What do you do when you feel you have hit rock bottom?

Patrick C

WHAAA !!! WHAAAA !!!!

cranky_gut

pray

KEV D

my heart goes out to you luv, the only thing i can say is that it probably wont feel like it right now but things will get better over time.
try and throw yourself into something else for the moment to take your mind off your ex, you mentioned problems with your job, try and focus all of your attention on your work to see if you can save it.

look at it this way, even if you do lose your job then its an opportunity to get a new one and meet new people. If your mutual friends are avoiding you then who needs them? its their loss. they might be having a bad time being stuck in the middle between you two tho so give them a little space.

keep your chin up sweetheart you'll find happiness eventually.

seaside_girl_03

You realise you've hit rock bottom, you work out all the things you've learnt and you count yourself lucky that you worked out what a loser he was before you started having children with him or got even more involved, You haven't been together long enough to have legal rights to his property so if he won't help you out financially cut your loses and draw a mental line under it all. Go see your doctor as well you may be depressed and need a bit of help for a while to get back on your feet but its only for the short term!

Davimi

What your feeling is very real and ignore the morons who give you a snappy response to your question. You have all the symptoms of a major depression - I have been there and am struggling with some things even still. I can assure you that you don't have to go through this alone. I suggest you see your doctor ASAP and describe your symptoms - you may need some medication to help you out of your depression before you sink even further. That's for your doctor to determine. I don't know what part of the world you live in but there are support groups and crisis lines everywhere. I know it does'nt feel like it right now - but you will get through this. Just keep breathing in and out, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually these dark clouds over you will clear. It's when you're hardest hit that you must not give up -there is a better day coming for you, I promise.

del-d

You haven't hit rock bottom. You can choose now to sink even further down or attempt to lift yourself out.

Your boyfriend has released you from the on-going toture of continual rejection.

The best way to think about this is, ask yourself which men have loved you, who you did not love in return. Then ask yourself what any of them could have done, which would have made you feel they were the love of your life.

The answer will be nothing. We choose who we love and your ex probably hankers for someone he perceives as more of a challenge than you.

There is a slim possibility that if you move on and get active in life that he'll want you back. But he'll never truly want you if you wallow in depression. (Although the weak ones will drift in and out whenever they need a crutch / crotch ;-))

Don't go to the doctors, start drinking, sleeping around or indulge in an other temporary fix / diversions to get you through.

Throw your new found spare time into getting back on track workwise.
Write a list of things you enjoy doing and make a concious effort to do at least one every week.
Recognise that the things you resent most (such as his coming out of the relationship with a wonderful house), are clues to what you want for yourself. If you lived with him and can prove that you contributed to the renovation, you may be able to make a legal claim for a portion of the increased value resultng from your hard work financial input

However truly the best tack is to walk away head high. Imagine the most confident / successful / charismatic and admirable woman you posibly can. Ask yourself what she would do, then do that.

Right now whilst you're in too much pain for the high head stuff, give yourself a break. If you can afford it book yourself on a multi-activity weekend, if not, rent a pile of DVDs and laze around watching them. Make sure one of them is Bitter Moon with Hugh Grant, as this will really help.

rachel m

u can't get some counseling and find some new friends , to help u get through this tough time u can do it i know u can just try u will be OK , it just seems like Ur life is over but u can take back control of Ur life u did just fine w/o him before u even new he existed, u will be fine again it will just take som time OK good luck.

Ontheotherhand

Congratulations. You have hit the bottom. Wonderful. Now, there is nowhere to go but up. What do you do? Easy. You KEEP going. Even though you can't, you do anyway. When my marriage was dying, I got so down that I actually lost my favorite gun. I'd chained weights to myself, and was paddling out into a mile wide river on a truck inner tube. The plan was to get into deep water, then kill myself, letting my body sink, never to be found. I'd only gotten a couple hundred yards out, when I dropped my gun. It seemed so stupid that I couldn't even manage suicide well that I got angry. My anger is what got me through. Your boyfriend was a creep. Sooo, are you going to let that creep destroy you? Live, for revenge. Get up, get going, and build yourself a new life- without the creep. Fight until you've managed to build yourself into a person he'd give his right arm to have. By that time, you will no longer find him worth bothering with. And THAT is revenge.

Curious

I am sorry you are feeling so down although it is understandable, you are going through quite a lot.

