What do you do with an ex wife that won't leave your husband alone?

Nena S

It's a difficult and stressful situation....
You need to talk to your husband and communicate with him. Tell him how you feel and don't try to make him feel like it's his fault....You need to act as a team and to present a united front!

He also has to understand that HE HAS to set boundaries and limits...and everyone should respect them. He has to let his ex wife know you are his wife now and that he will back you up. IF he is unwilling or unable to do this, you are in for a lot of heartache...!

Perhaps counseling might help you two deal with the ex better. A professional therapist may give you tips on how to handle her....Hopefully this will get better.
Good luck.

writethewrong

right uppercut.

Deava

Only if she finds someone else. I know this type of person, theyre verging on the non-fun side of crazy land

mystery_me

You could always just decide that it is better if all communication between them goes through you. Let him know that unless it is an emergency, he should not talk to her anymore. This will only get better if she gets a new boyfriend/husband.

Porsche E

tell her shes being a *****....

kajal c

Tell ur husband that it's fine that he cares about the kids but don't let the ex wifey control him like that if he wants to be someone than it's he chose and also his life

no better till they come of age.

Buckeye

Wow! sorry that you're going through that. Try to talk to her one on one. Explain how her actions will hurt the kids.

Andrew

You will always have to deal with her because there are kids involved, so you had better get used to it. Hopefully she will grow less angry with him over time and will mellow out. In the meantime, talk with your husband so you are both on the same page with how to deal with her. Try to be firm without being excessively confrontational.

Jahpson

confirm with your husband that he doesnt want her anymore and then next time she calls, both of you get one the phone and laugh, that she still wants him.

Melanie J

Your husband has a legal right to see his kids. Since she cannot keep them from him, why are you putting up with this? Tell her that the only conversations anyone will have with her are about the kids. Anything other than the kids and your husband will hang up the phone.

Ms. Southern Belle

You kill her! LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL, just kidding. You simply just tell her womam to woman, to stay out of you guys lives and stay focused on her own life. Remind her that he will take care of his children no matter what, but just tell her to back off and go and find her own man.

martiek7

WOW - am I ever going through the same thing as you - the ex never goes away, but I can better cope with things based on how HE deals with her and how I can support him dealing with her.

He does need to put his foot down & set the boundary as to what is acceptable behavior from her & what is not. If the children are young, you will have to placate the X until the children are old enough to develop their own opinion of their mother's poor behavior - trust me it WILL come back to haunt her & you'll have your day then.

If the children are adults, then it becomes more like my situation and I'm looking for advice myself.

Lindsey

It can if your husband puts up boundaries. He is in charge of his own feelings of guilt and if not he needs couseling. Let him handle her because she is his problem. He cannot allow you to take on her stress and he needs to give her no power over his relationship with the both of you. Good luck sweetie.

diva_500

As his new wife, you have every right (whether they have children or not) to speak your mind. Before you do, I would suggest that you sit down with your husband and tell him that you plan to get involved in the issue. (Assuming you've been silent this whole time - towards the ex-wife, I mean.)

Let him know that if he is not going to put his foot down, you are going to have to, because this is hurting your life. Since you're his wife now, you should be priority # 1, and your feelings should be paramount to hers.

WARNING: It will be rocky at first. You may face a tornado of her emotions and drama. However, it's best to put her in her place now, than wait to be rid of her after these children graduate from high school. I might ask her why she can't leave him alone. I might put her on the spot and ask her what her problem is. She could just be feeling insecure that he moved on, or she may actually still have feelings for him. Whatever it is, she needs to be put in her place soon. It's already out of control if you're posting this question on yahoo, for help.

I feel for you. I truly do.

I'm an ex-wife, and I couldn't care less what my ex-husband does.

However, my new boyfriend has an ex-friend, who is female. They never dated and never slept together, but she has pushed her nose into our relationship constantly, judged me, harassed him for not calling and hanging out anymore, etc. He made it clear, to her, that he didn't want to be friends with her any longer, if all she was going to do was drive us nuts and talk badly about out relationship. She just couldn't seem to get the hint, because he had always "rolled over" and backed down to her in the past.

I finally posted a message to her, on a blog, and she hasn't bothered us since. I'm sure she talks smack about us, but I don't have to deal with it, so I don't care what she does.

I had to put her in her place and let he know that I won't stand for that kind of treatment, towards me or the man I care about. My life is too short to deal with other people's insecurities, issues and drama. My time is much more valuable than that.

Sometimes, it takes a woman to stand up to a woman.

I really wish you all the best in this.

XOUT

When I was about to get divorced and remarried to a woman with three boys (I have three girls), an experienced woman told me "you are never really divorced until the kids are grown up", and I have found that there is a lot of truth to that.

It depends upon just exactly what the ex-wife is doing. If she is making it difficult for your husband to see the kids, or otherwise arguing over issues involving who sees the kids when, that, unfortunately, is part of the deal, and how it goes depends upon how reasonable people are willing to be.

If she is bothering him about child support or about expenses that he is supposed to be taking care of, she has a right to be unhappy about that, and one must follow the divorce decree carefully unless you want to be arguing with her lawyer instead.

