Stay at home moms that complain about no help?

momrfg2003

Makes sense to me. I happen to be a working single mom so I confess to some jealousy for women who ONLY have to take care of a house and children. It's hard work, but at least you don't have to fit another full time job in as well.

Quasimodo

By the same token is it that much of an effort to do the dishes occasionally after dinner?
Will it kill you to toss the laundry into the washer or dryer?

It helps to keep the peace and it's courteous as well. Every once and awhile doesn't make you any less of a man and it doesn't go unappreciated.

Valerie X

I agree.

I am not knocking SAHM's but I work full time, have two sons and my home is SPOTLESS!

I do it all baby!!!

: )

Green Eyes isall I'z got

Excuse me but can you talk to my soon to be exwife!?

You are speaking the truth!

Momof2inLa

SAH Mom

My argument is:

If I am at home all day (bored off my butt) and THEY all come home and TRASH all the work I've done, that day or during the week...the LEAST they could do is rinse the dish (easier for me to clean up), put the laundry where it goes (I will sort it but put it in ONE spot), rinse the shavings out of the sink (not too hard to do), clean up a spill (so it doesn't stain my floor before i get to mop the entire thing.) OH and MY FAVORITE one, throw their dog-gone cans or stuff in the trash...how hard is that when you pass it several times a day?? It's not, just LAZINESS!!

It's not a complaint, it would be common sense in MY house, but nobody here knows what that means!

â™¥STREAKERâ™¥Â©â„—â€

you opened yourself up for a lot of complaints on this one. As a stay at home mom, I do all that you mention, but it would be nice for everyone once in a while, that he get his own freaking beer from the fridge and acknowldge me for who I am and not his maid. Pay some attention to the kids too. Don't just come home and say get me a beer, sit your but on the couch and watch the game until dinners ready, eat, shower and go to bed without saying more than 5 words the whole time. I think that is what irriates most of us the most.

Just because we are "stay at home" mom's doesn't mean we are home every day either. Dr.'s appt, scouts, PTA, all the activites the kids are involved in, we are not always here at the house. so don't be coming in mad b/c the house didn't get cleaned or the laundry didn't get done, help out if you know we have a lot to do.

Mrs. Robinson

ive done both

i preferred working. i think when your at home, as rewarding as it is, when they get out of the baby stage needing that CONSTANT attention, its more about being unfulliled. you know, you start saying i need to go potty im going nite nite. i think its more about loss of one self. theres hubby (most cases) gets to go out of the house, have adult contact, come home have dinner go to sleep. you become almost jelous. great i get to do the dishes again boy vaccum again. it becomes soooo tedious.

firm beliver whoever is a home is mainly responsible for the house work. but its nice that your partner acts like a partner at home. help w/ dinner dishes etc.
theres always more to the story than just the surface

skwyrlnutt

i agree with you & it makes me sick when women do such things. i am a stay at home mom with 2 boys. hubby works to pay the bills & provides everything we need & most of what we want. we are fortunate that we can live in such a way. he comes home to a clean house & dinner usually in the works. he likes to help cook & stuff. on the weekends we all do yard work...ggrrrr. but for those women who complain...wtf else do they have to do??? unless they are like some moms who run the roads & stay in the stores all day long & dont do anything around the house or good for the kids. im with you all they way!!!

Samantha

I have to agree. I am a SAHM and I dont ask my husband to do anything. He works his butt off at work he shouldn't have to come home and do work too.

jemmamomma

I agree as well.

DongBrat

I agree.

n2mama

I would guess that you are not a mother, even though you are a woman. When we have a significant other, we do expect him to be a parent as well, even if we are home all day. Yes, I should do most of the housework, etc., but there are also some things I cannot do if he is not home, like run the vacuum, since my 18 month old is terrified of it, and to try and do it at nap time wakes him up. And there are days when I cannot get anything done other than make sure the children are clean, fed and dressed, just because the 4 year old argues with everything I say and the baby undoes everything I pick up.

The mothers who work full time jobs and do all that don't really have to do all that. Their children are in daycare from the time they get up until dinner and bed. When does the house get dirty if no one is there all day? My house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.
I don't complain, my husband helps out in any way I ask him to, but I don't think anyone should judge another person until they've done the job. If you want to criticize stay at home mothers, then try being a SAHM with two small children. If you want to criticize working moms, then try to juggle both job and child and not feel like you are failing at both. I've done both, they each have their own challenges and heartaches. I'll get off my soapbox now, but I really hate when people assume that a stay at home mother doesn't need help from the daddy.

