Stay with the one who loves me...or go back to the one I love?

I was married for 7 years and have been legally separated for 6 years now, but I talk to him everyday due to the kids and see him often. My marriage was full of lies, alcohol and infidelity. I became co-dependant - but eventually did leave and moved on. I have loved him from the start and always will. I am also a Christian and struggled morally with divorce.

During our separation, he vowed to become a better man - and even got saved. I doubted all his new ways thinking they were fake and that he would go back to his old ways...but he never has. He has turned into the man I always wanted.

During our separation, I met someone else and have been with him for about 2 years - but I have kept my guard up. My bf loves me unconditionally and I've never been treated this good. He does everything a woman could dream of...and it's always been like that from the beginning.

My dilema is this...I am starting to see my husband in a new way now and my feelings for him are starting to re-surface and get stronger each time we see eachother.

He knows i'm with someone, but has asked me to go to counseling with him and start to "date" again and see if we could reconcile. Obviously I would have to break up with my bf.

I feel torn - should I stay with the one who loves me...or go back to the one I love?

If I do decide to go back to my husband would I have to tell my bf my reasons ...I would hate to hurt him.

Please - serious answers only - no rude people.

Nale

Matters of the heart are the hardest ones to deal with. However you and the husband are separated for a reason. Its nice to wonder about what could be and what if he changed and all that good stuff, but you already have a good guy in your life now. Why would you go back? Are you certain that you love the man that treated you so bad? Maybe some counseling by yourself would be the answer so you can sort out your thoughts and feelings with out either love interest there. Sometimes we confuse love with familiarity and comfort, even if it wasn't a good situation for us.

Bill is right, you need sometime because life is entirely too short. Your kids will be fine, going back to him because he is your kids father is not benefiting you. Is it? Won't he still be there for the kids if you go forward with the divorce. Divorce is allowed by the way.

OH and my ex husband got saved at least 5 times and became the man I wanted until we were together...at least 5 times for like 2 days. It was a smoke screen. Be careful.

Bill

If the kids is the only reason you talk to him often and see him often does not change what your heart feels sweetie, What does your heart tells you or your gut feeling for that matter? Take your time, you sound smart and you seem to see things clearly, my feeling is that you want to give your husband a chance because of your kids. You have to think about you, life to short to second guess ourselves.

HisRideOrDie

This is such a terrible situation for you to be in. I think that your marriage is worth saving. Any marriage (so long as both spouses are willing to work on it) is worth saving. The first person was right, you are hurting your boyfriend right now, he just doesnt know it. If your in love with someone else, especially if that person is your husband, you owe it to yourself, your boyfriend, your husband and your kids to be with the person that you love, no matter who else it hurts. It's better to let him down now, rather then drag it on, because in the end, the true feelings always come out. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

ask yourself if it is worth the risk... if it is worth losing a man, who you say has treated you like you've never been treated before, for the CHANCE to reconcile with your husband?

i can only imagine where you're coming from. i don't think you're a bad person for having these feelings. love is so confusing-- you have the history and kids with your estranged husband, but you have trust & new memories with your bf (not to mention 2 yrs. is not a short time to be dating someone-- i am sure you two are "serious").

just think of it like this: let's say you break up with your boyfriend, & go to counseling & "date" your husband again. maybe it's even good for a while, but then it starts to unravel b/c some old issues will never die & broken trust is hard to repair. if you two split again, maybe this time in divorce, would you be OK with knowing that you gave up a great man (your bf), only to get your heart broken again- & wind up single?

if you're willing to take that risk, i think it means you still love your husband a whole lot- & thus, you owe it to yourself, him, your kids, & your bf to find out if it can work.

I am not saying if you get back with your husband that it will end badly, but obviously- there is a chance. As well as there is the chance that your boyfriend wont take you back if you leave him for your husband & then that doesn't work out.

Ralph 124c41

You are hurting him now. He just doesn't know it yet. Calling him your boyfriend while you love someone else is dishonest - you are just using him because he is nice to you.
You need to be honest even if it results in all three of you ending up hurt.

dawn

It sounds like your husband is putting in a great effort to make it work. Plus, he is your husband.. And you have kids together, and he's the one you love. In my opinion, try to save your marriage.

You will have to tell your BF what you're doing, and it's going to be very difficult and probably hurt him really bad.. but there's not much you can do about that.

Best of luck.

Alvie

If you are still legally married. Then officially you are now in an adulterous relationship with your boyfriend. And many Christians would probably see it as adultery too.

If your husband has changed his behavior and is willing to take you back despite your living together with another guy. Then perhaps you should go for marriage counseling with your husband. But you probably should leave your boyfriend before you go for marriage counseling.

If your boyfriend knows that you are still married to another man. Then he probably would understand why you might want to go back to your husband and live according to your marriage vows.

Pragmatist

Well, It sounds like currently you are using your boyfriend as a band-aid. Everyone wants to be wanted. Next, Maybe your husband didn't change for you but sincerely changed for himself. Does your husband have a girlfriend? Is he happy with her? You say things are good in your life and if they are good in your husband's life then perhaps you should stop thinking of yourself and give him a chance to move on and keep them that way. If you really love your husband respect his wishes by seeking counseling and be willing to be conscientious about it. Then, give your boyfriend a chance to find someone who will love him in return. Try putting others first sometimes instead of being self serving.

Venolo

Do what makes you happy, Don't lie to yourself. I would go back and give it another try. I wouldn't want to go through life thinking what if the rest of my life.

fnyunj

He already wasted 6 years of your life that you won't get back. Don't go back to a cheater. You're happy now with your BF.

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