What is it like being a single mum?

Amy

Being a single mom is hard but vary rewarding its going to be a struggle but it will make you stronger just take it one day at a time you will make it. make sure Dad is paying child support and is taking them on weekend or when he can because your going to need you time to relax and think about whats going to be your next move to keep your sanity and your bills up your biggest struggle will be money your sanity and your ex husband I would remand staying friends for the kids I know that's easier said then dune but it will help in the long run trust me it will. hope this helps good luck I have been a single mom for 7 years there has been ups and downs

Theres nothing wrong with being a single mum, as long as your kids are happy. You do not want your kids growing up in an environment where there is arguing all the time. You may even find that you enjoy life more as a single mum, i know quite a few of my friends are happy being single as they can dedicate more time to the kids and not to arguing with a partner. Being a single mum is surprisingly common nowadays and theres nothing to be ashamed about. I wish you luck for the future.

susie x â™¥â™¥â™¥

I was unhappy in my marriage and kept it going as I was scared of being alone with my son. I couldn't handle it any more so I got a divorce. I am now broke, tired but....so very happy. The most important thing is that my son is much happier now too, no more rows and he picks up on my happy mood.
Best thing I ever did. Scary of course but well worth it in the end.
Good luck hunny and if you ever want to talk, e mail me OK?

sal-your pal

Sorry that your marriage is falling apart.

Remember you were on your own before you were with him and you now have 2 children so you will never be on your own.

Things maybe a little harder to work around but it's still better to be on your own than in a relationship that is heading nowhere and difficult.

Good luck - I was on my own with 2 daughters after 11 years of being married - I just got on with it . I met someone else and have been married to them for 14 years so there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

oceanbluflower

well I am a single mom althought i only have one child i do nt find it hard or bad at all but i guess it is what i am used to you will do fine it jsut takes time and healing good luck

kinky_dreads

Being a single Mom is very common these days - it seams harder to keep a marriage together than it is to raise children on your own. I have since remarried but I spent 14 lovely years raising 3 boys into men on my own.

JadeyOz

Stephanie your not a failure but we all feel like that , its normal.Just take baby steps hun day by day.

isleofskye

Please don't feel like a faliure..it happens. Being a single parent can be tough but there are some areas where its easier, I found it easierto deal with the kids on my own as there was only me to set down rules and the bond between parent and child becomes much stronger, money can be an issue but I found it rewarding to control and organise my own finaces and succeed in doing so, believe me I seemed to have spare money when I was single than when married to my first husband. Emotionally I think its very hard because you have no one to share the good and the bad times but just because you are single now doesn't mean you will always be.
Good luck and please don't feel a faliure just because your marriage hasn't worked doesn't make you a bad mum.

spelling nazi

No, no no!! Don't feel like a failure!!!!! Yes, it is VERY common!!! It is very hard being a single mother but you can do it!! Good Lord, if I can do it, ANYBODY can!! LOL It's very hard to manage a household and raise children but it's so worth it. If you are in an unhappy marriage, you will be so much happier.

r.davidson847@btinternet.com

you will be fine it will take time to adjust but you will get there love you are not a minorty or a failure sometimes these things happen might not be something you want to hear it might be the best hing you ever do there might be something better on the horizon for you fate is a funny thing all the best and good luck x

Austins Mom

I won't lie to you, it is very difficult. But it was easier than trying to stay in a loveless relationship that was full of anger, and sadness. I was much better off trying to raise my son, with no dad, and my nearest family 1500 miles away. If I had stayed in the relationship my son would not have benefited, and I wasn't anyway!!

YOU CAN DO IT!! Yes it will be hard, never turn down help from a friend, never turn down help from family. Know that what you are doing is what is the best for you, and in the long run it will be best for your kids. You don't want your children to be exposed to things that could mentally and emotionally scar them.

