What do you think of a man that doesn't want his wife to get a job?

DeepInLove

I think it is great that your husband wants you to stay at home and raise your son. Who better to raise your son than yourself. It is wrong of him to try and force you to stay home when you feel you need to go to work to better the life of your child, your husband, and yourself. I wish you both the best of luck and God bless!

b west

My husband prefers me home with out little ones. He says I can stay home as long as I need and want to. I am happy to cater to him. To show him my appreciation. My job is home. I manage the home, bills, childrens schedules, dentists, doctors, our meals, our laundry. Our health.
Its a blessing that a man can give that to a wife.
You need to get over your pride and realize you are in a union. It is not his money. Its the households.
Once you recognize your value to your home and family. You can rest peacfully that you are fullfilling the amercian dream. The gift man has given to woman since the time of Adam and Eve. To be the provider.

You should be so lucky. I know many woman who would kill to be home. My daughters teacher crys when she returns fro vacations. She misses her child. Its hard emotionally.
Be thankful. Its not that he is controlling. He is gifting you what he feel is the best possible gift he can provide to you.

kd_lifer

This is one of the big conversations you have before getting married & having children. Yes he is controlling you but the question is do you want to be controlled?

Candy B

i think he is right, you can never replace your son's precious childhood. in the beginning we had no phone, no computer, even no car--but i loved every moment with my adorable son.

saturn

If he is saying you are not doing what he wants you to and not thinking of him then he is the selfish one. How is wanting to help the family finances selfish? No I do not think you are overreacting.

iyamacog

Great, if he's able to provide the funds you need. AND if that is YOUR choice as well. Child care is very expensive. Depending on your earning power, your wage could possibly all go to child care. Lastly, mother/homemaker is not always the most rewarding profession. But depending on your mate's earning power, and your experience as a homemaker/financial manager, it IS possible.

BabeHeart

As long as you have no income of your own, you are under his control, obligated to him, and completely dependent up him. Perhaps that is the way he wants it. You two should have discussed this before marriage, but it's not a situation I would find accceptable. What happens if things should end (hope not, but that's reality)...how would you manage?

mack

I think he is a fool and I read only the question. The reason is because it is not really his decision to make and by telling you this he is thwarting your individual freedom. The only reason I would Ever come up with for a woman to stay home with a child is if suitable child care cannot be found or will strain the family budget. Other than that; it is and should always be her choice alone if she wants to work or not. It's nice that some women HAVE that choice. Some have no choice but to work if they want to survive.

Nat

So having an opinion about your life is overreacting, eh? Why I outta....

No. If your family needs some extra money, he should let go of some of his old fashioned pride and let you at least get a part time job. I can't believe I'm even saying he should "let you." DO WHAT YOU WANT. IT'S A FREE COUNTRY. Just make sure someone's taking care of those cutie pie kids.

~*Messenger*~

Hello! I hope you get to read my advise. Money does not bring happiness. Your husband may not be making a lot of money but he is not trying to be controlling. He just wants a traditional life and you may live on a budget but this time you spend raising your son is an investment. Not many kids have quality time with their parents. I know that once I have children I am going to spend all the time I can and maybe start my own business something that does not interfere with raising my child. And your husband is a good man just think of it in a positive way.

pcgirl2006

Do you really want your sister raising your child? How will you feel the day when your son prefers your sister over you as he is spending more time with her?

I don't mean to sound harsh but that can happen. I worked when my daughter was young because I was single and had too. I was gone over 10 hours a day because of the commute downtown and working over 8 hours a day. My daughter got to used to the babysitter and gave me a hard time coming home. Bad choices I made. It broke my heart.

Since I still had to work, I moved much closer to work and another daycare that was highly recommended with other kids...not just her and a babysitter. Eventually I lost my job but found another and ended up being 1-1/2 miles from work and found a good daycare/school. It was worth making less money (but it was tight) to have more hours to spend with her. We did get much closer. She's 13 now, I wish I could go back and re-do some of those younger years.

My son is 1 and I've been home with him the whole time. I went back to work briefly but took him with me. I do some p/t work from home in a couple of different areas but that even complicates things. He's the most important. I have enjoyed being with him and the closeness I have with him. Be glad you can do this, so many women would love to be in your shoes.

Good luck

Dave C

I think you should feel lucky that your husband is willing to do this

However if it isn't your wishes and an unrealistic goal you need to tell him that this is not possible and that you should support the fact we need the money for our family

Brittany

You don't want to stay home with your children until they go to school? Better than having a day care raise them when you have the option to stay home with them. I'm a single mother so I've never had the option of staying home with my son.... I'd take it in an instant.
I realize that some women like to work, and I do too, it makes me feel like I have something to contribute to society. But those first few years of your children's lives will be over in an instant. They grow up quickly! You would rather miss out on them? I really don't understand it.
I don't see why you feel as though your husband is controlling you. I see nothing wrong with a couple doing this. You would both have your roles, and very important ones. He would provide all of the financial income for the family, and you would take care of the home. It doesn't put him in control of the relationship at all! It makes it a partnership. And why are you even asking strangers about it? You need to have a serious conversation with him about what each of you expect from your relationship.

misjaguar

no you are not but will it cost more money to find care for your son while u are working? if not then i guess he needs to change his mind. i stay home and my hubby works he has not told me not find a job as a matter of fact i have an interview on monday he just doesn't like it when i get stressed out about finding a job plus i go to school and i am trying to get into nursing school. he is supportive but he doesn't like it when im stressed out so i understand that part.

u guys need to talk in a restaurant and in quiet tones and not attack each other so that u can get your point across. talk to him until he listens and if u get the feeling that it is his way of controlling you then u should get out as soon as u can.

atheleticman_fan

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He is financially irresponsible, especially since he is borrowing from relatives. Tell him you are going back to work until he can be a man and support his family.

raspberryph

I immediately think very controlling and a huge sign of an emotional abuser. Google some more signs of an emotional abuser... they often become physical abusers later.

Allison

At some point he is going to have to put the welfare of you and your children above his own pride. You are not overreacting. Marriage is a partnership, and you should be able to voice your opinion that you two need an additional income.

KhmerLady

Maybe your man will feel less of a man if you got a job. He wants to be the breadwinner. If you feel strongly that your getting a job will help your family, then you should try giving him a presentation...lol. That's what I would do.

Lifeline

no you are not overacting and yes, he is controling you, his actions are those of a controlling behavior so decide what is best for you all--to work, to be a stay at home mom and can he pay all the bills on his own, but it seems he is insecure about "what might happen" men tend to think that once a woman gets a job she will become involved with other men even if she is not that way, or that once the woman gets her "own"money they can know stand on her own which will limit the man's control over her. Reverse the roles, tell him you go to work and he can stay at home. see where that goes.

PrettyGirl09

HHHEEEYYYYY...im all for it, if the man is making good money where the family can live comfortably and still enjoy the luxuries of life then why not ???However, if the wife INSISTS on working due to boredom, etc maybe she could get a small part-time job or volunteer somewhere like an elementary school and work with children.

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