Want to marry her, but my heart says she's cheating?

Cliffnotes: My GF acts strange in regards to her friend "Mike". I give 4 examples and ask for suggestions about how to figure out whats going on so my heart no longer hurts from the uncertainty.

My GF of 3 years, has been acting odd. She has a male friend "Mike":

1. 3 nights ago, she strangely told me "tonight is not a good night to stop by my house", I show up anyways. Her phone history showed she had been talking to "Mike". He ended up going to her apartment the next night when I wasn't around to "get some help with some legal documents". Looks like she didn't want me to come by cuz she wanted "Mike" to come by and I messed up her plan.

2. She told me yesterday.."Something is going on with Mike. I wonder what it is, might be related to his business. I hope he's doing alright." Later that night at dinner I go 2 the bathroom, when I come back she is leaning close with her friend telling a story of how "Mike's work truck broke down". When I showed up the conversation abrupty changed subject.

3. My GF talked trash about the wife...how she doesn't take care of him and his daughter the right way. I found this very odd.

4. For her b-day yesterday I gave her a beautiful photo album, a nice bracelet and a card telling her I wanted to build a future with her. This woman who used to act so loving towards me, had a bizarre, fake smile reaction.

My heart tells me that she is lying. I love her. We went to college together, traveled the world together and I'm considering marrying her some day. I trusted her and was loved by her for 3 years up until a few months ago when she started to act strange. If I break it off I want to be 100% sure she is being dishonest so I have no regrets.

1. How can I tell if she is cheating? Thinking of saying, "I love you, but my heart is telling me you are being dishonest. If you have nothing to hide, please give me the password to your phone bill so I can see who you have been calling." The phone bill might prove shes cheating.

2. How do I deal with this daily heartbreak that is interfering with my sleep and appetite? The one thing that is helping me so far is to focus on my life, work, gym, etc and taking good care of my self. My heart still hurts though.

Hey man, I was in your EXACT shoes about a year ago and a year later I'm still dealing with the pain. I ignored the signs too - all of them. Even the ones she practically handed to me on a silver platter. I couldn't tell if she was cheating to get caught or if she just got caught cheating. At any rate, I'm kicked my own azz for months for not paying attention to the signs - they are almost always there. Your instincts didn't change overnight, there is a reason you are having these doubts about her honesty. And even if it is nothing, she either wants you to believe it is or she wants you to believe it's not. These are called emotional games...mind games.

I say never ignore the signs, they are signs for a reason. Looking at her phone bill does nothing for you but make you look like something you're not. All the phone bill does is proves she talked to him and honestly nothing more.

Trust your instincts...if she is doing something and she's this sloppy at it, the bigger signs are just around the corner. You can do one of two things - you can either wait for an even bigger confirmation of the signs (like I did - which hurts much worse, I promise you) or you can open your eyes, see what's right there before you and walk away (like I wish I had).

golfgirl3

Red is red, and Black is Black. If she were committed to you, she would not be around this Mike person all day. Think bud with your mind and your heart before you marry, because then it gets more complicated.

Myth_Understood

Sweetie ... listen: You already know that she's being dishonest and keeping things from you, so call her on it.

Look her in the face, and tell her that you know she is being dishonest and keeping things from you.

Tell her that until she comes clean, you are done, because you can't keep on with someone who is clearly being dishonest. All the history you have: college, travel and three years together ... it clearly means little to HER because she's doing this to you.

I'm saying: Break up with her.

If she lets you go, then you have your answer.

If she fights for you to stay (and makes you believe it), then you have your answer.

EITHER WAY, you have your answer.

Don't mention your heart anymore - use your HEAD, ok?

*big hug*

Lily_1981

IF there are any doubts, why getting married?

Mellie

It sounds like you two have a lot of trust issues. Maybe you should give it some time, or talk to her about this 'Mike' before making any serious moves.

ginger-girl

Being in love is so beautiful, unfortunately we sometimes experience life's interferences. You above and beyond anyone else knows this girl. You have given us ample reasons for the pivotal change in the relationship. Put the ball in her court and let her make her own decisions because it is her life and future too.

chinamigarden

If you think she is cheating, leave. Because 1 of two things is happening.

1. she is cheating and for that you should break up with her.
or
2. She isn't cheating but your suspicion is going to piss her off and she is going to break up with you.

So leave now and get it over with.

MAndy

How long has she been friends with "mike" for? Seems to me that it could go either way, you may just be overthinking everything . I would sit down with her, just the 2 of you and tell her how you feel and let her know, you want some kind of proof that there is nothing going on. Tell her how strong your feelings are. You may not like your answer. Or maybe it will lay it all to rest. All i know is i have been there before and i thought my bf was cheating on me, it took up all my energy, time, and thoughts. I was constantly snooping, looked through his phone, wallet everything. If she has cheated leave its not worth the heartache

Mohamed D

good luck for Mike he seems to be a nice guy

Nancy

Trust your instincts. If your heart is hurting now, you'll be setting yourself up for years of misery by marrying her. Love fades after time when you break up. Give yourself a chance to heal and find someone you can trust.

BK ~ â™¥ ~

Sweetheart the fact that she doesn't really want the two of you around each other kinda hints there maybe more going on but you can't MF yourself over a phone bill! The one thing I can suggest is show up when you know he's there. I did it to my ex of 1 year & turns out he was hugged up with some other girl on his couch! Yes it's going to hurt (for a while!) but in the long run your going to finally know the truth & not feel like your crazy! What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!

CatNip

Forget the 100% bs. How about just asking her if she still wants to be with you. When she answers, you watch her very carefully. Then you'll know if she's lying to you..

Janet W

Why do you want to marry this girl?

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