Men can be such b's at times and we will never quite understand them. First you need to remember that you are worth more than what you are giving yourself. Second you must look around you and tell your tiny flat that you and it have to work together because nobody else seems to care. Then you need to accept your situation and move on. You HAVE TO concentrate on your job otherwise you will be in dia straits and just cause yourself more grief. Tell yourself that it was a bloody awful experience that hurts like mad but sugar dumplins, you aint gonna let it screw your life up. Find new friends, they couldn't have been friends if they've taken sides. They weren't your friends they were his.

Yes your pain is hard, but why let him RUIN your life?? Let your flat be your haven, let it be the place that gives you comfort, make a vow that you have learned a lesson but it is one you will never repeat. Get back into work and concentrate. Enjoy yourself and be happy.

skawp

First off, life sometimes deals a pretty hard card. We are not immune to hearache and pain. you need to realize what your going through and it sounds like you are totally aware of this. (good start) Secondly, The Good Lord did not create you to be miserable like this. Take time to start over. Make new friends and find some kind of recreational project for yourself. You are not worth less, nor hopeless. Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone...

souljagirpart2

Well honey you chose to leave and you allowed him to stay in a relationship for three years that you obviously knew wasn't going to result in marriage if he didn't propose before you said something. Also, the truth is when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. I personally feel like at your age you should know that an ended relationship doesn't mean the end of the world, hell your single now and you can go to more social events and mingle and develop new friends. Don't trip off of your flat! Some people don't even have that at least it's yours personalize it! Honey you are entitle to be hurt but not to self destruct! Right now he is going on with his life and as hard as it seems so must you!

dinkydoo

a lump on yer head

gemini22

Do things that you like to do, find a new hobby, exercise, meet new friends. Also check into some counseling to put things into prospective. If you have to see if you can take a leave of absence at work until you can get back on your feet.

LadyLove

Hi, This may sound a bit harsh . . . but the only person that can help you is 'YOU'. I have been in a similar situation, had time off work, was diagnosed as suffering from stress and depression, given medication etc. I just wanted to lie in bed, forget about the world, wished I was dead.

One day I looked in the mirror and I saw a beautiful individual who had so much to live for, so much to give that special person, who would respect me for me. I dusted myself down and picked myself up (easier said than done I know). You have to start loving yourself, take each day as it comes and before you know it you will be on top of the world again. I'm not saying it is going to be easy but if you have faith in yourself you will overcome this and it will make you a stronger person. Good LUCK ;o)

stacy

You need to realize that you made a mistake, we all do, from time to time. Pick yourself up and the most important thing right now seems to be getting back on track at work. So put in some extra hours- it will take your mind somewhat off the deadbeat and get ur work up to date while showing your emplyer renewed interest and add value to you as an employee.

Following this you need to get out, find new friends, meet new ppl, find those you may have lost contact with, etc and start going out again.

Once you are settled back fully into your job, you can then explore new living accomodations.

At middle age, if he is not ready to settle now, he may never truely be. Age does not necessarily mean maturity!!!

shortnotsilly

Do you think you could get a part time job where you would have to meet other people, just for the sake of some novelty, so you sort of forget what you have had until now to fill the gap you've got after you broke up? something that will get you out whether you like it or not, like a pub or something where you always have to talk to someone?

psycho-cook

I am sure somebody else will tell you the same things as I am but here it is. You are probably really depressed right now and that is okay. You have dedicated time to a relationship and you were treated badly. Take some time to grieve the relationship before you seek a new one, that way you might learn what you really need in a guy before you find another one.

When really depressed that only thing that gets me through minute to minutes, hour to hour sometimes is to cry out to God. Tell him how much you hurt, what you long for, and how sad and frustrated you are. Tell him that you are going to do your best to trust that this is all in His plan. Ask Him to send the Holy Spirit to you to fill you and make you feel that love and worth we all need so badly. Then just try to pick yourself up and do what needs to be done. Bathe, feed youself, and read a little Bible to strengthen your knowledge of him. Go to work and do your best there. Pray a lot every day and whenever you need that extra boost. It won't always make you feel better immediately but it will help Him help you if you are specific about your needs and desires. Try to follow His will.

Good Luck! God Bless!

