Taking your future husband last name...?

heather

I just posted this question about two hours ago. I have been married to my husband for over two years and never took his last name. Sometimes someone will say something, like when I got pulled over by a cop the other day b/c my tags had expired. I showed him the insurance card with my husband's name on it and my last name on my drivers license was different. He asked me if this was my boyfriend's car...I was like no my husband's. He just kind of looked at me like he didn't think he heard me correctly.

If your fiancee feels really strongly about it, I think you would be right in going ahead in changing it. My husband said he didn't care either way, but occassionally it will come up. If your fiancee wants you to change your name and you do not, it will come up a lot I am sure.

But, you have my support! I agree with you. I want my maiden name not his but if he made a big stink about it coupled with a good reason...I would change my name too...I guess ;0).

Milly

If he won't marry you if you don't take his last name is he really the man for you? Wouldn't you be better off with a man who respects your wishes? If you want to keep your last name you should be able to. If you are set on marrying him how about merging your last names, so you can keep your surname but have his as well? Many Americans don't feel like they are really married unless they both have the same name, so how about suggesting he takes your last name?

Memory

I know many women some PR others not. Some chose to use the husbands name, others didn't. It's the woman's choice if she changes her name or not. And most of them don't use their mothers last name.
Because they were born or raised here in the states, and here one uses the fathers last name. Many times while using the second last name, the system thinks our fathers name is our middle name, and there is much confusion.
If your letting him dictate what name you can or can not use, I only see him pushing you around in the future.
For those that don't understand.
In Puerto Rico say a child is born to parents
(father) Antonio Lopez Ortiz
(mother) Millie Santaigo Miranda
They name the child Raul
His name would be written as
Raul Lopez Santaigo
Ortiz and Miranda are the parents second last names (their mothers last names)

iyamacog

Out of curiosity, how many names do you have?
1. A first name?
2. A middle name?
3 & 4. mother's maiden name, and father's last name?
Looks like you may be headed for 5 names all toll. Add another dash, followed by your future husband's last name. That should satisfy you.
My last question to you would be, what would your child's full name be?
Mite as well start thinking 'bout that one for future! That name could be larger than the baby?! ;)

See how confusing so many names can be. *S*

redhead27

Its an old tradition, but its a tradition nonetheless.

I doubt your fiance is joking, to be honest... it would be insulting to some guys and their families if you don't take their last name.

great, if he insists you will compromise... thats a great start to a marriage!

Scarlet

It's about becoming one family. I guess you could read into it that he "owns" you, but I really don't view it that way. You can keep your names and get rid of your middle name if you want to, that's what I'm doing. In my family we give girls a "placeholder" middle name that they can drop when they get married and use their maiden name as their new middle name.

Some modern couples are abandoning tradition and each of them takes a new name. Sometimes it's a combination of their last names, or a completely new name. I've even heard of the groom taking the bride's last name instead of the other way around.

I think the reason most women take their husband's name is because of convenience. It's easier for people to address mail to both of you (Mr. and Mrs. Smith instead of Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones), and it will be easier for your husband to introduce you (This is my wife Mary instead of my wife Mary Jones). If you have kids, it will be very frustrating once they're in school if you don't have the same last name as them. My school directory had an addendum for parents with different last names, and it was a huge mess to keep track of. It may sound silly to change your name because of convenience, but it would save yourself a lot of frustration and irritating questions.

Ocimom

No he's probably not joking about the name. Many guys feel that you should accept all of them when you marry - including their name. If you feel strongly about not totally giving up your last name now - then the best thing to do is hyphenate your names after marriage.

Its not about "ownership" - its about being one together. IMO if you are proud enough to marry him, then you should be proud enough to take his last name.

Jen

I kept my name. Not for political reasons or anything, but because I felt that my name is my identity. I don't believe that we give up who we are when we get married. Keep your name. I think that a lot more women are keeping their names. I bet your fiance is joking... you could do the hyphenated thing, though. Just be honest with him and go from there.

leslie k

You take on your husband last name in respect to him. I kept my maiden name and made it my legal middle name. This last time getting married I could not wait to change my name, my last name before was from an abusive ex.

kat

It's proof that you are his wife. :)

btw gratz
i think you can use your last name as your middle name

Yes it comes from the woman being the man's 'property' - she is now part of his family, not her own. And even it's so bad that the tradition is to refer to her as "Mrs. William Jones" - she doesnt even get to use her first name, she is just William Jones's wife. Luckily THAT part of it is dying with people like 60 and over..

But the only men I have known (Im American too) who have insisted that the woman take his name have been abusive men, either physically or emotionally, or they are cheaters and are thus possessive and jealous.

They want control, and they want everyone to know that woman is his. Your guy might not be like this now, but watch out. I have NEVER met an exception.

I have lots of friends (again Americans) where the girl has kept her own name, and the husbands are nice people and were totally fine with it being her decision and not their place to say what she should do - I mean he can offer what he has to say, but it's your freakin name.

i think its a christian thing. maybe it is ownership. but at the end of the day you should be proud to take his last name.

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