Take a couple minutes, read, and give advice? Mature answers please?

(I put this in marriage and divorce, because the other section is a bunch of kids)

My fiance is scared because we have had so many arguments in the last 5 months. We got engaged in october of 08 and the time has been great, and we have fell so much in love but the little things that are supposed to be brushed off, has been blown up and now she is afraid to go on because she dont wanna end up with someone she is gonna fight with all the time. Ok I admit, most of the fights started because out of spite, I had to smart off and it kept going on and on. They are easily stopped, and now im serious about changing. Without these stupid fights, life would be great with her. She told me she doesnt get excited anymore, and I know its because she cant get excited because of all the fighting. Thats all shes had to look forward to. Anyway, its been 3 weeks since our last fight and that day was the day she realized she cant go on and live like that. One fight started because she was supposed to be somewhere and she had left her phone in the car.... how stupid right? I know what I have to do, and im a changed person, really. Question is, am i going to lose her? We still arent broken up, and she still tells me she loves me. My plan is to keep being there for her everyday, act like nothing happened, dont start ANY fights, and the more time that goes by, the less scared and confused she will be and eventually she will wanna go on with me. Only this time.... its going to be a lotttt better :)By the way im 22 and so is she, and I know we have a lot of growing up to do. Right now, neither one of us is worried about getting married, but were going to get our relationship back to the way its supposed to be. I just want to know if what I am doing is right

imonetoremember

Couples counseling. It would help give you both some insight and a better understanding of who you both are. I don't see why people your age get engaged or so serious when most times one or both decides they have growing to do that envolves being single. I'd hold way off on any marriage thoughts and go back to getting to know each other. This that you're going through now is an indication you still have to find out who "you" are as an individual and that can be tough when you are trying to get to know what it means to be "us".

Star

John - I have been married for 20 years have four kids and honestly as I read this I was thinking....John sounds like you already know what you are doing to help the situation. No more stupid fights. Simple Love her and show her that you realize that she means a lot to you. I got married at 18 and i am still very very in LOVE with my sweetheart. He is everything to me. He's made dumb mistakes and i've made dumb mistakes but marriage is not without LEARNING. We all make dumb stupid mistakes. What MARRIAGE is about is working threw the tough times together. It is what makes a marriage even stronger. All communication is very important also. So anyway you DON'T SOUND TO YOUNG TO ME. You sound like you know what needs to be and that you love her. YOU SEEM VERY MATURE TO ME. GOOD LUCK.

Mainmaster

yes you are doing the right thing. also in the process talk to her more. tell her how you feel about things. you just have to communicate with her.

In Hiding

Anger Management. Seriously! I am currently pregnant, and my little blowups caused my engagement to fail (though I thought being pregnant was a bit of an excuse...). I have been seeing a counsellor to help deal with my anger, which it turns out is a result of many, many stressors. I've been working on eliminating those stressors, but yet my fiance thought it better to leave me pregnant and with no money than to stay by me and give me a hand up through this.
Don't let it get to that. Be very mindful of what you're saying, and really think hard about what you could say in any given situation BEFORE it happens, so you don't overreact.

Good luck!

robsmom

I have to agree with you as to why you put this in M & D.
It sounds to me like you might be a little on the "sarcastic" side... if this is true then you need to work on stopping. Doesn't mean you can't have a sense of humor, but sometimes one partner uses little "digs" to get their points across. It turns into criticism and control.
First of all, she left her cell phone in the car......well, boy am I ever STUPID. I can' t tell you how many times I've made that dumb, crazy, unreal "mistake"... geez, maybe I should get my head checked!
You have put her in a place where she feels if she does one thing wrong that you will put her down. Don't make her life hard. Don't be so quick to judge.
My ex never missed a thing I did wrong.. hence, he is my ex. My 4 yr. bf after the ex never made me feel like I was some dummy.
If you love each other you can work it out..... just work on it... you'll be happier too.

China Doll 3

Learn to get along, before marriage and sort out your problems is my advice.

Suzanne

FACT-every relationship has problems. As long as your problems are small I think you both will be just fine. If you know you are at fault and let your insecurities cause drama then you are right to keep your mouth shut. Anyways good luck

Lily

wow its scary how similar my story is...my boyfriend is 22 and im 21 and we are engaged...sure enough little arguments and bickering got the best of us. We also live together.
Sometimes you can love a person to death but you spend SO MUCH time with that person its only natural that you get into it.
I like what you are doing, trying not to argue and things, but I also know that not fighting is the one thing on your mind. You are concerned and sketched out and it seems like you guys both know this and its in the back of your minds.
If i were you, I would have a heart to heart. Especially since things are going pretty well. I would say and bring up the fact that you are crazy about your fiance and that you love her death and want to spend the rest of your life with her by your side. Let her KNOW that you relaize you has been at each others throats for a couple of months and tell her that you beilive its only natural. i would tell her that you guys are going to have fights and be mad at each other at some points in your life but just to know no matter what you will always have that love for her.
Best of luck to you, man.
I hope I helped

Memory

Just stick to your plan of not arguing over stupid things. But remember if the arguments start up again, it might be best to call it quits.

Legandivori

Let her be, Focus on you. If she fails to call after 6 months, you are a free agent.

helpful helen

It sounds like you are on the right track and are showing some mature thinking. Have you told her that you are making a real effort not to start fights? Some times there are things you will disagree about, and then you need to learn to discuss them in a calm way. Maybe it would be a good idea to agree to think over your opinions and then talk about them later when you're not angry. Also, have you had any pre-marital counselling? Sometimes a pastor or some other older person you can trust could help you resolve this problem in your relationship.

black2coma

This is a scenario of how it is and will be when married. If you stay together you just have to work at it and through all the bumps.
Bumps happen all the time. Dont let the bumps get in the way of
your love and commitment. Every relationship has these problems
along with all the good things!

Craig c

Two words for you.
"Grow-up" You two should not be together, anytime 2 people fight like you both are doing, should break up. Marriage is not easy and that is even if both of you too are working hard at it. There are so many things that couples fight over. Money, kids, work, bills, life. Right now you are fighting over 'BS', There is no way you will ever be able to handle the "real" problem of marriage. If you both want to make it work, you both need to sit down with someone that can help you both, a counselor, and both of you need help with your anger problems.
Good luck

bradyscat

make sure you deal with whatever underlying issues you have that make you so quick to anger in the first place & you should be fine.

R.M.G!

Being "better", or "more mature" is never wrong.

BUT, thinking it through, AND expecting HER to react a certain way, is naive. She is her own person, with her own priorities & values. Just like you, She has her own "growing up" to do.
Everyone "grows" at their own pace. Don't rush her, or put a time of expectation on her. Just relax and become the best man you can, and hope it is that kind of man she wants.
Like-wise, she needs to be given space & time to become the best woman she can be, AND hopefully that will be the kind of Woman that YOU want, as well.
Good luck. Patience is the key.

quen

and how is that? Why?Sounds LIke Shes NOT TOO HAPPY right now

Listen kid,

If you can't even ask the question in the subject, go away.

geez...

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