I threw the dead weight to the side of the road, went back to school, while making $40k a year, raising a child with autism, and I made it just fine!! I did it for 8 years, and now I am happily married, have another son, and everything I went through was worth it because I have a great hubby, a great son and a beautiful new baby!!! AND on top of all of it, all the hard work came back to me ten fold because now I get to stay at home with my youngest, and be there everyday for my oldest. It will work! Put your faith in yourself, and you will be fine.

firefly

ohhh my, in NO way are you a failure. you are not alone, there are many single moms that raise their kids alone. try to concentrate on the kids, making sure they are taken care of, you listen to them, the kids are the most important thing, you are a mom and you should be very proud of that.

wheeliebin

There is always a lonely male looking for a ready made family hon, so don't despair! One door closes and another one opens! You have a great day and look forward to a new life!

pepsifan62003

listen i was thrown into it with 5 children all under the age of ten {husband died a yr and a half ago] .i thought i couldnt do it but have faith in yourself you cando it its hard at times but it can be done

it's hard but you can do it just do the best you can and pray. you will be alright. this is a very common situation today. good luck!

Ms. M

You are not a minority, look up status on single parents in the country {it's pretty amazing.} The best thing you can do is to go back to school and get a degree...Get set up financially for yourself and your children. Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't accomplish anything, trust me I did it for years until I finally decided to do something about it.

We all have our proverbial crosses that we have to bear in life, be the solution and not create another set of problems for yourself.

Well, it's hard work.

If you are working, first thing you need to sort out is a routine on how things are going to work at home so that you have some time to yourself, to do whatever: your work; relax...
and an actual family life: chidren's homework; dinner; children's time: they will want your attention.

You will be mum and dad.
You have to set clear rules: when they are back at home after playing with their friends. At what time they have to be in bed. When homework is being done etc...
Basically, the sooner they are in bed the better.

If the children are young and fnd it difficult to deal with the break up, arrange to take them to family mediation.
They will want answers and they will want to express their pain.

As for you, make sure you have friends and if you don't then, still don't let yourself go. Look after yourself.
If you take care of yourself, it's going to help you feel better and it will help you go through life.
It's a hard job, but it can be done.

Also: Do not PREVENT your children FROM SEEING THEIR DAD. That's the worst you can do, take it from me.
Good luck.xxx

Momof2inLa

First, IT'S SCARY AS HELL!!

Second, you are responsible for everything you and your kids need.

Third, its extremely stressful.

BUT, if you are destined to be "alone" as you call it, then make the best of it and do all that you can to make life as good for the children as you can.

Is this common? Well, marriages fall apart everyday, you'll just have to either get up the nerve to leave and be a single, STRONG Mom, or stay and the kids get hurt later..(not good)

A Minority: No, there are quite a few single moms out there.

Why would you feel like a failure?
You need to put your kids first and if you already know your marriage is going to fail and theres nothing you can do about it, then just do the best you can for yourself and children...period!

I was in your situation and I had a horrible ex, didn't help me with anything so...
I showed him, he didn't want to work and stay on welfare, so I left, got a job and took care of my 2 kids (9 and 4yrs at the time) then got tired of the crap that kept going on there, in my hometown, moved across to the middle of the country and got another job, another place, took care of my kids, and later I found Mr. Right!

It will work out for you. God always has a plan!!

sharonc

i have been a single mum and it is damned hard work,but do you no what? i built up an amazing relationship with my kids,they loved the fact that there was no more arguing and no more fighting,and i had good quality time with them as i had no man to look after! they still saw there dad and i would never have stopped that,i met my current partner about 4 years ago and we have a baby together,my 2 eldest are in there teens now and dont really rely on me as much,so i have time with the younger kids now, but dont be afraid,your not the first and definatly not the last to be a single parent!
you have to be strong as your kids will need you more as itl be as confusing for them as it is for you. you will be fine,women are survivors!!!

