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Tom T
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I do think that it was justified. If he had feelings for this woman and was "seeing" her then the odds are very good that he was cheating. The trust issue is huge...5 years full of lies? You really are going to be better off without him. I am sorry that he isn't as involved in the child's life as he should be...yet another sign that he isn't much of a man. Keep looking and good luck to you! |
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BabeHeart
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I didn't have to read past "the first 5 yrs were full of lies, sneaking around, physical/verbal abuse on his end." to be able to answer YES! you were justified.
Why did you stay 5 yrs through that? I wouldn't have done it 5 months... |
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Masho
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I think you just want to be with "someone." I think it was right for you to leave. Would you rather be with someone that made you miserable....or be alone in hopes of finding someone that could treat you the way you want to be treated. It's pretty sad he hasn't seen your son often, it just shows how much love he has for you....if he can't love his own son more than that....his own flesh.....how much love could he have for you? I'd never go back to him. |
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mom of 3
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you did the right thing. no one deserves to be treated the way you was being treated. now you must move on. go out with your friends, mingle with new people. just keep yourself busy. soon you will be over him. but you also must forgive, forgive him for hurting you and forgive yourself for allowing it to happen to you in the first place. once you complete that you will be okay. |
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RedRabbit
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You are better off without him. Be happy that he is no longer your husband. |
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Mitchell S
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if your happier now.... than you made the right decision.... |
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Giraffe Bites
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it's messed up what he did, and you were right by getting rid of him.
he doesn't need to see your oldest son, because he's not his real father.
i dont think you miss HIM, i think you miss having that companionship. |
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cookie
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wow, thats a tough one. i think you should move on with your life. let him see his child when he wants too, but you cant put your life on hold forever waiting to see if he really loves you enough not to keep cheating.lying can ruin a relationship just as fast as cheating can. its really up to you whether you think its worth the hassle. hope this helps, good luck. |
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Heather
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You are better off without him and the drama. If he lied and cheated on you, good ridden to him. You can do better. Don't feel sorry for yourself, you did nothing wrong. You tried and that is all you can do. Move on and grow for this experience. If he doesn't want to see your sons, well, maybe your sons are better off. Be strong for yourself and your children. |
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Spider Pig
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8 years worth of lies is a very long time for someone who say they care about you. Its worth your time to leave if you dont' want to deal with drama. |
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Aliz
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You sure were right to get rid of him. If counseling didn't work then there was no hope for the marriage.
Try to find someone else by talking to men in the grocery store or the laundry mart. |
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Tina
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I think you were right to divorce him. No man or woman deserves to be mistreated by their partner. If he told you he had feelings for another woman and then lied again, that should tell you that his interest of keeping the marriage alive has gone down the drain. Being lonely is very difficult for anyone and can make us even the most horrible person in the world. I suggest you get together with some girl friends and have a night out. Try meeting some guys and enjoying your life. Any man who doesn't see his kid more than 5 times in a year isn't too interested in being a daddy. Hope my opinion helps. |
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Frenchiesgal
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Wow! It sounds like you have endured a lot! This guy raked you over the coals, and although I know you love/loved him you do not deserve that. Why are you blaming yourself? Are you seriously thinking that it was you that ended the relationship by breaking it off? He ended the relationship when he became untrustworthy. Please think about getting personal counseling for a couple months about your self worth before you think about telling this bozo you miss him. |
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pegasis
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I think your honestly just lonely. I think that he may not have been right for you, but your feeling sad and alone without him. This will continue until you find someone else or get over this loss. Sometimes getting over a lost love takes time. But in my experience going back isnt always worth the hastle. I tried going back to my ex several times and realized that I kept leaving for the same reasons. Eventually, I said this has to stop and I realized that he was not the one I wanted to be with. |
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prudence04
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Give it time. You will get over it. This guy seems selfish. There are people out there who can give you much, much more. It was an unhealthy situation. |
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Raymond R
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You really had no choice if you wanted to preserve your own dignify and self esteem. |
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luna
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Good you left. I dont think you miss him. I think its the intimacy that you had with someone. i cant imagine going into the same fire hole again. that would make you a masochist. Take care of you and your babies. Let the man go. Good luck to you. |
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connie p
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yes you were justified, and i doubt you really miss him, you probably miss the idea of him but the idea you have is a false image you've created of him to make him look better |
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amy00
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You have to remember that he lied to you for all of those years. I know that it is hard right now, but with time things will get easier for you. When you meet someone better you will realize of how horrible your ex husband was to you. You deserve better and you shouldn't settle for your ex. |
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hooahwife
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Sounds like you are just lonely. I don't believe in divorce (most of the time) but if abuse was involved, esp if you had children....then I am ok with it. Don't go back, things have probably not changed. Unless, he has ALREADY been through counseling and can show the changes and they are very evident..don't do it. Focus on raising your kids and don't go out with men until they are grown. They don't need more chaos in their lives and if you date, there will be. |
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happygolcky75
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a woman nor a man should go through physical or verbal abuse....
I truly think you did the right thing... i know its hard but you have to look out for your children... that is the most important thing... |
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Choqs
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You did the right thing. You are probably missing him now because you are lonely. Remember he is the ex for a reason, do not fool yourself into thinking he may have changed. We tend to remember the good times, remind yourself of the bad and I doubt you'll be missing him long.
It's really too bad about your oldest but doesn't that show his lack of concern. Keep strong. |
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zero
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I was married 6 years and our stories are similar. Only difference is the day I made the decision to leave, I felt tremendous relief. What exactly do you really miss about your exhusband? You gave no examples of any good attributes of the marriage. Is it possible you just miss being married? Try to focus on the present and the future. Find solace in friends and family. Remind yourself of the mental anguish you went through. I hope you never have to experience that again. I made a decision never to let anyone put me through that again and I have stuck to my guns. Consequently, I am a lot healthier and happier. Good luck to you. |
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TheMadChemist
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You were right to leave. Building relationships on lies is like making a castle of cards outside. Sooner or later a gust will come and break it all apart. Look to your family for support and recovery then go find yourself someone who will be upfront, honest, and loving. |
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smiley
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You have very good reason for leaving. Just don't go back, you will do much better and you will be free. You'll see. |
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reddevilbloodymary
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Justified? What difference does it make if it was justified, what's done is done and you owe your kids at least one stable parent. To consider taking him back is ridiculous at this point and unfair to the kids. Why would you continue to have loving/sad feelings towards a Dad who cares so little about his own kid that he hardly ever sees him? You owe your kids better decision making abilities. |
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rainydaze
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justifiable is a kind way to put it but yes you did the right thing. |
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Gary V
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Sorry
Sounds like you need to forget this guy and find someone who really wants a relationship.
When something doesn't make sense someone is lying. If you've tried counseling ect, and he hasn't tried to see his son. I don't think he really can care enough about others to be a husband/father.
Best wishes |
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Cat Mommy2
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I think you did the right thing..If he really loved you, he wouldn't have kept seeing that other woman and wouldn't have abused you..it wasn't you..he was just using the excuse that you weren't meeting his needs to make it seem like your fault..I'm sorry about your mother..It's sad that he's not more involved with your oldest son..bottom line--you did the right thing by leaving. |
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?
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I think your decision to leave was the right one. Not just for you but for your son. You don't want him to grow up like that. Thinking thats how you treat women. I know you think you miss him, but you really just miss the being married.
You did the right thing. I for one am proud of you for having the strength to end something that you were not happy in. |
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