Hollynfaith

How can you go on like this? Honey, you can't go on like this. If you do, you stay at rock bottom and it just becomes your way of life. Don't do that to yourself. You were fine before this man ever came into your life, and you are going to be fine now that he's gone. Get up, take a shower, clean up the mess around you, and get outside. Fresh air will help you think a little better. And while you are thinking, tell yourself that things could always be worse. Then go back to basics. One thing at a time, start doing what you were doing before this man came into your life. If you want to climb out of the hole you are in, you won't move an inch until you start taking some steps. I know it's going to be hard, and there are going to be days when staying in your nice safe bed seems so much more appealing, but don't fall into that temptation. You aren't a pity case. You are a women who has loved and lost and is going to learn from it, become stronger and wiser and move on to better and more deserving. Believe it because you will.

paul m

Go out and try and meet some new people, I know its not easy but one step at a time. Also if work is that bad leave you will make yourself feel far worse by trying to tough it out. Your ex sounds like an immature little weasle who you are better off without.

kurticus1024

First, relax and realize that you can and will get your life together again. And will probably find someone better for you anyway. A better match. Then maybe get a good meal or groceries you like. Then just give in to the crying and stay in bad for a day or two. Maybe watch movies or listen to music. Then later, maybe get a good therapist, do your work or find something else instead, make friends at some point later. Just try to write things down and identify which thing is most important first and do that. Good luck. Most people go through something like that in life. You'll be stronger because of it.

Blunt

Call mom. Or callYOUR friends, not your mutual friends. Cry it out, it will hurt and it will hurt for a long time. I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It will take time to heal and to let go of the idea of him and you together.

You have to come to terms to reality and accept the fact that he doesn't a relationship with you anymore. The more you hold on. the longer it will hurt.

It's hard to start over but you have to. Avoid places and friends that you used to frequent together and go somewhere else. Talk to people that you haven't seen in a while, get out, excerise, go on a mini-vacation.

For now, concentrate in your job and catch up, this will keep you busy and occupied.

If you can afford it, seek a therapist to help you thu this. You sound depresssed, specially since you are saying that you don;t want to get out of bed,

Yourflat doesn;t feel like home? Get a pet and a plant to make your space more homey.

Good luck, be strong.

what.ever

First, have a couple of stiff drinks, and then, think about how many people in this World that are worse off !!!, than yourself ?

Savant

It sounds to me that you could be suffering from Depression, go see your local GP and tell him/her how your feeling, I'm sure you'll get help. Don't feel that your worthless, you've got inner strengths and something to offer society. Have you got a family member you can turn to for solace? Keep your chin up, look on the bright side, worse things have happened at sea. Put on your favourite movie or CD, a bottle of wine, lighted candles, run a bath, pamper yourself and have a cosy night in.

jessicacalvey

move to bristol

Maysen

All i can tell you is that we all have been there. What i did was hung out with friends all the time. Find some friends that dont know him or at least dont talk to him. Go out and have fun and go on a couple of dates. Trust me it helps, even if you arent looking for a boyfriend just go out with a couple of guys. You will feel better after you do that, it will help with your self esteem. Just keep busy and try not to think about him. But that would be impossible i know but try to think of other things. Aspecually when you are at your job. Dont let this guy ruin what you have. As for your house. Buy stuff that feels comfterable to you. Or even go to your old house and get some of your stuff back if you can. But i wouldnt do that. Start out new and fresh. Keep remembering that God seperated you for a reason.

aaina f

your answer os prayer*****************************

donua1022

hey, lady the only way is up, what an idiot you lived with, too young for a relationship, read what you wrote, and realise, you are much better off with out him, a trial run, omg!!!! what did he think that you were, you don't need him. Catch up with your work, go out again, start living, go for long walks, you must have some hobbies, so things you like doing, if you dont like your tiny flat, get another, if you can"t afford it, make it feel like home, have you all your belongings, if not get them.. what about the money you helped him with, in doing up his house, write out a bill and give it to him, Don't worry about mutual friends, what about your family, hey you are still young, go girl, go and make a new life for yourself, and please dont look back, good luck and god bless.

Pildi

You are going thru depression, seek medical help immediately! This a very serious situation, you could end up harming yourself.
God bless & good luck!

Elizabethfrny

See a doctor first chance. This blew you all out of whack. Have a bath and watch some television (shows he did not like), listen to some different music. Look up depression on google--lots of info. This has to be the start of getting help. If you get worse before better call your local crisis line and talk to someone there.
It is horrible, I know because I have been there. So, look for and accept all the help you can get. Accept yourself as you are and move from there. P.S. remember to eat!

fizzyo_65

u have a job and some where to live , find new friends start doing some thing that uve allways wanted to try . dont start drinking or turn to drugs they are not the answer . dont sit in your flat doing nothing he dosnt sound like he's worth wasting your life over . it may seam dark now and you have nothing to live for but you do you found some one once you can do it again .

love to you from me xx

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