Antonio G

1 - It is more common than people would like to admit
2 - Fifty percent of today's marriages are in the throws of a divorce. So no, you are not in a minority.
3 - I would say to seek out professional counseling, such as what you would find in a church or something, to get the emotional help you need to cope with the loss, hurt, rejection that comes with a divorce.

First try to see if you can save the marriage, if not, then definitely rally with family and strong, supportive friends, as well as other outside help

crazychick

You shouldn't feel like a failure this is very common nowadays my parents are divorced it is not strange or weird your children might feel weird at the start but if you and your husband can be civil towards eachother if ye seperate this will make it alot easier on your children.

Before ye even think about separating you should try get marraige counselling it is available everywhere and might help or might not but it is worth a shot.

If ye do end up seperating you should get your children to go to counselling if they don't want to don't force them but it is very helpful to go to a children's group therapy class with other children in the same situation but this is onlly if your children are old enough for this.

Good luck and remember you are not a failure in anyway these things just happen.

C~Luv

First, let me mention that it saddens me to hear of your troubles. I can truly relate to your situation and to your concerns. Let me assure you that your worries are common and normal. Unfortunately, so is divorce rates. I don't know your history of how long you've been married, how old your kids are, or what is the lead of your family down this path. I do know that there are 2 kids involved, regardless of age, and that you "assume" that you will end up alone. These 2 facts give me the impression that there is still "hope" for you and your spouse. If there wasn't hope, you would've stated your going through a divorce, verses your marriage falling apart...

For my first piece of advice, let me offer this.....is the relationship really doomed or is there room for reconciliation? Many people that end in divorce, often find theirselves wondering "if" they had put enough efforts to make it work??? Is there still love between you and your husband? As long as the love is still there and it is mutual your marriage can be saved, regardless of the lack of other fators needed to a successful relationship. I find that alot of people tend to forget what factors are vital to a healthy relationship. Most people forget and then after a period of time, the frustration builds up of consistant arguements regarding the same things. Then the stress levels leads to 2 paths...hard work to fix things, or easy route to escape. According to statistics these days, it's plain to see that many look for the easy way out. I will pray for you and your husband. I hope that when facing this difficult time that you both will consider those factors of a relationship....considering that there're 2 kids are involved, and assuming there is still love between you both. Here is a few fators, just to get you going...Honesty, Respect, Communication, Compromise and Sacrifice, Never bring up arguements from the past (even if from day before), never go to bed or depart on bad terms, shield all drama from the kids and think for the positive verses the negative...when in doubt...those who pray together, stay together....Lord grant me the Serenity to "accept" the things I can "not" change, "courage" to change the things I "can", and "wisdom" to know the "difference!" I hope this piece of advice can be of some help, and better yet I hope that it helps you down a path that will patch things up in your marriage...that is, if thats what you want the outcome to be......as for you ending up alone....

Well, God has a plan for everyone! The Lord will never give you more than you can handle. You're never alone! For starters, you got the 2 kids....what a blessing!!! Next, let's not forget about any friends or family. If you're anything like me and don't have friends and family, then at least you will always have God in your corner along w/the little ones that he blessed you with. It is normal to feel alone, especially in the beginning. Don't let that feeling get the best of you or before you know it, you'll be facing much more anguish. Also, keep in mind that this feeling is "only" TEMPORARY! Instead of dwelling about matters (if divorce comes into play), utilize your "alone time" to get better acquanted with yourself and the kids. Use your time wisely, you don't need a man or anyone for that matter, so why allow yourself to be down about it...if there is nothing you can do about it, leave it in Gods hands...thats where the serenity prayer comes into play. Everything happens for a reason, and there is a time and place for everything as well. At the right time and right place things will fall into play....cuz again...God has a plan for everyone. For you to be alone...I doubt that is apart of his plan.

Marrital problems are very common. Marriage is hard consistant work on a 2 way street and can be very challenging. Especially when kids are involved, considering every action and decision made is effective on the child, more so than on ourselves. If you and your husband decide that it is in everyones well being for the two of you to go separate ways, then I can assure you that single parenting will NOT come easy.

