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Julie B
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I've been in this situation and it is oh so hard.
I stayed with him for ages before i got up the nerve to tell him how i felt and i wanted out. I ended up in a separate bedroom, giving him the lame excuse that i couldn't sleep because of his snoring. Then one day i realised that i wasn't doing myself or him any favours living like this. It's far better to pluck up the courage and come clean. When i eventually told him, he took it very, very hard. There were loads of shouting and loads of tears. We're now divorced and have been apart for about 7 years. I see him almost daily, he still loves me and would have me back tomorrow. I still care for him, but would never go back to him. The good thing is that we are far better friends now than we've ever been (but he is still suffering). He's still on his own and so am i, but i'm quite content. I just wish he could find a new love, i so want him to be happy.
Just remember....you've only got one life, so look after number one and make the most of it. |
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simon m
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Be honest with yourself. Be honest with him. You will upset him, it will be difficult, he will be difficult and angry with you, it will be painfull, there maybe people who you thought your friends no longer your friends. You will be criticised. You will be scorned.
But at the end of the day you will know that in your heart of hearts you will have done the best thing, your true friends will still be there and although your heart is broken the rest of your life is yours to do as you please. Dont deny your right to happiness.
Too many people in this world have "Done the right thing" and been very unhappy. Good luck, God bless. |
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littleflower_57
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First, be very, very sure that this is what you want.
Then, if you are sure, you owe it to him to be honest in a very gentle but firm way. Make the break cleanly. Do not waiver. Do not give him any hope, as that would be cruel.
There is no way to get around the pain for him. A broken heart is very painful, but to stomp on it, and toy with it is even more painful. |
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heyrobo
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You have to ask yourself if you're living for yourself or someone else. That will tell you what to do |
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aweety69
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If this man still loves you, there isn't anything you can say or do that's not going to break his heart. I wonder tho, are you certain you no longer love him, that this solitude you're yearning for isn't just some time away you're long overdue for? I'd think long/hard..go away by yourself some weekend...test yourself w/o him before you make a decision to leave him. The question you can ask yourself is, "do i see myself NOT w/him for the rest of my life?" rather than, I need some freedom. Good luck w/your decision, it's a tough one. I've been there. |
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dreamteam
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oohhh honey, i know how you feel. your own heart,love, and happiness should always come first. You will never really be able to give him what he needs, if your not happy.He may not see it now, but he will. and if he truely loves you, you're happiness should be his wish for you. Be strong and be true to yourself, because in the end that is all we really have!!!!!! Best wishes, I will keep you in my prayers. |
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eagledreams
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As Shakespeare said "to thine own self be true" .........it's not always easy. |
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Petal62
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I would have to be certain, that all the love has gone for him from myself.
If this is the case, then i would personally not tell him, all in one go.
As this will be a heavy blow to him, and he could change towards you, and you have to still live with him.
Make secret plans for your future, but in a nice way, without telling him about this.
Drop little hints, and see how he takes them, but never tell him that your out of love for him.
You will know when the time is correct.
Trust in your heart, feelings, instincts.
God bless, and GOOD LUCK. |
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Rose T
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You've been with this man for a very long time. It won't be easy too tell him you no longer love him.You need too think this through and make very sure this is what you really want too do and if the answer is still yes..then you need too sit him down and just be honest with him. He may take it very hard but then again, you never know..he may be having these same feelings. But if you are so unhappy, then you need too tell him. He will be OK, time heals broken hearts. |
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XhappytalkX
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What what he do if the shoe was on the other foot? You will only end up hating him if you don't end it, but just remember the grass ISN'T always as green on the other side as you may think. Solitude is a lonely word. |
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spikleti
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just explain to him the feeling u are feeling and the reason wyh you want to end the relationship it is better to tell the person the truth than lying and if u yhink they might e heart broken find some ways to sho him that you are no longer interested |
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nojpsars
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just let go don't feel sorry for and please don't try to be his friend after he accepts your break up |
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big T
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think things thow first? think and think and think again? is this really want you want or think thats wat you want? look deep down inside your heart! have you really fallen out of love or has the love just lost its spark? if so wat can you both do to get it bk!! |
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Lady Contessa
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You only get one life and you deserve it to be the best it can be. If you dont love him anymore you need to be honest with yourself and him, its better for you both. Otherwise you both could become bitter, and you shouldnt have to live an existence when you could be living instead! Good luck! |
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rose_merrick
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be kind but honest and straight forward. But are you sure you want to throw away 35 years? If you are not 100% sure, explain you need some thinking time and go somewhere on your own for a bit. He can't be all bad if you spent all that time together! Maybe it is worth weathering through this and just seeing if it a phase,...or weather you really do want out. |
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mittobridges@btinternet.com
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I havent read the other answers first... Here's what happend to me. 13 years and one child into a relationship, my ex partner felt as you do. Ok, 13 years as a drop in the ocean compaired to 30+ years... but there you go.
