What do I do if my husband won't work?

hugh

Have you considered investment in a bullwhip?

Fairydogmother

Wake up and smell the coffee - that you bought. 5 years and he won't pull his weight and you have 3 jobs? Don't walk.. RUN! This is a prime example of when an ultimatum is in order. Work or out!

Stacy C

What a big baby! I believe actions speak louder than words: it's time to pick up and leave his lazy butt. You basically are already on your own, so make it official. Respect yourself enough to leave him.

Fanny

stop running yourself ragged for your childish and immature husband. you're not his mother and that's maybe who he needs to be with for a while.

Error

kick him out! tell him he can move back in when he gets a real job and that he can pay for rent

Aidan T

ask him why he wont work

Travis L

He is selfish.. Im married and Im not working right now I go to school too, but I have to do all the laundry, clean the house, vacuum, grocery shop. my wife is a teacher she makes good money. She pays for my school too, but she doesn't care because I do all the other work, that she doesn't want to do.. But your husband sounds like he wants his cake and then icecream. Tell him to find a job or else.. Tell him he needs to come up with some income.. There are plenty of things he can do to earn money..

other_guy

Sorry Jen! But if what you said in your text is true, then he doesn't want to help you at all! You are going to have to leave him! Seriously!

Roxy

tell him either he gets a job or you leave him if he loves you he will get a job

amays20320

Whats he a professor in? Obviously not Finance. Well move out on his broke lazy a$$

davelennv

Move out will probably be the worst thing you can do. You are probably on the lease and will screw up your credit.
I would try, if it is possible, to get your husband in to see a doctor. He may be depressed, or have another medical condition.
If he refuses give him an ultimatum. Tell him, NO MORE MONEY for him, until he gets a job....PERIOD, AND STICK TO IT!!!
If he cant buy his beer, CD's etc. he will change.
In addition, if he is one the bank account, get him off it, get new credit cards, ATM cards, etc. You are going to have to keep him out of the money. In fact I would use a debit card for everything, with a PIN that only you know. DO NOT bring cash home. Its too easy for him.
Also, get some mental health counseling for yourself as well.
If you need someone to talk to, please e-mail me.

honey

It sounds like you should quit supporting him and move on. Give him an ultimatum.

Gknicks

I bet if you moved out, he would shape up real quick.

Cristal

Hi Jen. I think enough is already enough. It sounds like this man is totally taking advantage of you. If you already do EVERYTHING why not do everything for yourself. Move out. Get your own place. Keep your three jobs. Build your savings back up. As far as divorce I am not for it. I think you should try to save your marriage, but you may have to let him drown first before he realizes what it is he has lost. If he misses you and begs for you to come back then tell him he needs to get a job, do half of the bills and half of the household chores, and get counseling. I wish you the best of luck. If these things don't work then you can't say you didn't try. I would end it if you've tried it all.

i think that u should tell him to get a job or get out

KaylaRose

During such a time, you've got to be the "Strong One".....
Stand stedfast on the words you speak and most importantly...
THINK BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING.... only because, once it's spoken, you can't take it back.

If he's at all approachable, seriously sit with him and tell him his options... If he laughs them off or completely disrespects you, then I would begin making plans for yourself.

Hopefully you have parents or friends that will reach out and help you for a bit of time.
You work three jobs and seem to be the adult in this marriage.... Though you didn't mention a child, I truly believe that you have a BIG CHILD that expects to be waited on hand and foot...

Shake the dirt from your feet, stand up tall and take control of your life...
If you don't do this now, you'll suffer in the mean time...
Life is way to precious and short to waste on such a selfish husband.
All in all, the CHOICE IS YOURS... we can only give you our opinions and advise, but in the end, it will be your decision..
Make the correct one so that you can live a happy life and not a life filled with stress and conditional love...

My best to you and in all you do make certain you follow through with your decisions... Stand by your words and NEVER GIVE UP!!!

Jinna L

tell him he needs to work my ex husband wasn't writing a book but he wouldn't work we would go hungry first i ended up leaving him but try talking to him first

Tracker

He's being grotesquely unfair. If he's going to be home all day, then guess what- he should be doing the housework if he's not otherwise contributing to the household. What's fair is fair.

Extreme measures would to refuse to do anything for him. I'd say stay with a friend or relative for awhile, and politely inform him that he is not the man you married, and he has to fend for himself until he decides to grow up and take some adult responsibilities. You may also want to look into separating for awhile.

Shia&Colombian

I think you need to consider not being with him, he doesnt appreciate all your hard work and it seems like he is using you, and using the writing a book as an excuse to slack off.
Goodluck

sonni c

You have allowed it to go on too long. You need to give him and ultimatum and separate if he won't work. To say it isn't fair is an understatement. You may need marital counseling so that he will come to his senses. Too many women put up with this don't be one of them.

