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Want to leave my husband but scared of being worse off financially?
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Want to leave my husband but scared of being worse off financially?

I'm 47, married for 23 years with 2 children in their late teens. My marriage has been unhappy for some time and I think it's now time to get out and start afresh. Only problem is I don't know where I stand financially, what am I entitled to? I'm sure if I did leave I wouldn't be able to buy a house of my own. I don't want to end up living in poverty wishing I'd stuck with my husband but I don't want to look back 10 years from now and wish I'd left him!
Additional Details
I do have a career although I only work part-time at the moment. I don't want to leave my husband worse off financially i.e having to take out a mortgage to pay me half the equity in our house or buy me out of his pension etc. I feel as if I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place! we've been married a long time and that means lots of complications. Maybe it's easier to "put up and shut up"?


Jack H
Visit you local citizen's advice bureau - they will give you sound legal advice for free. Much better than trusting anything you read on here (as you can't be sure, however eloquent the writer, that they actually know the law they are talking about!)

Visit http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

[EDIT] The answer above this is incorrect, you are not necessarily entitled to "half of everything" - while you may well get half, this is not an entitlement, and you may get considerably less based on how you handled your money and who paid for what

the choices in life are what you make of them. if you want to live in poverty then you will. if you dont want to then you will go back to school and find a good paying job. you have to do what is right for you mentaly.

So rent somewhere until you can save up enough to buy your own place.
If you own a house with your husband, you will be entitled to half of it anyway, which would help with a big deposit for a flat or 'two up two down' type house.
If you're not working and he has been supporting you, then you will probably be entitled to income support, housing benefit and council tax benefit.
If you are working, remember because you are over twenty five you are entitled to working tax credits, regardless of any dependents.
Good luck, and remember, your happiness is worth more than all of the money in the world.

Julie H
The firt thing you need to do is talk to a divorce lawyer in your state and find out your rights. Then if you don't have a career, get one. You will need it. Then proceed with your plans. Try to stay as positive as possible while you are rat holing money for the escape and getting a new or better career. This will also help your kids not be put under stress. Take the time now to clean out closets and get rid of the junk. It will save you having to do it later. Good luck.

NEVER EVER EVER depend on a man or another person (besides your boss) for money...in the end...you'll come up short or disappointed

If Your Unhappy You Should Definitely Get A Divorce And Whenever Your Divorce Is Filed Everything Will Be Split Up And In Most Cases People Decide To Sell There Stuff For Money And If You And Him Wanted To Sell The Stuff Then You'd Combine Both Of Your Halves And Split The Profit In Half leaving both of you with a Fair sum Of money

Contact a lawyer that deals with divorce he or she will be able to tell you what you are intitled to and what you will get in the divorce, No one can tell you on here how things are gonna go because every state is different and so is eevry judge...... There are also many programs out there that can help you get a job, get a home or more education of you choose you just have to check into these things in your state!
If you are unhappy and misrible you need to move on no matter the monet situation because you will only become more unhappy as time passes by!
Good Luck and I hope you find what you are looking for!

its not easy ending a relationship and you have been together a long time, your happiness is whats important, your still young enough to start again, you can`t stay with your husband purely for financial reasons, you should move in with friends or family if you can to get your head sorted and find yourself somewhere to rent or buy, i would make an appointment to see a good lawyer they wont do anything untill your ready, they will tell you all you need to know, just be happy, its hard on everyone when people split up, i wish you every happiness for the future

You need to ask yourself - do I want to be happy or do I want excess money.

You can have the house , car etc but if you wake up every morning feeling empty and unhappy truly what is the point. Or you can wake up in an apartment with a joy for the new day ahead.

You have a career - perhaps bump it to full time. Half of everything you acquired in your marriage is yours. He will be fine too. After 23 years of marriage and two kids perhaps it is time you started looking out for your best interest... It will be hard but everyone will be ok (your kids are older too). We all have that survival instinct and after some adjustment period everything will be norm.

If this is the case don't forget chances are your husband is unhappy too and for sure your kids know you are not happy (although you may think other wise).

You can do this - don't doubt yourself. If this is what you want do it. Money will come - you will make it so as you will have no choice.

All the best.

Is that your final answer?
My advice: Leave him now, but make sure you have a stable job. Of course you'll get some money out of the divorce and maybe you'll have to start all over again, but that doesnt mean you cant do it. It's better than to die a miserable life with someone that you cant stand.

Have you gone to marriage counciling? You may want to try that first. It may turn out that hubby has the same feelings and you may work things out or it will open up the dialogue about finances. Good luck.

It's your decision. What are the important things in your life? Money isn't eveything.

go to citizens advice they will help
dont stay if you are not happy my sister did and was in a miserable marriage for 22 tears and in the end he dunped her and left her with loads of debt

you are entitled to half of everything. house money and his private pension but he got the same rights. i did it 4yrs ago after 28 yrs of marrage best thing i ever did. had been unhappy for years my kids are adults. but even they say i should have done it years ago both my self and ex are happier. so im told not seen him since day i walked out

Hire an accountant or lawyer. Move in with some relitives for a while until you have enough money of your own.

I think you are frightened of the unknown, start being more independant now and your confidence will grow.Find out about money matters by first of all contacting a solicitor to get an idea about where you stand,you dont have to commit yourself in any way.How old are your children?can you get a full time job, or one with better pay?I think the best plan is to live like a singleton for a while and then if you do divorce your husband or seperate it wont seem so frightening, good luck!!

PEOPLE ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO DO>.........AND SO DO YOU........if this was me i would be thinking.... i have wasted so many good years on this person......i'd do what i had to do....the law states what you are entitled to....you should not feel guilty about this.....GUILT is a useless emotion it does not have any positive outcome...so stop feeling guilty.......if you've got any sense you'll want to be happier in life....if you want to stay with him....make sure he makes you happier....

Get a divorce you are entitled to a percentage of the family home as you contributed even if you did not work imagine how much it would cost your husband to get a housekeeper cook cleaner washer ironer etc it all counts towards divorce settlement also you are entitled to any pension he has
l think you just need reassuring you are doing the right thing by leaving him imagine the life you have till the day you die scary isn't it you are entitled to a free 30 minute consultation with a solicitor ask for free 30 min's when you phone for appointment

go to lawyer and get him to tell you about your rights , if you leave the house you will lose it he will be the one leaving it and you will keep it or it will be sold and you both will get half of value so dont just jump up and leave make sure of your options and then file for devorice asking for what you want in law suit house money for kids and money for you .am male and if he can get away with it he will not give you a dime so take what you want .but you need advice from someone with understanding of devorice laws

Go to the CAB and discuss with them your financial situation and get your options then go and talk to your husband and explain how you are feeling and what you want to happen armed with the facts from the CAB.

If you truly want out of your marriage then do it.

thems the brakes, sweetheart, it's one or the other and millions of women have had to make this choice, and are doing so every day. You've heard it all before....having your cake and eating it. No kidding, we've felt and thought the same, it's very scary. But the answer is in fact that we even ask the question. Those who are happy and meant to be, never have that question cross their minds. So at least that is half settled, the only thing left is finacial, look into it, but few leave with ? $, it's part of the price we pay for independence, but it does get better. I myself, and know many, many others, none down and out, we get by and survive and find happiness too.

You would usually be entitled to half of everything so think it through could you afford a flat or something with that? How much does your job pay? can you eat with that pay?
Best of luck!

teeth hoover
Although i wasn't married, i was in a horrible relationship with a violent alcoholic for 7 years who i lived with. Things got so bad in the end that i just walked out with two suitcases with nowhere to go and only £400. Was the hardest thing i've ever done and it's a time in my life that i don't even like to recall. BUT - it was the best thing i've ever done and the wisest move i've ever made. A year on now, and i'm so happy - my life has changed so much. I've struggled financially but i'm happy and that's the main thing. My advice to you would be to see a lawyer for advice on what you're entitled to though. Best of luck x

u need to decide whats more important ur happines or money

Do you work outside the home? I put money on the side for awhile before I left. You need to think about other things than a house...like paying for a divorce(I ended up paying for the whole thing) Do your kids require any child care, food, cost of school, clothes, utilities, etc..Yes, it took me awhile, but it may also give you the time you need to see if this is really the way you even want to go. Am I happier? Oh, yes! But my ex husband and I get along sooo much better. Before you split, why not try to get some time alone to really talk to him. That's a long time to throw away. Don't say he wont listen just because you don't understand what he's say or because he doesn't understand you. Try counceling? I still love my ex, we just get along better apart and learned too late to listen...


IF this is something you definitely want to go, make sure you are well informed of the divorce process by seeking consultation with a lawyer. Don't stay with someone just for financial reasons, you'll be miserable and it's better do it now then later or regret it all together.

You are young!!!!!!!! It's when you're 75 and want to divorce that I would say put up and shutup.

Also, you can just sell the house and split the revenue of the house.

You would be better off consulting a divorce lawyer try here....
http://www.thelawpracticeltd.co.uk/. Before you do consider this sometimes it's better the devil you know.Try some sort of marriage counsellor first, then you can either 1/resolve your differences2/learn to tolerate them,or 3/If all else fails leave.

you would be entitled to working tax credits check out there web site

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