She just told me.
It felt like the end of the world and I was utterly devastated... It still hurts 3 years later, but I'm so very glad she had the courage to tell me outright, long term it's been so much better for me than realizing i'd been clutching at straws, and that the love has all gone.
I think you should tell him straight out and break his heart clean, rather than play about trying to soften the blow, and slowly crush his heart instead. Clean breaks mend faster.
When you say it's over, have somewhere to go, and go there.... but PLEASE !!!! try to support eachother like adults and friends should. |
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**ScrummyMummy**
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What do you do?? STAY to keep him happy or LEAVE and at least let him have another shot at life without you before he feels its too late!! HONESTY is the best policy. It may be very hard for him at first but im sure he will respect you for it.... |
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olderbutwiser
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The only thing to do is sit down and talk about it like adults. Have what I call an "open letter" talk. Open your mouth, and let'er fly. Not mean or vicious, but matter of fact.....if there is no reconciliation, that's your only option. Best of luck to you! |
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Chrisey
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I can understand what you are saying so well... been there myself. Not as long as you but my goodness 35 years.. do you know when you fell out of love with him? Life deals some of us with very cruel blows. You must decide what to do.. as long as you are safe.. maybe you could approach a council or housing association for advice on housing first before you decide. Then it's the money.. then it's what you want to take out of this relationship.. and the house..
I hope you are ok.. all the best now. Also a big hug..
kind regards |
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shellysnapz
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oh my....i posted something similar about 3 weeks ago...the difference is...i was only with mine for 10 years and fell out of love with him, there was no longer any activities between us in or out of the bedroom, everything came to a halt, even cnversation was dead we didn't have much in common when i weighed it all up...i just told him straight about how i was feeling and that i wanted to be on my own, i gave him my reasons and he tried to make me get in his way fo thinking but there was no point, the love has gone...there's no easy way of doing this but i am glad i did it..i have had no freedom for 10 years and lost touch with myself....i now feel better, i am thinking straight, i am doing the things that i always wanted to do..even though he does try to contact me sometimes, i ignore his messages an emails...he is alot older than me and i felt that i was getting old with him, i am 43 he's 56 i DONT miss him and i DONT love him, have always been independent but while i was with him it felt like he owned me...you just have to sit and tell him how you feel no matter how much it hurts him, you will always be unhappy if you leave it any longer, you will feel much better once you have got this off your chest....just tell him, he has to accept how you feel and he cannot make you love him...if you don't love him then leave him....there's no other way round it...be gentle but firm...tell him your reasons....good luck
--------------------------------------...
LFC..... thats what i am doing on the 18th december, i am a singer and have been offered a job there..so i am going for 3 months to cool off...i need it...but this is a dream i have had or a long time...i would not have got this oppotunity if i was still with him |
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llamedos
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there is no easy way it's going to hurt both of you .so the sooner you do it the better for you both |
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Tashi Khoo
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I don't really agree with divorce but, understand when one start to think of that. There's some good articles here http://theresa.wee.googlepages.com/home |
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Dave L
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you are not breaking his heart.he is allowing his heart to be broken.Its best for both of you.you will find love.him also |
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Kim
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There is no way to end it and not break his heart. You can however do it in a delicate matter. Sit him down and just be honest with him. I'm sure you have changed toward him if your truly feeling this way anyways. He has to know somethings wrong. At least its not for another man... |
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krash
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Unless he is just a complete dirt bag, I would get counseling first. 35 years is a long time to throw away. Good luck......... |
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Need Answers
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You just have to be upfront and be honest. You can maybe ask for space, but be prepared for a lot of questions that need answering. The reason it will be hard for him is that you had time to process this decision, he hasn't. So to him it will come out of nowhere. If this is right for you, you have to just do it without concern for the other. |
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sosgez
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When kids are not the issue, put yourself first. Do what you have to do. Who knows how many years you have left. Surely he must realise theres nothing left ? |
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abbie b
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i find it hard to say how i am feeling in person so why not write a letter then give him time to think about it that way he can re read everything and make sense of it in his own head?? |
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Eau de Pivoine
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Whoa!!! That's ... a long time to figure out that you don't love him any longer? Can't you just cut his cest open, it would be less painfull... Why did you wait this long? What is love? Why now?
All I am saying is what he will say, be prepared. |
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kerik
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be honest |
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ady
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move to spain |
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