Chris M

i know it will be hard to do, but i would say you need to move out. dont leave him, just move out. let him realize that his life is sinking farther and farther down. its something he needs to realize for himself. you cant teach him it. times are tough. you cant afford to do this. i have a feeling that if you make him realize that if he doesn't straighten out, he wont get to stay with you, hell change his act.

honnypup3

you will forever be unhappy if you enable him to be a dreamer without trying to be rued dose he love you if he dose he needs to get off is dreaming take addvantige *** and show you just how beautifull and wonderfull you are and you realy are he is just taking you for a finnachal mommy dont let it happen anymore he knows beter but still takes from you i have no respect for people like that im a single dad paying a huge mortgage with no help but atleast my daughter gets up and contributs your husband dose nothing but take from you go see a family justis councler

Cmundley

Wow, he sounds like a perfect match for my ex wife. It would be a match made in heaven!

lizanull

Oh MAN! He's got it GOOD, doesn't he?!? He's married to a woman who's willing to let him spend up her savings account, do ALL those pesky distasteful adult things that he just doesn't feel like doing, and.....AND.... she's dumb enough to work THREE jobs while he works.... how many does he work? NONE, you say?!?

Well! This is a deal we ALL want, right kids?!?

How's that Great American Novel coming along?!?

This cracks me UP.

Astray A

Jen your husband is treating you like a slave and taking your for granted. When you going stop doing this for him? Married life is about giving and sharing. But you are carrying this marriage. Plenty of of people write books and still work. That is just an excuse for him to use. So it taking him five year to write a book? hey Jen he taking you for a ride there. You need to talk this out with him. Plus he a professor at college and asking you to fill out his taxes wow! Look move out or you will regret in years to come. It's not a wife he wants but a maid, yes sir no sir

Unfortunately you cant change anyone, the good news is you can make a change for yourself!! Enough is enough now, i truly don't believe in just throwing in the towel on your marriage with out at least giving a good effort to make it work some how, now i know you have talked to him to no avail, but take one last attempt to let him know this arrangement is not working anymore, your wore out and cant carry the load and since he has not been receptive to any of your suggestions your feeling the only other alternative is divorce, let him know your at your end and he either will start doing his part or your going to move on PERIOD!! Respect and love yourself enough to not put up with this immature, irresponsible ways from your husband or anyone for that matter, your not a door mat or an open bank account that has been so over withdrawn your not living anymore, take your life back today!! Be strong and stand firm, don't just talk to him but back up your words with your actions there after, believe me he will get the hint real quick!! Good luck to you and i wish you the best!!

Tag23

He knows exactly what he's doing your his free ride. What a deal if you want to support him stay if not 1. Did he get you to sign the lease, I bet his name isn't on it so if you leave you still get stuck with the rent at least till the lease is up. Divorce him and bet he will go after support God lady you picked a real winner. How did you last five years with this freeloader? I don't want to give you any bad advise but you need to find your options. and get rid of him.
He told me last night that I need to hurry up and finish the taxes so he can have some money to spend at an upcoming convention he wants to go to. You do that and I'll find you and put a boot where it does the most good. Stand for once and say no you want to go you pay for it. When is enough enough oh about 4 years ago. If his name is on the lease move out if he can't pay for it he can find the nearest bridge to live under believe me he will find another person to mooch off.. Take my advise and hit the trail.while you still have money. This is it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFHSHTO0TFg

sarah w

Tell him to get a job that helps u out or get out. Tell him everything u just told us. Don't hold back.. Let him find a place to live not u. See how far he gets before he needs you. Or go to marriage counseling and try to find a happy medium for the both of u. I know I would put his butt out but if you love him then try to work it out... Good Luck

blondie280

I can feel your frustration across cyberspace and I have to admit I don't blame you one bit. You must be exhausted. I have to ask you wouldn't it be easier to do this alone and get rid of some of his bills? I know you love him, obviously, he is your husband, but if he is unwilling to contribute to the household and marriage then you have to decide if that is something that you can put up with and if so for how long because I'm sure you don't want to live this way. Good luck to you!

Juicester 6

Recommendation: Give your husband an ultimatum to go to work by a certain date - you decide the date, and be firm in your decision. Tell him what the consequences are for him not to get a paying job and begin contributing by that date.

Possible consequences: You move out into a place of your own (do you have kids - did not see a mention of that?). You move him out, and change the locks on the door (you pay the rent, utilities, bills, etc...so, it's your place - ask the landlord if you can put the lease in your name alone).

If you have given dates, timeframes, consequences, etc. before, and have not held true to them, he will of course assume that you are not serious, but you must stick to your guns....

loves christmas lights

Yes the big bye bye is needed, you tried, hes found a sugar mama not a wife, some really awesome man will come along. Dont ever tell him if your past relationship, its shows you although so strong, but oh so weak, let him always see the strong side of you. Your awesome. He needs to leave, and do not care where he goes, hell find another unknowing its not your job to worry about him now. File and move on to a beautiful life.

why

my husband won't work? he thank broking the law is the way of life

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: