Trapped in a relationship! It seems there's no way out!?

jude

i would file for bankruptcy first, see if i could get the bills down to something manageable. if u don't they will come after the one who has the job and can pay. where theres a will there is a way. i would try to get rid of as many bills as i could, i would contact a bankruptcy attorney to see just what u could do. without all the bills u could file for divorce, if your home is also in his name u would have to sell it and split the money.

Just Surfin

So if you leave him he'll try to take half of everything - that should include the debts.

You have a job and he doesn't - that would leave you better off than he would be.

Do you really want your daughters to learn that this is what a relationship should be? You do realize that they are likely to end up in the exact same sort of relationship because this is all they know, right?

Janet W

You have to calm down and use your head to make this work. Before he can take half the money, if you have a joint account then you should take the money. Start saving every penny you can and secretly stash whatever you can over the next couple of months. Sit down and come up with a plan and make it work. Even if your living on food stamps, it's better than living with him. You'll see once your away from an abusive situation that even living without furniture is better than living without peace. Good luck to you.

Jane Marple

There's always a way out. Your husband is a lying loser and your idea to wait for him to be sober is just a reason to delay the matter.

1. You can call the police and have him removed from your home
2. You can wait that he goes out to drink and have all the locks changed.
3. You can call a women's shelter to take you in
4. You can call your family for them to take you in
5. You can search for an apartment and move out

I just found 5 ways for you to move out. What's your excuse now!Your husband is full of BS, he can't get everything in a divorce, he's a drunk parasite living off his wife. He's lucky if he still has a pair of pants to put on when law will be done with him.

Camille

call your local police say you believe your life and you childrens lives are in danger. get a divorce and a good lawyer if he wants half of everything it won't happen with his lazy behavior. If your children are old enough they will hold them as witness's against him. you will be ok

Jack

youre really in a tough situation

i dont think youre going to be able to do this alone

you could try a lawsuit but if money is a problem then it may be difficult

do you have relatives or something you can all stay with for awhile or something because you really shouldnt have to deal with this

and maybe the police because abuse of any kind is illegal but i dont kno

i hope you figure something out

wavy davy gravy

Sounds like you are at the end of your tether and options are running out. I don't like to say it but you should fight fire with fire. Get some of your mates to be around and tell him straight, morning is best because he ought to be sober when he wakes up and he has got the rest of the day to find digs. Then change your locks and get legal advice on the money he owes. I myself am owed 2 grand from my ex after i had to pay off the baliffs that were after her and in 2 years i have had 10 pounds back so be prepared to be stuck with them. But if you get a male friend who is a bit handy as in hard as nails get them to put the fear of god into him if he does not pay what he owes.

Good luck

happylilpossom

Okay, first step is to recognise that what he says is to bully and intimidate you. That is what is holding you there. You can get out of this if you want to.

A solicitor will help you with funding if you want a divorce.

The courts will want a complete finanical breakdown of all your money, withdrawals, statements etc for the last 12 months. So keep all transactions below Â£100 and keep all receipts.

Start saving (withdraw small amounts that can be easily explained) somewhere safe but not in an account or at home.

File for divorce. Start living seperately in terms of eating, washing, cooking, cleaning etc.

Keep a diary of every little thing that happens, especially of incidents where you or the children feel intimidated, threatened, afraid etc.

Stay strong and dont look back, its a bumpy ride but you will find alot of support out there for you. Ring the tax credits and get the payments paid direct into your name (this will cover food bills).

Start looking at part time work to enable you to keep the house and get family credit to help with the bills.

I have put up with being bullied for 12 years and it took me 6 years to pluck the courage up and finally do something about it. As each step went through with the divorce, i was scared but at the same time my self esteem has grown, my confidence and knowledge that i can do this and it will work. 12 years i thought i was dependent on someone else and i'd never cope without them - im flying higher then ever before now and every problem that has cropped up i have found an answer for. Dont ever think that you are alone and that you cant cope without someone. You can do it if you want to.

Very best of luck.

h2ogirl

He can say whatever he wants to, go after how ever much he wants to, but it isn't his decision to make! It's the courts decision. But, you also refer to him as your "partner," does that mean you aren't married? If you're not married, he can't take anything that doesn't rightfully belong to him...he can't "try and take half of everything"! If you want out, which I think would be in your and your children's best benefit, there are many state agencies who can help you! Being on your own can be scary, but he is also trying to scare you by the comments he makes. You may be alone for awhile, but whether or not that lasts is up to you! It sounds to me as though you are already alone; you alone pay the bills, you alone try to make a stable and happy environment, you are alone when he is drinking, you are isolated when he emotionally abuses you, and you will really feel alone if it does turn into physical! I would much rather be physically alone and away from him than to be alone with him! Good luck to you and I hope it all turns out for the best for you and your children!

I don't think he will get half of everything if he's been the bum you've described here. Get an attorney and file for divorce. If he's being abusive, the time to leave is now. Otherwise you may end up with more than a scarred credit report.

happyhappyjoy

i think most people will say the same thing - get out! you deserve so much more, and so do your children. things have a way of working out. it may seem like the world will end if you leave, but you will find that the sun will rise again, just like any other day. don't wait for him to do the right thing by you, so that you can do the right thing by him. it is too late for that. he stopped caring about what you want a long time ago. my opinion is - don't worry too much about the money, get yourself free! find a new life. and just one more thing - make sure you don't go out and pick the same kind of bloke all over again!

Brandon&Melissa h

First of all if you leave you will not be alone because you will have your children and God on your side. I think as there mother you should step up to the plate and be the parent. If you know what is best for them and your self then do it. There is government assistance to help you with living some where and having food to put on the table. Free child care. They will even help you find a job (if you don't already have one) You are a beautiful, strong, God fearing woman. Time to start acting like one. You don't need to tell him anything. He will get the message when you are gone. Actions speak louder than words. Go Visit social services and get housing and food stamps. Then pack your bags and leave. Pay of your debts and take control of your life again. I hope the best for you. I know you are strong.

Nagina Y

i am soo sorry to hear this, if u feel u cant live with him any more then tell him to leave if he wont den worn him u will call the police i think this is ur best option.
he should go and if this does not work then call the police they do take these matter seriously. u are not alone and there is lots of help available now for women in ur situation.
u can get help with the debt and ur childrens future.
trust me u r much better without him

sugar_x

You can't let him do this to you anymore. Just by reading this i can tell that you are so emotionally and physically drained by this man and you cant let it go on!

Wouldn't you rather be alone when your daughters have gone? You would be so much better off that way! There are so many nice men out there and you might not believe it but when the times right you will meet someone who loves you and respects you, not walk all over you.
Wouldnt you prefer someone who will take you out, and buy you flowers, run you a hot bath when youve had a hard day? There are men out there who will do that, and i think that this routine you are stuck in is making you stay.

With the amount of debts he has ran up in your name, the courts will instantly say that he has already had his share through that. Let him try, but it wont happen with his track record.

Be strong here, you need to lay it down how it is and tell him to sort himself out or YOU are leaving. Let him sit alone drinking his beer until he realises his family has walked out on him.

The more you hang around and let it happen, he is never going to change. He needs a reality check and only you can do this. Be strong, follow your heart and get out of their. Stay with a close family member who will accept what you are going through and you will soon realise that you was so much better off without him. It may even change him as a person when he realises what he has lost.

Gertis' best friend

I was in the same situation 12 years ago. I started counseling and gained the strength to say "I won't give you my paycheck anymore". My children were almost grown and it was very difficult financial. SEE AN ATTORNEY. I'm not shouting it's just very important. My husband got all the debt in the divorce. I left poor but the only creditor who came after me was the credit card in my name that he forged. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can survive this. Good luck.

Danny

your going to have to go court to prevent him from doing this. try getting him to cheat on you and catch him in the act with a witness. good luck ;)

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: