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เ ђєคгt яαιηу ∂αуѕ
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Kick him in the camel toe, take all the money, and run
Don't forget to pick me up on your way to Nebraska
~Shae |
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Real Talk....Ya dig
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shocking???? WELCOME TO MARRIED LIFE! |
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prescientone
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You need to find a different approach, and he needs anger management |
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Kev
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I'm surprised you're even still trying to talk to him. |
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danakay91
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I'd just turn around and say, we will continue this disscussion when you can act more appropriately and stop spitting your dummy out.
good luck
xx |
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JB
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He's trying to control you and you're not letting him so he throws a fit. So not worth it to me!!
The best thing to do in these cases is nothing. Don't fire back at him....just keep it low....but don't make it seem like you gave in. Put yourself in ignore mode. Cold shoulder treatment. Then when he calms down tell him you can either talk like adults, or there is nothing else to say. You can hold the cards in these situations! |
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Purple
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I'm shocked but I don't see the question. |
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unix... peace be still...
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Take a time out and allow him to cool down.....then try to communicate again.... calmly |
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Chad B
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I'm kinda dissapointed, I was expecting something like, "I had a threesome and my hubby doesn't know!" Now that would be shocking, lol
Tell him to take a walk when he feels this upset, he just needs a breather to think. No big deal. |
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Pat
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Serious question from Irk ... does not compute. Fatal error 21 reboot ...
Sorry to hear babe. Communication is the hardest thing about marriage ... wish I had a magic wand for ya but it's a tough one |
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Marie_(Canada)
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sounds to me he's the kind of person who can't take criticism so he strikes back so it ends up in a power trip of who has the last say. Kind of childish I say. Communication is key in a successfull marriage |
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plif
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This is abusive behavior. He is the perpetrator and you are the victim. There is nothing you can do FOR him (he has deep-seated personal self esteem issues, but only he can seek the help he needs and deal with them). This is abosolutely not your fault. The only thing likely to have a positive effect in defending yourself is to show that you are strong within yourself and will not tolerate his abuse or allow yourself to be weakened by it. Tough agenda.
Try to get some professional counseling for yourself. They should be able to help you figure out whether the behavoir is occasional or mild enough that it can be managed, and give you some techniques for dealing with it in the moment. ( Walking away and refusing be called names etc are good starts. ) Or they will help you see this is a no-win situation, and the only solution is to leave. (Spare yourself waiting too long. My SIL didn't get it until the fifth counselor in a row told her the guy was a psycho - he still abuses their children.)
There are also books on communication that teach people how to resolve conflicts by expressing themselves without triggering negative reactions and how to listen without being triggered themselves. |
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Sicilian 2 dtg!
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What's with the serious questions?
Besides, you already know the answer, in your head if not in your heart. |
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Wildflower
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From other things you've said about this relationship, the only way to deal with it is to walk away and see if he gets help ... otherwise, there's not much to be done. I mean you could try to be his idea of "perfect" and not say anything and it still won't be good enough.
You know, the perfect cycle of violence.. the build up of pressure, until there is a verbal or physical explosion, and then the honeymoon phase.. and back to the build up of pressure... but, you already know this from your studies, I'm sure.. it's just hard to apply what we know to our own lives.
My heart is with you.. it's one of the most heartbreaking places to be.
P.S... I know sweetie.. believe me, I do... The day I left, he came at me calling a "f-ing little b...".. and the rest you know.. but the name calling is just a symptom of the overall disrespect, lack of appropriate communication.. and love for you.. if he loved you as he says he does and as your husband should.. he would never purposely try to hurt you.. with words, or otherwise.. |
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*snowbunny*
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he is being really immature and is obviously trying to avoid the concept. You really need to be honest with him and tell him how you feel, even if he does yell......pray for him. |
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Cyclist 2300
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this is not shocking..... when people get mad and upset..... emotions run high.... they tend to ...... YELL AND SHOUT.
this is human behavior........ bet thing to do.... is remain seated.... harder to yell and shout when sitting down... compared to standing.... less intimidating also.
