What is going on with me? What is going on with him? How do you know what the right thing is?
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What is going on with me? What is going on with him? How do you know what the right thing is?
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I've been struggling with this relationship for over 3 years now. We started dating at 18, when we were both in our first year of college. Now we're both graduating college. It was great at first, but it got to the point of not trusting each other. It was one of those relationships where the couple did EVERYTHING together and did nothing with anyone else. Not a healthy one. There was no trust either, just an immature and selfish relationship. I completely lost my sense of self in the relationship and haven't felt genuinely happy in years now.
Well the cycle is still going. He initiated a break about a year ago to cool down and reflect, he didn't see anyone else, and he still talked to me and was there for me through thick and thin. A few months later he realized 100% that what he wanted was me. However I don't realize 100% that what I want is him. I feel so guarded because he hurt me so bad with so many things, and I just feel like I would be an emotional wreck if they happened again. I can't handle it, the way he treats me sometimes. I just feel so confused about this, and I am so tired of dealing with it. He knows me better than anyone, and is always the first person I run to when I have a problem. He has been who I've leaned on for the past 3 years. I just feel like the relationship is toxic, and that there is someone better out there for me. I start thinking that I should be done permanently, but then I end up caving in and calling him because I get lonely, and there's no one else here that I'm interested in/that I can depend on. He tells me that he is waiting for me because he knows that what he wants is me, but eventually he is going to get tired of waiting. He sees it as we're still exclusive because neither one of us is seeing anyone else. He just wants me, but he doesn't treat me well at all. I am just terrified of never meeting anyone else, especially when I see all of my friends in serious relationships/getting engaged at this point. I want to be with someone that treats me a LOT better, and I think the only way that I would move on with my life is just leaving the area and moving on with life completely. However that is not a feasible option at this point. I just want to be done I think, but then I always give in and call him. I start to second guess myself because I realize that I contributed to a lot of our problems, no one is perfect, he's been there through thick and thin, and I'm an idealist who wants to find someone that is perfect. What if that isn't out there though? He tells me he feels like I'm toying with him. He's gotten to the point where he says it doesn't really matter what happens because he won't let himself care, but he knows that what he wants is me.
What do I do???
Additional Details
Part of it is that my father set the standard high. He is smart, loyal,kind, giving, etc. My mom can be a complete b*tch to him, and he just takes it without yelling back. I've never heard him cuss ever. I feel like this guy can't handle me without being mean back. He tells me that I just expect things instead of appreciating them and he thinks it's horribly selfish and conceited of me. However I'm worried of never finding that because my aunts never got married and because there is just no one else at all. I just don't want to be that 30 year old that never got married because she was too busy looking and throwing away things she had.
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Lisa Marie
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This is the reason we date before marriage. You need to figure out if it is a match, if the other person loves you and if you are willing to put up with his/her quirks and habits. Dating doesn't mean you find someone that you can change into the person you're looking for. It's either all or nothing. If you don't have it all keep looking til you do. |
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Bai Su
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This sounds like the classic 'first serious relationship' syndrome.
Leave him. Meet new people! Grow! |
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Cindy Choi
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wow...drama...i think you should let him go |
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silly_duck96
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All I read was "I have been STRUGGLING with this relationship for 3 years." END IT. Don't stay with some one that makes you unhappy. There are too many more people out there. |
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kpopp
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There is just one major problem in your relationship: you are both young and your personalities are still shaping. In other words you will probably be a much wiser person ten years from now but, besides being wiser, you will also be different. This does not mean that you should not stay together. It's just predicts that the relationship can expect many ups and downs.
If you decide to stick it through, wonderful. But be assured that you will encounter many more problems that need a resolution. Check out my source for more info. |
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openminded
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Dont get back together,you will find someone who treats you right and that you KNOW 100% you want to be with. Listen to your gut feeling its trying to tell you something. |
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Myla
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Time does not change things for the better, time makes things worse. If he has issues now they will not magically go away. If you stay there, time will just march on and you will become a bitter 30 year old who has been married but has been miserable the whole time. I bet your 30 year old aunt was much happier on her own then with a miserable person.
From experience, I can tell you that if you are unhappy now you will not become suddenly happy in the future. I have been waiting around for the love of my life to love me back in the same exact way that I love him and it has not happened at all. Now we are both angry and want to leave and there is a house, dogs, and kids who are also miserable. I feel cheated, he feels unappreciated. Everyone is angry. If you ask me, that is the real waste of life. |
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China Doll 3
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Let him go, or stay no one is perfect in any relationship it takes a lot of work. |
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It's Her Again!!
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You'll never be able to reach for something new if your arms are wrapped around what you have now. Let go and open your arms to the possibilities that life has for you. There will always be someone else to love and who can love you too. If you don't believe that, just look around at all of the older people who were happily married for most of their lives and then their spouse passed away. Most of them have found someone new to love. If they can do it after loving one person forever, then you can surely do it too. Love is always waiting for us. |
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Gambling
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Deception
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