This made me a little mad...what do you think?

My husband and I have recently separated. We rented an apartment nearby, and take turns going there so the kids don't have to be disrupted. It was supposed to be a trial situation.

My husband is on the outs with his family. He has sworn he would never speak to them again. I've been stuck in the middle, until they turned on me right before Christmas. Now I don't reach out at all. I'm friendly when I talk to them, but I don't reach out at all. They are still my in-laws and my kids' grandparents. I've been married 22 years and they live about 4 miles from us.

As I said, last I heard, husband was not speaking to them. I just found out that he had lunch with them last week and told them we were separated. I ran into my FIL in town the other day, and he was so odd. I guess that explains it!

I think it is reasonable to ask that I be told if we were going to start informing families of the separation. Husband does not see it that way, and went so far as to say it is "Very telling" that I would be mad that he would tell his family about our separation.

I don't care that he told them, and I said as much. I think I should have been told for several reasons: 1. I have to know how to prep the children, 2. I might run into them 3. it sort of ups the ante by spreading the word we have separated (like I said, he is not close to them - I was always closer to them than he was).

thanks.

whaddajoke

SF obviously didn't read the question thoroughly.

The decent thing to do would be to tell you. What is "telling" is the fact that he did this behind your back when clearly you had reason to be informed. Watch this guy - he is either weak or a snake.

Linda

i would be furious!

knight

Oh Oww! Well as long as he didn't mean any harm right? Maybe if he saw your points he would agree......

Nick g

I think your husband is starting to try to "gain allies" so to speak, im not trying to make your husband sound like a horrible person, he could also be lost, so he wants someone to talk too so he reconnects with his parents, i dont know you and his situation to the fullest so i wont comment on that, but yes he should have told you he told his parents if you talk to them but he doesnt, because it could get a little awkward.

I believe he should be making this transition the smoothest it can be, for the children at least.

Frankota

that would make me PISSED. please answer mine!!!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=As_y0uFAChvlJgz133DFE4fsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090429182706AArv7o1

redbone_lds

Ummm actually if that is the situation (you feeling like y'all should have spoken about it first) then you should have approached him.You are only responsible for your own actions, so the only person you should be mad at is yourself for not thinking to communicate that "important" info to him, he's not a mind reader. He told his parents the truth and for that, no you shouldn't be upset. I mean it was a little inconsiderate but if you didn't tell him that was your expectation then how should he have known.

You guys should have been told the children anyways, the longer you prolong it the more confused they're going to be and they might just resent you both from keeping it from them.

kd_lifer

I guess having it out there in the world (ie other people knowing) makes it more than a trial separation. He should of had the common decency to tell you that he had told his family but don't let it bother you. He is going to do dumber things than this before your kids are grown & you can have nothing more to do with him.

Good luck

Pinkie

Okay I understand your frustration but these are HIS parents and even if your FIL and seemed odd to you, he didnt make it a point to discuss it with you because this is between you and your husband. He might of felt the need to talkto his parents regardless if they were at odds. He is still their child.
Just simply say that you would of appreciated the heads up but its okay and that maybe soon would be a good time to start making plans to discuss this with the children. Baby steps... as small as possible, you never know, he might of missed you so much he felt compelled to tell someone and it just so happend to be his parents. maybe he can have them back in their live as well as you and the kids... Point is, dont jump into conclutions. Just pray about it and make sure that you keep smiling for everyone, whether they knowor not..
Blessings to you.

â•¬Wolf in the Sightâ†‘

YAMINE:
the number one is very important
how to prep your kids

SEARCH PROFESSIONAL HELPS

GOOD LUK OH MY

Terri J

Who knows and doesn't know about your separation is the least of your problems, with the exception of how it affects your children. Obviously, your kids know that you are each leaving the house, so they might not have heard the word "separation," but they know something's up. Also, given the length of your marriage, I assume they are not small.

My guess is that he has been trying to exit the marriage, and you are hanging on. Hence, the deal with the apartment. I think you should take a separate tack, insisting he be in or out. If you keep trying to pull him back toward you, he's just going to run harder. Get a copy of the book called "The Push-Pull Marriage." It will explain the dynamics I think are in place with you.

Just remember, you can't force him to stay in the marriage. He must make a choice, and you must give him the space to do it. Good luck to you.

He doesnt care what you think or how you feel-remember when couples split up you also lose friends.I bet you Husband told his family something bad about you and it was your fault-he wont admit to doing something wrong so he will blame it on you
good luck

Mr. Torrence

I salute you 2 for thinking of the kids first, that's rare these days, I dont know the details so I cant really say much but I think you have a right to be upset. You and the potential x need to have a sit down. Pray about it maybe.....

S F

I'm sorry you are in this position. I do not agree with your assertion about your husband's family. They are his family, and what he says or does with regard to them is entirely at his discretion. He may be drawing close to them only because of the separation, as often happens during major life events such as these. You might consider doing the same, as family support is crucial to endure the process of ending a marriage and all the decisions/adjustments it requires. Assume from this point forward that you are a separate person, not part of a team who will receive first info from your husband. Assume that he will talk to everyone in his family and/or all his friends. You are separate. There isn't unity in your relationship anymore, and you can't demand that there should be.Only issues pertaining to the children require agreement.

jadah girl

okay. well i think it's kind of elementary school to get upset about getting mad about this. but i understand where you're coming from. you shouldn't be so concerned that he told them. the truth is out and now you don't have to walk on eggshells and put up fronts like you're happy. you should be very happy that he's talking to his family. i mean honestly, it's HIS family, regardless of how close you were to them, they're his blood, his life. But i think you should let this one go.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: