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What can i do to stop nagging my husband?
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What can i do to stop nagging my husband?

i feel guilty right now, actually not only at this moment but every time i nagged my husband, every little things he does im seeing it and i hate myself.
i grew up in an environment that my mother usually nagged to us from my father to our youngest siblings, i don't like the way she treated us sometimes and i dont wanna be like her style especially her nagging.
but, when i got married 8 years back with my wonderful husband,
i dont really like to nagged to him,he is very very understandable and i dont wanna abuse his patience, but after every nagged i made. i really regret it from the bottom of my heart and i said sorry to him, and i realise that i'm exactly as my mother.

please i really, really need a big help from you all, how can i avoid nagging my husband, i love him so much he is my life and i dont wanna loose him , if ever he looses his patience.


    




Tami
Rating
Because it seems like a learned behavior, please seek out therapy to help you deprogram and learn appropriate behavior.

You can change, and break that cycle of abuse.

Thank you for taking accountability for your actions, it is not often that women realize their entitlement, and seek ways to change this behavior, normally they resort to blaming the victim...

You are a wonderful person!


stupendous
I would suggest the taking three breath methods. Before you reply or speak out at your husband, take three deep breaths. It might not work initially, but if you stay with it, I think you will learn to take a little time before you speak out.


weisenheimer
Rating
When you feel the urge to nag...get a picture in your head of your mother nagging....or carry a picture of her in your pocket. Glad you are realizing it and wanting to stop. He will eventually lose patience.


Willie J
It is all about you attitude.You can only control your mind and how you react to conditions around you. If you take a positive attitude regarding how you react people around you will react in a more positive manner. There are several ways to fix the problem. For example if the nagging is about dirty dishes, make a rule that all dirty dishes are put in the dish washer right away and putting them on the counter is not allowed by anyone. Tell him what you would like him to do and when he does it thank him as opposed to criticizing him for not doing what you did not tell him you wanted.

Sorry for the rambling answer.


Lovebug123
Rating
Think of the things you nag to him about. Then, figure out if there is a different way you can come across to him. Say you nag to him about taking out the trash, instead ask him nicely to take out the trash and say thank you when he does it. Please and Thank You's go a long way. And if some of things you nag about aren't very important at all, take a deep breath, bite your tongue and think of something else to talk about.


kitkat
Rating
When you hear yourself stop in the middle of it apologize and after awhile you won't do it any more.


Iknowalittle
Stop and think before you speak. Or leave the room till you get over the problem. Watch HOW you say things as well.


Good Luck !


Angie
Bite your tongue and recite his good qualities in your head. Seriously, this works. If you have a good man don't mess it up. You've done well by recognizing your behavior.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Treat your spouse like he's a good man and he should be a good man.


Randy P
you need some stress release. im in the playpen with mildred


Tilley
Be very aware of when you are nagging, find your triggers and work on using some technique to stop, count to 5 before you talk if your feeling frustrated, ect...


Big J
Try catching yourself. Maybe some sort of councilor can help?


kenneth h
Think that he is not your child; he is like another person like yourself.

Have a piggy bank. each time you nag him, put a dollar in it. Give it to him at X'mas.


Old School
stop and think before you say anything. its really a conscience effort. I do the same thing and sometimes I speak before thinking. Ask yourself what you are really annoyed about and really think about it. Once you do that, if its something you feel needs to be discussed then you find time for the both of you to talk. Then approach the situation by saying, hey hun I didn't really appreciate this or I feel we should work on this... this takes a lot of time and patience. Acknowledging what you are doing is the first step...


sightseer
First, it is important that you have realized what you are doing and have decided you want to change.
Nagging is one of those things that build walls between people.
When you get the urge to nag, just stop a minute and try to put what irritates you in perspective. What does it really matter. How important is it that you make the point. What difference will it make if you don't nag on that issue. 50 years from now, what difference will it have made if you nagged him on that particular issue. Let the irritation you feel roll off you - like water rolls off a ducks back.
Good Luck you are on the right track and I hope your husband appreciates the effort


Jason P
You'll need to enlist your husbands help on this. Create a funny face for him to make every time he feels you are nagging. You'll both laugh about it and you'll begin to recognize every time you're about to nag. Maybe you can get him to touch his nose or something. It's a fun way to pro-actively erase the negativity in your relationship.


Mrs.P
Every time I start to sound like my mother my husbands lets me know and it works I stop as soon as I start and say I'm sorry and try again.

Talk to your husband and ask him to let you know that your starting to act like your mother it might help.

After 22yrs together I don't do it as often.


Alice W
Learned behavior. So from now on before you go to open your mouth think will this sound like Im nagging. Then re-think how you can word something without it sounding like your nagging. Or even better think about if that moment is a good time to bring up whatever your upset about then take a breath walk away and bring it up later when your not upset so it doesn't come out like nagging. It works believe me.


KJ
tape your mouth shut.


Logan
Listen... we are the products of our parents.. that is YOU. Now.. if you want to lessen the bruise I suggest that every time you feel like you have wronged him, you give him a treat. I won't be specific, or graphic, but suffice it to say that you will be able to act on your instincts, and he won't mind that you do because it will be a prequel to good times..


blueeyd_princess
Maybe you should talk to your Dr. There could be something more then just nagging since your mother was the same way. I did use to treat my hubby pretty bad nagging, mood swings Ect. My Dr. put me on yaz and I can tell a huge difference in our relationship.


rooney
Rating
Stop nagging, don't look for things that he does wrong, let things go, distract your attention to something else when you are on the verge of nagging about something. He will eventually get sick of it and blow up at you and things will never be the same, BELIEVE ME, people can only take so much.


AKAO4D
Perhaps, if you used your oral skills for the purpose of pleasure rather than nagging it will steer you in the right direction. Always remember, you can't talk, I mean nag with your mouth full.


SchadenfreudianSlip
Hmmm...interesting. As I have long surmised, behaviors repeated and mimicked by ensuing generations often describes fundamental aspects of addiction (which either involves abuse of oneself or of another). In this particular case, perhaps nagging is a sign of an attempt to resolve low self-esteem by constantly knocking the feet out from another person...and to make it especially self-destructive, it's almost always someone you're mated with.





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