When my oldest, of the two girls, was 1 and 1/2, I left her father, my husband at the time, due to unreconcilable differences. I mean we fought constantly since she was born. I was 18 at the time and been with him since I was 13, so leaving was scary, cuz he was all I knew. Not to mention that I had a baby now, and who would want that extra responsibility and treat her like their own???? Never the less, I knew our fighting wasn't healthy for our little girl and she is my main focus, even to my own needs and wants in this life. I chose to move on. I ended up jumping into the next relationship, pretty much the first thing that came along, cuz I still felt, who would want a lady with a kid. We immediately ended having a child, my first turned 2 in August and I had my 2nd daughter that November. That relationship turned to be just the same as the first, so I again moved on when she only turned 1.....2 kids, 2 different baby dads. Mind you neither dad helped financially and neither participated in the kids life....so no free weekends for me. I didn't have friends or family to turn to...talk about feeling alone! Not to mention the dad went psycho on me and ended up with 3 pfa's from me....what a struggle at that point in time in my life! I could go on and on about my struggles as a single mom of 2 for the past 5 years. I was so into finding someone to accept me and my kids that I ended up immediately jumping into relationship from relationship, considering they all turned out the same. I thought that I was looking out for my kids, trying to make a complete family, plus I was tired of the struggle. BUT in the long run I was making problems for my self, effecting both me and my kids. I learned it was ok to be independant and that Mr. Right will come along when God plans him to. Fortunately....this year I just got married to my husband 7/21/07 and he is the best. I didn't go looking for him either, he just happen to come into our lives at the right time and place. Now, not only am I blessed with my 2 daughters, ages 5 and 8, but I am blessed with my husband, his family, and his 3 daughters, ages 9, 7 and 6. Yup thats right, we got 5 girls between the two of us, ages 5,6,7,8, and 9.........WOW God really has a great plan for me. I went from feeling lonely to entering a big family, even if was by spouse...it still counts. So you see, it may not be right away, but in the long run..things always work out as planned by the good Lord!

Parenting is just as challenging as a marriage. Your biggest struggle will most likely be financial. The only thing you can do is learn to smart shop and learn to go without...cuz the kids will always need something....also practice working on your patience now....cuz that will start to wear down as a single parent, for there is no one to take over during stressed or agrivated times. As for a failure....ONLY if you give up on yourself...quitters never win!

Most important, keep your head up and stay smiling, if not for your own health and well being, than for the kids. When things seem at their worse, thats when you should count your blessings the most, cuz in reality, it most definately can be worse, even when it feels we reached the worse....I really hope that my advice and my story has shed some light to your situation. If anything....look me up. Good luck and God bless!! (Don't forget to Pray.....#1 remedy!)
J-O-Y=Jesus 1st, Others 2nd, and Yourself last....

Pole Kitten

I've been a single mum since about 4 weeks into my pregnancy! Me and my partner broked up shortly after. There are a lot of us out there now that marriages and relationships seem to fall apart more easily. Women used to put up with a lot more without complaining and it's only recently it's started being acceptable to go it alone.

I'm sure you are scared, worried and generally freaking out at the prospect but try not to stress too much about being a single mum as things have a habit of working out for the best.

I found the pregnancy much easier without my ex-partner around once I got through the initial shock of both the pregnancy and the break up. I only had myself to worry about and had my parents to help me out when I was tired but I still kept myself busy.

