The love of my life got married to someone else. Now he wants me?

Sigh...eight years ago I fell hopelessly in love with a man. He was my first in every way. I did not have an education at the time, and I feel like that was one of the biggest reasons he wouldn't take things further with me...like I wasn't good enough for him. He would encourage me to see other people, and he was doing the same. I was heartbroken, and cried myself to sleep many many times. I moved away, and lost contact with him but every time I met someone new, I'd compare them to him. After a while, I got over it I thought. I felt like I could move on and I didn't think about him anymore. Fast foward to eight years later when I get a message online. It was from him telling me he's searched for me for years and never stopped thinking about me. That he was such a fool to let me go, and begged for my forgiveness. That he misses me, and is miserable without me. The catch? He's married with two children. Typical story about him wanting to to leave his wife, and be with me. Even if that were true, my thing is that...now I'm educated and he knows it. I'm also childless and have never been married. I think of it like, why wouldnt he want me now? So there's resentment there. He really broke my heart. But what has shocked me the most was that after hearing his voice again, all of my old feelings came rushing in like if no time had passed at all. I love him, but I have so much wounded pride over never being good enough for him until now. Even if he divorces his wife, should I give him a chance? He is the only man I've ever loved. Should I forgive him?

JoJo

I thought I was only one that had a first love story like yours. Well, I hope I can help you. I am still in love with my first love also. I am also his first love..We were too young, but I loved him. I had to move away.
I wanted to stay in touch with him. He sent one letter saying he was getting married. I was just 16 so I was a kid in his eyes. He was going into the Army after High School I still had 2 years left. And I was not very smart, pretty anything he wanted. I was heartbroken that I would never be good enough for him. 20 years later he finds me again. He is in Iraq, tells me he has always loved me. I find out he had been cheating on his first wife. Left her for the other woman remarried.
And now wants me back in his life. Well I am not going to see him again. I will always love him but I know he cant love me and give me what I need. He is going back to Iraq soon. So I will be here for him.

I think he will hurt you again if you give him a chance.too.
I do understand how hard this is for you. Tell him to work on his marriage And if dont work out he can see you then.

marina

He just wants to know that you still want him. What a creep. He hasn't changed one bit. I bet he cheats on his poor wife all the time.

Tell him how great your life is now...without him. then, never respond to him again.

You sound like a really great woman. You deserve to be with someone who knows what he wants every day (and that would be you).

Good luck.

Danielle

I would not. I would let him go. You need to find the one man who loves you for you right from the start, and not because you got an education, or changed. He sounds like he is in an unhappy relationship and has probably built up the relationship you 2 had in the past and he is hoping you hung onto it as well. More than likely he will want a fling and tell you he is getting divorced, but they never do.

He has too much baggage, as well as not loving you and treating you the way you deserved in the first place. You will find your soul mate, but it is not him. Please move on!

Good luck hun!

chacha

Girl - stop agonizing over this idiot. Why in the world do you still have feelings for him? Haven't you ever been with anyone else? Well now's the time to try.

gina

I think you should give him a second chance if and only if and when he is divorced from his wife but don't expect too much since he will have exwife and children in his life still. Let him know and be very firm about him contacting you when he is divorced, " Email me when your divorce is final, however, please understand that I could be involved or married by that time but I'll let you know of my status when you contact me."

phattybiggums

What kind of man would want to leave his wife and two children for a women he already dumped? When you answer that question then you will have to answer this one...do you want to be with such a person?

Myth_Understood

A man IN LOVE doesn't care whether she is educated or not ... I don't understand that parallel at all. If he loved you, it would be a non-issue. That argument doesn't hold water, for why that went down the first time. For this reason, I'm going to tell you the following:

Whatever it takes, if you have to cry for 2 hours every day, crawl outside of your skin and live like that for a month ... DO NOT interact with him. No phone calls. No emails. No texts. No visits, no lunches, no dinners ... nothing.

Cut him off UTTERLY. He may have been your first, but he didn't deserve it then, and he doesn't deserve you now. It wasn't "love" if he was seeing other people, because men IN LOVE don't do that either. YOU were in love with HIM, but he wasn't in love with you. It's not love now, either. It's melancholy, it's wondering "what might have been", it's regret, and longing, and all that other melodramatic stuff that happens when our heart gets broken. However, NONE of that is what love is built on, hon.

PLEASE listen to us. Your good sense is screaming at you (through everyone who agrees with me), and it is telling you to walk away, and keep walking.

*big hug* and passing you some kleenex ... and I have chocolate in case of emergency, too.

amare

Well, what he did to you in the past was horrible! I think you should tell him not to contact you until his divorce is final. It is obvious you still have feelings for him and so many men say they are getting divorced and never do. With that in mind you should not allow yourself to get caught up in him again while he is married because you may end up in the same position...crying yourself to sleep when you realize he is not getting divorced. Tell him you are not interested because he is married and if he still wants to pursue you after his divorce he is free to do so. I think this will also let you know if he is serious about you or just looking for someone to have an affair with. If he respects your wishes and then pursues you after his divorce you know he is serious. At that point you should tell him how you feel about his mistreatment of you in the past and take things slowly. As for now, I do not think you should put your heart on the line for a married man who has hurt you in the past. Let him contact you when he and his wife have signed the final divorce papers. Do not have an affair with him! You should also continue to date people while he is getting his divorce; don't put your life on hold for him.

Rocky

Stay clear. Get yourself away from this for now. If the two of you love each other, it will come back someday, but for now dont let yourself get involved

Janet W

You have got to be kidding me

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