If the issues involve more personal matters, such as the ex-wife sharing her emotional issues with her husband, or meeting, or keeping any secrets between him and her, then it is your husband's job to make sure this activity ceases. Don't directly answer her phone calls but let her leave messages, and if the messages sound crazy, don't listen to them.

dadgonewild

What makes you think she doesn't want him anymore? If you had some nerd running around hackling you because he had a crush on you, would you be glad if he found someone else so he could leave you alone?

Take away the power you give her by reacting to all her BS about their kids. Next time she says something ........ just exhale!

ematzkow

get rid of her NOW!!!

babieshay27

she's just upset that he has someone and is married and happy and she hasn't had that happen for her. So she's going to use the kids cause that's the only thing she has to use against him. My opinion is she will leave him alone once she has someone else. She needs to realize that he's happy and she needs to focus on her life and stay out of his. Yes they have kids together but that's it nothing more. When they talk it should only be about the kids not your relationship. So my advice is that your husband should talk to her only about the going on's in their kids life and once she starts talking about your marriage to him he can warn her that he's going to hang up because he doesn't need to talk to her about your relationship cause it doesn't concern her , just the kids do and if she continues to bring it up then he can follow through and hang up and refuse to talk about it with her. Maybe eventually she'll get the hint that he won't put up with it. I hope this helps.

BabeHeart

YOU can't do much about it...its primarily his issue and if he chooses to let her use the kids to get her way with him, then that's his choice.

Perhaps in time she'll grow bored and quit...or get a partner for herself and that'll be a distraction. Or at least you can hope...she could actually behave the way she is until the kids are grown and doing their own thing.

overweight doomsayer

Talk to her and tell her that he married you and she's a thing from his past.
Or let him tell her that..
You have to stand up for yourself or the ***** will make your life miserable.

~desa~

if your husband does feel guilty or is getting affected because of his ex-wife's works of playing guilty effects, or whatever effects she is doing.. then its something different, but then, if your husband doesnt have any thing to do with anymore and it doesnt affect your marriage with him then just leave it on time, time will heal everything, everyone will get old, and every issue would also settle out soon. dont worry.. things will be fine :)

MeMe

Tell her to get bent!!! People only do to you what you allow. Don't let her get to you. He should not be feeling guilty about anything if he is taking care of his responsibilities to his children.

PHILLIP B

sounds like the X just wants to cause trouble. i don't know the whole story. you and your husband need to sit down and talk this out because problems like this may create very bad situations in your marrage. tell him how this is affecting you and it needs to be resolved. good luck

hi there

no it does not get anybetter because she is obseesed with him, my mom was like that with my dad,, 40 years later she was still bitter about the divorce, she just could not move on,, if it gets bad the court could get involved,, best of luck

flyfish_777

Tell your husband to deal with her only via e-mail as much as possible. If she calls, hand the phone to the kids.

Ignore her.

Your husband has a choice here, lead him in the right direction. Have a short honest conversation with the ex. Explain that her attitiude is toxic, and you will be limiting your contact with her. That should shut her up. Don't ever say anything bad about her in front of the kids. Just let it go.....

Danielle

It does get better with time jelousy is something that is hard ot get over. Kill her with kindness..no matter how nasty it seems she is getting with you make and effort to still be nice to her. This way it will become harder for her to be mean to you. Tell your husband to do the same thing as well. As far as the kids go make sure that they do not feel as though they are in the middle. Let the kids know that when ever they want to see thier mom that it is ok and that they do not have to pick inbetween the two.

PrinCipeSSa ItaLiAnA

Not sure. My dad is going through this also. My mom always is downing his new gf and she doesnt stop. I tell her you didnt even meet her yet and your talking s*it. I honestly think deep down inside the ex-wife probably still has feelings for him. Thats the only thing i can think of....does she have a man??? shes probably jealous of you, like how my mom is. I think all ex-wifes get like that. Good luck....just tell your husband to tell her to get lost .lol.

Adjoteye

in God we trust! dont worry it will soon be ok.

Teia

She is the mother of your husband's kid so unfortunately she will be (in a sense) in your life forever. You need to talk to your husband and explain to him that this is bothering you and tell him how you feel. If he doesn't take the step to tell his ex wife she needs to back off, then you need to have a heart-to-heart with her and hopefully she will understand and let you guys live your life.

Ellie

OMG, this sounds like my life. My girlfriends and I have named her the Psycho-*itch. She really is nuts. I am convinced that she still wants my husband. She's tried everything. Foretunately, my husband wants nothing to do with her but has to deal with her because of their son. Find inner strength in your relationship. That is what we did. I know that he will never leave me to go back to her. Try as she may...if your new life is strong and you believe in it, she wont have a chance in hell. Yes it's a pain in the neck. Somedays I wish that little green men would come and take her away. I'm not that lucky and even THEY dont want her. I agree that if she would have a boyfriend, she would have other things to think about and leave us alone. But I dont hate any man that much to introduce him to her, so I just live with her psyco-ness. In the end, she's the unhappy one.

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