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kristilkleer
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I always say when you have nothing else left to your name you can always retain your digniity.
It's a hard call. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our first child. I forgave him and he did it again 4 years later. I've found that (most) people cheat for a specific reason and that is to remind themselves that they still have it. What I mean by that is my ex-husband cheated on me to boost his self-confidence. It actually had nothing to do with me and he will continue to do that because apparantly that is the only way he can fulfill that need. I didn't understand this until the last time (which was the second time) and I just asked him why? The woman he was cheating with wasn't younger, prettier, thinner, etc. etc. etc. than I so I couldn't understand. When he gave me the answer (that it just made him feel better about himself when other woman still found him attractive) I knew I better get out.
I always say the first thing to do is find out WHY they cheated. Then decide if it can be worked on. Chances are it's not going to work. The feelings of betrayal are always there and it will not surpress over time.
While I admire your spirit and obvious love for your family I have to say that this is one time you need to mourn your loss and look for the REAL love of your life. |
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Sweetness
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Listen to your heart, but use your head. Everyone makes mistakes. Good luck. |
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leximommy2be
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I think he is a fool.
If they cheat, all they care about is themselves and they never really loved you anyway. Move on and get better which is what you deserve!~ |
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Michelle Lynn
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It's going to be hard to rebuild to the trust level you once had, but it is possible. If you are both still in love and willing to work hard it certainly can be done. I took my husband back after he cheated on me and left me with two small children and a severely broken heart, but after counseling and many, many heart to heart talks, we worked it out. This happened to me 8 years ago, but I have yet to forget what he has done, it left a huge scar on my heart. I have re-gained some trust for him and until lately we have been vary happy. I do not regret giving it another try, people make mistakes and I wrote this affair off as one huge mistake. It's OK for people to make mistakes so long as they learn from them. Go with your heart! I wish you all the luck, the road you are about to travel will be very bumpy! |
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kitttkat2001
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i think the same way if the woman takes a cheating man back.... FOOL.. once a cheater always a cheater. hope im wrong. once a trust is broke takes alot to regain |
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spun_down
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u r a nice guy with 2 kids
have her checked out by the doc cause u definitely don wanna die from STD |
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سيف الله بطل جهاد
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I think it's cool to forgive people, especially when betrayal is concerned, because that's the hardest one to forgive. Will you be able to trust her again? One shouldn't love too much or hate too much because they may have an opposite feeling later on.
Personally, I'd move on. There are too many women who will appreciate you. |
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♪♪Holly♪♪
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i know the christian thing to do is take her back because everyone makes mistakes. the easiest thing to do would be to take her back since you guys have kids...the question is can you forgive her and look past what she has done? how do YOU feel when you look at her and how does the intimacy feel with you guys now......its all a choice thing. if it was me, thats the one rule i have, i cant handle my husband cheating on me, so he would be out. and i would expect the same from him. so good luck! |
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auditor4u2007
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Your last statement is not correct. You can rebuild what you have, only what you "had". If you feel in your heart that you were made for each other, who cares what other people think? You are the one that has to live with it. Just remember one thing. Constantly reminding a person of the past is a killer, so, even when the next argument happens, if you bring up the cheating thing, you might as well forget it now. If not, then go on with it, and mend those things that were broken. |
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samuraistudman
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He's an idiot. Once a cheater will always be a cheater. A cheating heart deserves no second chance. |
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Kerry
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It means he has great love, compassion and a forgiving heart. It means that he has the capacity to overlook mistakes and give someone another chance. It means that he has unconditional love. it means that his wife should recognize all of this. |
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racermom
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It is not your dignity in question!!!
My first question would have to be, did the relationship start before she left? I can only imagine that it did as she "left 5 months ago to be with a coworker". If this is the case then she needs to realize that no matter what her "reasons" were none of them were good enough or justified cheating. Each and every one of us is responsible for our own actions. Although there are many that like to say things like "he was there for me when my hubby wasn't" or "it was an unhappy marriage" or even "my husband was cruel/mean/abusive/unkind/ignored me" or variations on that theme......regardless of the "reasons" each and every one of us is responsible for our own actions and choices. So if she didn't leave before she started this relationship then you need to know that no matter what she and she alone is responsible for her actions. If she is trying to say that there is some "reason" that she strayed and found this man then think again because what if she thinks she has another good "reason" to do it again. Will she?
If you can truly forgive and start to trust her again and are willing to begin rebuilding a life together then you are by far an amazing individual!
You do not, however, want to rebuild the life you had as that was the one she left. You both need to sit down and find where it went wrong and try to build a relationship where you are both happy and content.
I guess I would wonder at this point where is the "other man" now? Is he gone, moved away, new job or is this someone that she will still have contact with even if it is only at work.
She is going to need to realize that she has some major repairs to do with you and your heart. Unfortunately she can not expect you to "forgive and forget" because you are only human and the trust and respect are going to be hard won.
If you are both willing to work on the relationship heart and soul as well as seek counseling if needed you have a great opportunity |
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vtsztpu
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It is the triumph of hope over experience. |
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titotito
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Love is a disease that we create medicine for. Talk to yourself and see if you would really-really forgive her or it will end in revenge. It is human we keep dragging the past wherever we go. I dont know if you are one ofthe lucky people who can forgive and forget. Its is tuff to get in a situation where you have to doubt this person almost in everything she will do.
