What helped you get out of your abusive relationship, physical or emotional? I need courage to get out?

jude

i would not allow all the money to go in his name, after all u are part of this relationship too. he keeps all the money so u won't be able to leave him ever. looks as if u may have to stop giving ultimatums and leave him before he knows u mean business. sometimes there are people u can't talk to about anything without them getting defensive. i chose divorce instead of trying any more, he chose to leave with another woman, but u know what it didn't change him, he is still the same man he always was, and arguing with her too. it hurt to have to end my marriage, but i realized that it wasn't that good of a marriage anyway and once he left with her i just decided it wasn't worth it. somehow i got the courage to file for divorce, and leave for my home state, where my life turned out fine after i left him, i remarried, and i now realize the difference in a good marriage and a bad one.

Girly1

I'm a survivor of domestic violence. Alot of it was emotional abuse but when it did get physical it was really bad. What gave me the courage to leave well it was the fact that he beat me severely in front of our 3 year old son. I made up my mind that there was no way I was going to let my child grow up thinking this was normal and do it to someone else. I had the help of my family they gave me a place to live but I will tell you it was hard I had to get welfare because I had no way to support my child and yes I did miss him but I think it was because I was alone and depressed. They don't change my ex is remarried and does the same thing to the new wife. Fast forward 14 years, I have a good job, I'm a UPS driver (been there 10 years now) my son is a healthy happy teenager, he is the captain of the football team, co captain of the wrestling team, makes straight A's, works a part time job and just got a full scholarship to a university to play football. I'm remarried to a wonder full man who treats me like his queen everyday. Leaving is hard and it won't be easy but if you stay it will get worse. If you would like to talk send me an email

estachicalatina :)

listen. i concider to be a strong indvidual and wife and this is what i think your lacking. u need to build your confidence up and realize that your life continues with or without him. if he doesnt recognize your values and what your worth, then remember its suppose to be his lost and not yours. i didnt hear anything about you two being married or having kids, so even a more better reason to step out, need be. now if you were married, then theres more to concider but if not,...please. if i were you, id get myself together and recognize what a value i am to this world and dont let no man bring you down! you run your life, not the other way around. he better..recognize!

Cerise

is there any way you can call your mum or an aunt or someone form back home? see if they can come and get you,or send you some money for travel. do it while he's out at work, start sorting out your stuff, throw things out that you dont need, get bags ready, and all your stuff in places where it will be easy to throw everything in in an hour. tell your mum or whoever everything on the phone, tell them you need thier help to start your life again.
get out stay out and dont look back.
you will miss him, but time's a healer and you need to do this now while you dont have any kids or other attachments. you can make a clean break now.
imagine spending your whole life like this..
i got out of a bad relationship, basically by screaming get out! and not letting him come back, but it was my own place, and my family were close by.
you need to get back to your family, then slowly you can sort everything else out and start living again.
please dont stay just out of fear of missing him, you are going to miss out on a whole lot more if you stay there.
get back home, asap.

LindaR

It seems that you are giving up your soul for this man.Do you really want to do that?Why is his happiness more important to you than your own?If he is making you miserable,then leave.I know someone in your family will help you out.Swallow your pride and ask them for help.You will get over him.You don't see it at the moment but it's true.There are alot of men out there who are looking for someone just like you.You just haven't come across them yet.You will love again and someone will love you again.Don't think that this man is the be-all end-all of love in your life.I know exactly how you feel about not being "allowed" to have an opinion and not being allowed to question anything the man says or does.I have had plenty of that to deal with.It is crap,really,some men just seem to feel the need to play "big rooster" so they can feel big and important and in control.You did not mention whether you were married to this man or not.If you are not married then you can leave anytime you want.There is no one stopping you but yourself.Do you have a dad who can come get you?brothers?Mom?Alot of people wouldn't agree with my next remark,but,here it is.When he is at work,pack up all your stuff and disappear.Sometimes it is the only way.Especially if you think it will get real ugly real quick if he is present when you're trying to leave.Think about it.And please get your family to help you!They will care.

wilbur

e-mail me and i will share mine with you --am not going to put it on here-i promise i will e-mail back with story-although it might be a little long-i finally managed the courage to it

ouragon

HE WILL NOT CHANGE> LOSING HIM IS LOSING THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE.

