorant people in the world who would say that because you are a stay at home mom that you do "nothing".....but we know that is far from the truth.

If you would "love some help during the day" have you asked him for it? How do you know what he "expects" if you aren't talking about it??????

You really have no right to be upset because he IS helping....he's just not doing what you are doing. What I hear you saying is that you would like a break from the same old, same old....so ask for it. He's probably tired of his day to day routine, too.

Why don't the two of you get a weekend away? You need a break, where you can reconnect, just the two of you.

pica858

You need some time away from the baby. It is not an issue about who does more of what. It is called MENTAL BREAK. Talk to him about it. Let him know you do really appreciate everything he does.

Nena S

Dealing with kids all day is exhausting; nobody can deny this.

But if you start acting like this ....and greeting your husband with a sour face as soon as he comes home, chances are he will start arriving later....and you don't want that, do you?

Children are a lot of work; and if he is a good dad and husband then get creative and see what you can come up with so you two can have more "couple-time"...!

See if relatives can babysit once a week, and go out with your husband.

I understand your point of view; but it also helps to try to put ourselves in the other person's shoes so we can see how they feel. How do you think HE feels after working all day and coming home and finding his wife in a grouchy mood?

Food for thought.....Hope you can find a solution to this. Life is much more pleasant when we live in peace!

justme

As a stay at home mom, I know that sometimes it can feel like you do everything and that no one helps. You get overwhelmed by everything that you do so much so that you aren't able to see what your husband really does do. He works, he does the yard work, the garden, and helps with the oldest child. Perhaps he feels that there just isn't much that he can do with the baby right now. You are pretty much it when the baby needs something. Does he change diapers? He might think that he IS helping by entertaining the oldest and doing other things. Some men just do not know how to handle a small baby or they are scared they will break it. With breastfeeding he really cant do that much other then clean him up.

Also, have you thought about your feeling being related to post-pardem depression or sleep deprivation or both? Sometimes that has a lot to do with it. Also, I would suggest that you talk to him and take a few hours to yourself after he comes home or find a mothers day out program at a local church to get some "you" time. That will help tremendously. There isn't a single mother out there that hasn't felt like you are feeling at some point in their motherhood. You just have to sit down and take a real hard look at all that your husband does do for you. It might make you feel better and surprise you.

â™¥Abercrombie And Fitchâ™¥

Well, just kindly ask him if he would mind having a specail time put aside for the baby and your other child. My dad never really did anything with me either, but, without him, imagine where you'd be.

Isabelle

Hello!? He's working, providing for you and your family....It is just normal that you take care of the rest! I mean if you were both working it'd be different but you are a stay at home mom...Your job is to take care of the household and the kids!

Sue C

Just tell him like you did here. Let him know first you appreciate what he does do, but could he just give you a break w/the baby. You said he does things w/the 6 yr old, but not the baby. Some men aren't the best w/babies & he just might not feel at ease. Really, I had 3 kids, & very little help when they were young. How much care does a 3 mo. old really require? You nurse him, so of course that takes care of that. I didn't walk around all day carrying the baby at that age. They mostly went in the play pen where they could sleep etc. & be able to see everything & everyone when they were awake. Now they have swings & all kinds of things they can be put in while you do your housework & they're pretty much taken care of. IF you're talking about him chging. diapers, I had that duty pretty much on my own. Was married to two different husbands, & neither one were diaper changers. I fed them their own food when we ate & sat them beside me. That too was no biggie. I don't really understand what it is that you want him to do, especially w/a 3 mon. old. Seriously, if you're carrying him around all day, you're making far too much work on yourself. Put him in a place where he can see you, you can see him, & he'll be fine. Other than that, I guess I just don't understand what you want him to do. Actually, you have more help than I did!!!. I use to have to do a big lawn by hand, not a rider mower....Best to you...:)

Meg

Communication honey.... first off bottling that up inside will only cause tension, you need to just open up to him and be honest. He married you because he loves you , and im sure he'll do anything to make you happy. Just tell him where you're coming from, sometimes guys are obvious to the fact that women dont have 10 arms.

jaded

stop it right now. you are being unrealistic. men are not as interested in babies as women are. develop an attitude of gratitude, and dont complain. praise him for everything he does do, over and over, and thank him.

you are mad????? shame on you.

drifter69

yes he does work his 8-9 hour day or whatever it may be, but you are working twice that. He should be putting an hour or two in every day to help. You need to talk to him about sharing the workload.

luap

You sound like a spoiled child,grow up.

2Westies

I'd say you should be happy ... you husband works so that you can stay at home, he loves his kids, spends a lot of time with the older one, does all the yard work. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? Read some of the post on YA from women who are desperate because they have loser husbands who are cheating, drinking and abusive. Take care of your baby and be thankful.

Kimberly C

This is tricky, before starting a family i truly believe this should first be discussed. So you are a stay at home mom, and your husband works and does not do much for your children. My personal opinion, he should not have to. He works. That is his job and since you chose to be a stay at home mom that is your job. While your husband should be spending time getting to know your children for there beneficial growth. He should not have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed you baby. I am sure he has to wake up extremely early, get ready for work. You on the other hand have to take care of the children all day. While i myself am a stay at home mother i believe it is the responsibility of whom stays home to take after the children.

angie m

i understand where you are coming from, but at the same time i feel that you should have a diff point of view. everyone needs to contibute to the relationship. your husband is providing for your family and you take care of the children. sounds like its fair. yes, it would be nice if you got xtra help, but i am sure that your husband might feel the same way too. dont be mad at him. talk to him and let him know that it upsets you that he does not pay that much attention to the baby and that you want him to help out a little more. dont start an argument, but try to work out something with him. he sounds like a great guy... dont xpect him to read your mind just tell him how you feel.

CupCake

Girl !!!!U have what i wanted in my ex husband.. let me tell u this.. and please listen to me okay ..
1st my ex husband was very lazy...
He didn't help me in nothing.. When baby was born he didn't want to feed her. change diapers give her a bath nothing...
he want it easy .. he never cook for me or clean the yard. what i'am trying to say is that .. your man sounds like he trying all his best to keep him family happy
by going to work bring the bread on table. play with the kids. maybe he is not good with the baby. at time daddys gets cold feet to take care a little one..
But i know deep down he is happy your being the mommy and letting u be you.. let him.. he will come around.
I say to start ask him to help you with baby laundry or help u fix a baby bottle little by little..
be patience mommy. I know is hard.. i'm a single mom of 2 kids i wish i had my ex husband to clean my yard all what u say...
Be patience.. he is bring the money to have your home peacful and beautiful stop fighting is not heathly either.

Butterfly

Yes you are completely wrong. he is supporting you and your 2 children. he is the sole breadwinner of the family. he works so u can have the luxury of staying home and taking care of ur kids...imagine how hard it would be if u had to bust ur *** off working outside the house? But no, u dont have to do that cause u have a loving husband who busts HIS a.ss off so u can have a comfortable life and not have to work.. he is the one supports all of u and puts food on the table and pays all the bills, ect..think about that..

Jordan M

Your job is at home....His is wherever he works. Do you help him out with that? You see "stay at home" mom may sound as though you are Special, but it's real hard work. Get a job, put the kids in Day Care and now you can say both of you are bringing an income into the household, so the work must be shared. Was the 2nd baby planned? Maybe he doesn't spend time with the baby because he wasn't real excited to have another one with only one income.

Katie

Not helping?! He's supporting you so you can stay home and he keeps up the yard and plays with the kids. WTF more do you want? You're being whiny and demanding.

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