It is possible to get someone-else, eventhough it might take some time. Why not considering forgeting her?. Think clearly |
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Royalhinney
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It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks. It only matters what you think and what you can live with. If you can forgive her, then more power to you. |
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e7daniel
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if you still love her, and you have a family give her a second chance. |
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SafetyDancer
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I think it's admirable, noble, honorable, and the right thing to do. Depends on two things:
1) Your wife is truly sorry and recommits to being faithful to you from this time forward;
2) You love each other and are committed to raising your children in a house of faithfulness, peace, and love.
It's going to take a lot of sacrifice and hard work for both of you. But, it's worth it.
God bless you both. |
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Indiana Jones
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Your situation is more common than you think, do what you think is best. |
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shorty
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People make mistakes everyday. I feel everyone deserves a second chance and sometimes 3 or 4. I forgave a cheating husband and I didn't feel one bit embarrassed or ashamed for doing so. No one else knows how you feel towards that person or how they feel towards you. People do stupid things, we all do. Some may seem like larger mistakes, but hey mistakes are mistakes no the less. I say give it a shot. Why give up on the chance of a lifetime of happiness because of one stupid choice. |
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Sprint
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Have you heard of this expression .."DUHHHH". Dont be stupid man, you can forgive her in other ways than taking her back. Maybe if she would prove that she would be trustworthy outside the relationship. |
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.:*BeAuTiFuL*:.
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i think you're not going to get the answer your subconsciously looking for.. you'll get a bunch of nasty harsh answers.. by the look of it you seem to already know the answer to your question.. its just a matter of whether or not you want to recognize it or not.. in the long run you're going to end up doing what You want. you don't need a bunch of strangers to tell you what to do... my advice though, do what you think is going to make YOU happy.. and if she is what makes you happy then take her back if she is just a burden and someone you feel you'll always have to worry about and disappoint you in the end.. don't do it to yourself.. you owe yourself that much.. goodluck whatever you do! =] |
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High on Life!!!
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I applaude you for what you want to do. You are great. She made a mistake and you are willing to forgive and forget. You are not willing to just throw away 17 years of your life together. You have kids that need both their parents (they will really appreciate it) And most of all you love her. She should feel proud that she has you. Many woman would want a man like you. Good luck to you and your family. |
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eyes_of_iceblue
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This is defiantly up to you, if you can live with the decisions she has made and work on your marriage, then go for it.
If not, then divorce her and move on.
Life is to short to worry she might stray again.
Hope this helps and good luck. |
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Ted
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You do not say if she really wants to come back to you or tell of any evidence that proves her sincerity. I assume therefore you have that already acknowledged.The second thought is, what do your children think about it?How did you handle the situation with them when she left.What did you tell them?To re-incarnate their mother back into a firm and sound family relationship, it will take considerable effort based on what they have been told. I would suggest proceed cautiously keeping your kids in mind and endeavor to determine if your wife remains sincere in her efforts to return and not repeat the situation the next time she meets somebody. |
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HE'S NOT INTO ME
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You can't put pride before love.
With that said... I personally think that you need to sit down and figure out WHY she cheated. And make sure that its not loneliness or regret thats bringing you two back together, but rather a realization that you two love eachother and want to work on making this work.
"To error is human, to forgive is divine" Forgiveness is a sign of godliness, true.. you're not God. And maybe you need to forgive yourself for your failures in that relationship (it takes two to tango) that made her leave... maybe lack of communication about things that weren't working, lack of effort on your part, etc. Forgive yourself and know that you deserve to be with somene who loves you enough not to do that to you. If she didn't love you enough to work on it before she hopped in another man's bed, why do you think she would love you enough now???
Its hard... only take her back if you know that you can forgive (not forget) her. But if you're going to question her every movement, bring her indiscretion up during every fight, and you're going to fall back in the same ol' routine that got you in the place where she had to go outside the relationship for comfort in the first place- then you might as well end it now. |
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shdwtalker2002
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Whether or not you maintain your dignity depends on one factor: whether or not your wife has not only apologized, but also repented. If she has, then it means she is really going to work with you. If not, however, it means that she is still waffling, and you are sacrificing your dignity by putting up with such a flippant attitude. |
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mommy2
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I personally wouldnt be able to forgive my husband if he ever cheated on me it would be like him saying what we had meant nothing and it was worth losing over some homewrecker. I havent been married quite as long as you that is a long time but I dont think its ok to cheat and expect everything to go back to what you had just like that. You are a good man if you have the strength to forgive her for what she did but I wouldnt make her think for a minute that it didnt have any affects on you. You are still going to feel some negative feelings toward her and you have the right. If you want to work this out then go for it and I hope you both can get back to where you were and can go on another 17+years good luck. |
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sexy g
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no its not , why u will have no dignity? If God can forgive then why you cant? giving her another chance will be good also for ur kids, but of course you must sure if she is worth to forgive, |
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me
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It's quite unfortunate.Atimes I wonder why bad thgs happens to good pple.I know wat U're passing through cos I'm equally a victim & yet to recover 4rm my own experience.My wife cheated on me while pregnant.Infact,I almost went mad.But,I think a cheat 'll always be a cheat since dat wasn't her first time.She pleaded then.Though I really Luv her but I know d scar 'll remain forever in my heart.U can never trust such a cheat.But,I'll advice dat U listen to Ur heart 'cos I'm taking my wife back & hand over both her & our marriage to God.U're d only one dat can decide.I wish U d best.Bless U. |
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