What is an easy way to get over insecurities?
Find answers to your legal question.
What is an easy way to get over insecurities?
|
I am very insecure about my husband's family; and those of you who know me know why. Those of you who don't know me it's a VERY long story and I'd like to keep this post somewhat readable, but I'll paraphrase.
My husband's parents have caused a LOT of issues in my marriage. His mother especially, but recently his step father as well. I won't get into details about what they've done because it really would make this post WAY too long to read, but needless to say it was a lot of REALLY harsh, rude, and sometimes even unforgiveable things. My husband always tried to play this balancing act and forced me to get along with them, or forgive them no matter what they did (even if it was trying to have me arrested when I did nothing wrong, and they didn't even apologize!) Because of this, I've always been VERY insecure when it comes to my husband, worrying that he'll always "choose" his parents over me, or ask me to leave because it got to be too much.
Well, finally he pulled his head out of his butt and realized I wasn't the problem; they were. Because of all the issues they've caused, we took a giant step back from them. Now, he only calls his mother 1x per week to ask her how she's doing, and we only visit with his parents for holidays and birthdays (about 1x every 6 weeks or so.) We've pushed them back because they've just caused so many issues its ridiculous, and it was really interfering in our lives. I went to see a therapist who even agreed this is the right thing to do.
Anyway, we made this decision just about a month ago, and I am REALLY insecure. I'm constantly questioning myself as to whether or not he'll just change his mind and tell me to go screw. I know I need to let go of this insecurity, because if it happens it happens and I really have no control over it, I just don't know HOW to let go of this insecurity. I even vocalize it to him frequently, which I KNOW I shouldn't be doing, but I just can't help it because I'm very worried and stressed. I understand that it is unfair to him for me to verbalize my insecurity. I know I need to learn to just trust in him and hope this is FINALLY the time he "really means it" (he has been doing a good job) and stop worrying, but I don't know how to control it.
How do I get my insecurity under control and stop worrying he's going to turn his back to me?
Thanks.
Additional Details
Probably right about needing time. I guess I just feel really guilty because I know in a way the insecurities ARE his fault, but I feel really bad voicing them to him because I feel like I'm adding to his burden.
|
 
|
Conflicted
|
So, let me get this straight. For years, your husband has basically chosen his family over you. And for the past month, he's done a 180. And 30 days is supposed to erase "years" of damage? I don't think so.
Sweetie, there is nothing wrong with you. It's your husband, and because he's allowed this situation to persist for so long. I would suggest that you stop verbalizing your fears to your husband, and realize that the only actions you can control are your own. You need to get to the point in your mind that if he chooses his family over you, then you need to rethink your marriage. No one should live like that.
My ex-husband always chose his family (and everyone else) over me. It made me lose respect for him because your husband is supposed to be your protector--even if he is protecting you from his own family. It eventually ruined our marriage. |
|
Happy-2
|
It's only been a month. I'm thinking you'll need a whole year of holidays and birthdays to get completely used to this new arrangement. Stop being so hard on yourself.
As a foot note, please consider also the possibility that your husband's recent unpredictable behavior may also be adding to your overall insecurity. You have a lot going on in your life right now! |
|
popeyetcj
 |
heather, your sensitivity is really kicking into over drive lately. I share with happy on his thoughts about recent events concerning your hubbies unstable behavior. The things that have happened with his family have taken place over the years. It would be senseless to think that they can be "corrected" in a month. You know the old saying "Rome wasn't built in a day". Step back, take a chill and let time heal this wound. Remain steady on the new course that both of you have set with regards to the in-laws. You have said in the past, your marriage comes first. Stick to it.
Just remember you have friends here that are praying for you and yours.
BTW, go out and have some fun with your 8 year old. Sometimes kids have an uncanny way of helping us to reduce stress. My 8 year old son and I often get into "tickle wars" or "all star wrestling" matches. You might be suprised how much that can help relieve stress and spend quality time with the kid.
