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What should I do? My husband will not stop drinking?
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What should I do? My husband will not stop drinking?

I have asked my husband to stop drinking...but he will not I have left him before and he told me he had stopped drinking and of course I believed it. ( stupid me ) and came back. I find hidden vodka bottles and large bear bottles under my dresser and he won't get help. He is not a very nice person when he has been drinking. I really have no where to go at the moment. I get scared that he will have drank too much and maybe hurt one of my kids... is this just me? Or maybe a real fear that could really be there? Please some helpful advise only.


    




B from LA
Rating
There are the three A's that are legitimate reasons for divorce.

Addiction (yes alcohol)

Adultery

Abuse

You need to leave him. He is a danger to you, your kids, and for what it's worth, himself. It will only get worse. It just may get better but only after he hits rock bottom. Even then it will take years to know for sure. Dump him. You owe it to your kids.
.


AlFoNs0_newbie
ditch that zero and get yourself a hero


Proud to be 51
Rating
If you find hidden bottles, the man is an alcoholic. He won't stop unless he wants to get the help himself, nothing you can do or say will make him stop drinking. You left him once because of it, and he still didn't stop.

If he is not a very nice person when he's drinking, and you left before, leave again. If you feel you are in danger, or your children are in danger, do it now. Seriously... this is not something you can handle on your own, and you need to take your kids and get away from this man!

Please... for your own well-being, and for your children. Show them this is not the way to live, that there is a better life. Good luck.


CAPTAIN GENIUS !!
Rating
you need to call the cops and have him sent to rehab before he hurts you or your kids.


Just Me
Rating
fear is real. go to alanon. get in touch with a woman's shelter they may be able to help you get out. Don't go back even if he says he's quit drinking.


rose reb
your fear is reasonable
get help before some one gets hurt


Marilyn
You should leave him for the sake of your children. It's not healthy to grow up with alcoholic parents (I did). You need to let him know that he needs to get help or he needs to get out.


cbt
Rating
Your husband is an alcoholic. There is no reasoning with an alcohlic. Alcohol is an alcoholic's first and sometimes only priority. You are at a point where you have to decide to live with it or live with out him. Please get help for yourself, so that you can gain a better understanding of Alcoholism. Alanon may help.


fisherwoman
Rating
Yeah, it's time for you to let go,you're not getting what you need or want from this relationship. Here's a story..........two people love eachother very much,have kids,she worked,he drank. He had 50th birthday party,he was dead two months later. Leave him now.


Judge Judy of Y/A
It does sound like you need to protect your kids and get them away from him somehow. You don't have any family members you can stay with? I've heard that you can't make someone quit drinking, they have to be the one to want to make that change in their life. Good luck to you, hope you find some help.


mcdadais™
for the safety of your children i think you should leave him its the best thing to do and then get to get help


dawnlovesbob
You need to get you and the kids out of there fast. It is NOT you, and it is ok that you went back after you left, it is normal in those type of relationships. But the fact is that HE Needs help. and until he stops drinking, he will only be a threat to you and your kids. Call your local police, ask for the womens shelter in your area, and GO! just get your kids, take the car and go. dont worry about clothes, or items like that, try to get any medicins that are regular, and the kids soc. sec. cards and birth cert. to take with you, credit cards, and shove them in your purse and go. the womesn shelter can help you with everything else. It will be hard, but you can do it. believe me. Even if you have to go to a hotel for the night, go...just be safe,,,and keep your kids safe,,,but get away from him. If you have to get a protection from abuse on him, and stay at the shelter, and they will help you even with getting your kids to school. i will pray for you and your children


trojan
Rating
I'd start by asking why he does it in the first place. Is there anything you can do to help him cope with the issues.
Tell him that you love him and would do anything to help him but he has to be willing to change his ways. If he can't let you in then perhaps you should go to AA meetings or family members with this problem, they can help you understand why he does this and may offer you advice. If after a time he still refuses to seek help, you have to leave and let him hit rock bottom.
Intervention may work but he has realizes what he will lose if he can't get help, soon. Good luck.


Brainiac
Girl - you need intervention before something seriously bad happens. Is he holding down a job of any sort? Maybe his employer can help. Do you have an employee resource program through your or his work? I'd call and get a referral for some help. If he's lying about stuff then you need to get professional help - as in treatment.


intelligent80000
Rating
leave him and pray for him


.smartie.
move out and take the kids until he shapes up his act.


MariChelita
its very difficult to deal with alcoholics. Is there a family member that you truly trust? maybe you can stay with them until he understands he is hurting you and your children. I dont know what else to tell you. I come from an alcoholic father. I am married now to the most amazing man, but my mother is still married to my father and I still have 3 siblings living under his roof. I try to help them when he gets out of control, but I also fear for them when I'm not able to be around. Try to get some professional help.


helplessromatic2000
Try to speak to his family or friends. Maybe you can have an intervention and get him to go to a clinic. If this wont work then you really just have to do whatever it takes to protect your children and yourself. You left him before, find a way to do it again.


Brittany F D
Rating
Same thing with my dad,I would sit down and talk to him (when he is sober) and talk to him about the problem,and what could happen to him.It worked with my dad,maybe it will work with your husband!Hope this helped and get best answer.


smilingtalker_au
Rating
Start immediately making plans to find somewhere to go. If he won't help himself then nothing will change, in fact it is only likely to get worse. Until you find somewhere to go just tread carefully. When you have a place, when he's sober tell him you are leaving and will never come back while he drinks and cannot demonstrate that he's sober and drink free for a long period of time.


rvcort
Rating
My mom is a recovering alcoholic and we have the same problem.