Meghan

There is something to that, but sometimes taking care of the children is a FULL TIME job. Yes, they should definitely do more around the house than their spouse, but keep a few things in mind. When you are a full time parent, your job doesn't end. Your husband goes to work, and comes home. his day is over. You still have hours left for yours.

Also, if she is home alone with the kids, she handles phone calls for crap, can't call in sick, and need some time to themselves.

So while she should be doing alot more, it is not her responsibility to do it ALL. She shouldn't pick up his wet towels, or iron his shirts. And one he gets home, the responsibilities should be shared.

Kenny J

Just imagine what they could do if they weren't complaining about it on here.

MommyToType1Princess

Hi there. I am a woman and a SAHM to 3 kids. I understand your frustration in women complaining they have no help.

I take care of the laundry, housework, meals, and shopping and most of the other stuff. All I ask of my husband is to "help" by making sure the stuff he wants washed gets CLOSE to or in the laundry hamper, picking up after himself and not creating a bunch of extra messes by not finishing something to the end, and assistance in what he would like for dinner. A lot of times he controls the grilling and I do the stuff inside.

The main thing I will complain about NOT having help with is chaos control with the kids at the end of a long day. Sometimes I am so burnt out and when they are all overwhelming me at the same time and I am outnumbered, it gets very frustrating. It helps to have someone else there to divide and conquer. My hubby is really good about doing that as well.

I think most of it comes down to structure, routines, and time management. Lack of these can lead to a lot of complaining. Just my humble opinion.

yeahright

i completely agree. and i am not even a stay at home mom and i still do not ask for help. it is easier and faster to do everything by myself than waste time on nagging or live in a pig house

Slick98

I am not entirely on your side. Especially if there are any children involved, men should take equal responsibility with household duties, including feeding, cleaning, and nurturing children. I specifically do not have any, because I refuse to ask any woman to do such alone.

Housekeeping, or keeping a hygienically clean environment, is hard work. And shopping, laundry, etc. just adds to the burden. Anyone who has stay-at-home spouse who does all those things should thank The Almighty. HE OR SHE is the one who should not complain.

667mom

I agree completely. Mommies do need help after childbirth or during a sickness etc, but otherwise child rearing comes first, housework second! The dust will always be there, your little child WILL grow up!

fer fer

you're a douche! Taking care of kids is a big responsibility! They're not our slaves

Michelle

I was a stay home Mommy for 11 years. I have been working outside the home now for 5 years. From my own experience, it really isn't complaining that you want help with things. It's just not like a normal outside the home job...housewives and stay home mom's don't ever get to leave there place of employment so to speak...not like we all do when we go to work, we leave to go home..and that (at least for me) feels like mini vacation! That was the only thing I really had a complaint about. I agree that the housework, laundry and just taking care of the babies should be the main responsibility for her during the day, but she should get a break or two in the evening to get some time to herself.

anon

I agree. Although, I was a stay-at-home-mom at one point and there were days that the kids and my husband (who works at home) just seemed to come behind me making messes faster than I could clean and then the kids wanted things--eat, me play with them, etc. I'd just be worn out at the end of the day. Now, I work outside the home (gone 5:30 am to 5 pm) and my husband still works at home. I rarely go home to a clean house--he uses the "excuse" that he's busy, too. Well, I try to pull the "I'm not physically there." So I still have to clean when I get home and he and the kids let things pile up. Besides, it only takes about an hour to get everything in order...

Anji

I agree there are alot of whiny women who are SAHM's that need to put a lid on it and clean their filthy homes and wipe their kids faces. (this doesn't apply to every SAHM but I've seen my share of lazy a$$es)

On the other hand, alot of men do not know how to do the smallest household chores. Washing some dishes and doing a little laundry is not going to kill the man....

And he is a wuss to complain....

A mother's job is 24-7.

Average working man is 8-10 hours a day, typically 5 days a week.

Bella

i absolutely agree with you.... if your man goes to work all day and makes enough money for you to stay home with your children, then it is your job to keep up the house and make dinner and whatever other meals the kids or hubby needs... i'm not talking all the time.. everyone needs a break, if your sick or tired or what not... but thats the saty at home moms job... and everyone has to have some responsability in the relationship! i cant wait till me and my man are stabe enough for us to have babies and i can stay home and take care of them and him... its a very difficult job for a woman, but someone has to do it.... and because you love ur man who brongs home the bacon, you should want to, cause he goes to work cause he wants to support his family... i'm rambling now... but, i agree with you, bottom line...