I suggest you two get some professional help in anger management. |
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jackieharriswest
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He obviously believes that the best defense is a good offense. When he shouts and insults you, leave. Then write him a letter that explains that you will no longer have conversations with him until he can treat you with respect and dignity. If you are not yelling, he should not be. Insults are never okay in a loving relationship. He sounds like a bully. Be careful that his verbal abuse does not become physical. If he doesn't respond to your letter, insist that he get counseling with you. Tell him that if you can't solve your problems together, your marriage will be a very short one. |
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mommy
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I was having the same problem in my marriage. I had to look inside myself and work on the things I can work on about me. I also gave this problem to God.
By doing these two things the insults have slowed to almost nothing. Can't say it never happens, just 90% less. I don't let things get to me anymore. It robs me of my PEACE.
The best thing you can do is avoid letting yourself get frustrated. I am not saying become a door mat. I am just saying don't take things so personally and avoid conflicts and pray.
God bless |
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danielz40
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He may be dysfunctional. Get a new husband. They're cheap and easy to find. The reason he yells and is insulting is he has a problem dealing with real issues and it's easier to redirect his anger at you rather than put the energy into finding an answer.
How long have you been married? Seems like he should not treat you badly no matter what, unless it's something major, like cheating or offspring problems. Also, when you're slightly upset, he may just get mad so that you will avoid the whole issue in the future, or not bring any problems to his attention. It's kind of a cop out.
You can try to calmly bring up the subject but he may get mad anyway. Make sure he's fed, when people get hungry they are grouchy.
Good luck. |
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jj
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Because he is a man and doesnt like conflice. That is his personality. |
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primary_chem
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That's a common trick. Sorry, there's not a nice answer... he's being an axxhole and you might decide you don't want that in your life.
It might help if you two go to counseling and have the counseler act as a mediator. I tried this once with a girlfriend who I couldn't seem to communicate with, similar to your problem. It didn't help us get along, but it did give me the perspective and the self-confidence to leave her. |
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Bruce L
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Just walk away....... |
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Moon
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Well then u need to talk 2 him. and if he gets mad at u then u say u need a break from me, why dont u go and spend some time with UR GUY FRIENDS. Then while hes gone he should bcome happier & when he gets home yall shouldnt b arguing. I hope this advice is helpful. Good Luck
. |
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Jacquot
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In all seriousness..
Make sure to protect yourself. Life is too short to try to put a square peg into a round space. |
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Bibigirl
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Words can never be retrieved, once they come flying out of the mouth that's it and words sting and cut deep at times. Tell him the effect it has on you and that he needs to get some kind of counseling to learn how to control his anger. |
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DreamsOfSeaside21
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Well, it seems you're both avoiding something, especially your husband, who's taken to insulting and yelling at you to stray from the subject. You need to confront each other about what's the underlying reason for all this.
If there's no reason for this, or a different approach isn't possible, there's really nothing you can do. If you can't communicate with each other, there's nothing much left. |
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blahblahblahblahblah
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To quote a famous line from Cool Hand Luke, "What we've got here, is a failure to communicate." A successful marriage has 2 bases. Friendship and communication. If you don't have these two things, the marriage is in trouble, or needs some serious work. |
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Summer Land
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hey.. maybe we can get together and find us a 2fer1 deal on a good divorce lawyer. |
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Liz L
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when my parents get mad and start doing the thing that you and your husband do. my mom and all of my siblings just go for a ride in the care and then they end up just saying sorry to each other. But when you for a ride it gives both of you two time to think about what you said to each other. |
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Brian
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Sorry to hear that Irks
I would drop the subject for a while. Maybe go out for an hour or two.
Then take a fresh look at the problem
Hope it works out quickly for you |
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