You could try threats (I'll leave you, I'll take the kids away, I'll get you put away, etc.) But unless you mean them they're useless. I think the only thing you can really do is force him to go into some kind of treatment or counseling. You could try those funny "interventions" they have on televison where everybody and a pshychiatrist get together to tell him they love him and want him to get help, or you could stop dealing with his crap and move out for good. You have to show him that you're serious, and that you won't put up with his drinking any longer.

It's hard, and like I said, we have the same problem and have yet to find a solution. So, my suggestions may be worthless, but it's all I've got for you.


Nancy F
Rating
I would just leave and get a divorce, he is never going to quit drinking if he didn't do it when he said he would before


azi g
If you can get him to take medication, it would help. Of course, he would have to see a doctor. The medication is named naltrexon. this is a new one. It could become serious and they have found that alcoholism is genetic. Good luck.


KRIS
YOU absolutely can not get anyone else to quit drinknig.
he will continue to drink until HE is ready to quit and that may be never.
if you are working save up your money. if you are not working get a job right now. plan ahead!!!


that_guy
Leave him.

Leave him.

LEAVE HIM.

Or get him to get help.


claudy_kay
Call AA. Know where the Womens shelter is. Have bags packed. Start thinking of yourself as better than this. This is not a good environment for you or your children. There is help out there for you....Social Services is a good beginning.


rabble rouser
Rating
You can suggest Alcoholics Anonymous...

You can go yourself to Al-Anon (it's for friends and family of Alcoholics).

You can leave him. It might be difficult but the right thing to do is never easy. Do you have parents that would take you in?

If he gets really drunk and you don't want him around the kids, you can baker act him (in some states).

But you cannot make him quit drinking.

He has some hard life lessons to learn.
Like the one that they call the 9th step.... that is the only time that you should hear from him again if he is doing what he is supposed to do.
He may promise that he will never look at a drink again as you are walking out the door... Even if you believe him, you must keep walking... this is the only way that he learns that he is not in control.


abc
Rating
oh my; no it's not you...its a real fear, I am guessing you already know that as well. You have to make plans to leave him or have him leave.....get a lawyer


Louiegirl_Chicago
Rating
an addict of any type always promises to stop. but they don't do anything to make them stop until they first realize that they have no control over a problem. control is part of the illness. they think that they are in control, and they stubbornly hold onto this control (over which they don't have control) until they fall into the gutter and lose everything: their house, their wives, their kids, their jobs, their car, their relatives' good will: everything. and sometimes even when they lose it all they just continue.

why in the world anyone wants to have his head in a cloud of delusion caused by his drug of choice (even gambling is a mental drug of choice) is entirely beyond me, but believe me: i've lived with one and i know what it is like.

drunks (you can call them the polite name "alcoholics" if you want), even if they appear to be funny when they drink, are not nice people. they are mean. they are selfish. they could care less if they strike you or the kids and hurt you. they take their rage against themselves out on everyone else. thing is, they lie to themselves, so how can they be honest to you? another thing is, they hate themselves, so they beat up on you.

if you cover for him if he is late for work due to a hangover, or cover up anything else, such as not telling his relatives why he can't come to the phone in that state of mind, that sickening, wretched place of delusion, then you are "co dependent," which is dangerous to you. in fact, even putting up living with him is co dependency.

yes, do go to al-anon meetings given by AA. you have got to realize that you love yourself, you respect yourself, and you are a good person because you love your children enough not to allow this to continue in your life.

it saddens me to no end how many people do not love themselves or respect themselves enough to simply put their foot down, like NOW, pack up the bags, and leave. or, change the locks (but then he could bang down the door and beat you, however, you can always phone the police for domestic violence and get an order of protection for a given length of time so that you can find other lodgings, or, so that you can take possession of your home without HIM around making you miserable and scared).

i go to my doctor's office, step out to use the washroom, and there, i see these posters for battered women. i go back to my doc's office and i say, 'gee, if only they respected and loved themselves, they just wouldn't put up with this,' then my doctor looks at me and tells me that that is exactly what they need to do.

you need to develop your self love and respect for yourself yesterday. do it.

do not put up with this. do anything you can to leave him.

when you leave now, you will get phone calls, filled with promises. they are false. do not go back. divorce him. garnish his wages for child support. he has a long, long way to go to even get to his first AA meeting, but he does not give a damn. you are his patsy. it will continue.

get out. stop beating yourself over the head over him. he just isn't worth it.


fairy36
I would collect the empty bottles and put them on the table for him to see with a note saying "I see you choose to drink rather than be with your family" and have him get out. It's tough b/c the kids don't want to see thier father go away but in the end they will understand. Maybe he can get counseling, but he has to want to. If he doesn't want the help he won't be forced to do it. Best of luck to you


kmv
Rating
You have a responsibility to your kids first and foremost, you either need to kick his butt out,(pack up his stuff while he's at work and have the cops there when he gets home to escort him off the property). You may need to get a restraining order and you definitely need to get tough. I know (really) how hard it is to leave someone you love, you just have to love yourself enough to know that someone with an addiction needs to help themselves before they can be trusted. Get some support from family or other Moms, even Al-ANON would be worth looking into. You can do this and you should, you are worth it and so are your kids!!! Good Luck and God Bless!!!





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