After the birth again things were soooo much easier without someone else around! My parent's helped out early on and still occasionally babysit but generally things are easier. Think of the benefits to bringing them up on your own:

No one to think about but you and your children.
You can plan your day to fit in with what YOU want to do. No being home to make dinner when he says! If you want to go out and can find a babysitter you can do it. No asking permission to do anything.
You won't have any arguments around your children. There's no one there to argue with!
No one can argue with the way yo bring up or discipline your children, how much tv they watch or what time they go to bed.
You will be free and single to look for a much better prospect for a partner, you don't need to settle for what you've got. You already have 2 children, your biological clock isn't ticking any more so you can shop around for the perfect man until you're 60 if you like!
You can spend your money on whatever you like, you don't need permission to buy that computer, tv, settee or anything else. If you can afford it go buy it there's no one to tell you not to!
Finally you can spend ALL your free time with your children if you want to. No need to hurry them off to bed so you have time with your partner. Your children will appreciate the extra attention and I presume your ex is sticking close by so they will be able to see him too.

I know relationships are going to be different, I expect you've been together a long time so you will feel pretty out of it but if there are lots of single mum's out there there must be lots of single dads so make friends with them and see how it turns out, you may end up with a bigger family than before!

There are so many plus sides to being a single mum. Don't think about the negatives. If you're ever struggling after the break up you can always message me. There are loads of us out there, go do something you'd never have done when you were married! That usually helps!

proud walker

It's hard to be a single mum, but not nearly so bad as living in a bad relationship. Don't feel a failure.

suzie

iv been a single mum 4 19yrs its been realy hard at times but i wudnt change it 4 the world im so proud of my daughter shes just in her final yr at collage doin childcare and worked at numerous places helping children ,its probly gonna b the biggist challenge that ul ever face but i got through it im sure u can x alot of people say we act more like sisters so just have fun x

micki

Ive been on my own with my 2 children for 18 months and I love it, we are all very happy, it took a while to cope having to do everything on my own I was very tie rd, but now i am at collage studying, I work and look after my great kids. Woman are tremendously strong and innovative as you will find out. Have faith in your self, i wish you luck.

BEAMINGINMYBIMMER!!!!!!!!!

your be fine there is nothing wrong with being a single mum it can be very rewarding.once you are out of your current situation it will seem a whole lot better and easier just to look after your self and kids and look to a brighter future.you are not a failure stop thinking like that.you are a very good mum.

Amanda B

being a single mum isn't easy. i am a single mum to 3 children but making that decision to become a single parent wasn't an easy one. i didn't want to stay in an abusive relationship and i sure as hell didn't want my kids being caught in the middle and being unhappy themselves with a miserable mother. being a single mother isn't easy i won't lie to you about that but when it comes to your happiness and your children's it could be the best thing you ever did. don't feel like a failure. obviously you care so deeply about your children otherwise you wouldn't be thinking like this so how can you be a failure ? you are not a minority . i have been a single parent now for over 9 years and at first it was hard at first but it has got easier and when i see my children happy it is worth it. i am a lot happier in myself too . i had no confidence or self esteem thanks to my ex making me feel worthless but you know what ? i have realised i am not worthless and i have 3 great children to prove that i am not . it could be the best thing you do for yourself and your children.

Steviemercury

I'm sorry to hear what your going through, i just went through it and im at the end of all the struggles. I moved out of my home with nothing but my daughter and I, went and stayed with my mom for 8 months and just moved into my own apartment 2 weeks ago. It's not easy, it wasn't fun, but me and my daughter have grown so much and you begin to find how strong you are and how materialistic things don't matter. My daughter is very happy in her new school, our new place, and there is no more fighting. I found that I have more time on the weekends to be with friends or just do what I want. Usually the father has her on the weekends. When i lived with him he was never around, even on the weekends, so i was always stuck. Now he has no choice but to take her and spend time with her. It is a very common thing these days and when you get through all of the b.s. you will have to deal with, you will find a much happier life. I wish you the best of luck and if you need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to contact me.

remedioslabella

It's very common.
You are not a failure.
You are a woman, a mum, and a human being.
Who told you that being married is some kind of accomplishment in life?
After the divorce, you'll keep living, keep loving and teaching your children ; just as you are doing now.
Live is easier at this time.
you won't have to follow your husbands rules any more.
Enjoy your own.
Take your time.
Plan your life.
Swim in the pond of freedom!

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