How I got out: I got a job, and I made a friend. I had been totally isolated (like you) and I had completely lost perspective on what a hellhole my life was. My friend helped me to see it, and the money from my job helped me get out.

My advice: Your semester is about to end. Get a full time job and finish school later. Get your own bank account or cash your checks at a check cashing place. Tell him the new employer won't put the money in his account. Find a friend, even if you have to go to group therapy at a women's center. Call 800.799.SAFE for a local referral.

I left one day while he was at work. Then I left the city and truly never looked back. It was the best decision I ever made.

You have the skills to get yourself out of this.

Sue C

I actually am answering your post based on one statement you made that kept me in a relationship w/my husband for 12 yrs. "I'm scared that he w/change one day & I w/loose him!" I felt the VERY SAME way as you, had the very same feelings you now have. I just "knew" IF I left, he would change & someone would get him & reap all the good benefits. How utterly WRONG I was. I hung in taking some physical abuse terrible mental abuse, & being cheated on so many times I lost count. But oh I just KNEW if I left him someone else would get the "real" him...WRONG!!! He never did change & I just recently ran into him on line 25 yrs. later, & found he is still the SAME exact person I had way back then. NO, he is NOT going to change. NO, you cannot or w/not change him. He is the only one who can change himself, & he will not do it. I took him back time & time again after he left me & lived w/a couple different women. Yes, I just KNEW I could change him/things. How wrong I was & found he also just "loved" me to be there to spend a nice big settlement I had gotten from a previous marriage. When that was gone, he wanted out. I then left totally broken up & moved back from FL to my home in NJ. When I got back, he later found me & wanted me to take him back. I still took him back once again. He continued to be the very same person he had been before. I finally came to the place where I could NOT put myself thru anymore of this total madness. He called one nite late & asked to come back "home". I finally got the nerve to say NO. He was on his way back to his home in New England via bus. I asked him to call from every single stop along the way. I knew I had to get up for work the next day, but I just had to know he was going in the rite direction. All nite he called me at every stop, & finally at 6 a.m. arrived at his destination. That was 25 yrs. ago. I have NOT heard from him since. I got the idea to call the court house where I tho't he might just be residing & found he had gotten a divorce from me 6 yrs. prior, I knew nothing about this. I was able to obtain a "raised seal" of my divorce papers for $10. But, I just had to have the final courage to be able to say NO, I could not go thru this madness any longer. Now as I've said, I recently found him on the Internet, & to find he still is the very same person he was back then. I would have saved myself all that money I so freely spent on every whim he had until it was all gone. I could have saved myself yrs. of starting a total new beginning for myself instead of hanging in for NO reason whatsoever. I finally accept the fact I had to be the one to change things. I had to take control over MY life & rid myself from his. PLEASE take my very strong suggestion that you're only hurting yourself in the long run. I put him in the past & left him in the past. I was finally free to start a whole new beginning for myself. I have been happy ever since he has been out of my life. I can promise you that you will NOT regret leaving him. You w/NOT regret all the pain he is inflicting on you today. It w/be all gone & you w/be a whole new person a whole free person to have a life of happiness you so deserve. I no longer have to accept the unacceptable as I was doing. Please trust me that he is NOT going to change & that you're hanging onto a dream you want so bad to happen that is just NOT going to. Take a big leep of faith. Know that you w/find happiness in a whole new life on your own. A freedom that you w/not believe just how it feels not to be tied to someone who is constantly dragging you down bringing you unhappiness. You will NOT regret it. Close this chapter of your life & make up your mind you too want this total freedom for yourself. Want to be able to make a whole new happy life for yourself. You CAN do it, all you must do is ACCEPT it. Accept the fact you are holding onto a dream that is not going to come true. Set yourself free finally once & for all. You CAN if you just make up your mind & accept the truth. I trust my story w/give you the courage to make a far better life for yourself. I know that it will IF you just give yourself that chance. I DO wish you all the best...:)

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