Step kids/ Step mom issues!?

Ok well I live with my boyfriend of 1 year now... He is older than me and has 3 kids. 12, 11 and 5. I have a 2 year old also, I met his girls 5 months ago and slowly i had gained their friendship. I accepted the fact that it may be hard but wanted to be someone they liked and acceoted as their daddy's girlfriend. Lately it has been real good, we go out together and have fun but recently their mom has been saying stuff about me [not good stuff] and telling them not to talk to me. Ofcourse her being their mom they are gonna listen, They arent rude or anything but they dont talk to me as much anymore, and they rather stay with my boyfriends mom than at our house. It really disappoints me that she has to be like this, I mean we are grown adults... Is she jealous? Or what? I would never say anything about her up until now, that she is making our relationship struggle with her arguing back and forth with my boyfriend. She puts stuff in the girls head saying their dad doesnt care about them and doesnt give them money! Trust me, him paying child support takes a big chunk out of his paycheck for her to go spend it on herself cause the girls are always asking for clothes and shoes because mother doesnt buy them any. Im kinda to the point where i want to give up, I do love him and dont want to give up but im getting tired of trying to win their love and it just feels bad when they dont talk to me or tell me "Oh my mom said this about you" Im confused... He gets them every other weekend thursday through monday which isnt alot of time but sometimes I just cant put up with the drama and people making me look like im the bad step parent when all i have done is be good to them and be their friend. I didnt even cook before i met them but ever since we have had them i cook whatever they want ... even if it is 3 different meals! Ugh im confused... any other people going thru this? Any advice?
Additional Details
the reason why the marriage was because SHE cheated....

Mum of1

u must understand this is not the kids fault what so ever, this is their mother doing and nothing short of it. she is trying make ur bf (her ex) dump u, she is jealous ur around and the kids do like u, she cant handle the fact ur around and wants make life living hell for u both.

no doubt the mother is either threaten the kids not to speak to u or offering treats but as u say they have nothing so its the 1st.
4get dealing with the mother on this issus, its time to sit all the kids down including ur own (so none feel like been attacked and favourite over another) set guidlines and rules up and just because ur not there mum does not mean u will not be listened to or be respected under ur roof.reasure them all ur not going take their dad away from them, that they will never be replaced and certainly that both u care and love them all equally. after this have day out doing fun things get involved and have some fun they will soon warm back upto u in no time.

suggest to ur bf he just picks the kids up and dont enter the house, let the kids come to him and just start ignore the antics of the ex, dont respond to the commints or abuse she gives him - not worth it. this will soon get her annoyed instead laughing as she closes the door.

also make a night just for u and the girls alone, do girly dvd night, paint each other nails and do hair, get bonding again and tell them all u want is their friendship and nothing more or less, u want to be there as a friend for them when need be but cross the line when extremly out of order then rules will have to come into play. keep been nice and keep staying put it be worth it in the end i promise u that
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i was step-mum in past and am right now. in the past had same problem the ex started cause trouble for us, i got walloped over the head, hair pulled and kicked with "ur not my mother, cant tell me what to do" statements. we setted up rules and all had to follow them, i gave a night to the oldest who was 11yr and the youngest was 3yr (more easier and plesent who didnt really know what was going on excepted that was there from day 1), the oldest used give me hard time but once gave attention just for her, and done girly nights and shopping trips everything changed we became great friends and she would come to me when need ask question ie. periods. i felt trilled to be asked and bonded (broke up with the ex for other reasons).

so dont blame the kids its not there fault if u feel this way imagine how those kids are feeling, wantin bond and spend time with u but known if do they get in trouble with their mum, its hard now but will get easier in time. goodluck.

sheloves_dablues

I've been doing it like that for 4 years. You're lucky - they will tell you what their mother said.. My step-daughters still refer to me as "her" and will leave the room if I walk in.

They've been taught that their dad is an adulterer (we met after he filed for divorce) and that we are both going to hell. She has admitted that she fears for her children's souls every second weekend. She is so afraid of them losing thier direct path to salvation she doesn't want them to ever be alone with thier father. She has created an environment in which they feel they have to pick sides, which is difficult for all of us. I'm not sure where she got the idea that if they kids love me they don't love her... It saddens me that she doesn't believe in her own children's ability to love as many people as love them back.

Anne W

Did you know he had kids before starting this relationship? If so, then you knew it would be hard. Can't handle it? Get out of the relationship now before you go any further so as to not traumatize the kids anymore.

sarah

The mother is just trying to make you as miserable as she is. It's hard for a mother to "share" her children. It's not a mature thing to do, but it's how some people handle it.
You either, put up with it and try to make the best of the way things are, or you leave the situation, which really is what the ex wants you to do. Honestly these girls do not need someone walking out of there life. If you want to I'd make comments to his kids, tell them that they never have to choose sides. You will always like them no matter what, and you know that they are having a hard time with this. Keep being super supportive and nice to them, eventually they will see the things their mom is saying is not true. It will get better if you really want to make the effort.

sunbun

Yes, I have personally been thru this and I must admit...that I have new criteria now for dating....I will NOT date a man who has minor children...I'm so sorry for what you are going thru...I have been there and done that and it doesn't ever get any better....after you get married they throw in your face...but your not my mom...sorry to say...my advice is move on

â™ªÊžÉ”oÉ¹ Ê‡Ä± Ê‡Ç×Ÿâ™ª

well my parents have been divorced for 8 years..im 15..my dad has a girlfriend
I dont really like her..she causes all this drama
you just have to put yourself in their shoes..imagine how hard it is for them..their parents divorced, a new person in their life..its not easy
and as for their mom, theres not much you can do about it..
she probably is jealous..getting a divorce is hard
Imagine having 3 children, getting a divorce, and your ex having a girlfriend..i dont blame her.
just talk to your boyfriend..see if he can talk to his ex.
good luck =]
oh, and just be a friend..dont try to act like their mom..cause your not.

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