Tarra B

Hold up, everyone seems to be a little insensitive. I have been a stay at home mom. Now, I have a regular 9-5. The difference is I get a break from the kids. I actually get to have regular conversation with adults. Whereas before, if you were not speaking Dora the Explora or Blues Clues I did not understand. As a stay at home mom, I did not mind taking care of the kids and doing the housework. I just also wanted some time to myself.

Stacie's Mom

I think that Melissa, starring and Quasimodo have it right. Being at home is a lot harder than most people think...the thing about it is--the 24/7/365 of it all. No weekends off. Not being done until 10pm. and if you have messy people in your life its worse...my husband is in construction and will think nothing of walking onto a clean floor with muddy boots. Quite devaluing I must say. Now that I am back to work part-time, nothing in the balance has changed, and i don't anticipate it will. When I worked full time I couldn't wait to raise my daughter full time and have just one job.

And guys, is it really that hard to help out once in a while? You have no idea how many gold stars (wink wink) you could get by helping to lighten the load a little. Without being nagged.

jmclaudio76

I can see you point, still believe that I should help my stay at home mom with the house work. Laundry is easy to do, and keeping the house spot less is not that difficult. I share can be done in no time living time for family fun. Some of the answer scare me, wife are not maids, no need to get the beer from the fridge.

I have always believe all need to be share in balance, does not mean don't rest. It mean both need to balance the work in home and out.

Single mother shouldn't count in the discussion, hey no else with help you keep it up, you need to do it any way. It will be same as a single dad. I am just saying...

Sandy Ego

In theory, I agree with you 100%. Someone has to bring home the dough, and someone has to take care of the house and the kids. When the wife is the one who's home with the kids, I would expect this to be her primary job - and the husband's primary job would be to provide for the family. My husband and I don't have kids, but we both work full-time. I have no problem doing shopping, cooking and laundry - the tasks that my husband is not very good at - and let him do what he does well, i.e. running his business and bringing home the paycheck. I couldn't make as much money as he does, and he couldn't cook as well as I do; makes sense to split the tasks according to inclinations and abilities, IMO.

That said, I think the issue for the women who complain is often not who is "responsible" for what, or whether or not the husband is "helping out" - it seems to be more about them feeling they're not getting the respect and the appreciation they deserve. Disrespect in marriage rears its head in many ways, and I think many women who complain about their husbands not helping out around the house are just focusing on the symptom of a larger trend in their marriage.

Yes, I do most of the household stuff. But my husband doesn't "expect" the dinner to be on the table when he gets home, or his clothes laid out neatly for him to wear the next day. The expectations are reasonable on both of our parts, and there's a lot of leeway in how things are done. He's always appreciative of what I do; he appreciates it very much each time I make a meal for us. But if I don't feel like cooking, it's not a big deal, we order pizza. Also, he works his a$s off; he works at the office, then comes home and works at home - all this is so I can be a stay at home mom when the time comes. Seeing how hard my husband works to make it happen, I don't think I'll ever complain of him not "helping out".

But I think if you're looking at a situation where a guy works an average, not-too-demanding, not-too-high-paying job, comes home at 6, kicks off his shoes and socks, and flops down in front of the TV for the rest of the night, it's understandable that the wife might feel a bit over-worked and under-appreciated. Only if both partners are contributing their share to the relationship can the division of labor work without the resentment from either side.

P.S. One of the earlier answers (Streaker) is the case in point.

justagirl

I totally agree with you. I'm a single mom, work full time, AND do all the cooking, laundry, housework, yardwork, etc. Stay at home moms who expect their working husbands to do housework are lazy.....I don't care how many kids you have. Our mothers did it with 5 and 6 kids, didn't they? And they didn't have all the fancy house cleaning gadgets we have now. These women need to get up off the couch and get busy, imo.

Louise C

If you stay at home and your husband works, then it is reasonable that you should do most of the housework. But if you have young children they can be extremely tiring, and they don't stop being tiring when your husband gets home from work. And two children, I am here to tell you, can make you feel VERY tired indeed. it is nice to have a bit of help when you are exhausted from looking after small children all day.

As for mothers who work a full-time job, and do all the housework etc as well, the more fool they as far as I am concerned. I see no reason to emulate them. i think they're idiots.

Stephanie

I agree, SAHMs secretly annoy me to no end. Yes, watching your kids is a full time job, I understand that, but don't act like you have it so much harder than anyone else and nobody could possibly understand. My mom worked 2 jobs, and when she was home, she did the housework and shopping and all of the childcare. Staying home with the kids is definitely a job! I have a 10 month old so I know and I won't dispute that. But working outside the home, THEN coming home to do housework AND taking care of your kids is like two full time jobs.

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