Prayers. |
|
James R
 |
Time is the only thing here- your man has changed for you and you need time to establish whether it's a long term change rather than short. |
|
motorcycleguy
|
life isn't easy he is doing good id say move far away from them if possible..live life one day at a time take things easy so you can live longer.. |
|
Faith
|
I would be insecure if I was constantly wondering if my husband would want separation or a divorce. I understand that your husband's family is a problem and you have my sympathy. The only way I know of that would help your insecurity is make a rule not to mention separation or a divorce when having a fight. My parents have been married over 30 years and they've had disagreements. When my parents disagree no matter how heated the argument separation or divorce has never been discussed. If people always have the possibility of leaving in the back of their mind it's impossible to have stability and peace. |
|
Melorious
|
the best thing is to confront it until you are used to it, if your husband picks them over you then that's no good for a marriage, if they are rude then you be rude back in the same way, but do not lose your rack, if its little statements they make or things that they expect then by all means lower yourself to their standards and do the same, if they complain about it then calmly comment on what they have done, it will force them to either see what they are like, or else force your husband to see their true colours. it sounds like you have already solved most of it though.
but just remember your husband is in a really difficult position, any strain you feel he is probably going to feel double because he is getting it from both sides. |
|
Natassia
|
God. Seriously.
When I find God I lost all my insecurities. |
|
|
|
|
|
 What are some of the basics I need to know in visiting a strip club or cabaret? I'm going for the first time? |
I'm actually going to go tonight, and I'm a twenty year-old guy living in New Orleans.
How much money should I bring with me, how long should I spend there, and what should I ... |
|
 How can I get rid of my husband and step son with out involving PD? |
| I want him out I am telling him to get out and he won't go he is fighting with me.... |
|
 Why do I feel this way?!? |
| Am I a bad person because I'm tired of hearing about all my friends and family getting engaged? When my girl friend got engaged on Christmas, I was quite ecstatic... When my 2 cousins got ... |
|
 He doesnt want to get married now but I do...? |
| we have been in a relationship for 4.5yrs.. we both are 26yrs old.. its mostly been a long distance relationship.. we meet every month.. we dcided to get married.. but he keeps saying he doesnt ever ... |
|
 Thoughts about a three-some in a marriage? |
| My husband has only been with 2 woman, EVER! I know he would love to have a three-some with me & some other female; I want to do this for him. I've heard it only causes jealousy & ... |
|
 What do u think please help me? |
| my wife's friend asked her 2 drive her and her b-friend out of town so she could meet his mother.now i hear that my wife's friend boyfriends mother says she will buy train tickets.so i ask ... |
|
 This made me a little mad...what do you think? |
My husband and I have recently separated. We rented an apartment nearby, and take turns going there so the kids don't have to be disrupted. It was supposed to be a trial situation.
M... |
|
 What should i do next? |
| i've been separated from my estranged husband since October of last year. all we've done is argue since because he's jealous that i got my life together i have my own place own car ... |
|
 What to do with this @hole?...? |
| My boyfriend just keeps on screwing up..staying out drinking, not calling me, taking me for granted. He knows I'm really good natured and wont ever refuse to do anything I can to help him out ... |
|
 Wife was on Paxil a few years ago & it was the worst part of our marriage; now, new doctor, suggests Paxil...? |
| She believes anything a white coat tells her, but it was a horror show the last time she was on the pills, and she took them inconsistently. How can I convince her to stop wallowing in her self-pity ... |
|
 Soon to be ex says that he's going to shut off utilities...? |
| He walked out on me and the kids after 21 years (I know I sound like a broken record on that, but just wanted to recap). He walked out and for a long time he didn't give us any money. I got an ... |
|
 If I file a custody case in my county, and my ex files after she is served in her county, what happens? |
| My ex was just served and now she has filed a similar paternity/custody case in her count. Which case takes precedence?... |
|
 Please help, I have to do Custody Mediation tomorrow...? |
| My soon to be exwife and myself are going to child custody mediation tomorrow and I'm not sure what to expect. And, it turns out, our daughter's Guardian ad Litem is the mediator. Which I ... |
|
 IDK WHAT TO DO....NEED UR ADVISE PLEASE!? |
| on may 8th is my ex bf 23rd birthday,the guy im deep in love with.. i want to wish him a happy birthday thru myspace, since thats the only way..the only thing is that we were together for 2yrs until ... |
|
 My Mom got a divorce and got married again, and she wants me to call my step dad "dad"? |
| My Mom got a divorce in like, I don't know, Nov. Then, she got married to some one else in Feb. I want to call my step dad, "John" but Jon and my Mom want me to call him "Dad"... |
|
 Threesome gone wrong. What's going on? |
| My husband and I recently had a 3some with his friend/coworker. It seemed to be OK, and we enjoyed ourselves. Hubby had been accused of fraternizing with this coworker at work, and may lose his job ... |
|
 Even though he couldn't help it I'm still angry? |
| My husband and I are expecting our first baby. Today we had an appointment to hear the heart beat for the first time. We had a miscarriage a few months back, so this was a big thing for us. While my ... |
|
|
No Spam
Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
Not English
